Forced Out of the Darkness (20 page)

“Hello.”

“Hey Yolanda. This is
Monti”

“I know who the hell
this is.”

“Look, don’t start off
the day being angry.”

“Where is your man?”
She spit angrily.

“You are still mad at
me because you are a woman and can’t get a man. I am a man and I don’t have a
problems getting one.”

“Fuck you faggot! What
do you want?”

“I’ll be there in about
an hour and a half. Make sure the kids are ready. I am not coming in and I
don’t want to have to wait.”

“You are not welcome in
my house anyway, you cheating bastard.”

“You heard what I
said.”

“Go to hell!”

“I lived in hell when I
lived with you. Or did you forget how poor of a wife you were?”

“Don’t make me take my
faggot soon-to-be- ex-husband to the Friend of the Court for more of my money
that you already DON’T have, you broke poor excuse for a FAGGOT father.”

“Have them ready.”
Monti said as he hung up the phone on her.

Monti knew that he was
not going to let Yolanda’s anger ruin his day. He had to get this off of him
because he was coming closer to Cameron’s house. He knew that he had to be on his
best today because Yolanda was the least of his worries. Mrs. Burroughs was to
come. Monti parked in front of Cameron’s townhouse and rang the buzzer. Cameron
looked out of the window and buzzed Monti in. He went up to the third floor to
find Cameron putting on his black sandals. Cameron saw Monti and smiled. He
knew that this was a deciding moment for him in many ways. He knew that no
matter which way Monti went, he wanted to support him on his graduation. Cameron
got up to give Monti a hug and a kiss. He was happy to see him but also eager
to know what his decision would be for the relationship.

“Wow, Cam. You sure do
look amazing today.”

“Thanks Monti. I appreciate
your kind words. Are you ready to walk across the stage?”

“You know I am. I am
ready to get my paper and keep it moving.”

“I know it is early, so
what are you planning on doing between now and the time of the ceremony?”

“I have to pick up my
boys and then swing by my mom’s job to give her the ticket. I have to go home
to get ready and then go to the ceremony, which is about ten minutes from my
house.”

“Oh, ok. I take it that
this will be my first introduction to the family?”

“That is what you
wanted, so I have to give it to you. In order to make sure that I keep one of
the best things that came in my life,
in
my life.”

“Thanks. I hope that
they like me.”

“They would be fools
not to. Are you ready to go?”

“I sure am. I got
something I want to give you first though.”

“Oh really? What?”

Cameron got up and went
into his closet and brought out a silver colored gift-wrapped box.

“Open it.”

“Ok,” Monti said as he
took off the bow. He carefully unwrapped the gift that Cameron had picked out. When
he got through the tissue paper, he saw that Cameron was attentive. He saw the
black Kenneth Cole Leather Flap-Over Portfolio case that he had wanted. It was
the perfect present for him because he has aspirations to climb the corporate
ladder and he would be able to use this portfolio case when he was interviewing
for a new job. “Thank you so much baby. You did not have to do that.”

“I know I didn’t but
you worked hard and I know where you want to be and I want to be instrumental
in helping you reach and exceed your goals.”

Monti set the box aside
and wrapped his arms around Cameron and kissed him. He knew he had to keep this
man. In the few months that they had been together, Cameron had allowed his
realness to show through and Monti knew that he was genuine.

“Let’s go. I am sure
Evil-Lynn will be waiting to say something when we get there to pick up the
boys.”

“Evil-Lynn? That’s your
wife’s name?”

“Ex-wife!”

“Is your divorce
final?”

“No, not yet.”

“Your divorce is not
final yet so she is still legally and technically your wife.”

“Whatever, let’s go.” Monti
said as he did not want to agree with Cameron even though he was correct.

They went to Monti’s Jeep
and headed towards Monti’s ex-wife’s house.

“What happened between
you and your ex-wife that you all have such negative interactions?”

“That’s a long story.”

“We have plenty of
drive time.”

Monti began to tell
Cameron about he and Yolanda’s relationship. “I knew her from around the way. I
thought she was a good woman and she was really into me. We ended up dating.”

“Did you know you were
gay?”

“I was bisexual back
then.”

“Back then? When did
you change from being bisexual to being gay?”

“I just knew that I
liked guys. I did not wake up one day and say that I wanted to be gay. I did
not choose to walk down the street and notice a man. I was born this way. I
think most black guys who ultimately embrace their sexuality start off being
bisexual. In the Black community, it is easier to be accepted as a bi-guy
rather than a sissy.”

“Sissy? Why do you use
such derogatory terminology when you describe people who are attracted to the
same things that you are attracted to?”

“I am sorry but I
didn’t know how to describe it.”

“How do you describe
yourself?”

“As a man who likes
other guys.”

“Sounds like denial to
me. Anyway, go ahead back to your story…”

“I felt that I needed
to do the right thing and marry her after we had dated for about a year and a
half. We cared for each other and all that. I felt that I could put my feelings
for men on the back burner and by devoting my time, energy and efforts to
building my family. I felt that the feelings would go away. Or get small enough
where I did not hear the call anymore.”

“You married so that
you could become straight?”

“You can say that.”

“I would say that you
married so that you could be a gay man that was married.”

“Damn, you don’t hold
no punches, do you?”

“I just like to be
real.”

“I feel you. So,
Yolanda and I got married. We tried to have kids, initially, but she was not
able to get pregnant. We looked at other options. We ended up adopting two kids
from a crack head. We knew of her from around the area and we wanted to help. We
ended up getting an open adoption and our family was now Mom, Dad and a boy. Not
too long after the adoption, Yolanda was spending less and less time with the
kids. She was having a hard time being maternal to the kids so I stepped in and
tried to be super-dad to take up the slack of Yolanda. She became more and more
angry.”

“Wow, that sounds like
it was hard for her.”

“It was…we ended up
having to go to parental classes, then marital counseling. In therapy, we found
out that she was feeling less than a woman because she could not have kids. The
therapist told me that I had to give her the reinforcement that she was a woman
in every sense of the word and that we had to have sex more often. After that,
she got pregnant with our first biological son, Monti Jr. We grew more distant
when she got post-partum depression. She stopped wanting to have sex with me. She
stopped allowing me to sleep in the same room with her after a while. We worked
on our marriage and tried to reconnect.

“Man, she was having a hard
time.”

“Yes, she was, but while
she was having a hard time, I was picking up the slack with the kids. She was
not there for me emotionally or sexually. I began to notice guys in stores
would check me out. I would notice some guys with their wife out shopping that
would stare or smile at me. Then one guy left his wife in the dressing room and
caught up to me and gave me his number. He said to call him. Something about
him made me call him. We ended up hooking up. We were living the same life;
both of us were trapped. We became secret lovers.”

“Are you serious?”

“Yes, I am serious. We
had to see each other on a regular basis. We became the best of friends and we
met each other’s needs for companionship. He was not getting the attention and
the emotional needs met at home and neither was I. After getting to know him
more, I invited him and his wife over for dinner. We had such a nice time that
we made it a weekly event. Our wives hit it off well. They soon began having
girl’s day trips. He and I liked this because they gave us days and nights
together. We would even schedule ‘golf’ sessions or workouts together so it was
the two of us spending time together. We were inseparable until one day we were
together and he wanted me to leave my wife because he had filed divorce papers.
He wanted us to be a full fledge couple and I could not leave my wife and kids.
I ended up finding out that he was seeing another guy when one of my co-workers
asked me if he was gay.”

“Gay?”

“Yes. He told me that
he saw my
best friend
hugged up with some guy. I went and questioned my
boy, he told me that they weren’t serious and that he wanted to be with me. I
could not deal with the fact that he cheated on me with some other guy so I
broke it off.”

“That is deep. You got
mad at a guy that you were seeing when you were married because he was cheating
on you?”

“Yes. We were supposed
to be just the two of us. But by the time this all happened, I had experienced
some of the best times, best sex but it only fueled the thing that I hid deeply
because I thought that I could marry my feelings away.”

“That is so
interesting. Thanks for sharing.”

“Cam, tell me how you
knew you were gay.”

“I knew early on that
marriage was not in my future. I always wanted to have a large family when I
got older. I had a dream to find a wife and have four kids. I wanted two girls
and two boys. I knew that I wanted the white house and the picket fence. I had
dreams about family dinners and trips. It was something that I had dreamed of
since I was little.”

“That sounds nice. You
are such a family man. What made you not achieve that dream?”

“When I was a teenager,
I had my first sexual experience with a female. Then shortly after that, and I
mean maybe a week, I had sex with a guy. It was then that I knew I liked guys. It
made sense why I enjoyed looking at them. I knew then why I hated physical
education class and why I felt so uncomfortable. I was afraid of becoming
aroused by being around other young and sexy guys. I immersed myself in other
activities that did not involve changing clothes, showering or being in close
proximity with other guys. I still feel uncomfortable today changing clothes at
the gym because of fear of being embarrassed getting a hard on in the locker
room.”

“That is something
man.”

“I just believed that
this was not the life that I was born to have. I always prayed and asked God
why I didn’t have a drug problem or a womanizing problem instead of being gay. Nothing
that I did ever changed the feelings that I had.”

“If it means anything
to you, I am glad that you are not married and that we have a chance to make a
life together.”

“
Thanks Monti. I am glad also
.”

Chapter
Twenty-Five

Those Funny People

Cameron and Monti
pulled up to Yolanda’s apartment complex. Cameron was happy to have been able
to have a real transparent conversation with Monti. He felt that they both
understood each other better and now Cameron was about to meet half of Monti’s
kids. The boys wanted to support their dad during graduation. They were waiting
for Monti to arrive. As soon as he pulled up to the building, they came out the
apartment. Cameron was surprised to see how much that Monti Jr. resembled his
dad. It was almost as if he was spit out. Corey was the older of the two. He
was tall and lean with glasses. He seemed to be the quite one. The boys got
into the car.

“Hello sons.”

“Hey Dad.” They both
said in unison.

“This is Mr. Cameron.”

“Hi, Mr. Cameron.”

“How are you gentlemen
doing?” Cameron asked.

“I am fine.” Said Monti
Jr. “Corey just got yelled at by mom.”

“Shut up, Monti.” Corey
said.

“What happened?” Monti
asked.

“Mom got mad because I
told her that I wanted to come live with you.”

“We will talk about
that later, ok Son?”

“Ok, Dad.”

“So everyone.” Monti
announced. “We have to go by your grandma’s job to give her a ticket for the
graduation. Then we are going back to my place so I can change clothes and we
will head to the church for the commencement ceremony. Ok?”