Flight of the Maita Supercollection 3: Solving Galactic Problems Collector's Edition (163 page)

"In the other
ear we now require judges to spend one year studying law in special
schools before they can preside in any court. Clept, who was sent
from here to Fethren only a few years before Maybe's meeting with
Kene, established that. King Lear placed the system. He said he
hoped that when you returned you'd agree that a judge must know the
law and the precedents – though common sense is still the major
influence.

"The lawyers
then wanted professional jurors to sit on all cases, but King Pan
pointed out the lawyers would soon begin to refuse those who
wouldn't see their point of view as prejudiced. Only a very few
cases would show the general thinking of them. Pan decreed the law
must foremost remain unhindered by silly preconceived emotional
responses.

"What he meant
was the lawyers could keep their teeth off of the courts. Things
were fair as they were and that was what the courts must always be,
thank you!"

+You don't know
how rare it is to have so many really good kings! We've been to
places where the kings actually made deals with the lawyers and
judges to keep power themselves.+

–
For
once I have to agree with Brassass here. You know about that,
though. Countess Toot the Ugly used that stupid system. The
disgusting wallowbeast WAS the judge and the lawyer and everything
else here. Even you halfassed morons could see how THAT system
worked!–

+Now, No!
There's no reason....+

"You two stow
it!" Z snapped. "They're right in a way. If a king or the lawyers
get control of the courts it turns into the same thing you had
under the Countess Toot."

"That's our
greatest fear," Burl agreed. "We intend to see it doesn't happen
here.

"It's time for
noonmeal. Mom fixed a large pot of the stew Fane left a recipe for
– the one Boss so liked."

Makt and a
woman brought in the stew, which smelled strongly of garlic. Z had
always loved the stuff. He had never been able to get enough
garlic.

"This is my
wife, Clare," Makt introduced. "I hope this stew is the way you
remember. I used Fane's own recipe. I'm sure nothing was changed in
it."

Z tasted the
stew, sighed, and declared it was exactly like Fane made. It was
delicious!

They ate, then
decided to sit in the court to watch a case. The judge asked the
golems if they thought it was working the way they hoped after two
cases.

+Why, it seems
very nicely done! You have the proper decorum and seem to be
completely fair. Your decisions and those of the jury fit the case
in point very well. It isn't a bit too....+

–
AHH, up
your ... you ain't got one! I shoulda known YOU'D love all this
stupidity, Leadbrain!

–
Listen
up, judge! Knock it off with the damned long words! People don't
know what in the world you're doing up there. That crooked woman
didn't 'remove illegally the property of another citizen after
unlawfully and forcefully entering her domain' she broke in the
house and stole the crap! Stuff the terminology. Lawyers love all
that wordy crap because nobody knows what anybody else is saying! I
thought we left a law that court business was to be handled in
everyday terms. Who the hells you gonna show me who talks like
that? 'Disperse unlawfully obtained merchandise'? Why not do what
the law we left here said and say he sold a bunch of crap he knew
damned well was stolen? Cripes! We're away a lousy couple of
hundred years and the system is in the garbage pail!–

+No, a certain
amount of....+

"You two wait a
minute," Z ordered. "No does have a point and a very important one,
judge. There was a restriction against using a special language in
court. How did this come about?"

[ It slowly
evolved. I said all along it would. If the lawyers were able to
insert one such term per year you will now have two hundred or more
of them in use in the courts. It becomes a special language for
those courts. A different language removes people from
understanding one another. It's something lawyers sneak in because
they can speak in a code to one another. It's designed to make them
into an elite class. They were unable to directly destroy the court
system and the law so they use this as a subterfuge. ]

"I believe I
see what you mean," the judge said. "It didn't seem very much when
I took the bench because it was all things I'd often heard while
observing in the courts and was things I'd heard in the judges'
school. When another term came up I knew what it meant so I let it
pass. It seemed to me everyone would pretty well know what it
meant. Thinking back I can see how quickly most other lawyers
adopted use of the term.

"That rule is
still in force. I think no one realized what was happening! I never
thought of it before!"

–
I got a
bright idea, Slugbreath. Anytime a word comes up you aren't dead
certain everybody understands just ask the nearest common sorts of
person if they know what it means. If they say no make a decree
that damned word won't ever be used again in your courtroom or
you'll automatically rule against the scuzzball lawyer who uses
it!–

+Now I have to
agree with No. NOT with the method of expression, but with the
content of his statement. You can't throw out a word simply because
one person doesn't know what it means, but you can throw out any
that aren't in common use.+

–
If it's
in common use the person will know it, Airbrain! If you could think
I don't believe I could stand it!–

"You two don't
start," Z said. "I have to agree, though."

"It's a simple
thing to not allow a term to go unremarked simply because I
understand it, too," the judge said. "I'll draw up a paper for the
other judges in the kingdom. Yes and No can sign it. So can Boss
and Extrx. Fale can start spreading the word. It can take the paper
to King Dihn, who can make it a decree.

"It's strange
how little one can see from inside a closed room."

–
Is that
supposed to be deep or something? In case you don't have the smarts
to realize it Yes and I ain't got no hands so how the hell are we
supposed to sign anything, Bonebrain? I can't
believe....–

"Knock it off!"
Z ordered. "Extrx and I will sign the paper and will deliver it to
King Dihn ourselves. I want to meet him. Have Fale bring us our
copy tomorrow morning. It can take copies to the other judges in
the area. We can meet with King Dihn and be back here in two days
at the most."

They all agreed
to that. The group, followed by many people and young children,
decided to walk around the town for awhile to see what changes had
taken place. They were walking around by the fountain in front of
the castle gate when Ehrak suddenly grabbed Z and threw him into
the pond around the fountain, jumped on the lip, yelled "YAHHH!"
and dove in on top of him before he could get to his feet. The
crowd screamed their delight as the two wrestled in the water. Soon
one of the palace guards took off his clothes and jumped into the
pond, saying his great grandfather, Ward, once wrestled in that
same fountain with these same demons.

Ehrak jumped on
his back and ducked him. He expertly threw the Zeenan over his head
and returned the ducking. Soon there were so many people in the
tiny pond no one could move. It was a great excitement to be able
to wrestle with these demons just like in the legends.

Thing was
forced to float above with the golems yelling encouragement. To
join the fun would mean leaving the floater and the time wasn't
right for that yet.

When they were
all exhausted they climbed from the pond, talked for a few minutes
with the children, then climbed into the clamshell floater Thing
had called. They waved goodbye as they rose toward their castle.
Fale flew alongside with the papers for them to sign, then returned
to the court to get copies to take to Fethren and other close
towns. Z read the one they were to take to King Dihn:

Decreed – That
there has been an influx of terminology into the court system that
tends to separate the court system from the normal business of the
people of the kingdom.

This has been
a slow and insidious incursion over a period of more than two
hundred years. It has been unnoticed by most judges until this
time, when the demon-wizard Boss and his golem and demon friends
and associates have drawn it to the forefront of discussion.

Therefore – Be
it decreed that all judges will henceforth note any terms not in
common usage and will purge those terms from use in his or her
courtroom.

Further – That
such terms will be listed by the judge.

Further – That
those lists will be circulated to Loosta so the Supreme Judge may
make a master list of those terms to be supplied to every court in
the land.

Beware of
those who would corrupt the courts!

Thanks are
offered to the golems, Yes and No, to the demons, Maybe and Extrx,
and to the demon-wizard, Boss, for bringing this matter to the
attention of the courts.

Judge Jeft of
Teeme

"I'll add ...
no, we can suggest it directly to King Dihn," Z said. "Well, Thing,
you said the lawyers would find a way to influence cases. They did
it with language."

[ Lawyers are
lawyers. That's how they think. Will we take the clamshell to
Loosta, Maita? ]

*Yes. It's
something that's expected, I suppose. That was a brilliant thing,
Ehrak, to start the playing in the fountain. It was exactly the
touch to put you right back where you were before in the people's
minds – a bunch of irresponsible clowns who enjoy life. You made a
hell of a lot of friends for us by doing that!*

"Ever since I
got Tom's memory it's been the one thing I've wanted to do," Ehrak
replied. "It's the sort of thing friends do. It was fun!

"I guess we
can't do it again. Every time we get close to that pond everyone
will pile in."

[ It was nice
that a direct descendent of Ward was there. I remember the first
time you were all in that fountain. It was Ward who said you guys
were all crazy! I think that was the time when Tlorgians decided
they could actually learn to like demons. THAT was certainly
important! ]

*It pointed out
to them that demons were as much people as they are no matter how
different. They already knew the demons never had choice in what
they did before. The sorcerers could keep them from ever going
home.*

"Damn!" Z
suddenly cried. "Thing needed to know the nexus points for Hades.
We were right there with Burl. We should have asked him."

[ No, Z. We
must never do that. It's a thing you would be expected to know. To
ask would make Burl become very suspicious of us. ]

*I know the
method's in the writings of Kene. I'll get those writings when
we're in Loosta.*

[ Heleemius
would know. When he appeared as the magician, Martin, he learned
all the points immediately. We could ask him next time he's around.
]

Heleemius was
one of the people known simply as M-82nds, as their phonetic name
was a particularly vulgar and disgusting term in Maitan sounds.
They had escaped the exploding galaxy millennia past, but became
trapped in two planal aspects at once by the drive they used and
the influences of galactic drift currents. They could no longer
break into any one plane so couldn't live a normal life. Neither
could they die except by what amounted to dephasing the interplanal
mode and that could be disaster on two planes. They steered many
evolving cultures as a way to pass the centuries. One of them had
even been the seer, Apollonius of Tyana, and the magician, Merlin,
on Earth, as well as the same kind of legendary figure on Zeena. He
was the Tlorgian counterpart, Martin, at the time the crew was
there before.

"We seldom see
any of the M-82nds anymore," Z said. "They have their own jobs and
we have ours. Maita could locate a sorcerer who knows the process
and use the probe on him while he sleeps. Tee knew the points for
Targ and Frome, but not Hades. We'll get them, but I don't see why
it's so important."

[ Because what
Maita said is so literally true. Talk about proof of solipsism! If
I can't break the theory I'm left with at this point I'm the only
being in the omniverse! I'm truly and irrefutably the figment of my
own imagination! ]

"Or we're all
the same thing," Ehrak countered. "We're all a figment of MY
imagination!"

*Something's
obviously false in that. I didn’t have an imagination for the first
few centuries of my existence.*

[ Unless your
imagination created the whole mess as of this instant? Including
the memories? Weird! ]

*Oh, wow!
That's true! Weird!*

They spent that
night in their private rooms, Z sleeping quickly and completely,
Ehrak with only slightly less ease and Thing not at all. It worked
on math problems. It didn't require much in the way of sleep.

In the morning
the subject was the same theory. They discussed the likelihoods of
various things for awhile, then prepared for the trip to
Loosta.

"This is
silly!" Z exclaimed as they went to the floater. "It doesn't make
any sense at all!"

[ You don't
know how much I hope you're right. Shall we be on our way to
Loosta? ]

They got into
the clamshell to head for the capital city. As soon as they were
away from the possibility of being seen, the floater would go
supersonic so the trip would take only a few minutes. Those minutes
were spent in discussion of whether or not more than one person
would have to be imagining all of them. They decided they couldn't
know. As they came close to Loosta Z finished the discussion with a
quote – or as much of it as he could remember – from his past:

“
And
which, then, is real, the dreamed or the dreamer? Upon awakening,
which will remain? Who will awaken, the dreamed or the
dreamer?"