Beasthood (The Hidden Blood Series) (35 page)

             
Now he looked at her, seeing she had finished. He scrutinized her face, his gaze then flickering to her hands. “They'll be sore for a while.”

             
She glanced at her right hand that was reddened from punching Fraya and smiled. “It was worth it.” Her voice sounded hollow. Because the words contradicted what one part of her was thinking. The rational mind that told her she had done something reckless and stupid.

             
She wasn't an animal, a monster, or someone who fractured people's jaws. And though her behaviour would have disgusted her before, no matter how much she may have fantasized doing it to many people in her lifetime, now the Beast side of her overpowered those feelings with pride, admiration and superiority. It was proud of her for doing it. And because of that, she could not -would not- allow herself to feel the same way. It made her shiver with revulsion. Even if the bitch did have it coming. Even if Jaz might have been seriously hurt or worse if she'd not defended herself.

             
Driver eyed her uncertainly. He got up, putting his book on the sofa and walked over to her.“Do you want something for the pain?” She shook her head and leant back awkwardly on his chair. He sat down on the one facing her, perched on it as if completely at ease. She envied him for being able to look so cool and collected all the time. “What happened?” he asked, gazing at her.

             
She shrugged, wincing at the pain it inflicted in her spine and shoulders. Driver frowned at the pained expression on her face, forcing himself to stay seated.

“
I don't really know. She had a moment alone with me, and I guess, she made the most of it.” Jaz didn't see the flash of anger that rushed across Driver's face. “But I did hit her first...” she realized ashamed.

“
She's the one who you were talking about that day?”Jaz looked up puzzled. “At the site?” he reminded.

             
Her eyes lit up, comprehending. She blinked a few times, finding something apparently fascinating on the fairly empty desk.

             
The  silver laptop was closed and the pens in the shiny metal holder were neatly arranged. She focused on them rather than look him in the eye.

             
This action was enough of an answer for him. “Why didn't you just tell me?”

             
She frowned and gazed at him levelly. “I know it sounds stupid after what I've just done... but...”

“
But?”

             
She sighed. “But I don't want Fraya to be banished or punished or whatever because of me... Again...”

             
Driver raised his black, thick brows in dark, sardonic humour. “If Fraya gets banished or punished, or killed, it will be her fault, and her fault alone. You shouldn't have to suffer for her. She has to be punished for her own misdeeds, the same as anybody else.”

             
Jaz's gaze faltered, the breath caught silently in her throat.

             
If he knew what she had been doing, what would happen to her?

              She had been taking hemlock since last Thursday when she'd gone to the pharmacy alone. She'd had it four times since then. One more cup than she was meant to. She'd taken that extra one when she felt the spasms coming on. After an hour they had simmered down into nothing. It had surprised her so much she'd had a grin on her face all day. She'd not felt that happy in a long time.

             
But it was short lived.

             
Because on top of all of her worries, she was also afraid she'd become addicted.

             
After the extra cup, she'd warned herself to take only as much as she had been told to. No excuses this time.

             
The other thing about maybe
dying
if she kept taking too much, crazily, seemed to be in the back of her mind. She just couldn't imagine it happening to her and knew that was a dangerous way to think.

             
It was the same with the iron pills she'd cut out completely, without anyone knowing. They still thought she was taking at least one every two days. But she still felt fine, so what did it matter? And she felt fine drinking the hemlock. It worked too.

             
It wasn't as if she was taking the stronger mixture that had other poisons and who knew what in it. All she was sure of was that this hemlock brew worked for her. And if she took it the way she did which was a less dangerous form, with the right dosage, she'd be fine. What was there to worry about?

Driver finding out.

             
That terrified her and filled her with so much guilt she wasn't sure if her feelings were an exaggeration. But the fear was justified. On so many levels.

             
Every scenario she imagined in her head as to how he'd react didn't make her feel at all hopeful. She couldn't imagine him being okay with it, ever. She knew that was not like him.

              She stared at him now, afraid he could read her thoughts.

             
He was watching her but with an expression that suggested he had a question in his mind. And it had nothing to do with her dangerous hemlock drinking. “How's your ankle?”

             
She smiled, embarrassed.

             
It brought back the night she had run away from him in terror. And how horrible she felt thinking she must have offended and upset him. She studied him for a moment, noticing a reserved glaze to his eyes, as if he was hiding what he was truly feeling. “It's fine. Thank you.”

             
He watched her for a long minute and then began with, “I apologize for what happened. Rufus has been severely warned. He's never been very good at controlling himself in Beast form, or in
human
form for that matter,” he added with a tight smile.

“
Rufus? The same guy you were beating the crap out of just now?” She thumbed towards the window.

“
The very same.” He wasn't smug about it.

             
That bewildered Jaz even more. And then she had the sneaking suspicion... “Was that... like...a...?”

“
A punishment?” She nodded uneasily. “No. Well, maybe a little. Unofficially. But I don't fight anyone who does not or cannot fight back. That would be cruelty, and there's very little a despise more.” Jaz didn't allow him to see how much she liked him for saying that. His words blew away her previous uneasiness with him. “He smelt your blood and it drove him berserk.”

             
Jaz bobbed her head remembering.“I cut my knee falling.”

“
I know.”

             
She squirmed a little in her seat from the heat of his gaze on her. Then cleared her throat and said, “Thank you. For saving me.” She didn't look at him and regretted it, realizing how false her apology must have seemed to him. When he stayed silent,  she looked him straight in the eye and with no barriers holding back her emotions from her face, she said again with complete sincerity, “I mean it. Seriously. Thank you. I wouldn't be here if you hadn't stopped him.”

             
He regarded her intently for a few seconds before smiling his minuscule smile. “You left a good mark on him.” Jaz balked and he saw it, forcing him to be serious again. “What scares you the most? Me? All of us?...Or yourself?”

             
Jaz's startled eyes glanced his way and then back to the desk. Her fingers twitched on her lap nervously. She looked down at them as if they had a decent response for her.

             
A warm, dry hand gently covering her restless hands stopped her thoughts dead. Rather than flinch or shy away she allowed it to remain there, staring at it. His hand calmed and soothed her. He knelt down beside her but it took her a good two minutes before she had the courage to meet his questioning gaze. “What are you afraid of?”

             
She shook her head. She couldn't answer that. Not when the words would only offend and not make sense to anyone who wasn't her. “I can't do this, Nik.”

             
Hearing her say his real name was a rare pleasure, making the sentence sound even more urgent and despairing than the look in her eyes. He didn't want to force it further. “Just promise me one thing?” he asked with a steady gaze. Jaz watched him cautiously. “Don't go out after dark again. I can't promise I'll be there next time.” She smiled weakly. “Though after today I'm not sure you need my help.”

             
She grinned and then stopped, abruptly nursing her jaw with her palm. Driver clenched his teeth.

             
As she mumbled, “Beginner's luck,” he lifted his hand and held it lightly, delicately, under her chin. Her eyes opened wide as she regarded him with surprise, her nursing hand hovering just shy of his.

             
He waited for her to slap him, to pull away. This gesture was so intimate, so clearly meaning much more than just a hand on hers that he was sure she would remove it. But she didn't. She sat there, completely still, gazing at him with her bright, penetrating blue-green eyes, her mouth partly open, breathing heavily.

             
Just then, there was a loud, heavy knock on the door and Jaz nearly jumped out of her skin.

             
Driver stayed motionless, holding his hand under her jaw a moment longer. To show her how important this moment was to him. She took it as seriously as the look in his eyes, watching him unblinking until he removed his hand.

             
He stood up sidestepping to the other side of the desk before announcing the knocker to enter. “Come in,” he called.

             
A middle-aged man with graying sideburns and a handsome, rugged face in jeans and a tight blue t-shirt poked half his body round the door. “I'm not disturbing you?” It was then he observed Jaz was in the room and he eyed her inquisitively -and admiringly, to Jaz's discomfort.

             
She wasn't used to being looked at the way men regarded her here, especially when her face looked a wreck.

“
No, come in Kerk. “

             
Kerk glanced Jaz's way again and Jaz immediately got the hint.

             
She awkwardly pushed herself up off the swivel office chair, standing up stiffly.“I should go,” she announced softly.

             
Driver held his arm out like a barrier, stopping her. “No. I'd like you to stay.”

             
Kerk's eyes widened in astonishment but it was fleeting. Jaz's cheeks turned a pretty scarlet. Driver gazed at her thinking intimate thoughts before it was snatched away from him by Kerk's words.

“
What I have to say is private,” he said firmly.

             
Driver regarded him questioningly. “Is it of a personal nature?”

“
No.”

“
Then I'd like Jaz to sit in.”

“
Are you sure you want her to know-?”

“
What
is it, man?” he snapped impatiently.

             
It was a rare sight, a first on Jaz's part. Little did she know that it was only because he was annoyed that they'd been interrupted.

             
Kerk waited, gauging Driver's reaction. Driver inhaled and exhaled audibly. Repeating the same question calmly. 

             
Jaz leant her hip against the desk for support, wishing she could sit down again without drawing any attention to herself. It was clear Kerk didn't want her there and that made her feel very uncomfortable. What could he have to say that Driver would practically demand she hear?

“
I saw Njord last night, speaking to the insider.”

“
Garik?” Driver looked Jaz's way as he said this, catching the surprise and confusion in her face.

             
Kerk shook his head. “Someone else. They had layered themselves with dirt to hide their scent. All I could guess was that the Were was most likely male. He wasn't the tallest I've seen, about six foot one or two. His face was concealed with dirt like a Arnold Schwarzenegger wannabe and he was wearing a black cloak with a hood over his head.”

“
Where did they meet and for how long?”

“
Up at the Log Bridge River. And almost half an hour. I couldn't make out most of what they were saying. The river was flowing strongly. He's smart. A good rendezvous place. For them. I had to hold back in case they caught my scent. The wind wasn't in my favour.”

“
They planned this well.” Kerk nodded solemnly. “What did you hear?” Driver questioned.