Bang Gang (15 page)

“I am so a frog,” I said, and did a slurpy face, made a frog croak. “Anyway, what’s your issue with frogs, hey? Are you some kind of bloody froggist? You know what happens to froggists around here?” I took her mug from her and put it on the floor, and then I grabbed her, tickled her until she squealed and giggled and squirmed in my arms. I let her go, gave her a few seconds head start before I chased her, and Mia appeared in the hallway, grumpy-faced at the noise interruption until she dropped her
cool
front enough to laugh. She looked so old these days, all grown up at high school. Too old for this kind of shit, and that was sad, I missed it.

“Dad’s a frog!” Ruby squealed. “And he’s coming to get us! Run! Run, Mia!”

And to my surprise Mia did run, squealing and laughing and pulling her sister along with her as I ribbited down the hallway after them.

I’d stashed all my new undies safely at the back of the drawer long before Darren dropped the kids back on Sunday. They arrived after teatime, and as usual they looked bloody exhausted, Ruby’s hair all fluffed up like she’d been dragged through a hedge backwards. Still, as long as they were happy.

They gave me a quick kiss before they went to
dump their things upstairs, leaving me standing in the doorway with Darren, feeling more than slightly uncomfortable given the amount of the weekend I’d spent imagining getting down and dirty with him and four of his filthy friends.

He didn’t seem to pick up on it, and if he did, he certainly didn’t say anything.

Part of me wanted to just to blurt it out and get it over with, drop in a casual
how do I book in?
before the girls were even back down the stairs. But I didn’t. Of course I didn’t.

Darren leaned in and looked beyond me. My skin prickled while he made sure the coast was clear. I wondered what he was about to say, my heart soaring with ridiculous notions.

It was none of them, of course.

“There’s been gossip, at school,” he told me, his voice low. I’d feared it would crop up at some point, and let out a sigh. “It’s alright,” he said. “I’ve talked through things with the girls.”

“What did they know?”

He took his cigarettes from his pocket, stepped back on the porch to light one up. I stepped out
after him, pulled the door closed behind.

“Ruby asked me what a gigolo was, then asked me how come I was
doing the icky stuff
with everyone in the village.”

“Oh my God, Darren,” I groaned. “What did you say?”

He shrugged. “I told her the truth, that I’d done the
icky stuff with Mandy Taylor but it was a mistake. Told her I wasn’t going to be kissing anyone else in the village.”

“But you…” I pulled a face, completely unsure where this kind of stuff landed amongst best parenting practice. “I mean, I know you can’t tell the truth, but to lie…”

His eyes narrowed. “Who’s fucking lying?”

“Well, aren’t you..?” I shook my head. “Never mind, sorry. I don’t know. It’s none of my business. Just as long as the girls are ok.”

He took a drag. “Ruby didn’t know about the money, neither of the girls did. That’s a saving grace, at least.”

“Let’s hope it stays that way.”

“Should do, I’ve made it pretty clear around the village where people need to be coming if they’ve got anything to say. They can say it to me, not whisper about the pissing place.”

I nodded. “Good. Hopefully that’s the end of it, then.”

He grunted at me, and then the kids were back, already arguing whose turn it was on the laptop.

They took a break in negotiations to say goodbye to their dad, then disappeared into the living room to get Nanna’s take on their dilemma.

“I’d best be going,” Darren said.

“Thanks for having them,” I said.

“Pleasure,” he said.

“Ok, then,” I smiled.

“Right, then,” he smiled back.

“I’ll see you… around.”

“Be seeing you.”

He didn’t look back, but my heart raced like a fucking horse until his truck was out of sight.

Disappointed. I was so fucking disappointed.

In myself.

Because I hadn’t asked him, and
I’d wanted to. Shit, I’d really wanted to.

I should have just dropped it in, should have said…

I took a deep breath, pulled myself together.

Tomorrow
, I thought. No dicking about, just a straight question. Where could possibly be the harm in that? Just a customer, like any other customer… why shouldn’t I be?

I went back inside to referee laptop-wars before they drove poor Nanna to the brandy.

I toyed with doing it by text, but that seemed so chicken-shit, and the thought of giving Darren the chance to formulate a rejection was more than I could bear. Maybe I should have opted for a quick call, called him at the garage and booked it in just like a car repair. I mean, that’s what everyone else was probably doing, right?

I didn’t fucking know.

Urgh.

I gave
ladies-who-lunch
a miss this week, opting for the extra hours. It appears nobody else much fancied it either, as there was no sign of Mandy, Debbie or Steph at our usual allotted time. I served our other Monday morning customers with my usual smile, and slowly but surely the string of compliments and impressed grins worked their magic on me. My confidence grew, little by little, and by lunchtime I was determined. Now or never, make or break. No big deal.

It’s not as if I didn’t know him. Of course I knew him. And this was just a business transaction. How wrong could it possibly go?

A text message came in from Tonya.

Is it done yet? All booked in?

On my way to the booking office,
I replied
, wish me luck. This is your fault if it all goes wrong.

You’ll be thanking me later,
she said.

I bloody hoped so.

I’d thought about it at length over the weekend. Hell, truth be told I’d hardly thought about anything else. I can’t say that the thought of spending Pop Pop’s inheritance money on a five-man orgy filled me with a massive amount of pride, but it was true to the sentiment in his instructions. It would surely be an experience of a lifetime, for good or for bad.

I just hoped Darren would appreciate my perspective on that.

There was no Porsche outside the garage when I pulled up – thank fuck for that. The garage itself was relatively quiet, the usual jam of cars stacked up waiting for their turn, but no customers in sight. I pulled up in front of the shutters, and felt eyes on me, all five pairs of them.
Shit
.

Darren stepped outside, armed with his usual intense stare, and I nearly crapped my new frilly knickers and reversed the car straight out of there. I took a breath, plastered on a big smile as I turned off the ignition. He’d lit up a cigarette by the time I’d made my way over. He puffed away with his eyes on me.

I heard a chorus of wolf whistles behind him, and he shot a godawful glare over his shoulder, slapped his palm against the shutters.

“Knock it off,” he barked, then he turned back to me. “Something up?”

My smile was too big, much too big. “No. Well, maybe…”

“What?” he said, and he looked worried. “Is it the girls?”

I felt like a tit. “No!” I said. “No, nothing like that. It’s about me.”

“What about you? Something wrong?”

I took a breath.
Jesus
. This had seemed so much easier in my head. “I’m fine,” I said. “I have a… question… it’s nothing major, no big deal…”

“Too big a deal for a text, it seems.”

“It’s more…” I stepped closer. “Personal…”

He raised his eyebrows. “Personal?”

I closed my eyes. Now or never. “I want to book in for a
service
,” I said. “A
special
service. I mean, if it’s good enough for Mandy Taylor and that blonde woman in the Porsche it’s good enough for me.” I was in flow and I couldn’t stop. “I’m a woman, Darren, the same as them. I have
fantasies
. I have…
needs
. I may not be as…
obvious
as they are, but I’m as up for this shit as anyone else in the village, and if they’re all doing it then why can’t I?” I paused. “I mean, I can, can’t I? You don’t need to be… some kind of…”

“Slut?” he said.

I held up a finger. “I was going to say supermodel, but slut will do.” I smiled. “So, how about it? Do you have a diary… or….”

His expression was like thunder, his jaw hard. My bravado deflated, drooped like a saggy tit.

“No,” he said. Just like that. “No fucking way.”

I’m sure I gulped like a fish, and then I asked the most basic question in the whole universe, delivered without any finesse whatsoever. “Why not?”

“You’re not signing up for a fucking gangbang, Jo, no fucking way.” His voice was raised, and I caught Buck turn his head from the corner of my eye. I felt the heat rising up, not just the burn of my cheeks, this heat was all over me, prickling my arms, my chest, as though every part of me was glowing beetroot.

“But I…” I started. “I’ve thought this through. It’s what I want. Why can’t I?” My confidence dissipated and I felt small and pathetic. I remembered Porsche-bitch’s dismissive glance, Mandy Taylor’s glee as she told me how
fucking amazing
it was. I held my ground regardless of how shitty it felt. “Mandy Taylor isn’t all that, Trent, and neither was that blonde you had here. If they’re bloody
acceptable
then why aren’t I?”