Forced Out of the Darkness (24 page)

“You are saying that
there will be no times where I can surprise you or do something for you without
you playing fucking Sherlock Holmes?”

“Cameron, I know you
are mad at me right now and you have plenty of reason to be but if you can put
yourself in my shoes for just a second babe to see where I am coming from.”

“I don’t really care
about where you are coming from right now. What you did was completely uncalled
for and you want me to think about you?” Cameron spewed. “What about me? Can
you put your insecure ass in my damn shoes? Here I am, trying to do something
to put a damn smile on your fucking face and you do this bullshit.”

“Man, I am sorry.” Was
all Monti could manage to say as he felt a tear fall from his eye. In that
moment he knew that his insecurities were jeopardizing his relationship. He
wanted to be able to have a healthy relationship like anyone else, but he just
could not shake these images that permeated his thoughts.

Cameron was silent as
his face burned with anger.

“Please say something,
Cameron.”

Cameron sat there
silently.

“Baby…please say
something. Are you there?”

“What do you want to do
right now, Monti? You fucked up a very nice day and for the record, I was
having a great day.”

“I realize that now. I
am so sorry. Please forgive me?”

Cameron could tell that
Monti was sincere but he was angry. The Irish blood in him was hot. Cameron had
a temper and had a hard time forgiving when he was wronged. He lived his life
trying to do right by people and treating them well. When he was wronged, it
was not easily forgiven.

“I need to take some
time for myself right now. I’ll call you later.”

“Are you still coming
by?”

“I said I will call you
later. Do I have to be any clearer?”

“Ok, I understand. Please
call me later. I will wait to hear from you.”

“Bye.”

Cameron started his car
and drove it home where he could sit and think about the events that took place
today. How did he find an insecure man who looked like he was full of
confidence? What was he doing in this situation? Cameron pondered the situation
but in his anger he was focusing on the negative. He knew that was not going to
be a good end result if he did. He decided that he would take a nap, in hopes
that he would not be as angry when he woke up. Once at home, he lit the candles
that he kept in his bedroom windowsill, then he turned off his phone. He wanted
to listen to some music to help him fall asleep so he turned on the Bose
system. Zhane was singing:
Holding On.…Everything happens for a reason they
say.

Cameron did not know
that this song was his warning that this happened for a reason. He was being
shown who Monti was, but would he realize this before it was to late? He closed
his eyes and drifted off to sleep.

Chapter Thirty-One

u
nintentional
c
onsequences

Monti was at home
pacing the floor. He knew he messed up royally. Couples tell each other white
lies to surprise their mates. That was just something that they did. Why did he
have to take it to the next level? Why didn’t he just leave well enough alone
and wait until Cameron got there before even addressing the situation. Why did
he just live in the moment and take everything as it came instead of having to
search and find out something. He knew that without a full picture his mind
would fill in the blanks. They would not be filled in with things that were
going to benefit Monti. They both shared blame in the fight but the majority of
the blame fell on Monti’s shoulder. This time he was wrong. Yes, Cameron told
him he would be in later but that was to buy him time to get his surprise. What
was the surprise that he wanted to give him? Monti wanted to know what it was.

“Hey Big man, what is
going on?” Dee said.

“Man, I think I fucked
this thing up with me and Cameron.”

“What happened this
time?”

“Dee, he told me this
morning that he was going to be late coming in because he had to work a
different flight back here.”

“What is wrong with
that?”

“I called the airline and
checked the flight he said he was going to be working.”

“Ok, why did you do
that?”

“I just wanted to make
sure he was not lying to me. You know how guys are…they be out creeping trying
to have their cake and eat it too.”

“No, Monti. That is not
every guy. Just because you like to do that doesn’t mean that everyone else
does. What else happened?”

“Thanks Dr. Fucking
Phil.” Monti said sarcastically. “I found out that he had lied and there was
not a flight that came from Boston at that time. I called him and left him a
couple messages.”

“A couple messages? Monti
tell me you did not blow up his phone. I know how you can be.”

“Yes, just a couple
messages. Maybe like five or something like that.”

“Why did you leave so
many messages? What did you say?”

“I don’t know man…it
just was crazy. I wanted him to know that I was onto him and that he wasn’t
going to get anything over on me.”

“How is that working
for you? Obviously, the result of this was not what you anticipated. What
happened?”

“He called me and said
that he wanted to pick up something for me that was supposed to be a surprise,
so he told tell me he had a later flight to give him time to pick it up.”

“Couples do that all
the time to surprise their spouse or significant other.”

“I know…so I could tell
on the phone that he was pissed off.”

“You think?”

“Man he just got silent
on the phone. He would not say anything. That just killed me man. I knew I
fucked up.”

“What did he do?”

“He said he needed time
to think about this. He is usually a talker but he was so quiet. Dee, I’m not
sure how this will play out. We have been through some stuff and I just got
another chance to make it work out.”

“You are just going to have to give him some time. He didn’t say
how much time he needed, did he?”

“No, just that he needed time.”

“Just give him the time. Don’t force it. You really messed up, so
just give him space and see how this goes. You, not only, didn’t trust him; you
included his job to check up on him. That was over stepping your bounds. I
would be mad as hell at you, too, if you did that to me.”

“Ok man. I have to think about this and I will see what I have to
do. Thanks for listening to me.”

“No problem and Monti?”

“What is that?”

 “Don’t do nothing stupid.”

“Bye.”

Chapter Thirty-Two

Thought I Lost You

Monti
found him in a self-created situation, again. He did not like the unknown. He
had to do something about the situation, but what can he do. He did not like to
be in limbo and helpless. He knew he could not wait until Cameron had thought
about the situation. For all he knew, Cameron would choose not to be with him
and he did not want a life altering decision to be made without his involvement
in the decision making process. He decided to head over to Cameron’s house. He
took the time, while driving, to think about what he wanted to say. He was not
confident in the success of his imposed meeting, but he was going to try.

“My future is hanging in the balance of Cameron’s decision.” Monti
thought. “How can I fix this?” He asked himself. “I know I can tell him how I
panicked and how wrong I was to call his job. I can just tell him that this
happened to me before and then I found out that my ex was cheating on me.” Monti
reasoned as he was made his way to Cameron’s house. Monti was not thinking the
situation through but he did realize that this could be Cameron’s breaking
point. Monti could not wrap his mind around this. He wanted 100 percent honesty
from a partner though he was unable to give the same thing in return.

Monti pulled up to Cameron’s townhouse. He sat in the car for what
seemed like an eternity as he got the courage to get out. He decided to call
Cameron. The phone went right to voicemail. Frustrated, Monti got out his Jeep
and went up to Cameron’s door. He pulled out his keys to open the door and then
he realized that he never got the key back from before. So he knocked on the
door and waited for Cameron to come down. After a few minutes, he knocked again
this time adding the door buzzer too. After waiting, there was no answer. He
phoned him again and again the call went straight to voicemail. Monti knew that
wherever Cameron was, his phone was turned off.

He walked back to his Jeep and stood there for a moment. He looked
up to the third floor at Cameron’s room and saw the flickering light from Cameron’s
window candles. He then knew that Cameron was up there. He walked back to the
door and rang the door buzzer while banging on the door. “I know he is up
there.” He thought. He continued to ring the buzzer and knock with no luck. He
went back to his Jeep to wait. “What was he doing?” Monti thought. “Why was he
ignoring me?”

Monti’s ringing phone
pulled him out of his daydream. Monti picked it up and answered it without
looking at the caller ID. “Hey Cameron. I am sorry I fucked up. Can you please
forgive me?”

“Is this how you answer
your phone all the time? You are begging one of them funny people to forgive
you? That is not how I raised you, Montague Burroughs.”

“Mother. I am sorry. I
thought you were Cameron.”

“Obviously I am not. Where
have you been?”

“What do you mean
mother?”

“I have not talked to
you since graduation day. I have called you every day since your graduation. You
act like you don’t know who your mother is anymore. We used to talk every day,
sometimes multiple times a day and now you do not even answer your mother’s
phone call.”

“Mother, look I have
been busy and I don’t have time for your judgmental attitude.”

“Who are you talking to
like that boy? You have been hanging around those funny people and they have
helped you lose your right mind.”

“Mom, they are not
funny people. They are my friends. If you don’t like them you don’t have to
hang around with them. I am tired of your venom that you continue to use
towards gay people.”

“See, those funny
people have you choosing them over your own family. How dare you disgrace your
father’s good name for the likes of these abominations.”

“Listen to me, Mother.
Your son is one of those ‘funny people’ and until you can respect my partner
and me as men, then there is not much more that we need to talk about. I am not
going to have you disrespect anyone that I am dating. It is your decision, you
can respect me or you can lose me, but one thing you will not do, you will not
disrespect my friends and definitely not the man that I am involved with.”

“I know you did not
just disrespect me. Do you remember who I am? I am your mother, the only mother
that you have, in case you have forgotten. Because you obviously have had a
lapse in judgment, when are you going to bring me back my Jeep? You have had
ample time to find you something decent to drive.”

“Mother, because I take
a stand and am not accepting your condescending attitude and disrespect, you
want Dad’s Jeep back? You have four vehicles at your house that you can drive
and you know I don’t have the money to buy a car now. Yolanda is taking most of
my pay for child support and I am making barely enough to live by. Can you just
give me two more months so I can find something to get me to and from work?”

“Just two months and
you bring it back to me. And Monti?”

“Yes Mother.”

“Don’t you let those
people tear up my Jeep, and I mean that.”

“Good-bye Mother.”

Monti hung up the phone
and was mentally exhausted. He could not think about a car right now, he had to
fix things with Cameron. Here Monti was sitting outside of Cameron’s townhouse
and the only thing that separated him from the man of his desires was a locked
door. He knew that Cameron had to be there because he saw the candle still
flickering in the window. Monti got back out of the car and knocked on the door
again and rang the buzzer a few more times. With still no answer, he went back
to his Jeep and said a silent prayer.

God, please give me the
strength to get through this. I need to talk to Cameron tonight to make it
better. I made a mistake and I don’t want this night to end without me making
this right. Please just let me talk to him tonight and make this right. I will
work on myself and try to be a better person. Please God, if you are listening
to me, get me in his house. Amen.