Beasthood (The Hidden Blood Series) (38 page)

             
Nik was dumbstruck on the last word, watching her with unreadable eyes as he tried to understand what she meant whilst she ranted on.“And all this time you've been giving me signals that you feel something for
me
? How can you when you say you loved my sister? When everything I do pisses you off or disappoints you?

“
And then you stupidly tell Edda and who the hell knows- I mean how the hell did Fraya know- that you feel something for me!? What that
feeling
is, I am at a loss to know with all your dodgy mood swings. But to save me from the agonizing guessing I'm telling you this right now. I
could
never and
would
never, be with you.” She stepped forward, her face glowing red with anger. “I feel so much hate for you,  for both of my parents, for everyone here and for myself that sometimes, I can't even breathe.

“
And it's all because I've been ripped away from everything I knew only to be dropped on my ass in this godforsaken place! Knowing that I'm this horrible killing machine that I have NO control of! That makes me do and feel and think things that is just NOT me but this
thing
within me. It can make me so confused by its desires I'm finding it harder and harder to tell the difference between us!

“
I spend every night lying awake trembling at the thought of what I'll become and I have no one, NO ONE to confide in! No one who will understand. No one who can even help me or listen to me without taking offense!” She took a deep ragged breath. After a short pause she gazed at him with a solemn expression as she mumbled, “There is no one who can help. And even though for some stupid reason I felt safe around you, even after everything, I know now that you cannot do anything for me. Probably more than anyone else.” She inhaled and exhaled; her breaths were shallow and weak.

             
She'd released a heavy load of emotional burden. It made her feel light-headed. She had to rest against the wall. She closed her eyes and tried to steady herself.

             
Driver studied every line and groove of her tired, sad face with a burning heart. He didn't realize just how much she'd locked away and though he wanted to comfort her -or throttle her-  he knew both were unwanted guests. After what she'd just unearthed -a suspicion he'd always had but had never heard another express before- he needed time to think on it.

             
It surprised her when she heard the front door close. Her eyes snapped open and she saw he was gone. She was so frustrated by his silence and refusal to talk to her she was bouncing between crying and roaring in anger.

             
In the end she stomped to her bedroom, threw off her towel and fumbled in the dull light naked, as she tried to pull on her clothes. She managed some shorts and a vest, slipped on a hoodie and flats and rushed out the door, not caring who saw her or where she went.

             
She glanced at her orange jelly wristwatch. It was almost four o'clock. She decided to jog somewhere, anywhere.

             
She headed towards the totem poles.

             
The two men, Barry and Norm, weren't there anymore. They'd been taken down exactly as Driver had said. She shrugged him out of her mind and turned back, running along the route she'd gone down many times. She ran for twenty minutes flat out before her legs began to groan in protest. Not groan. Scream.

             
She stumbled forward, falling to the floor. She caught herself before her face hit the dirt. Her legs wouldn't stop shaking. Her whole body began to tremble like she was freezing to death. Something was wrong. It was different. Where was the fever? Where were the warnings?

             
There was nothing. Just the shaking. Then the bones began to snap.

Oh my god,
came a voice inside of her before her entire body was ripped to pieces by the agony she was forced to endure for several minutes.

             
It was intensified because of the smaller time period. Everything was so much worse than she'd ever experienced.

             
Her spine snapped and she couldn't move. She cried out, sobbing into the dirt. It clung to her saliva that pooled out of her mouth and down her lip. She tried to turn but was pinned to the floor by her misaligned spine. It cracked again and her whole back was straighter at the base curving down at the shoulders, like a canine.

             
She laid on her side willing herself to get up or move. She managed to stand on her hands and knees when suddenly the muscles around her knees pinched in the front and stretched out at the back, forcing the bone to dislocated forward. Her scream was deafening in her own ears.

             
She fell to the floor, her knees now grotesquely deformed in her eyes but actually forming into hind legs.

             
The bones in her hands and feet clicked and crunched and stretched into the claws of a predator. Her skin remained the same colour but she saw through the fog of pain that strange fibres were pushing through her skin like hairs. It sent a peculiar pins and needles sensation sweeping across her entire body, only just detectable through all the pain. They were a whitish colour and the length of her human nails.

             
Her fingernails were now pointed. A thick layer of skin had grown over her human nails turning them into sharp razors. She'd seen these before.

             
She couldn't scream properly, her voice sounding like her vocal chords were being tugged as her throat began to stretch. The skin stretching with it as the neck curved upwards, making her feel like she was constantly tipping her head back.

             
This process took no more than five minutes. When she couldn't sob or scream anymore, she panted and the sound that came out was deeper. It reminded her of the time she had growled, stunning herself at the sound she'd made.

             
She slowly, gingerly, lifted herself up. Everything was stiff and sore like after visiting a chiropractor.

             
She was still on her feet but instead of her knees being just behind her elbows when she crouched, they were pointed the other way, like a canine or feline. She allowed herself to look and felt her neck moving more loosely, that she was able to look right behind her. Her neck had somehow lengthened, or had extra bones that had fitted into place and now she was able to hold up her head while on all fours.

             
It was the most craziest and unnerving and yet fascinating experience. And she wasn't afraid. She wasn't bloodthirsty and she was still herself.

             
She hadn't lost her mind. Yet.

             
Or had she? No she was really there. She'd really Changed.

             
But...

             
She surveyed what she could of herself without a mirror.

             
She was different. She didn't look like the others. She was smaller and weaker. Her physique was more human than Beast if that made any sense at all in the grand scheme of things. She was a Beast. And yet she wasn't. What was she? And how the hell was she supposed to Change back?

“
Shit.
” came a strange snarl in place of her voice. Her words were audible but distorted by her Changed vocal chords. She understood herself though. Perhaps other Weres could too.

             
To say she had been horrified and scared stiff, imagining this moment every night for two months had been an understatement. Now it had happened, she felt differently. Not what she had expected. It was still scary but not in the way she had imagined.

             
She  thought about her argument with Driver. Had her emotions made this happen? Somewhere in her mind she felt that it had. Was the Change driven by emotion?

             
Seering, writhing pain stabbed through her muscles, her bones, in her head, tearing her from her thoughts.

“
It's over. It should be over! Why isn't it over!?”
She roared. She fell onto her back her claws lashing the air as the pain consumed her. Then her vision blurred, everything went dark.

              When she slowly opened her eyes again she heard her name. Someone was calling her.

             
She craned her eyelids open and looked sluggishly around. Everything was blurry but she made out a face, close to hers, looking down at her. Her vision cleared gradually until she saw the worried face of Alf. His golden skin, his blonde floppy hair, and his blue eyes. All were welcome guests.

             
What had happened to her though? Surely if she was still a Werebeast he'd be looking at her very differently. She held up her hands. They were
her
hands. She smiled weakly and drowsily gazed back up at Alf. “What happened?” she slurred.

“
You were running. I saw you and tried to catch up then you fell over, began convulsing and passed out. You were in and out of consciousness. And your bones were clicking and cracking a lot.”

“
Did I...? Did I...Change?” she managed to say. Her tongue was like a fat slug in her mouth.

             
Alf shook his head gently. “No.”

“
Oh...You know... I think...If I did... I don't think it'd be so bad... after all.”

             
Alf smiled. Jaz knew she was blurting out jumbled up nonsense and squeezed her dry, cracked lips shut.

             
Alf nodded his head in agreement. “You're right. It's not as scary as you think.”

             
She closed her eyes. “I said some really bad things to Nik.”

“
I know.” She opened her eyes again to look at him. Her focus was a little off. “I overheard. He told me to find you. I followed your trail here.”

“
I didn't mean to... I think I really hurt him.”

             
Alf grinned. “I thought you didn't like him, so why do you care?”

             
She gazed up at him, her eyes watery. “I lied, Alf. I've lied all along. Even to myself. I can't help it.”

             
Alf bobbed his head once. “Don't let your fear hold you back, Jaz.”

             
She sniffed wiping her nose with the back of hand. “I don't think I can walk. Take me home?”

             
He lifted her up without hesitation. “You're still skinny y'know. My grandma weighs more than you do.”

             
Jaz sniggered into his shirt, before they turned into quiet sobs. After a minute she cried silently into the nook of his neck, drifting blissfully out of reality and into unconsciousness.

~
Chapter 33-
Rush~

Wednesday, June 22
nd
, 9:10 p.m.

             
She woke up to the sound of a tinkling noise.

             
Fluttering her eyelids, she managed to crane them open to see where it was coming from. Her gaze focused on the ceiling of her cabin bedroom. She glanced to her left at the bedside table clock. She'd slept at least four hours. Her body was so stiff and sore she felt like a mannequin.

             
She heard the same sound again only this time it was a loud rattling. Something she'd heard many times before but it took her a moment to recognize it.

             
She turned to her right and tried not to show any reaction at the sight of Nik Driver sitting by her bed, watching her.

             
He was perched in his usual state of complete ease, on a wooden chair upholstered in a cream, flowery pattern. It had come along with her white desk that Alf and Skye had recently helped her move in.

             
Alf's dad had apparently made it, including the chair, but they hadn't turned out quite right. Alf had asked to take them, had fixed them up, even painted them and upholstered the chair and brought it in for Jaz as a 'random' gift.

             
The desk was French shabby-chic white with pretty bronze handles on two little drawers either side. But the chair was her favourite thing in the room. It didn't look it but it was incredibly comfy, she could sit in it for hours.  She'd never imagined Nik would ever  be sitting in it as he was now. Not after everything she'd said to him.

             
He looked calm and seemed his usual self though there was a cautious glint to his eyes.  He was holding up the familiar, half-f, iron supplement bottle she'd finally discarded in the bin two weeks ago. How he'd gotten hold of it, she could only imagine. But she suspected like the used hemlock roots, they'd been retrieved by someone. And Garik's suspicious presence earlier was a huge clue.

             
She looked away, flushing her irritation down the toilet of her brain.

             
Nik pressed the bottle between his hands by his thighs. “How long ago did you stop taking them?”

             
It was a huge relief to hear his calm, soothing voice. “Around the time my iron levels got better,” she whispered.

“
A month ago?”

             
She shrugged.

             
He popped the cap and she slowly turned her head back to him. It hurt to move her neck. He handed her a pill and a glass of water she hadn't seen. She carefully sat herself up. It was a clumsy, painful effort but she did her best not to show it, before obediently accepting the pill and water. Her obedience took Nik by surprise.

             
The pill went sluggishly down her dry, parched throat. She glugged down the rest of the water hungrily.

             
Nik gazed at the empty glass as she handed it back and then peered at her. “I'll get some more.”

             
She tried to sit up quickly and winced, her voice was breathless as she said,“N-no, I'm f-fine.”

             
Nik held his hand up in a stop motion. “I wasn't asking.” She slumped back against her pillow. “I'll be back.”

             
She waited awkwardly for a minute that felt like hours before he returned with a bigger glass filled to the brim.

             
He shut the door behind him, handed her the glass and sat back in the chair. She took it thankfully, stared at him above the top before taking a sip. She couldn't stop herself from gulping it down after that. She hadn't realized how thirsty she was. She closed her eyes as the glorious liquid rushed down her throat and into her empty stomach. She then put the glass back on the bedside table and inch by inch, turned to look at him.

             
He had been watching her movements closely, his elbows resting on his knees, his hands clasped together, the thumbs and index fingers propped up beneath his chin. She'd seen this position before when he'd sat just like that on his bed the day she'd confronted her aunt. The first day she'd met Skye, and her grandmother.

             
How things could change in such a small space of time.

“
You should keep taking them,” he began. She didn't argue, but nodded once. “Just once a day, for now. Just to be safe.” She gazed down at her hands resting on her duvet. “Alf said you thought you had Changed in the woods today.” She made a little motion with her mouth that showed her displeasure and discomfort on the subject. “What did you mean by that?”

             
She didn't look up at him as she replied. “I might have hallucinated, or just dreamt it.”

             
He leaned in a little closer. She peeked at his hands, catching a glimpse of his ring before looking back at her own.

“
There are things that happen to us, that we sometimes can't explain. But it doesn't mean it isn't real.”

             
She gazed at him, surprised at the sincerity in his tone and then wondering why. Why was she surprised he believed her? He always believed her. She smiled a small grateful smile.

“
Maybe sometime I'll tell you mine, seeing as you've been so trusting to tell me yours,” he added softly. Her smile widened. “Why did you say 'killed'?”

             
Her smile froze then she frowned. “What?”

“
When you were telling me my faults,” she bit her lip; the sting of the memory only made worse by how pragmatically he said it, “you said Lora and our unborn child were killed?”

“
-I'm sorry I said that-” she stumbled over the words.

             
He made a motion with his hand that said 'forget it' without stopping his sentence. “-You didn't say died. Why?”

             
She thought about it for a moment. Why had she?

             
Because she believed people had been either jealous, threatened or suspicious of Lora. That's why. Not just Fraya. But she no doubt had a hand in playing up people's suspicions.

             
Lora had written in her diary of stories she'd heard about halfbloods, halfbreeds, hybrids. Her curiosity about the subject had heightened after she began worrying she might be one too.

             
Lora had tried several times to Change and nothing had happened. Not even a claw. And had repeatedly questioned why Nik had covered up that fact. Though she'd been smart enough not to say it out loud. He'd said she'd Changed to anyone who'd asked, but no one other than him had 'seen' it.

             
Lora, in a few sections, had mentioned the Cur Hunters, which Jaz only discovered after Fraya had shot the name at her that day outside the gym.

             
Lora had written,

            
 
I asked around about the mysterious Cur Hunters.

             
Very few people wanted to talk about them. They 'assured' me the Hunters were a myth. A tale to scare Were children into doing as they're told. Kenna was the only one who told me something useful.

             
They're a group of assassins who move around like ghosts and kill off halfbreeds one by one in secret. Though obviously not so secret because people still suspect it. For some reason though, their actions have been covered up, either because it really isn't true, there's no proof, or someone high up doesn't want anyone else to know.

             
My guess is that could be because that person doesn't want to cause alarm, or because that person is working along side the Cur Hunters. Both ideas are very concerning.

             
There are so many varying rumours and conspiracy theories about them, Kenna told me the ones she'd heard more than once.

             
That they killed halfbloods no matter what age. That they were sneakily hidden in various Packs. They could even be in this Pack. That they've been rumoured to be the ones responsible for humans going missing and being found dead suspiciously close to Pack territories; their bodies mutilated beyond recognition. A lot of their meat and organs eaten.

             
Jaz had pulled a face, the same face she pulled now, only it was much more subdued with Driver gazing searchingly at her.

             
Jaz didn't know much about the stories of the Cur Hunters. Lora hadn't written much else on them, and Jaz hadn't dared ask anyone, even Kenna. All she knew was they didn't sound like a pretty bunch. And she was certain that though people claimed they were a myth, they said it only through fear, to console themselves rather than fac
e
the horrifying truth.

             
Lora had written the same thing Jaz had felt since she'd discovered this place had pretty questionable beliefs.

            
 
Something isn't right about what people here have been told. What they generally believe to be fact, just doesn't make sense.

             
I survived childbirth even though I'm a halfbreed. And so did my sister. Yet they say it isn't common. A rare thing. And yet Kenna tells me Cur Hunters are known for killing halfbreeds. A rumour perhaps, but one people are afraid to even voice. Why?

              Because they were afraid who might be listening. They were afraid what that would mean, and how deep the scandal might run. And if someone like Kenna knew it, who wasn't anyone of particular status in the Pack as far as Jaz knew, then surely the Pack Leader knew something.

             
And that was why he'd hidden Lora's secret.

And why he's hiding mine.

             
And in the same way he was powerless to hide her 'disability' from Rufus, who swore he saw her hand Change into a claw before she slashed him with it -and look how quickly that 'rumour' spread- Nik couldn't have hidden Lora's secret for long.

             
Therefore, Lora could have been killed.

             
And the reason behind it, was suspiciously fueled by the knowledge of her pregnancy.

             
Jaz leant forward and looked at him with hard eyes. “Because I think she was a halfbreed and pregnant with your child. And someone didn't like that,” she mumbled.

             
Nik's eyes flickered with astonishment for a mere second before he studied her face intently. “Why would you think that?”

             
She didn't hesitate as she answered in a hushed voice. “Because I read her diary.”

             
He looked blatantly shocked this time. He sat up straight as if he'd been bitten in the ass by a viper. She stared at him, unsure if he would explode again. He didn't. He leant forward, even closer than before, his elbows now resting on the edge of her mattress. “How?”

“
I found it. It was with some of the books you gave me. She must have hidden it in one of them.” He bobbed his head. “I didn't mean to read it. It just happened. And I've not read ALL of it. I-I just read the bits that weren't
really
personal and... that she...or you... wouldn't like me reading...” she was stuttering and blushing, remembering the vivid details of Lora's intimate moments with Nik.

             
He frowned at her for a moment as the cogs in his head groaned to life, before letting out a quiet, chesty laugh. She stared at him gob-smacked. He didn't say anything but he obviously knew what she was embarrassed about.

             
Her cheeks turned a luminous scarlet. She scowled, folding her arms. She then rubbed them comfortingly before adding, “I'm sure I'm one too.” He stopped smiling and scrutinized her face. They locked eyes. “And you know it's true. My hand transforming.  The fact I haven't Changed. You're seeing the same signs you saw in Lora, minus the claw.” He looked away. “I think the Cur Hunters might have had something to do with her death,” she confessed.

             
His face was stiff, as solid and impenetrable as stone, but for the first time, his eyes betrayed him. Or maybe he was allowing only her to see inside the windows of his mind. “We can't talk about this here. But we will. I promise.”

             
She bobbed her head acceptingly.  After a moment of thoughtful silence, she confided in him. “When I thought I'd Changed... I know it wasn't real but, it was like it was trying to tell me something. I didn't turn into what you turn into. I was different. I was smaller, more human than Beast. I doubt I had even half of your strength. And... and I was white-haired.”