Howl (16 page)

“The werewolf gene is only passed through
females. My real identity would be discovered as soon as I have
children. It would be impossible to cover that up.” One by one the
bricks lifted off me as I admitted the truth. “Werewolves and
humans….It would be lethal.”

“You didn't trust me?” He leaned his head
against the window and sighed. “Or didn't you trust yourself?”

“I’m not dangerous, if that's what you're
asking.”

“Then what is it?”

“How many humans would be able to accept me
once they find out what I am? I would be hunted and killed for
simply being.”

“And what about the others? Are you the only
one who isn’t dangerous?”

“That attack wasn't committed by anyone in my
family. Please believe that.” I twisted in my seat to face him
directly. “We would never kill an innocent person.”

The Jeep was very quiet for several minutes.
There was so much more I wanted to say but didn't know how or if I
should.

“Where do we go from here?” He asked.

The sadness I hoped I could reign in during
this discussion broke through and a flood of tears spilled over my
eyes. I wiped them away, hoping Jaime wouldn’t see. It didn’t work.
He shifted his weight toward me. He leaned over and put one hand on
the back of my neck. Jaime pulled me toward him and kissed me. I
couldn’t have fought even if I wanted to. I could barely breathe
between the tears and the happiness of being enveloped in his
kisses. His hands in my hair, his breath on my face, his eyes
closed in intimate burning, made me fall apart. There was nothing
in this world that could render my strengths useless like Jaime
could.

I had prayed that he would still want me
though in reality, it didn’t seem possible. Foolish hope for a
foolish, callow girl. A fantasy that seemed as unlikely to me as a
werewolf existing to him. As he kissed me I allowed myself an
instant of hope, however irrational it may have been. He was so
warm and beautiful. His kisses, I was certain, could save me from
myself; from my own overwhelming sense of desolation.

“I love you Sophie. I don’t know how to be
without you. But I’m so mixed up I don’t even know what’s real
anymore.” Jaime whispered into my ear in a moment’s pause. I leaned
my head against his shoulder, burying my face in his neck. His
scent was so comforting that I allowed myself a few more tears. I
wept silently and held onto him, aching at the thought of letting
go. “And I’m so sorry about how I reacted before.”

“There is nothing to forgive, Jaime.” I shook
my head.

“I pulled a gun on you. I am so ashamed.”
Jaime’s face was kind and sincere as he spoke. I swallowed down a
few more tears as I placed a hand against his cheek. I softly
brushed my fingers along the long curve of his jaw and down his
neck to the top of his ranger jacket. I grasped the collar in my
fingers and pulled him closer.

“Please don’t fear me. I couldn’t bear it if
you did.”

Jaime’s head tilted slightly to one side as
he studied my face.

“I don’t.” Our eyes locked on one another for
another moment before he spoke again. “And I definitely don’t want
to lose you.”

“Jaime that choice isn’t yours or mine.” I
muttered. “Gavin and Thomas….”

“They overrule you, then? They have all the
control over your life?”

“You don’t understand pack dynamics. Gavin is
Alpha and Thomas his Second. There is nothing I can do if they
forbid me from being with you.” Misery again crept slowly across my
chest, seeping into my heart. “There is something else you should
know.”

“What?”

“Daniel, the wolf you met at the hayride, is
vying for me. And everyone wants us to be paired. I don't have a
say in my own future Jaime. Now more than ever.”

“So what you want doesn’t matter? Don’t they
care about your happiness?” Incredulity poured out of every note in
his voice.

“They are afraid! We stay hidden for a very
specific reason: because we will be hunted and killed if they
humans learn of our existence. We aren't the immortal creatures
Hollywood portrays us as. And Gavin and Thomas are only doing what
they think is best for our family. For our lives.”

Jaime shifted away from me. “So make your own
choice Sophie.”

“I can’t.” A sob gripped my throat with iron
claws. Breathe, just breathe. “I am physically unable to do
something they have forbidden. It is old, old magic that you can’t
even begin to comprehend.”

“Fine. Wait here.” He grabbed the handle to
the Jeep and swung the door open faster than I could blink. The
door slammed with a metallic thud, vibrating the car. Jaime punched
a number into his phone and I didn’t have to guess who it belonged
to. My nerves were wrecked from the gust-twisting emotional
rollercoaster of the day. My insides felt as if they had been
shredded and were being held together by watered-down glue. How
much more can I take?

“I’m to bring you back to your house. Gavin
wants to meet me.” Was all Jaime said after sliding into his seat
next to mine. The muscles in my jaw slackened until I was certain
it was laying in my lap.

*

It was very surreal having a human on our
property for the first time but having that human be my boyfriend
was intense. Even Kate had never set foot on our land and as Jaime
and I pulled into our driveway, I marveled at how that had been
possible. I knew she wasn’t close to her own family and considered
ours to be ‘overly clingy’ but still to have never seen your
in-laws’ house was quite remarkable. Jaime would be the first.

He seemed semi-at ease although I wasn't sure
how that could be. The apprehension and mistrust in the air was
blatant. Mom fidgeted constantly while Will absently wiped and
rewiped the same spot on the counter. Kylin and Ethan both stood in
the corner, heads bowed, talking in hushed tones. Even Thomas
seemed discontent though he had known Jaime very well for some
time. Lorelei and John gave the babies plenty of toys to keep
themselves occupied in their playpen but after a minute in the
dining room, even LJ and Nina were crying furiously. The anxiety
loomed over our heads in such a heavy cloud as to be tangible. Even
the littlest among us could feel it.

Gavin wasted no time on formalities so it was
up to me to introduce Jaime to my family. Luck was on my side for
the present moment because Daniel was out running patrol with
Granddad. I exhaled rather noisily as I realized that Daniel would
not be here for this meeting.

Though each person in my family was polite to
the point of being oddly formal, the true shock came upon
introducing my youngest siblings. Neither Kylin nor Ethan bothered
to wear sunglasses to cover their unmistakably non-human citron
colored irises. “They haven’t reached full maturity, Jaime. When
they do, their eyes will turn grey.” The words tumbled out heavy
and awkward as it began to sink in that Jaime was learning our most
intimate secrets. For his part, Jaime simply avoided looking
directly at them after taking in their eyes.

Gavin cleared his throat and motioned for us
to sit. There was a prolonged stillness in which neither Gavin nor
Thomas seemed to breathe. Jaime fiddled with his wristwatch band as
the first signs of edgy nerves began to appear on his countenance.
I wanted so badly to speak up, say anything to break the frozen
landscape of inhibition before me but what would I have said? My
eyes flickered back and forth between my Alpha and his second. Both
appeared to be daring the other to speak first. Caught somewhere in
the middle of this battle of wills, I sat mute.

“You must understand our need for secrecy.”
Gavin spoke at last.

“Absolutely.” Jaime nodded solemnly.

“And we have to know that you can be
trusted.”

Thomas cut in quickly. “But Jaime you also
have to know that nobody in this family attacked your ranger or
those hikers. We would never do anything like that.” He leaned in
closer to Jaime. “Ever.”

“I believe you.” Jaime turned toward me.
“Both of you.” I managed a weak smile. “But I want to know who did
and so will the police, especially since there have been three
hikers to go missing in the last six months. I don't think anyone
believe these incidents are random.”

Thomas leaned back in his seat and uncrossed
his hands. “Your guess is as good as mine. There are several packs
that I’m aware of in the Eastern United States, one other in this
area. But the Moshannon pack has never crossed into our lands nor
would they have reason to. There has never been any problem with
them at all.”

“Lone wolves and travelers would never risk
provoking an entire pack.” Gavin added.

Jaime immersed himself in thought for several
minutes. “Well whoever called my office asked to speak to me
directly. He made it very clear that not only did he know what you
are but that he knew that I know as well. He insinuated that I was
a part of a cover-up and had been for some time.” An unsettling
quiet settled over the room as Jaime continued, spitting out his
word in rapid succession. “The thing is, I didn't know about you
all until Sophie told me. But I did have an encounter with that
wolf back in March and since then I'd taken it upon myself to study
any wolf-like tracks I came across. I was sure there was something
going on in these woods but I couldn't quite put my finger on
it.”

Everyone of us, even those standing, jerked
forward in unison. “You didn’t mention that before.” Thomas’ words
were jagged with a hint of a growl in his throat. “You kept
information from me. Who else have you told about your research?”
The last word was sharper than a knife's edge.

I half-stood, baring my teeth as a low snarl
escaped my lips. “Sit down!” Gavin shot me a severe look. My lips
slowly, reluctantly, returned to their resting position over my
teeth though my canines grew slightly in anticipation. I had just
threatened my brother for a second time in less than a week. Where
was the docile Sophie I used to be?

“I haven't told anyone! No, not even you
Thomas. I didn't have enough information to act. Besides, I'm not
the only one keeping things; you kept Sophie from me!” Jaime’s
voice deepened with anger.

“I told you I had no choice. It wasn’t my
decision.” Thomas glared at Jaime.

“The decision was mine. It wasn’t made
lightly I assure you. But we had no way of knowing your
intentions.” Gavin spoke up.

“My intentions are to help you resolve this
situation,” Jaime cut in. “but only if I am allowed to continue my
relationship with Sophie. That’s the deal breaker.”

“To what end, Jaime?” Thomas sounded worn and
wary. “Will you move in together or just see each other now and
then? And for how long? A few months, a few years, what?”

“I don’t have that answer. It’s really up to
Sophie. Her future is hers and hers alone. Whether she stays with
me or we break up, it is still her decision.” The finality of his
words resonated throughout the room.

“She belongs with wolf-mate, not a human. It
is against our laws for her to mate outside of her own kind.”
Thomas said.

“And what about Kate? Don't you see your own
hypocrisy?” I snarled.

“She doesn't know what I am, Sophie. You
haven't the slightest clue what I go through everyday to hide my
wolf from her. It is gut-wrenching.” His face fell as he spoke and
for the first time in memory, my brother sounded like a broken man.
“Loving someone enough to bind yourself to them….” He faltered.
“You give yourself over completely, just as you are. But I will
never to be able to because of what I am. It’s a terrible sacrifice
I don’t want you to have to make.”

“But Jaime's here. He knows now. We're
talking about two completely different scenarios, Thomas.”

“He will never be able to understand you. Not
in the way you deserve. And you will spend years walking a line
that he won't ever be able to cross.” His eyes flickered from me to
Jaime and back again. “I'm trying to spare you from what I go
through every single day. You belong with your own kind.”

“I think she should be able to make that
choice for herself.” Jaime spoke up.

“What if she becomes pregnant?” Gavin
demanded. “A pack needs proper males to teach our young hunting and
survival. To bring home the food for our table and money for our
pockets. Protect and provide for our women. How would you do that,
human?”

Anger broiled my insides at Gavin's unveiled
disgust.

“The same way any of your men would – by
being the best damn person I can be. So I don't grow fur and I
can't beat you in an arm wrestling match. That doesn't mean I can't
protect the people I love.” Jaime glared at my Alpha with a look
severer than imaginable.

Gavin let out a bellowing growl and jumped to
his feet. “Gavin, calm down.” Thomas’s hand landed upon Gavin's
chest. He exerted enough force in holding back our Alpha, that the
muscles in Thomas' arm twitched and the veins popped out under his
skin. “Let’s talk about this outside. Right now.”

Gavin let out a low snarl and lead the way
past us toward the kitchen door. No one else moved an inch.

After several minutes of tense silence within
the house and volcanic growls outside, Gavin returned. With no
small amount of exasperation, he gave his consent.

My future, my choice. No matter what.

*

“Now that we’re all on the same page, let’s
talk about this attack.” Gavin ordered, his aggravated attitude
still evident. “You both are absolutely certain that you will be
part of this investigation?”

“The coroner already called me with his
reports as did the chief of police. They want me to look over the
paperwork and be at the forefront of the investigation.” Thomas
replied.

“Since the body was found within the National
Park and I’m the head of Medical Research at the center, I have
also been contacted. Since it’s an animal attack, the police chief
and the center’s Deputy also want me in this.” Jaime added.