Forced Out of the Darkness (18 page)

“Thanks man for the
compliment. How are you doing tonight? No new date?”

“No man, I am flying
solo tonight. What time you get off? You wanna hang with me tonight? You know I
always wanted to kick it with you since I first came here.”

“Oh dawg, I work late
tonight and won’t be out of here till after they close. I got about 6 more
hours to go plus you know I am looking for more than a hook-up and hook-ups are
all you seem to know about.”

Monti saw that he was
still not getting anywhere with Michael so he told Michael he would see him
after he was finished having a drink or two. Monti gave Michael the bro-man
daps and went inside. He sat at the bar and ordered a “Lime Shady Lady” while
he struck up conversation with the bartender. He did not know this bartender
but thought he might as well get to know her some more even if he was not
remotely attracted to her.

Monti was enjoying his
drink and wanted to try to figure out the thing going on in his head. “What can
I do to make this right?” he questioned himself. “What will make Cameron see
and understand what I was going through?” He continued to try to make the
situation make sense in his head. He knew that this was going to be a problem
because he could barely understand it himself. How would he expect Cameron to
understand it. This was going to be the third relationship that Monti messed
up. He was feeling alone and worthless again. The tequila began to talk to him
as he began to relax some more. The depressive qualities of the liquor began to
numb Monti of the realities and his limited rationalizing capabilities.

As he became less
rational, Monti began to realize that he was not the problem in his past
relationships. Instead of being the antagonist, he was the victim of cheating. He
did not take responsibility of his previous failed relationship when he was
sober and now that the liquor impeded his judgment even more; his finger
pointing was even more prominent. He knew that in the timeline of his marriage,
he was the first to step out on his wife. He justified it by saying that
Yolanda did not take care of her wifely duties. Had she allowed him to live his
life outside the constraints of his marriage, they would be together. It did
not matter that she took him back time and time again for his infidelities with
the countless men who Monti passed off as women. What she could not wrap her
head around was that she married a gay man whose mask was beginning to crack
and reveal the true essence of her husband.

Monti was skilled at
pronoun twisting, as most men on the down low are. They keep this side of life
tightly wrapped. When they get caught or a piece of infidelity surfaces, they
twist it into being another woman, as Monti did. He married not out of love but
out of obligation. Monti was that little boy that wanted to make his Dad proud
so he would do everything in his power to give his father what he thought he
wanted; in order to get the approval of the Burroughs Patriarch. Even after the
wedding, his father did not affirm him. After the two adoptions, no affirmation
was found. Even after fathering the first son, there was no affirmation. Monti
consciously gave up seeking for affirmation from his father by the time the second
biological child was born; however subconsciously the little boy was still
working behind the scene searching for affirmation.

The boy inside Monti
found affirmation through his many sexual conquests. When people would comment
on his physique, his wit or his sexual prowess, the boy inside him was fed and
affirmed. This became Monti’s method of affirmation and security. Early on,
Monti was forced to become someone whom he was not, which happens to many young
black gay men who, through the unspoken or spoken, take on lives of straight
men who have attractions for other men. Once they adopt this life, they become
enveloped in living a lie and will go through leaps and bounds to protect the
secret they have tightly locked up inside of themselves. The worst thing that
can happen is that they meet an out gay man, who can see through the façade, who
want something more than the DL guy is willing to give. This guy will out them
for the satisfaction of seeing their lives crumble, just as Shaun did to Monti
by calling his wife, solidifying the demise of their marriage.

Monti, through the help
of the tequila, was searching for affirmation. He wanted someone to tell him
that it was going to be ok. He wanted to know that his boyfriend understood him
and would help make him know that his lapse in judgment was forgiven. He wanted
his brokenness mended. Cameron was trying to sort his own thoughts and feelings
out and he was not able to give Monti the affirmation that he desperately
needed.

Monti paid for his
drink and headed out of Capers. Feeling falsely empowered, he approached
Michael once he was outside. “Hey Michael.”

“Yeah, what’s up
Monti?”

“You know I been
looking at you for the longest time man.”

“I have seen you out
and about.”

“I been trying to
holler at you since we first met. When are you going to give me a serious look?
I meant what I said earlier. You are a sexy man and I am still feeling you.”

“Monti, I would never
look at you like that. You are not even committed to yourself. How are you
going to commit to anyone else? Behind you is a trail of destruction. You are
too arrogant to even realize that you have a life full of unresolved issues. You
would never be able to open up and have me in your life because the truth can
never live in your darkness. You got a lot of darkness lying beneath your
surface and you better be honest with yourself before you are forced out of
your darkness.”

“Man, fuck you. You
don’t know nothing about me. You are just some second rate rent-a-cop.” Monti
slurred.

“Exactly, the truth of
what you think of me comes out. I don’t give of myself to the likes of you. I
will wait for my right guy to come along who will be true to me. Do you need me
to call a cab for you?”

“No, I am fine.”

“Ok then, you have a
good night and be sure to drive safe.”

“Who the hell does he
think he is? He knows nothing about me.” Monti, fueled with his insecurities,
emptiness and tequila headed south on Gratiot to East Seven Mile. He made a
right on East Seven Mile and drove towards I75. He crossed I75 to Woodward Ave
and made a Michigan left turn. He turned into the parking lot at Palmer Park. It
was dark outside and in the depths of the park would the darkness of the park
meet the darkness that lied within Monti’s soul; the place where the
non-affirmed boy desired affirmation. Monti exited his Jeep and headed to the
tree line.

He remembered that
there was an area deep inside the trees where some of the trees had fallen. The
city had not cleared them out so it made the perfect place for an exhibitionist
to have sex out in the open with the light of the moon, while others could
watch in the darkness of the trees. Tonight he needed to be wanted and he knew
just how he would get the attention that he so desired. What better place than
under the moonlight sky. Monti headed deeper into the woods, passing guys
hiding behind tree trunks looking for a potential suitor, towards the clearing.
As he walked around towards the clearing, he saw that there was a good
audience.

He walked onto his moon
lit stage and leaned up on a tree that had fallen. He started rubbing his chest
slowly as he glanced into the darkness as if he could see through the darkness.
He was looking for any movement or sign of interest in the darkness. He could
hear movement in the darkness but could not see anyone yet. He was writing his
own screenplay and needed a supporting actor to play out the scene he had
created in his head. As he continued to rub his chest, he opened his button
down shirt one button at a time, allowing his chest to become exposed to the
moon rays. He tilted his head back as he pinched his nipples.

He could feel that he
was not alone in the depths of the woods. He knew that there were other eyes
there and that fueled his scene. The thought of being watched turned him on. He
felt his manhood start to swell. He let his hand slide down his hairless
stomach to pay attention to his stiffness. As his hand reached his pants waist,
an image from his peripheral emerged and was moving quietly and slowly towards
him. The image continued to move towards Monti as he slowly rubbed up and down
his crotch that hid his engorged sex. “Can I help you with that?” asked the
deep manly voice of image, in Monti’s ears, from behind.

The man breathed on
Monti’s ear and moved to the side of his neck. Monti tilted his head back,
exposing his neck some more, as an affirmative sign to the image that he was
open to the advance. The man’s lips and tongue met Monti’s neck and began to
lick and suck his neck, which brought goose bumps to Monti’s neck and arm. Monti
exhaled a light moan signaling told the man that he was doing a good job
arousing him. The man then brought his left arm about Monti’s body and found
his naked nipple. He grabbed Monti’s muscular pec in the cup of its hand while
the fingers squeezed his now erect nipple. Monti grabbed his own dick through
his pants and could feel the wetness of his arousal through his pants. The guy
came around Monti and stood before him, this is where Monti was able to see the
image of this man who was slightly taller than him. The man was equal in
stature to Monti. He had a chest that was slightly larger than Monti’s. He was
also bald and hairless.

Monti put his arms
around this guy, pulled him into him and began to feel his muscular back. They
began to kiss and both of them could feel the lustful energy between
themselves. Monti’s arms slid down his back and rested upon his firm ass. Monti
knew that this guy spent a great deal of time in a gym somewhere based on the
firmness of his ass and the fullness of his chest. When Monti’s hand cupped his
ass, Monti felt this guys back curve as if he was welcoming Monti’s hands on
his ass. Monti wondered what else he would welcome on or in his ass.

The guy pulled away
slightly to get on one knee as he expertly released Monti’s pheromone soaked
manhood from his pants. Before Monti knew it, his manhood was deep in this
guy’s wet hot mouth as he gave Monti some of the best head he had gotten in a
long time. Monti played with his own nipple with one hand while putting the
other hand behind this guy’s head. He looked up at Monti and said, “Fuck my
mouth, Papi.”

The image played out
before him with a fellow gym rat on his knee servicing his aching manhood and
feeding his affirmation starved inner self-turned Monti on to the point where
he wanted to stay in this space for a long time. This guy had no problem
swallowing Monti to the back of his throat. He had very little gag reflex as he
sent Monti to the limits. He continued to service Monti until his moaning was
drawing more voyeurs. He looked up at Monti and asked “You want some of this
ass, don’t you Monti?”

“How the hell did this
guy know my name?” Monti wondered; however the pull on his manhood brought him
back to the scene and at this point he did not care about it, he wanted to feel
this guy in a deep way. “Hell yeah,” was all Monti could get out. This guy
reached into his pocket and pulled out a packet of lube, and a condom, opened
it and made sure he was ready. He put the condom on Monti’s sex as he stood up
and bent over the fallen tree. Monti walked behind him, grabbed his waist and
slid his manhood into this guy’s eagerly waiting ass. He moaned as he felt
Monti inside him.

He wanted to get Monti
for a while and now was his time to get him. Rumor had it that Monti frequented
the park and he had come to the park frequently in hopes of catching him there.
Tonight, he was leaving the park in yet another failed attempt to catch Monti when
he saw Monti pull up. He turned around, parked and quickly followed Monti back
into the woods. He had been plotting about getting Monti for many months
especially after his cousin David broke up with him. He knew a whore when he
saw one and knew that they had more in common than David realized. He had
warned David, time and time again, that Monti was not good for him and that he
would fuck him over. He had to have insurance that Monti would play the game he
set up.

Monti felt his nutts
tense up and he knew that he was close. This guy knew the way Monti was
breathing and talking that he was getting close. “Where do you want this shit,
Bitch?”

That only turned the
guy on more as he threw his ass back on Monti. He clenched his ass tight around
Monti’s stiffness, trying to milk his nutt right out of him.

“Where ever you wanna
give it to me.” he replied between breaths.

Monti pumped him harder
and smacked his ass, as sweat dripped on the guy’s back. Monti was so into the
moment he did not see that in the darkness there was a small red light pointing
in his direction. He continued to fuck his mystery man until his legs buckled
on him. He pulled his sex out of the guy’s ass and took the rubber off as his
cum erupted from his stiffness onto to the crack of this guy’s ass. This
triggered the guy, who was already stroking his equally hard sex, to release
his seed, which fell to the ground. They both heard a couple other guys in the
darkness reach climax from watching them. Monti smiled to himself because he
knew that he gave a good performance. The mystery guy hoped that his buddy got
the information that he would need later on, but if not, he was sure that he
could make a repeat performance another night.