Every Little Piece (15 page)

I stop at a gas station, and we run in and buy hot chocolate, then head to the beach. It’s easy to find parking this early in the season and soon we’re walking in the sand. We left our shoes on the boardwalk. The tiny grains of sand slip between my toes, and I can’t help but remember all the times Haley and I and the gang hung out here.

“Seth?” Katie asks.

“Hmm,” I murmur.

“Where do you go when you get that look?”

“What look?” I ask.

“Do you think I’m blind? That sad, puppy dog one. Whenever you’re quiet I know you’ve gone there to that place in your past. Whatever it is you’re running away from. Or maybe it’s that girl?”

She’s so close to the truth. But I haven’t talked to anyone about it. I can’t admit something so terrible to people that respect me, because I’d lose them. I nudge her shoulder. “You’re too smart. But some things are best left in the past.”

She tags me. “You’re it!” Then she takes off.

“Hey, no fair!” I nestle my cocoa in the sand and take off after her. We play tag and get dangerously close to the water sliding up onto the beach.

I tease her by rolling up my jeans and going in. She takes a step in and squeals. “It’s freezing!”

“What’d you expect?” I laugh at her. “We’re not in the Bahamas.”

She runs and gives me a hug, jumping up and wrapping her legs around me.

“Whoa, what’s that all about?” I ask, putting her down. I tuck her hair behind her ears. She’s such a bright spot in my life, and for that I’ll be forever grateful.

“Thanks for talking my dad into letting me come.” She gazes out over the ocean and the endless skyline.

The dreams dance in her eyes. I remember a time when I was in that stage, brimming with enthusiasm for life and what the future held. And I swear I’ll do anything so Katie never experiences what we went through and what we lost.

She turns, her eyes questioning. “What?” But then she rubs her arms. “You’re right. It’s cold here. I’m going to run to the car and grab a sweatshirt. I might even go buy a beach necklace to be official. I’ll meet you at the car?”

I nod. Katie’s good about that. She can pester me for answers but she gives me space too. I sit and ignore the water creeping up the shoreline toward my feet. I close my eyes and remember the frozen expression on Haley’s face when she saw me. Like she saw a ghost. I wince. Then the pain that shuddered through her body. I sent her running into the arms of her boyfriend. Just that word grips my heart. She moved on. She found someone else. I wish she’d tell me how to do that so I could find peace too.

I sense her presence before I see her. I don’t dare turn around or move. If I do, she might take off. I stay where I am and take deep breaths. Somehow I have to find the courage to follow through with this.

“Hi, Haley.”

She sighs. “I guess some things don’t change. You were one person I could never sneak up on.”

The corners of my lips tug into a smile. One of the reasons I fell for Haley in elementary school was her pranks. She’d pull jokes on her teachers and on the meanest kids in school without blinking an eye. I knew right then she was the girl for me. It was her love for life. My throat tightens. I can’t go back in time. It’s too hard. Katie was right. I’ve been running.

She plops next to me but feels miles away. The silence doesn’t feel awkward. It never was uncomfortable between us.

“Is he good to you?” I grimace against the memories of her pressing up against him.

“His name is Tate, and you know that. He graduated with Noah.”

That’s all she offers me—the basics I already knew. Not that I expected a detailed account of their relationship. “Does he make you happy?”

“Yes, he does.” She pauses as if to choose her words carefully. “He’s there for me.”

I cringe.
Unlike me
. “Listen, about that.”

“No, Seth.” Her face pales. “It’s too late. As much as I want answers, I don’t want to hear them now or right here.”

“That’s why I came back.”

“I thought it was for your new girl to meet the fam,” she shoots out.

A trace of jealousy tinges her words, and I don’t correct her, but I feel something I haven’t felt in a while. Something called hope. “It’s not what you think.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Where do we go from here?” I ask, desperate to get this awkwardness over.

The breeze tosses her hair around and her lips shiver. Her brown hair is longer and trails down her back, teasing me to touch it. Drops of ketchup stain her work shirt, dangerously close to her chest, and she smells like a restaurant. I so want to kiss her and hold her close to me. Then I’d know her true feelings. I’d know within seconds if she still loved me. I move closer.

She senses my invasion of her space. Slowly, she turns, and I hold back a gasp at the pain in her eyes. Deep-set pain that haunts her face.

“Oh, my God, Hales.” I run my hand down her arm and then graze her cheek. She tenses. I lean closer, waiting for her to bolt but she doesn’t. The raw emotion pulses between us, drawing us together. I whisper my lips against hers. Her soft lips create a rush of memories. “Hales,” I murmur. I kiss her not because I want to get in her pants but because I want to make her feel again. I want to feel again. I want her to feel my love and my pain too. She needs to know she isn’t alone.

At first she holds back but when I touch her face, she responds. Her skin feels so soft that I groan. Her lips part and she gasps when our kiss deepens. I pull her to me and a tear clings on my eyelash. We pause in that position. We’re both shaking. Our lips hungry for each other, for the familiar feel and taste. The emotion crashes in just as a rush of cold water hits our feet and moves up to our knees.

She gasps and pushes me away. The water is numbing but the needles of ice feel good. They distract. The ocean breeze whispers between us and a chill wraps around me.

Her voice chokes up. “What do you want from me?”

My voice is hoarse too. “We need to talk.”

“Forget it.” Her words are ice.

“We can go slow. Start slow.”

Her body trembles and her eyes flash. “You can’t just waltz into town, throw yourself at me and get what you want. Life doesn’t work that way.”

I study her face, the sadness in her eyes, her hunched shoulders. The truth hits me just as another wave does too, but we still don’t move. From what I can tell, she feels guilty and refuses to move on with her life. My heart breaks. That’s my job, not hers. I need to set her free to live her life, even if it means I get left behind.

“How about a date?” I ask tenderly and graze her cheek with my knuckles.

She laughs but it’s a dry, brittle sound. “Seriously? A date?”

I take a chance and broach a painful subject. “What about this weekend? Are you going?”

She almost curls up on herself and whispers, “I’m not going.”

“Give me a couple days.”

“For what?” She brushes her hair back and shivers. Finally, she stands and moves away from the water. “I’m freezing!”

I stand and grab her hand. “Give me a couple days and I promise you’ll want to open the invitation you probably shoved deep in a desk drawer. Give me that to prove that you should start living life again.”

A spark of hope flashes in her eyes but quickly fades. “I can’t do this.”

“I’ll swing by the restaurant.”

“I won’t be there.”

And then she’s gone. My body shakes violently, and I lean over with my hands on my knees. Shit. This is hard.

My feet are still numb from the ocean, so I stumble back into the restaurant. On my break, all I wanted was a peek at the stormy crashing surf that matched my insides. I didn’t expect to meet Seth. I didn’t expect to talk to him. Or kiss him. And a date? I mean, seriously. What was he thinking? I wrap my arms around myself and rub the goosebumps from my skin. I’ve missed him desperately and deeply, more than I ever realized.

An ache settles in my chest and for the first time in months I want to cry. But along with the ache comes the truth that this can’t happen. That he and I can’t exist in this world, at least not together. I made a promise. One I intend to keep.

I grab empty plates and mugs and carry them over to the counter. I slam them down a little too hard. The dishwasher keeps about his work, not caring if I break dishes. But Tom will care. This is his place, and he graciously gave me a place to stay and a job. I lean against the counter and take deep breaths, trying to stop the trembling, soaking in the familiar sounds. The chatter of the patrons, the clinking of dishes. But that laugh. That’s new.

Seth’s new girl leans against the counter, her bubbly smile plastered all over her face. Jealousy stabs at me but I push it away. What is she doing here? Does Seth know? I stride over and stand next to Justine who’s talking with her while she cleans up. I cross my arms and study the girl.

Justine nudges me and whispers. “Hey, loosen up.”

The girl smiles but behind the smile is knowledge, like she knows me. I take a step back. How much did Seth tell her?

She sticks out her hand. “I’m Katie.”

“Nice to meet you,” I mutter, then turn around without shaking her hand. It’s rude but I’m shocked she knows me.

“Haley!” Justine calls me back. “Katie’s starting work tomorrow morning. Can you train her? I’ll be at the dentist.”

“What?” My guard drops. I don’t think I can be around little miss sunshine for a full shift.

“I’m sorry.” She shrugs, her eyes pleading. “There’s no one else.”

“Fine.” Then I make a decision. “Want to go out tonight? Hit the bars?”

“Huh?” Justine stops wiping off the counter. “Seriously?” A spark lights in her eyes. “You want to go out?”

“Yes.”

While Justine and I talk about our plans, Katie says goodbye and slips out. I won’t have to deal with her until tomorrow morning. Tonight? I can forget about everything. And screw Seth. If he’s going to tell everyone my history then he can go to hell.

I have the afternoon off and spend it mindlessly listening to music and reading. My room is small, watermarks stain the ceiling, and the wallpaper is faded, but Tom puts all the money into the business and the main rooms of the inn. A tiny, musty room doesn’t bother me. My gaze flicks to the desk drawer. I know what’s inside the envelope, and I’m not going to open it. I don’t want to see their names on the invitation to the memorial service. I might have run away, but I’m not blind. I see the buds on the trees and the chirping of baby birds. It’s spring. My heart cracks wider with each passing day.

Seth seems to think he can change my mind. He can forget about it.

Justine knocks before opening the door and bouncing into my room. Her enthusiasm is addicting. She starts whipping clothes out of my closet.

“We have to look hot tonight.”

“Why?” I ask dryly. I could care less. “I’m not interested in a one-night stand or snagging a date.”

Justine blows air through her mouth. “Of course not. We’re going out to party.” She pulls out a little black number with strappy sandals.

“Too cold?” I say more than ask.

She throws a tiny black sweater at me to accompany the dress.

“Still too cold.” But I dress anyway. I brush on some eyeliner and sparkly eye shadow and a little bit of gloss. Then I run my fingers through my hair. Part way through I have to sit on my bed as my stomach churns. This ritual of getting ready feels too familiar and my heart aches. I lean over, breathing heavily.