Every Little Piece (16 page)

“Hey!” Justine asks. “You okay?” She sits on my bed and rubs my back.

She wants to say something, to ask how I’m doing. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“At some point, you’ll have to.” She pulls away. “You can’t keep living like this.”

I stand and the heartache turns to anger. It swirls through my body whipping up my adrenaline. “Like what? I can’t keep living like what?”

Her eyes flash. “Like a zombie! You work. You sleep. You shop. You live. But barely.” She paces. “I offered this time away here, working with me, not to escape life forever, but to give you a chance to recover and deal. You can’t stay in this place forever.”

“Watch me.” I grab my purse. “Ready?”

She sighs, and we leave for the bar. The Wave has been an old standard for years for the locals, and the few tourists that discover it. In high school, we tried more than once to buy alcohol with fake IDs, which usually didn’t work. It’s a nice, clean bar for a drinking establishment. The music rocks the joint, and a few people have stepped onto the measly dance floor. We scoff and take a seat at the bar. I order a spritzer and ignore the buzzing of my phone. I’d like to think it’s Tate and that he changed his mind, but I pushed him too far. He’ll wait for me to call him.

It buzzes again. A text from someone, and I’m guessing it’s Seth. A year ago at this time I stared at my phone for hours, willing him to text, reach out to me. I stopped wishing and looking a long time ago.

“You can have a drink. It’s okay,” Justine slides off her barstool. “Let’s dance.”

“No thanks, but don’t let me stop you.” I sip my spritzer.

A familiar voice interrupts us. “Haley Sparks? Is that you?”

The voice needles me, and I grit my teeth. It’s Carly. She wears the same forced smile that most people who know my history use with me. But she pushes past that and hugs me like I’m a long lost friend. I haven’t seen her since that night. “It’s been forever!” She pulls her very own bad boy to her side. Just a lucky guess given the ink running up and down his right arm and the lip ring. “This is Chad.”

We nod hello. He scuffs the floor with his foot, sighs and searches the bar as if desperate for entertainment. She whispers in his ear, and he heads over to a table. Justine takes her cue and finds the dance floor. I wish I could order a rum and coke but order a root beer. Something stronger than a spritzer.

“So, Haley,” Carly says, her voice breathless. Is she nervous?

I ignore her prompting, hearing the lecture in her words. What is up with everyone tonight? Somewhere in the heavens, someone deemed tonight, “Fix Haley” night and bug the hell out of her. My drink lands on the bar, but I don’t take a sip. I trace my finger through the moisture forming on the outside.

“You’re different,” she says.

“You think?” My phone vibrates and out of habit I glance at it. Seth again. I plaster on a smile. “How’ve you been, Carly? You know we never really talked in high school. Oh, wait. But that could be because you wanted my boyfriend.”

“Ouch.”

I shrug. In my mind, she deserves it.

“Have you talked to Seth recently?” she asks, then bites on her lower lip.

I shake my head. “He took off after graduation.”

“Oh.” She fiddles with her purse. Again, that look of knowledge. Did Seth blab about me to everyone?

“Have you?” I ask.

She nods. “We’ve kept in touch.”

I push my drink away without touching it. This night sucks.

She touches my arm. “Did you ever talk to him?”

“Of course, I did.” I huff. Just not after that night, and then he took off.

She narrows her eyes. “Did you ever talk to him about that night?”

I try to say no, but the words refuse to come, and I’m left looking like a dying codfish, mouth open.

Her grip on my arm grows tighter. “Haley, you don’t like me and probably never will, but you’ve got to talk to him. If he took off and never told you anything, there’s so much you don’t know.”

Chad shows up next to Carly and whispers in her ear.

“Sure, babe.” She kisses him then turns back to me. “Please. Give him a chance.” Then she leaves.

The phone vibrates, and I pull it out. It’s Seth. What was Carly talking about? There can’t be too much more to the story. I was the story. Not too much to miss. Impulsively, I open his text.

Seth:
Where are you?

Me:
Out with Justine.

Seth:
What happened to our date?

Me:
What happened to us?

Seconds pass and Seth doesn’t respond. Could Carly be right? Finally he texts back.

Seth:
Shit happens.

I decide not to tell him about Carly. If there’s more I need to know, he’ll tell me eventually. Or I’ll ask him when I get up the courage.

Seth:
Still want to have our date?

Me:
Are you sure you want to do this? I’m not the same person you knew a year ago. I’m not the person you loved.

My chest constricts, and I fight the battle. A part of me wants to see him and another part wants to run far away. But this wouldn’t be about Seth and me. This is about finding out what I don’t know.

Seth:
I’m not running anymore. I’m not the same either. I’ll never be the same again.

Me:
Fine. Where are you?

Seth:
I’m outside the bar.

I end the messaging. My first mistake was coming to The Wave. Of course, Seth would know to look here. I swallow the lump in my throat and find Justine. She’ll understand.

I wait. The typical night beach crews stroll past. The skimpily dressed girls hang on their boyfriend’s arms. They reek of alcohol. It isn’t bad now but once summer hits, the boardwalk will be packed. Cigarette smoke drifts through the air, and I watch the doors. Thank God Katie overheard they were going out; after that, it wasn’t too hard to find them.

My chest tightens, and I lose my breath when she walks out the door. She’s more beautiful now than she was a year ago, if that’s even possible. Her hand is in her hair twirling a lock around her finger. In this moment with no one looking, she’s vulnerable. I want to wrap her in my arms and shield her from the truth. Instead, I’ll be the one to shatter her heart in a thousand pieces.

She searches the sidewalk for me and eventually we lock eyes. She smoothes down her little black dress, then pulls out her phone. A moment later a text arrives.

Haley
: I see that look in your eyes from here. Don’t think you’re getting any tonight.

I rub my fingers over the keys but don’t respond. She’s throwing out the jokes, but I know now that she was never really joking. That her pranks were her way of protecting herself and that’s what she’s doing now. Finally she crosses.

“Hi.” I shove my hands in my pockets. If I don’t, I’ll end up touching her.

“Big plans tonight?” she asks.

I offer her my arm. “You bet. Let’s go.” She doesn’t take it but chooses to walk beside me until we reach my car.

I know exactly where to go. It’s not the same pool hall but it’s pool. Something that connects us. We don’t say much on the short drive down the strip. Haley watches the sights from the window and plays with the seat.

“Since when do you get nervous?”

She gives me a weak smile. “Shit happens.”

I nod, not wanting to press her, and keep driving until we arrive. I open her door. She sneaks a glance at me, then crosses the street to the pool hall, leaving me to follow her. Conversation is stilted. I ask a question. She answers. Then it fizzles out and dies. She racks the balls up and breaks. We play, ball after ball, but she seems off. Finally in the middle of the second game, she places her stick against the wall.

“I guess this wasn’t a good idea. You should probably take me home.”

I see the layer of hurt in her eyes. Shit. I guess this was a bad idea. Too similar. I take her hand. “Give me another chance. We’ll go someplace quiet.”

Relief crosses her face and the tension leaves her body. “Please?”

I purchase two coffees at a Jiffy Mart, and we walk across the street to the beach. The one place in her life now she likes to be. This time we sit on a bench on the boardwalk. Darkness hides the water but the comforting crash of the waves can be heard. She doesn’t even attempt small talk, so I share a little bit.

“I’ve been out west this past year living with my dad’s roommate from college.”

“Glad you could walk away so easily.” Her words hint at bitterness.

I restrain from touching her. “It wasn’t easy.” Then I lean forward, overwhelmed with guilt. The sick feeling knots in the pit of my stomach and grows tighter with each passing second. It took weeks for this to fade away, but now it’s back, full force. Why did I think I could follow through with this?

“Is that where you met Katie?”

I sit straighter. “How do you know her name?”

Haley shrugs. “She applied for a job at the Seaside Inn.”

I laugh. “I should’ve known.”

“What?” Haley asks, her voice sharp and suspicious.

“Katie is my dad’s roommate’s daughter. She’s not my girlfriend, but when she asked about you yesterday and I wouldn’t tell her anything, she took matters into her own hands.”

“You didn’t tell her about us, about me?” Her eyes question, flashing hope.

I can’t help it. I reach out and touch her leg. “Hales, I would never do that. I haven’t talked to anyone.”

She stiffens at my touch, and her face saddens, but she seems relieved. “I haven’t either.”

We sit in comfortable silence, lost in our thoughts. I feel lost in a maze with the answers right nearby, with Haley right there, but I can’t find her. I can’t figure out what to say to make the hurt go away or to break my news to her gently.

“Is it so wrong?” she whispers. I almost don’t hear her because the breeze whisks her words away.

I lean closer and graze my thumb across the top of her hand. She’s close enough that I can smell her body lotion. Strawberries and cream. It’s intoxicating. “What?”

“That we both ran away.”

I trace her skin ever so gently. “Probably.”

She sways close to me. Her mouth parts and her eyes gloss over. I lean close too. Our lips hover right next to each other but neither of us moves closer.

“How can this feel so right and be so wrong?” she asks in a moment of truthfulness. I can’t believe she’s opened up. It mirrors the way I feel, too.

“I don’t know.” I pull away before I’m tempted to kiss her. I’ll lose her trust if I make this about me. “Please, give me this week.”

She sighs. I’ve hurt her again. “Why, Seth? What will one week do?”

“You never know. Just give me a chance.” I press my palm to the side of her face then pull away. Old habits of touching and loving her won’t die. “But you have to be open. You have to try.”

Her voice breaks. “I try to get through each day. How would this be any different?”

I can’t believe I’ve stayed away so long. I curse that I was a coward and left her. “I don’t deserve another chance with you, and I’m not asking for one. I just need this week. For you.”

Before the week is over, Haley will know everything. Everything about that night that made me run away. I’ll tell her about Carly, my parents, and the accident.

She sighs. “Fine. Will you take me home?”

After a restless night, I drag myself out of bed to get ready for my shift. I forgot to wash my apron so it’s still splattered with ketchup, my head is pounding, and my chest aches. It’s so hard to be around Seth. One moment I want to run away from him and then the next I want him to pull me close and kiss me forever. But last night he made it clear that he’s not back to apologize and try to salvage our relationship. I guess that’s as it should be because if he tried, I’d refuse. But a tiny part, just a tiny, tiny part of me really misses him.

I nudge Justine’s door open. “Hey, you awake?”

“Yeah, yeah,” she grumbles. I move to the stairs and she calls, “Don’t forget you’re training Katie this morning! I should be back from the dentist by noon.”

It’s my turn to groan. I walk down the narrow, steep stairs that lead to the kitchen of the inn. My hand slides down the rail and the steps creak under my feet. Early morning smells of bacon and coffee greet me. This ritual of waking and working to the sound of Tom cooking in the kitchen has become my home.