Every Little Piece (14 page)

A regular motions to me from the corner table. He has a wave of salt and pepper hair that flops across his forehead. He always has a smile and a nice tip, so I imagine that he hasn’t received any mail that threatens to bring down the nice, safe wall he’s built around his heart.

I hurry over with the coffee and hit all the tables. I’m distracted this morning and can feel my tips slipping away every time customers catch me frowning. I plaster on a smile and force myself to be more chipper. The morning hours pass and by the time the short hand creeps toward the twelve, I’m ready to crash.

The door opens and a draft of cooler air rushes through as another flood of customers enter. I sigh, grab some menus and greet them with a smile.

Then I see him. My hearts hammers and I force air in and out of my chest. Time stops, like we said our goodbyes just a few days ago when really it’s been almost a year. He looks the same but different. Shadows haunt his face and the bright part of his blue eyes that used to light up my heart seem faded, like they need a good polish.

He steps closer. My heart hurts and a lump forms in my throat. Emotions I’ve locked away push at the edges.

“Hi, Hales.”

Two simple words and I almost come undone. I seem to have lost my ability to speak and move as I stand there taking him in. His black hair hangs a little over his ears and his eyes draw me in just like before. But there are little changes too. His face is pale. Tattoos swirl around the top of his arm. Truth invades and real life comes crashing in. My knees shake, and I sway a bit.

“Are you okay?” He holds out a hand to steady me.

I jerk away like I touched a live socket. I can’t go back. The memories are too strong. Sometimes no matter how much you love someone, the past is stronger, and mistakes make love impossible.

A girl with blonde hair flounces in with a bright sparkle to her eyes. She hooks her arm through Seth’s and gives me a suspicious look. “Who’s this?” she asks.

“An old friend,” Seth says without taking his eyes off me. I see forever in his eyes and it squeezes my chest.

I tear my gaze away from him and study her. Adoration simmers off of her. She loves him or is close to it. Jealousy floods my heart. The happy times they probably spent together in the past year, the smiles, the touches, the laughter. The kisses, gentle and sweet, that used to be mine. I want to grab a butter knife and cut the smile off her face.

I close my eyes and swallow. I have no claim over Seth. Of course he’s moved on. Over the past year I’ve thought about him off and on but never saw him with another girl. Someone to replace me. Tears prick my eyes and that pisses me off. I gesture to the seating area.

“Find a seat.” But my voice comes out hoarse and the pressure chokes me. I need fresh air. I can’t breathe, and I need to be alone.

By this time, Justine notices and rushes over. She grabs my arm. “Go take a break out back. I’ll cover this.”

Then she hugs Seth and shakes hands with his girlfriend. She takes over as if I was never there. I stumble through the kitchen and out into the back with the dumpster. I sag against the brick wall and force breaths in and out. The vent hisses nearby with steam from the laundry. I slump down and fold my head into the crook of my arms. The numbness washes over me. The same lack of feeling I’ve had for the past year. I’m not sure how long I’ve sat there until the gravel crunches.

I whip my head up. A ping of disappointment that Seth didn’t find me is soon replaced with a flood of relief. “Hi, there.”

Tate, my boyfriend, my normal, stands a few feet away. I see my confidence in his strong arms, and my sanity in his rock-solid smile that he saves just for me, and my safety in the memories of us lurking in his brown eyes. He walks over and sits next to me. I lean into his hug and let him hold me. He doesn’t ask any questions. He knows my past because he went to high school with Noah, but we never talk about it. He knows it’s off limits. We had one fight, and he knows now that I’ll cut him from my life like a cancer if he pushes me to talk. But he always knows when I need someone. He’s always there. Like now. It’s uncanny. He kisses the top of my head and rubs my arms without saying anything.

Tate and I are more like dating friends. I rarely initiate a heartfelt kiss, never mind going any further. But it’s not enough. Not now.

I need to forget, and I push his arm away. I straddle on top of him, my skirt pushing up around my waist. If anyone turned the corner or if Tom came back to empty the trash, I’ll look like some sort of slut. But I don’t care. I kiss him and run my fingers through his light brown hair. His arms go to my side and the small of my back. This is nice. Kissing Tate is nice. It’s not like kissing Seth, which caused all sorts of feelings to go haywire inside me. Dammit. I don’t want to think about him while kissing another boy. I focus on Tate. The scar above his left eye, the soft feel of his hair, and how he’s been the one bright spot in my life this past year. I stayed afloat because of him and owe him so much.

His breath hitches. “Haley,” he whispers. “You know I’d do anything for you, but is this really what you want?”

My smile feels like a crack in plaster. I knew this would happen. He always ends our kisses, keeping our relationship almost platonic. I don’t question it. He’s being sensitive to me, but I’m not in the mood to deal with his stuffiness. I drop small kisses along his neck and his breathing quickens. “Do you really care where we are?”

He groans, and I laugh. This time it’s real. Tate’s good for me. I pull his hand down to my butt and push against him, eliciting another groan of pleasure.

“Haley,” he says, voice raspy.

The door slams. I jump off Tate and smooth my skirt down.

It’s Seth. He nods to Tate in recognition.

But his eyes. One second they flash pain then glaze over like he doesn’t care. He folds his arms across his chest, and I can’t help but admire the lean strength of his chest and body. I ache for him, and emotions stir in my heart that has been numb for so long. He looks more like a man than the high school boy I remember, and I don’t like the increase of my pulse. He notices me and stares not with judgment but with question. Heat burns my face, and I feel like a hooker on some sort of street corner. I can’t help my knee jerk reaction.

“What the hell? Are you that hard up you have to spy on a girl kissing her boyfriend?” I cringe at the bitterness that creeps into my tone and words. I didn’t realize those feelings were there, laying dormant under the nice, numb surface I’ve created.

Tate raises an eyebrow, but I glare at him. He stays out of it.

Seth puts his hands up, palms out. “Sorry. I was hunting down more coffee. I didn’t realize this was a full service restaurant.”

I gasp. His underlying insult feels like a slap. Tate jumps to his feet and stands next to me, ready to protect me. He’s a little shorter than Seth but has more muscle. I put a hand on his arm letting him know I’ve got this. I bite my tongue, refusing to play Seth’s game. Instead, I stare him down, drawing upon my ability to freeze out emotion and feel nothing. I’ve had a year to become an expert.

He reacts and steps back. His fury is evident by the way he whirls around, goes back the way he came and lets the back door of the restaurant slam behind him.

A resounding ache flashes through my chest.

Tate reaches for my hand and squeezes. “Haley.” His voice is soft but determined.

I pull my hand away. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

He runs his hand through his hair, then lets his arm drop. This is a motion I’ve grown accustomed to in the past six months. Frustration with my unwillingness to delve into certain topics.

“You can’t run forever. You can’t run from him forever.”

I change my tactic and walk my fingers up his arm. I lower my voice. “Why not?”

He grabs my hand and pulls it off of him. His eyes close, and he takes a breath. “I’m sorry, Haley. I can’t be this for you. Not right now. Not unless you’re ready to deal with things.”

I know what he means by things, and I can’t believe he’s saying this. “What? Just because my past struts back into town? That’s not my fault. I don’t want him here. I want you.”

The truth in his eyes chases away my confidence. The one problem with dating someone who knows your past: I can lie to him all I want, but I’m not sure he’s ever believed me when it came to Seth. I tell him and myself that it was a high school fling and one I don’t care about anymore.

He draws me into a hug. “I care about you too much. I don’t know how much more I can handle this. You can’t live in this void forever.”

My voice sounds muffled against his chest. “You’re breaking up with me?”

He sighs. “Technically, no. But, I won’t be here forever. You need to decide.” He kisses my cheek. “Take a few days and then we’ll talk.”

I panic.

He squeezes my hand and taps the phone in his back pocket. “I’m here for you. For now. Just call.” Then he leaves.

I storm back into the restaurant. I lost my boyfriend because Seth caught us kissing? Give me a break.

Katie is at my back, asking questions. “Who is she? Why are you mad?” She won’t stop but I don’t answer any of them. I can’t. Words have left me. I thought for sure that after a year of not seeing her, of trying not to think about her, that she wouldn’t still have this effect on me. The vow I made to her in sixth grade that I was going to marry her, rooted in my heart and won’t let go. But then that night returns all over again, and the reason I can’t be with her.

Because if she ever learned the truth, she’d hate me forever.

I walk out through the front and let this door slam too.

“I thought I was applying for a job here?” Katie tugs at my sleeve.

“No way.” I take her arm and stride past all the other beach stores and inns. I don’t look. Jamie, Carter and I, the whole gang, used to drive the strip and walk the shops. What used to hold sunshine memories and laughter, now holds a flood of sadness.

She has to run to keep up with me. “Are you sure your parents won’t mind me staying with them? I’m sure I can find someplace else.” Her voice trails off with uncertainty.

I stop in front of the arcade. Crude T-shirts hang from a string across the top of the gift shop. I grab Katie’s shoulders and whirl her toward me. She’s been the one constant in my life besides work on her dad’s ranch this past year and my volunteer work. She’s like the little sister I never had. She has to understand. “My parents wouldn’t have said yes if they weren’t completely on board with this. And trust me, you don’t want to stay in my grandfather’s old fishing cabin.”

One of the biggest reasons Katie came back east with me was for the ocean. I swore to her dad, my dad’s roommate from college, I’d take care of her. He gave me a place and work for the last year while I figured stuff out. He didn’t ask any questions. A month ago, he pulled me inside and hugged me. With tears in his eyes, he called me his son and then told me he couldn’t see me living like this without saying something. He saw my pain, the guilt. He told me I couldn’t move on without tying up loose ends, without closure. And he sent me back home. I can’t return until I’ve wiped away the haunting look in my eye. Then Katie begged to come with me.

“Are you going to stick around?” Her green eyes sparkle, and she tilts her head to the side and smiles, knowing I can’t say no to her.

“For a little bit. I have unfinished business.” As if Haley is unfinished business. The gaping hole in my chest for the last year is much more than crossing off my to-do list.

Katie skips ahead, then whirls around. “Something’s going on with that girl back there. I know it.”

“Yeah?” I smirk. “You think you’re so smart?”

“Yup.” She steps closer, her jaw set in determination. “And I’m going to figure it out too. So much makes sense now. Why you came running out to us like a hurt puppy. Why you’ve been so hard to get to know.”

I glance sideways. Katie’s a beautiful girl with her green eyes and blonde hair and fun personality. I’d fall for her in a heartbeat if my heart didn’t belong to someone else. But in the past year my heart hasn’t felt much, until today. Which reminds me of the whole reason I came back. We reach my car and jump in. My parents are expecting us.

We’re humming down the road, the memories flashing by with each landmark. I ran out west. Haley ran to the ocean. I focus on Katie. “Where would you like to apply for jobs? I can take you around tomorrow.”

She taps her fingers against the window, watching the sights with wide eyes. “Along the ocean.”

“No way.” I grip the steering wheel more firmly, thinking of all the guys cruising the beach for girls. “That’s not always the best scene.”

“You can’t keep me in a box here. I’m seventeen, not twelve.”

She’s right. She’s only two years younger than me but I feel years older. I promised her dad a summer back east. “Why the beach?”

“Seriously? You have to ask? I’ve wanted to see the ocean forever. And that reminds me. When can we go?”

I slow down and pull to the side of the road. “We can grab some hot chocolate and go now if you want.”

She squeals in response.