“What do you mean? You don’t remember? The guy she has escorting you to the party Friday night Wynne. That date. Don’t tell me you don’t remember giving your stubborn mother the heads up to do that.” He cried out in exasperation.
“Oh, the date. Honestly Dad, I had completely forgotten about that. What’s wrong with it? It’s harmless. I made mom promise not to get any notions in her head, this will only be for one night. Dad, I’m going to be so busy, that I will hardly have any time for the guy on that night. I actually feel sorry for him.” I explained to him. I really don’t see it as that big of a deal.
“You have no idea, do you?” he asked me with a note of surprise in his voice.
“No idea about what? Dad, what is going on?” I asked him. Now I’m starting to get a bit nervous.
“I promised your mother that I wouldn’t ruin her surprise, and you know your mom. It’ll be the end of me if I do. But I just want to make sure that you are prepared for what she has done. This isn’t a guy that you can brush off Wynne.” Dad warned me.
“Okay,” I say hesitantly.
“I’m serious Wynne. Do your old dad a favor will you?” he asked me.
“Should I be worried Dad? I just said yes to Mom to make her feel better.” I said to him.
“Well when it comes to your Mother, you should know by now nothing is simple. I want you to promise me something. Can you do that?” Dad again asked me.
“Okay, what do you want me to do?” I asked him. I’m really starting to freak out now.
“Promise your old Dad that you won’t shrug this guy off. Dress up really nice Wynne, prepare yourself for an awesome date. Don’t brush him off so you can do this party. Please? Will you do that for me?” It was almost as if he was begging me.
“Okay Dad. I promise. I’ll wear my best outfit and dazzle him with my smile. I’ll make Mom so happy that she will be floating. But I want you to promise me something Dad.” I said to him. This was going to be a give and take situation. If I have to give a lot to some guy that my mom feels is ‘right’ for me, then Dad is going to have to give as well.
“I knew you would try to bargain with this. All right, what do I have to promise?” he replied in a tone of resignation.
“I want you to promise me that you will come to the party with Mom. Now, don’t you be shaking your head at me. Jude is not the bad guy here Dad, and it’s time you let up on being protective of me with this. I mean it Dad. It’s been three long years Dad, and you need to forgive him for hurting your little girl. Please?” I begged him.
My dad is a wonderful man, very loving, generous and funny. But watch out if you hurt someone he loves. He becomes very protective and has a hard time forgetting. He has blamed everything on Jude for the past three years. I of course have never told him the truth, but I have tried to get him to let it all go.
“Wynne, don’t get into this. You already know how I feel about Jude. The least he could have done was be man enough and stick around to help clear the mess instead of running like a ninny and make you deal with it all.” Dad said to me in his gruff voice. This as always has been a sore spot between us.
“It wasn’t his fault” I find myself whispering.
“Of course it was his fault honey. Stop taking the blame for him.” My dad replied with his voice rising ever so slightly.
I dropped my head and stared at the floor.
“No Dad. It wasn’t his fault. It was because of me the wedding was called off. I broke his heart.” Oh my, I can’t believe I’m admitting this to my father. I haven’t said anything in three years. I have just let him believe that I was the one needing protection.
I lifted my head slightly to looked at my father. He was just sitting there in stunned silence. Neither one of us said anything for a few moments, yet it felt like eternity.
“Are you telling me that you were the one to call off the wedding?” He asked with a hint of incredibility to his voice.
“It was a mutual decision Dad. Jude asked me to give him something that I couldn’t give. He wanted my whole heart Dad, and I couldn’t give that to him. So instead of settling, we both sort of made the decision to not get married. You can’t fault him for taking off like he did.” I admitted to him in a catchy voice. Part of me felt relief at being able to finally admit this to my dad, but the other felt shame for letting him down.
“So you were still in love with that Richard guy from school, is that what you are really saying? I thought you got over him. Why wouldn’t you tell me this before now? I’m your father. I’ll love you no matter what, you know that.” There was a wrenching sound to my father’s voice as he told me he loved me.
I took a deep sigh and raised my head.
“I just didn’t want to disappoint you Dad.” I whispered to him.
My father appeared to be choked up for a few moments.
“Ah, Wynne, honey – you will never be a disappointment to me.” He said as he took my hand in his and lightly rubbed it.
So this is how receiving a father’s love feels. Like you are surrounded by warmth, acceptance and love. Knowing that no matter what, that love will never change. Almost like a little girl who climbs up into her daddy’s lap, knowing that she will always receive love from her daddy.
I have always been a bit fearful of what it would feel like once my dad found out the truth about the cancelled wedding. I thought he would be so disappointed in me, that he would lose his trust in me. Just the thought always hurt me to the core. Perhaps that is why I have been so willing to live in the past, in my dreams and not face reality. Once I stood up and decided to face what happened and move on, then I would have to accept the truth of my actions. Perhaps I’ve never been able to really forgive myself, and thus placing part of that blame on God because it was just easier. It is easier to live in the ‘what if’ instead of living in today and embracing it.
While I was silently contemplating this new thought I could hear my father talk under his breathe.
“So your mother isn’t that much of a nutcase after all then.”
“Pardon me?” I asked him.
“Hmm, oh nothing honey, just talking to myself.” he replied.
With that my dad stood up, drank the last bit of his coffee and prepared to leave.
“Now you just remember what you promised me. I think you’ll find that you may just like your mystery man after all” he chuckled as he drew me into a hug.
I felt a bit puzzled and I’m sure I had the facial expressions to show it, but dad just gave me a quick wave and left the store whistling a tune.
I could hear Heather come up behind me.
“What was that about?” she asked me.
“I have no idea.” I confessed to her, still feeling a bit puzzled.
“One minute everything was serious, and then the next he’s chuckling and saying weird things about my mom. Don’t ask me.” I said to her in reply to her questioning gaze.
“Sometimes I wonder about your family” was Heather’s answer to me as she shook her head.
I just stuck my tongue out at her.
“It takes one to know one,” was my sassy reply.
“And wouldn’t you know.” Heather shot back at me while grabbing my hand. She quickly tugged me back into the chair that I had just vacated and pushed me down.
“Now, before another person enters this store, I want to hear about that email.” Heather demanded as she stood above me with her hands on her hips.
“Someone’s getting a wee bit pushy, aren’t they?” I asked her with a smile on my lips.
“Wynne.” Heather growled at me.
“All right, All right, sit down and I’ll let you in on what he said.” I said soothingly to her in hopes to placate her.
As I proceeded to tell Heather all that Richard had written to me, we had two customers come into the store. Heather quickly looked up and told the ladies that we would be with them soon, and then made me finish my story. Amidst her little squeals when I told her what he wrote and her little giggles when I confessed my extra need for chocolate when I sent my reply, I managed to get the whole story out in time to speak to the customers that continued to arrive despite the amount of snow that continued to add up on the piles already formed on the ground.
Time to put on more coffee and get the Christmas music started.
Chapter 12
Why is it you never realize you’re having a crazy day until the day is basically over? With all the morning mishaps and busyness, I should have clued in that the day would not get any better, no matter how much chocolate one consumes.
Thankfully the store stayed quite busy during the morning, so I didn’t have time to ponder on my father’s bizarre behavior and request. Nor was I able to focus on the party at all. With less than a month to Christmas I can’t seem to keep my shelves stocked. My goal is to give people ideas apart from the normal bath towels, kitchen gadgets and plates. Instead they come into Chocolate Blessings and find an assortment of wall décor, interesting table pieces, one of a kind ornaments and handmade items.
I love to watch the customers, as they will casually pursue the shelves until they find the one item that just catches their eye. They will stop and gasp, tentatively reach out to stroke the item, look it over and cradle it in the palm of their hand. When I see the contented gazes on their face, then I am happy. Today, I saw that look so many times that I felt I was floating on air. We ran out of roses that we give to each customer before lunch. When Lily came in for her afternoon shift I quickly ran to the florist beside us and bought more roses as well as a couple arrangements to place throughout the store. This time I managed not to slip and fall.
Right after lunch Jude and Stacey came into the store. You could just see that these two were a couple in love. With all the loving glances, little touches and the fact that they stuck to each other’s side like glue; one would have to be blind not to notice. The ring on Stacey’s left hand also showed this to be a fact. The way it would sparkle and shine when she moved her hand, and the ‘oh and ah’ you could hear from all those who noticed, just another signal that love was in the air.
“Stacey.” I called out to her while the pair slowly walked over to the counter.
“You just hurry over here and let me see that ring.” I demanded when she kept taking her time. What woman doesn’t want to ogle an engagement ring, especially when that woman happens to be single?
“Wynne. Isn’t it gorgeous?” Stacey gushed to me while extending her arm so her ring was right in front of my face. Honestly, she could have kept the ring at her side and I still would have seen the beauty of it.
“That is gorgeous.” I exclaimed as I took her hand and carefully looked at her ring. WOW. Gorgeous doesn’t even describe it.
“Yep, Jude outdid himself, that’s for sure.” she said as she took her hand back and twirled it around in the air.
When Jude proposed to me, he gave me his grandmother’s heirloom ring with the promise that he would buy me a ring deserving of his love later on. I was happy with the heirloom. I of course returned it after we called our wedding off, and at times I still remember how it looked, so regal and full of history. But this ring, it is definitely a bad-a-bing type of ring. A pear diamond, surrounded by tiny diamonds, on a sparking gold band. Very beautiful, and I have to admit, the sight of it is making me a little jealous.
“Really Jude, that is a beautiful ring.” I said to him as others in the store began to surround the pair to gaze at its beauty.
I stand there watching as Stacey shows off her ring, and notice after a few moments Jude coming towards me.
“Um, Wynne,” Jude shuffles his feet.
“Hey, that is beautiful, and she deserves it” I said to him, hoping to get rid of the awkward feeling between us.
“Thanks. Listen, about Friday night, I just want to say thank you. I know that this isn’t the ideal situation, but you’ve really outdone yourself on planning this for us.” Jude said to me as he twiddles with his thumbs.
“Um, Wynne,” this time he twisted his hands together.
“Yes” I answered. Obviously he has something to say, so I’ll be nice and not interrupt him.
“Wynne, your dad came by this morning to see me. He told me that he needed to apologize to me. I thought we had agreed not to tell anyone about what happened, especially our parents? I’m not upset, but the least you could have done was warn me. My mom heard us talking, and now she wants to have a talk with me.” Jude told me in an agitated voice. Good to see I’m not the only one who cowers before his mom.
“Oh Jude, I’m sorry.” I said to him.
“I didn’t even think about warning you. I had no idea that he would even say anything to you. It just came out this morning. I didn’t want him to blame you anymore for something that wasn’t even your fault.” I confessed to him.
“It’s all right, it was just a bit awkward. I mean, your dad apologized to me when really it should have been me apologizing to him.” Jude stated.
“Jude, we’ve already been through this. It’s out of the bag now. I had to tell my dad, you’re going to have to deal with your mom. Although I wouldn’t wish that on my neighbor’s dead cat. It’s in the past, history, lets not rehash this again, okay?”
I’m tired of dealing with all this. I feel like I’ve been rung inside out with dealing with all the emotional baggage towards my dad, God and myself. Enough is enough.