Desired Affliction (7 page)

Megan walked toward me, “Stop you don’t have to tell
them…please let’s stop this.” I pushed her away when she tried to hug me I was
past the point of giving a shit who knew anymore. “No, they want to know what
happened I’m telling it all…five weeks later I found out I was pregnant. I was
scared to death I couldn’t tell Matt. I couldn’t tell my mom so I hid it. I
never went to the doctor…like it would just disappear. I secretly hoped it
would but then I found myself on the bathroom floor screaming in pain and my
mom took me to the emergency room. I miscarried and I felt sad because I lost
my baby. It was my fault I should have gone to the doctor. My mom called me a
slut, she kicked me out so…that’s what I became…just another slut. For the next
four months I woke up in the beds of random strangers. I would go out and get
so fucking loaded I wouldn’t know my own name and when I woke up the next
morning that is when I would realize what I did…drinking helped me not feel
anything…it was the only way I could stand to be touched without freaking out.
I hate the thought of anyone’s hands on me so I drank to help me through it.
Maybe in some way I was hoping that I could start to accept when someone
touched me.” I looked at Kole, “So there you have it. I don’t know how many
guys I have slept with and if you asked their names I couldn’t tell you that
either. I am a nasty whore and that is why I said no to the date…I’m not good
enough.” I wanted to say more I wanted to tell him that I hated that now I
wouldn’t have him in my life. I wanted to beg him to not hate me, to not be
disgusted when he looked at me…but I just turned and left.

I sat on the grass outside and leaned against the
building. I cried into my hands quietly pulling my knees to my chest and I
buried my face. “Lexi,” his voice sounded unsteady. I looked up finding Kole
lowering himself to straddle my feet and put his hands onto my knees. He looked
directly into my eyes, “Are you okay?” He could stop pretending now, “I’m fine
you don’t have to worry about me…your free now. You can just pretend you never
met me.” He placed one hand one each of my cheeks, “I’m not going anywhere
Lexi…everything you said…yeah I had to take a few minutes to let it all sink
in. None of what you just told me makes me want to walk away…if anything it
makes me want to hold you tighter. I don’t know how to explain it Lexi but I
want to protect you, I want to hold you and tell you that you never have to
feel hurt like that again. Don’t push me away Lexi…please don’t push me away. I
don’t want to walk away.”

What was I supposed to say to that…after everything I
just said why would he want me anywhere near him? How could he look at me? He
stood up helping me to my feet as he pulled me into his chest and wrapped his
arms around me securely. “I am not going anywhere even if you want me to. You
can’t get rid of me Lexi. You are the first girl that I actually want to spend
time with and knowing everything about you doesn’t change that. I just feel
closer to you. I want to be here for you Lexi. Let me give you more because
there isn’t anybody that deserves it more than you do.” Kole bent down and
kissed my lips softly, “Please give me a chance to show you what it feels like
to have someone care about you, because I care about you Lexi more than you
know.”

I couldn’t answer him because I had the biggest lump in
my throat but I did the only thing I could think of to let him know what I
needed…I kissed him. We stood there for a few more minutes while he held me. He
took my hand and laced his fingers with mine as we walked back to my room. When
I reached for the handle I paused for just a second, “Are you still going to
see Hope?” He traced my lower lip with his thumb and then brought his lips to
mine once, twice and then whispered, “From this moment you’re the only one I
plan on spending time with.”

Kole and I ended up sitting in my room talking alone.
Megan and Radley had left and went back to the Frat house. Radley called Kole’s
phone and told him to convince me to come back there because Megan was a wreck
and felt horrible about what happened. I knew I needed to talk to her. I did
feel better that I let it all out. I felt relieved that I didn’t have to hide
my insecurities and fear. Kole wasn’t looking at me like he pitied me which was
one of my biggest fears.

(Kole)

I couldn’t believe that Lexi was actually allowing me to
hold her. She fell asleep against my chest and it felt really nice. I loved
that after everything she finally confessed she was actually able to feel
comfortable with me. I would never hurt her. I hated what she went through and
hearing her confess the details shredded me. No one should ever have to go
through such a horrible experience.

I stayed very still as her head rested on me I was afraid
to wake her. I just watched her breath slowly and listened as it rose and fell
with a peaceful rhythm. I felt so protective of her. I knew at that moment that
I wanted to do whatever I had to do to make sure no one hurt her again. I
brought my hand to her cheek lightly brushing the loose hair away that had
fallen from her hair clip. She smelled amazing like coconut.

I grabbed a pillow to put in behind my neck because it
was starting to cramp slightly. Lexi had her arm draped across my stomach and
when she felt me move she gripped me tighter. I wasn’t leaving her she could
let that fear go…I had every intention of making her feel secure and safe. The
movie that was playing had ended and I couldn’t reach the controller so I just
watched her breath and slowly I drifted to sleep.

I felt her pulling away from me, “Where you going?” I
opened my eyes to see here standing next to the bed. “Sorry I didn’t mean to
fall asleep on you. I’m sure you’re uncomfortable,” she was watching me. I
could barely see her expression from the light of the television. I smiled up
to her, “I wasn’t uncomfortable. I actually was really kind of perfect…until
you moved.”

I wasn’t sure what she was thinking but I waited for her
to respond. Just when I thought I freaked her out she surprised me, “Do you
mind staying here all night…it’s actually comforting to have you here.” I stood
and pulled down the covers. Once I crawled back onto the bed I reached my hand
out to her and she slowly got into the bed with me. We were so close and she
seemed okay with that. I wrapped her in my arms and pulled her closer, “Lexi
you know you can trust me right…I wouldn’t hurt you.” She nodded her head and I
squeezed her to me just a little tighter. I once again drifted off to the slow
rhythm of her breathing.

(Lexi)

The next couple of day’s things became less nervous
between Radley, Megan and me. I convinced Megan that by me telling the guys and
talking about what I went through actually made life a little easier. I felt
like I didn’t have to hide anymore. Kole knew and he accepted all my faults. He
wasn’t letting me stay at the dorm though unless Megan stayed too and even then
he tried to con me into staying with him. We have done a lot of cuddling and
kissing but that is it…I am slowly being able to tolerate his touch without
panic or anxiety. I was getting used to sleeping in his arms and when I did I
felt safer than I had in months.

It was a week before Thanksgiving and we were laying in
his bed talking as I was securely tucked into his chest and his chin was rested
onto my head. “Your tattoo I never asked but…that verse is that because you
lost your baby?” I nodded into his neck, “Yeah and just all of it. It seemed to
fit the entire summer. I got it a few weeks before I came here.” He slowly raised
my shirt enough to see the words as he traced them with his fingertip and he
pulled his body up to slide down closer. When he was hovered just over my side
he bent and kissed me right over the words. The gesture pulled at my heart and
made my pulse race. I reached down the grab him pulling him to me as our mouths
met in a sweet kiss that quickly turned into more.

I felt his tongue piercing flip against my tongue…I was
really learning that I loved that piercing. His body holding me securely, he
made me feel like nothing in this world could hurt me as long as I was right
there being held by him. I reached over his back as I began gathering his shirt
and pulling it up over his head. He looked into my eyes, sinking his lips back
to mine. He watched me as he kissed me then slowly allowing his eyes to close
again.

He gathered my shirt up exposing my stomach as he slowly
ran kisses down my neck and then onto my belly flipping his tongue along the
way. I felt a little sense of panic but I pushed passed it and continued to
breathe steadily. Kole wouldn’t hurt me and I know that. This was what I wanted
and I quickly pulled myself back together and focused on the feeling of his
kiss…of his tongue as it now made its’ way back up. Kole brought my shirt up
slowly and lifted it over my head. The desire in his eyes was driving me
insane. He looked unbelievably sexy. He was still up on his knees above me as
he tossed my shirt to the floor. I quickly rose up to unbuckle his jeans. He
bit his piercing between his teeth watching me reach into his pants to wrap my
hand securely around him. I slowly stroked him before I lowered his jeans and
boxers to expose his erection. I looked up into his eyes as I brought my tongue
to the tip slowly licking and sinking him into my mouth, “Fuck…Lex!” He closed
his eyes and let his head slowly fall back. I continued to take him into my
mouth and roll my tongue along his entire length. I used my hands to stroke him
as I continued to take him deep into my mouth. After a few more strokes he
placed his hand onto my cheek, “Lay back Lex…I want to taste you.”

If it was possible to cum from a man’s voice and words
alone I would have right then. Kole and his mouth, his tongue with that sexy
piercing oh yeah I wanted this. I lowered myself back onto the bed as he worked
my jeans free and in one quick movement he removed them and my panties. He
lowered his body where he was now between my thighs wearing that sexy grin. He
licked his lips and brought his mouth to my wetness…his eyes never leaving
mine. Kole slowly traced his tongue along my folds from the bottom to pause
over my clit and lightly flip the bell over my swollen and very sensitive nub.
“Oh yeah,” I moaned and he continued the tease. He repeated this until I felt
the pressure build and I grabbed the side of his head, “Don’t stop…oh my
god…yes.” He focused on the one spot that threw me over the edge and I exploded
with extreme pleasure from the most intense orgasm ripping through me. He
continued to slowly run his tongue over my swollen wetness.

Kole climbed my body leaving lustful kisses until he was
hovered over me suspended looking down at me. I reached up to grip his
shoulders…he sank his body to meet mine. His mouth found my ear kissing the
tender spot right below on my neck, “So…so sweet.” He unhooked my bra removing
my last piece of clothing. His hands began to massage my breast as he pinched
each swollen peek lightly sucking each one into his mouth. I felt that familiar
flip of metal, “Mm yes.” He looked up at me and smiled, “Does it feel good
Lex?” I brought my hands up to run my fingers through his hair before I
answered, “Yes, this is perfect…all of it.”

The feeling of his hands tracing my side directly over
the words pulled at my heart a little as I thought of everything he knew but he
still wanted me. He reached for the condom that was in the nightstand. He held
it between his fingers as he watched me. I bit down on my lower lip and nodded
my head. I heard the tear of the package and the excitement ran through me. I
fought the nervous feeling and anxiety that continued to threaten. I just kept
telling myself that this was Kole and I was safe.

Kole kissed me slowly and I felt him resting against me
leg. He gripped his hardness and I suddenly felt him at my entrance. He slowly
began to slide into me as we kissed. The feeling was amazing. I wanted to
remember every single minute of this…every sensation. I had so many feelings
rushing through me as he reached the point where he could go no further. I
heard a low moan rumble deep within his chest, “Lexi…you feel so good baby,” he
kissed me slowly.

Kole slowly began to move out and then back in as his
movement picked up. Every inch of him felt as if it set every possible nerve on
a frenzy of pleasure. Feeling his muscles tighten under my fingers as he thrust
into me. Kole traced kisses along my neck and across my chest. For the first
time I wasn’t scared…I felt completely safe and desired. I wanted to remember
every moment of this closeness.

The familiar feeling was building in me as I released a pleasured
moan. My fingers dug into his shoulders and I arched into him and accepted the
vibration that rippled through me, “Damn…Lex,” he moaned in return. Kole
continued to rotate his hips and stroke himself with my body. “Baby I’m
close…so close,” he kissed me hard and pushed into me with one hard thrust as
his body shook and he buried his face into my neck. He left light kisses on my
neck whispering into my ear, “That was so… (He let out a low steading
breath)…really sexy. Sorry I can’t think of the words to use.”

He smiled and kissed me once more as he slowly withdrew
from me. Once he was out of me I missed him. He removed the condom and placed
it into the tissue I gave him tossing it into the garbage can. He grabbed my
hips and pulled me into him forming his body to mine from behind. He brushed my
hair back and kissed my shoulder. Wrapping his arms securely and protectively
around my waist, “This feels good…being here with you like this. I love having
you here this close…Are you okay baby?” I was more than okay for the first time
in so long I felt like I might just be able to be me. I felt like the pain I
still felt from what happened to me was slowing beginning to heal. I knew that
Kole was responsible for giving me that hope. “I’m great Kole…I’m perfect.
Thanks for being so great because I don’t think I could take it if you
weren’t.” He kissed my neck, “Baby I have my faults but I am trying
okay…because this with you feels right.”