It takes me a few moments to realize I really
don’t need to do any further searches so I shut down my computer, hold this new thought close to my heart, and head off to bed. Who knows, maybe my dreams will be different tonight.
Chapter 9
I’m late. There’s nothing worse. The last time I was late for one of my Latte Ladies’ meetings the goodies had disappeared and I was volunteered to work a craft table at the local Kids’ Fair day. I didn’t mind working at the Kids’ Fair, but the fact they didn’t leave me any goodies really hurt.
There they all were, sitting at the corner table. I could see a basket in the middle. Must be Heather’s treat that she made last night. Please don’t let it be empty.
“Good morning,” Lily greeted me from the counter as I stopped to pour myself a cup of coffee.
“Hi there Miss Lily. How are you doing this morning? I thought Heather was coming in to open up.” I looked around to see if I could spot Heather.
“Oh, Heather did. But I knew you had your Latte Ladies this morning, so I thought I would come in just in case it was a bit busy. With this being the busy Christmas season, I just figured you deserved to actually sit down and enjoy your coffee rather than popping up here to help out with customers.” Lily replied with a cheeky smile.
Okay, okay. I admit it. I’m a hand on type of person, and I can’t seem to sit still when the store is full of customers. If I’m not at the front counter ringing in their purchases, then I’m browsing throughout the store chatting with those who come in, offering suggestions, pouring coffee. I definitely have a people person character.
After quickly sticking my tongue out at Lily for her comment, I grab my coffee, fresh muffin and head over to the table.
“All right, where’s the chocolate?”
“You snooze, you lose. You should know that by now,” said Joan as she quickly placed her hand in the basket to grab one of those delicious treats.
“Awww, be nice Joan. Wynne looks like she had a bit of a rough morning. Look, she’s even wearing her shirt inside out this morning. I think she deserves one of those goodies.” Judy replied back as she gently patted my arm in sympathy. I quickly glance down at my top and realized she was right. It is inside out.
“I didn’t sleep well,” I muttered quietly as I left the table feeling a bit flustered and entered into the washroom to change my shirt around. I can’t believe I walked out the front door like this.
As I walk out the bathroom door I hear some laughter coming from the table. Hoping that laughter isn’t directed at me, I peek around the corner to see what is going on. Judy is leaning into the table with an intense look on her face. That can only mean one thing. She is telling one of her stories.
Judy McNeil is the mother of our group. I like to think of her as ‘old and wise’ although she really isn’t all that old. Judy has a whole passel of children. I think a total of six if I counted right last time. I’m not sure how she does it to be honest, yet she never seems to be worn out. If Judy isn’t at home with her family, you’ll find her bringing some home baked goodies to a lady in our church, volunteering at one of the many functions that always seem to be happening in our town, or joining us for our Latte Ladies. I remember her saying once that Latte Ladies is an outlet that is just for her, a venue that God uses to revitalize and bring some joy into her life. That caused me to really think about what Latte Ladies meant to me. It used to just be a bible study that I went to once a week, until it was this very group of ladies that stood by me when my life seemed to be in shambles. I now thank God for them on a daily basis. He has used them to touch my life in so many different ways.
“Now that looks better,” piped up a cheeky Joan as I sat down in my chair. “You must have had a rough night to not remember how to get dressed. Here, I saved you a treat. You will just love them. She calls them Turtle squares and they go perfect with a cup of coffee.” Chattered Joan as I reached into the basket with the hopes that someone at least saved me one treat.
“Thanks. Yes, I had a rough night, a rough morning, and I definitely need this right now. Nothing takes the blues away like chocolate in the morning.” I said just before I took a bite of the delicious treat.
“Oh, get ready … here comes her reaction.” said Tracey.
“Hmmm, ohhhhh, hmmmm” I moaned as I took a bite of this delicious treat. I am known to savor chocolate. To take a bite of any type of chocolate, whether it’s a cookie, square or even a chocolate bar, and not savor that first sweet taste as it melts on your mouth, is just wrong. There is a technique to this I have discovered. I’ve tried time and time again to explain this to the girls, but they just don’t appreciate a good thing when they bite into it.
First you need to smell the chocolate. You can always get your taste buds going on hyper drive just by one smell. Can you smell the mint or caramel in what you are about to enjoy? Maybe it is hazelnut? You’ll never know though until you smell it first. Then close your eyes as you take that first bite. Gently sink your teeth into the soft chocolate, let it sit on your tongue for a few seconds, and savor the unique feeling of that chocolate beginning to melt on your tongue. Allow the sensation to sink in; you’ll begin to feel it all through your body. First it’s one of those ‘Ah’ moments, and then you get that feeling that all is right with the world. When you have a piece of chocolate in your mouth, nothing else exists.
I always get teased by these ladies for how much I enjoy my chocolate. I’ve never hid the fact that chocolate is one of my passions in life. I think that is why Chocolate Blessings is so successful. It’s a full-blown passion for me. How many people can honestly say that they have taken their top passion in life and made it a success?
“Make fun of me all you want Tracey, but you know that you love chocolate just as much as I do.” I said after I enjoyed my first bite.
“True, but no one has made eating chocolate an art.” she came back at me with.
“Ladies, ladies … enjoy your chocolate and call it even.” Pastor Joy said to us with a smile on her face.
“I think we might need to give Wynne an extra treat this morning. She’s going to need it, I think.” Judy mentioned as she patted my arm again.
“I’ll take the chocolate, but why do you think I need it?” I asked curiously.
“Well dear,” Judy began, “we heard about this party that you are throwing and we are all a bit concerned. Now don’t get me wrong. We stand behind you, we will help you plan it, but we were there for you when he left. We’re a bit concerned about how you are handling all this right now.”
I look at the ladies with, what I’m sure is coming across as, an exasperated look.
“Tracey put you up to this, didn’t she?” I asked. I smiled at them, perhaps trying to reassure them that I really am okay.
“No hun.” Pastor Judy said softly. “Jude’s mother, Nancy, called me up yesterday to tell me. She assumed you would want to use the church basement to hold this party, and she wanted to make sure that it would be available.” She explained.
I slumped in my chair at this news.
“Nancy called you? Great. I can imagine what she had to say about this.” I said as I sighed.
“Yes, she had a bit more to say, but that is neither here nor there. Wynne, what I’m concerned about is the fact that you offered to throw this party. You know you don’t have to do this. I’m sure one of us, or any other lady is our church for that fact, would have offered to throw this party had we found out. Actually, I think Nancy would have loved to have thrown a huge shower for her son and his fiancé.” Pastor Joy told me.
“In all honesty, it was spur of the moment decision. Jude stopped over unannounced and told me the news. I was a bit shocked and over reacted. Tracey came over for our girls’ night and because I had been embarrassed to how I reacted to his news, I just blurted out that I would throw the party.” I admitted to the group.
“But, the more I think about it, the better it sounds to me. If I throw this party, then everyone will realize that I’m not pining over my ex fiancé and that I’m okay with him getting married. Everyone knows how much I love to throw parties, so no one should think twice about this, right?” I asked, sincerely hoping for their agreement.
There was a moment of silence around the table. I started to doubt that I would receive their agreement.
“Wynne, honey. Are you serious?” asked Joan.
“I thought I was.” I answered a bit hesitantly. The way the ladies were staring at me began to cause a little bit of worry to seep into my mind.
“Wynne, we were there, remember, when you broke down sobbing because he up and left you at the church alone. We’ve been there when you have been angry with God because you thought He wasn’t hearing your heart’s cry. We heard you when you told us of your secret hope that if Jude was ever to come back to town you might get back together with him.” A sad smile crossed Judy’s face. “You can’t fool us honey, no matter how hard you try.”
“I know. But obviously its God’s will for me to be alone right now. Otherwise Jude would have come back sooner and without a fiancé in tow. I have to accept that. I have to accept that there is a strong probability I will be single for the rest of my days. I might not like the idea, doesn’t mean I have to hide from it though, right?” I asked her.
Why is it everyone seems committed to making me face my deep issues with this whole Jude/engagement party blow up?
“Just because Jude obviously isn’t the one for you, that doesn’t mean God wants you to be single for the rest of your life. Look at me, I didn’t get married until I was thirty-five.” Pastor Joy admitted. “God has just been preparing you, getting you ready so that when that perfect man does come along, there will be nothing holding you back.”
I now she was trying to encourage me but for a pep talk - it sucked.
“Don’t you think that by throwing this party, it shows that I have moved on with my life? I really don’t think this was such a bad idea. It’s just one friend throwing another friend an engagement party. What’s so wrong with that?” I asked them with a hint of desperation to my voice.
Tracey hands me another chocolate turtle and pushes my coffee cup closer to my hands.
“There’s nothing wrong with a mere friend throwing another friend a party. But when it’s an ex fiancé throwing the party then it looks like she is trying really hard to prove not only to herself, but also to the rest of the world that she has really moved on with her life.” Tracey responded. I give her points for trying to butter me up first with chocolate though.
I took a deep sigh. I never could hide anything from these ladies, and I’m not about to start trying now. I might as well admit the truth, open myself up completely, and trust that they will still love me enough in the end to help me plan this party.
“Okay. I admit that I have some issues, and I admit that offering to throw this party probably wasn’t the best idea I’ve ever had. I’ll admit that I probably still have some feelings left for Jude. But, and this is a big but, I don’t love him anymore nor am I jealous that he is getting married and I’m not.” I exclaimed to the group.
They all stared at me with their eyebrows raised. I guess they don’t believe me.
“Okay, okay. So I might be a little bit jealous that he’s getting married. But only a little bit. What girl wouldn’t be? But I made the choice not to marry him three years ago. If I’m still holding some unrealized feelings towards him, I have to let them go. I don’t understand why he’s getting married and I’m not. I don’t understand why God is withholding that desire from me. It’s like He keeps dangling that dream in front of me, and yanking it whenever I start to hope too much on it. That’s not fair.” I cried out.
I definitely need more chocolate now. Seeing that the basket is now empty, I rise from my seat and hurry over to the counter to fill a plate full of muffins and cookies. I need something to take my mind off my emotions; otherwise I will start crying soon.
There is a nice lull at the table when I return with the plate of muffins. As everyone is helping themselves to the treats, I venture some quick peeks at all their faces. Some are watching me with speculation in their eyes; others are fixated solely on their muffin or cookie.
I take a deep breath. Perhaps I can steer the conversation away from my unsettled issues and onto the major issue at hand. The party.
“Admitting that there are still some issues that I obviously have to deal with is one thing. But actually having to plan this party is another. I need some help.” I asked them.
Joan immediately rushes to my rescue. Bless her heart.
“Well, of course you need help sweetie. That’s why we are here. I’ve already made a list of the major tasks that need to be done. You just tell me what you have planned and we’ll go from there.”
So with the conversation successfully changing directions, we proceeded to spend the remaining hour left of our study making party plans. Once again, these ladies have saved the day.
*****
“Hey girl. Your sign says you’re closed, so come with me.” I hear a familiar voice call out to me as the doorbells jingle their merry tune.
“Heather. What brings you by? You should be at home snuggled up to your hubby in front of your roaring fire.” I smile at her while continuing to close up the store.
“Matt is at a meeting tonight at the church. The men’s group is having a ‘chef contest’ tonight. I made Matt take my apron and hat with him so that he looks like a real chef.” She explained to me while she started to giggle.