Bang Gang (42 page)

We were all packed up, my poor little Ford bursting to the seams with tents and sleeping bags and a million supplies we’d probably never need. I’d left Nanna with kind Maisie Harris, who came to do her toenails every month. She didn’t mind house sitting, she’d said. No
need
to house sit, so Nanna said, but I wasn’t convinced.

“I can’t believe we’re actually camping,” Tonya said for the hundredth time. “We haven’t been camping since that time we went out to the cider festival with Trent and Buck when we were kids. I still remember you puking behind the bandstand after too many vodkas.”

“Urgh,” Mia said from the back. “You got drunk, Mum?”

Daisy giggled, and Mia did, too. Two giggly peas in a very small pod, those two.

“It’s an exaggeration,” I lied. “I think I had a dodgy hotdog.”

“Probably that, yeah,” Tonya said, and flashed me a grin.

I wondered if Darren was there already. I guessed he was, and all the guys with him, at least that’s what Ruby claimed. I imagined he was already hard at work, doing all the car stuff, whatever stuff needed to be done with these rally cars.

The event was signposted for miles, and we pulled up into open fields that had been segregated into camping areas. The attendant pointed us over to a spot in the corner, and Ruby squealed in excitement as we got out of the car. People were already setting up tents around us, so we grabbed ours from the car and marked out a spot. I still couldn’t believe I was doing this.

Tonya opened a bottle of cheap fizz as I arranged the tent poles, handed me one in a crappy plastic tumbler. I couldn’t stop laughing.

“Jesus, Tonya, it’s not even ten a.m.”

“Start as we mean to go on,” she said and clinked my glass. “Cheers.”

I took a courtesy sip and placed the tumbler on the car roof. “Let’s get set up.”

She downed hers. “Sure thing.”

I was wrestling tarpaulin when Ruby’s voice rang out. “It’s Buck! Buckkkk! Over here!”

I couldn’t help but notice how quickly Tonya pulled her head from under the canopy. Like a brother my arse.

Ruby was already hanging off his hip, yapping in his ear about her dad, and how brilliant this was going to be, and how many cars were there. He had infinite patience, answering her every question with a smile. I loved Buck for that. He’d always had so much time for the girls.

I watched him hitch her onto his shoulders and point into the distance.

“There he is!” Ruby shrieked. “Mum! Dad’s over there!”

Those bloody butterflies started up again. “I’ll catch up with your dad later, Ruby. We’ve got to get this bloody tent up, unless you want to sleep in the car.”

Buck dropped Ruby at my side. “I’ll give you a hand,” he said.

He did, too. He had the tent up in no time, then blew up our airbeds with the foot pump without even breaking a sweat.

Mia and Daisy hovered, whispering into each other’s ears before Mia found voice enough to ask if they could go
chill
amongst the crowds.

“Alright,” I said. “But not far.” I handed her a tenner for some drinks, and she put her hand on her hip like she was the coolest kid in town. The Daisy effect.

“Thanks, Mum. We’ll stay off the hard stuff.” Cue the laughter.

At least she was smiling again.

They checked their makeup in the rearview mirror before they left, and my heart gave a weird pang. My little girl, far too grown up for comfort. I waved them off.

Tonya sighed. “When did she get so bloody old?”

“I was just thinking the same thing,” I said.

Ruby squeezed my hand. “Can I go with Buck? To find Dad?”

“Alright,” I said. “Be good though, stay out of his way. He’s working.”

“Yeah yeah, I do
know
,” she said.

I watched her leave, her little hand in Buck’s big one, telling him all about the wonder of life the universe and all the cars in it.

I was a million miles away when Tonya nudged my ribs. She handed me my drink from the car roof and I relented, let myself smile.

“Cheers,” I said, and downed the thing in one.

I was busy as fuck, getting cars tuned up ready to go, but not too busy to hoist Rubes up on my shoulders and point out the track when she came running. She was a ball of energy, her voice higher than usual, squealing at this and that, cars and drivers, and stalls of merchandise.

“Be a good girl and give me a hand, will you?” I said, and her face lit up.

I got her passing me tools, and she took it proper seriously, eyebrows pitted in concentration as I barked out orders.

I sent her off with Buck and Hugh when the event started, told them to keep an eye on her. Off she went, swinging off their arms as she skipped between them. My heart swelled up, so proud I could burst, and there amongst it was Jodie. She was everywhere, right the way through me.

I kept an eye out for her, but I didn’t spot her, not until I’d taken a break and slumped on the grass with a cold beer. I heard Tonya first, and her laugh told me she’d been drinking. My eyes followed the sound, and I caught a flash of cherry red amongst the crowd. My gut did that sappy flip.

They headed in my direction, talking and laughing, and didn’t see me until they were almost on top of me. Tonya saw me before Jodie did, and nudged Jodie in the arm.

I loved the way Jodie lit up when she saw it was me. The smile that crept across her face said too much, and I suspected she’d had a couple with Tonya.

“Hey,” she said.

“Alright,” I said.

I got to my feet, wiped oily hands on my jeans. I wanted to pull her close, wrap my arms around her and kiss her like she was mine, but I didn’t.

“Tent all set up?” I asked.

She nodded. “Yeah, Buck helped.” She pointed to the field beyond. “We’re in the corner, just over there.”

I gestured to the opposite corner of the same field. “We’re over that way.”

“Great,” she said. “Well, I guess we’ll be… seeing you around…”

“Righto,” I said, then cursed myself. I stumbled over words, so many of them.
Do you want a drink, Jo? A hotdog? Want to drink vodka with me until you’re sick behind the bandstand and I have to hold your hair back? I kissed you after, do you remember? Do you remember me carrying you back to the tent and holding you all night long?

She brushed her hair behind her ear. “We’ll be… um… around later, I guess… if you’re not too busy.”

“I’ll be around,” I said. “I’d like that, Jo.”

Tonya let out a laugh. “Jesus, you two. Maybe at this rate you’ll get together sometime in the next ten bloody years.”

Jodie’s cheeks flushed pink, and I stared at the grass, ran my hand through my hair. Ridiculous, this was fucking ridiculous. I felt like a fucking kid again, trying to work out whether the fuck she liked me or not.

“The girls,” Jodie said. “Have you seen them?”

“Rubes is with Buck and Hugh. Haven’t seen Mia.” I looked around the crowds. “Where is Mia?”

“Relax,” she said. “She’s with Daisy, I’m sure they’re fine.”

I couldn’t help but scowl. “There’s a lot of people here, Jo, a lot of people drinking, a lot of lads.”

She rolled her eyes. “She’ll be fine, Darren. She’s nearly a teenager, I’m sure she can get some Cokes and hotdogs and wander around with Daisy.”

I wasn’t so fucking sure, but I bit my tongue. She saw my reservations a mile off.

“I’ll find her,” she said. “Make sure she’s alright. Ok?”

“Alright,” I said. “Thanks.”

I spotted Jimmy O on the approach, Petey at his side. Jo saw them too. She waved to them, but made an exit, told me she’d see me later.

I watched her through the crowd until she disappeared out of sight.

For a rally event, given that I don’t know shit about cars, and struggle to be all that interested in them, the afternoon was a lot of fun. I had a couple of glasses of light fizz with Tonya, grabbed burgers for us and the girls, and checked in with Nanna who told me she was doing just fine.

It felt so strange to relax. It felt so strange to be me again, away from normal regular life. We sat on some fold up chairs and laughed about times gone by, and Ruby listened to every word, asked about her dad, asked about how we met, how we knew we loved each other.

I told her the truth.

That I’d known I’d loved her dad long before I reached out and took his hand on the way to get fish and chips. I’d known I’d loved him when he’d looked at me with eyes that said I meant something, with the same stare he’d been looking at me with ever since. I’d known I’d loved her father since he’d walked along the river with me and told me that nobody had ever made him laugh the way I made him laugh, and his face had lit up and I knew he meant it.

I always knew he meant it.

I knew Darren Trent inside out and back again.

And there he was, on the edge of the field, stood in a crowd with the other guys, trademark cigarette in his mouth as he laughed at some joke or other. I pulled my coat tighter around me, teeth chattering a little against the chill as the sun went down, and his eyes found me and held me, that same stare that made my tummy flutter.

I smiled and he smiled back, tipped his head.

I wanted him. Fuck, how I wanted him.

“Go to him,” Tonya said.

I shook my head. “He’s with the guys. Busy.”