Bang Gang (11 page)

I raised an eyebrow. “Come to chew me out about Mandy Taylor?” I asked. “If so, you needn’t bother. I already know what a fuck up that was.”

“Jesus, Trent, would I?” She gave me a healthy tut. “I don’t need to tell you when you’ve been a wanker. Pretty sure you can work that out for yourself.”

I made my way outside and she followed, stopped jogging to do some stretches. I lit up a cigarette. “So?”

She rolled her eyes at me. “I’m on a route, you know, keep fit. Maybe I was just passing.”

“Never kept fit past my door before.”

“Never kept fit before,” she laughed. “Ah, fuck it.” She stopped with the exercises and pulled a pack of cigarettes from her bra. I smirked as she lit one up. “Jodie,” she said. “I’m here about Jodie.”

“So
she
sent you to chew me out?”

“Has Jodie ever once sent me to say her piece for her?” She took a long drag. “She’s no idea I’m here.”

“Oh?”

She smiled. “I guess you haven’t seen her today.”

“Why would I have?”

“No reason. She’s just… found herself a little.” I didn’t have time to ask questions before she changed topic. “I’m taking her out for the day on Friday. She totally deserves the break. I wanted to make sure you’ll have the girls, don’t want her racing back for the school run before we’re done.”

I nodded. “Righto.”

“So you will?” Big dark eyes sparkled at me.

“Goes without saying, Tonya.”

She clapped her hands together. “Excellent!”

Her enthusiasm was infectious, I found myself smiling. “Where you taking her?”

“Hereford,” she said. “Spa, beauty shit, shopping.”

I pulled a face. “She’s up for that, is she?” I couldn’t remember the last time Jodie went in for all that girly pampering crap.

“Yes. She’s up for it.”

I felt a niggle in my gut. I puffed away on my cigarette, tried to play down the unease. “What’s this in aid of? She got a hot date or something?”

She shook her head. “No, no. She’s just… you’ll see for yourself when you run into her.” She tapped my arm. “She’s finding herself again. New clothes, makeup… she looks fucking amazing. I just want to give her a helping hand along the way. It’s time she lived for herself again. It’s been too long. Work and the girls.” She flashed me a look of scorn. “And Brian.”

“No argument from this end,” I said.

“Good.” She grinned. “So, it’s set. You have the girls, I’ll take Jo out for some hardcore girly time. I can’t fucking wait.” She stubbed her cigarette out. “I’d better get going, this belly fat isn’t gonna burn off by itself, Darren.”

I scoffed at her. “You don’t need to lose any of that, you look fine enough as you are.”

“Thanks,” she said. “You can tell Jimmy O he isn’t getting a piece, dirty bastard. I saw him thrusting.”

“Will do.”

She slapped my arm. “Seems I’m the only woman in the village who’s not going gaga for a gangbang.” She met my eyes. “Don’t fuck local, Darren. Plenty of rich bitches out there without crapping on your own doorstep. It isn’t on.”

“Wasn’t intending on it.” I sighed. “Mandy Taylor was a one off. For Buck.”

“Ah,” she said.

“Ah fucking right. I knew it was trouble.”

She shrugged. “Just be more careful who you stick it in from now on.” She grinned. “Lecture over.” She groaned as she looked back at the road. “I fucking hate keep fit, it stinks.”

I laughed. “Want a lift?”

“Nah,” she said. “No pain, no gain.” She let out a sigh and resumed her jogging on the spot. “Laters.”

I grabbed her elbow before she could escape. Her eyes were wide as I pulled her close, stepped to the side of the shutters. They grew wider still when I unbuttoned my overalls and reached inside.

I smirked. “Fucking hell, Tonya. I’m not about to give you the pissing gigolo act.” I pulled out my wallet, counted out three hundred in twenties. She raised her eyebrows as I shoved it into her hand. “For Jo,” I explained. “Make sure she has a nice day, yeah?”

She flicked through the notes. “She’ll never take this, and you know it.”

I shrugged. “Make something up. Say you won it at bingo or some crap. Whatever you want.”

She smiled and slipped it in her pocket. “I’ll work something out.”

“Just don’t say it was from me. It’s not a… I just want to…” I sighed. “Just make sure she has a good time.”

She winked. “I will. You can count on it.”

Yes, I could.

The guys were wolf whistling again before she was clear of the yard. I’d have given them another roasting if she hadn’t spun on her own sweaty heels and given them the finger herself.

I got back to that air-con.

“I’m nervous,” I admitted, eyes still closed tight. “Maybe I shouldn’t have…”

“You really should have,” Tonya insisted.

I finally dared to look. The sight in the mirror took me aback.

“You like?” the hairdresser asked, her smile wide.

I ran my fingers through my shorter hair, and it felt so soft. So stylish. I hadn’t had a long bob since I’d had Mia, having neither had the time nor the inclination to maintain it. Or the money, for that matter, not in the beginning.

I hadn’t had the time, inclination or money to keep up with the deep-cherry hair dye, either, but it was another thing I’d opted to revisit with a little encouragement from Tonya. I shook my head, and the longer lengths shimmied, just about grazed my shoulders.

I grabbed a deep breath and couldn’t stop smiling. “I love it. I really love it.” I turned to Tonya. “I feel like me again! Oh my God, I really feel like me!”

“You
look
like you, as well,” she said. She still had foils in her hair from her highlights, but came over anyway, wrapped her arms around my neck. “It’s just like old times. Ahhh, can you remember? You and me, singing along to the top-forty pop chart in your bedroom. You had this hair then.”

I laughed. “With Nanna singing along on the landing in her opera voice. How could I ever forget? Happy days.”

They were indeed happy days, when Pops was still alive, too. He and Nanna used to be at ours all the time. The thought hit me in the belly. I’d been so close to Pops. Darren, too. He’d been close to both of them.

But now wasn’t the time to be thinking about any of that.

The hairdresser held up a second mirror and I was pleasantly surprised to find how much of a difference my new cut made to the back of me. I looked cared for. No more straggly limp pony, no more freshly-raked mess of split ends. The style changed my face, too. Made me appear younger. Fresher.
Sexier.

I felt my eyes welling and it was so ridiculous I had to laugh.

“Daft old goat,” Tonya said, but she was teary-eyed as well. I laughed harder at the realisation and she pulled a face. “This is from the ammonia!” she protested. “Don’t for a second think it isn’t, missy!”

I stared at myself with a strange mix of elation and sorrow. Sorrow for the me I’d abandoned all that time ago. Sorrow for the self-esteem I’d buried with Brian and only just started to rediscover. Sorrow for the years going through the motions. For the years when I didn’t matter to myself.

Sorrow for the years I’d written myself off as a woman.

“I can’t believe how emotional a silly little haircut is making me.” I met Tonya’s eyes. “Never again,” I said. My voice was low and steely. “Not ever. I’m never giving myself up again.”

She nodded. “Not ever. You’re back now. Forever.”

Yes.

Yes, I was.

I had a spring in my step as we hit the shops, and suddenly the racks of clothes held promise – a little excitement, too. I picked up items I’d never have considered before, cute little tops that showed a bit of cleavage, some dresses in brighter colours, fitted at the bust and flared enough to skim my hips. I tried everything, and put it all back, committing to
maybe I’ll come back for it
every time Tonya tutted at me.

I held my breath as she stopped outside
Jaunt
– a trendy but uber tasteful boutique that I’d admired from outside but never ventured in.

“Come on!” she said. “We’re on a roll.”

I looked at the price tags in the window. “This is a bit… extravagant…”

She took my arm. “No harm
trying
, Jo. No harm at all.”

As soon as I was inside I wished I’d held my ground. The place was teeming with beautiful clothes that made my heart stutter. Tonya picked up a scarlet tunic top with a handkerchief hem and the fabric billowed and rippled like a dream.

“Try it,” she said and shoved it in my direction. I held it up to my torso in front of the mirror.

“I can’t…”

She found some fitted black jeans from the rack and forced them into my arms. “And these.”

I didn’t hand them back, because in truth I didn’t want to. My soul had already taken ownership of them, my fingers gripping tight. I added a cold-shoulder turquoise number to the mix, a slightly boho blouse that screamed at me from the mannequin, a cherry blossom bodycon dress that I’d have to wear with shaping underwear, and a couple of decent camis with lace trimmings.

I daren’t imagine how much the little bundle would come to, convincing myself that most of it would look totally shit on me.

But it didn’t. It didn’t at all.

“Oh my fucking God!” Tonya squealed as I stepped from the fitting room in the bodycon dress. “That was made for you!”

Even without the shaper knickers I was inclined to agree with her. It wrapped me in its beautiful contours, highlighting the slopes and curves that should be there, and somehow managing to skim over the ones that shouldn’t. Fuck knows how.

The other items followed suit. Teamed with the new hair and a splash of makeup it was like another woman staring back at me, and I liked her. I really liked her.

Every item ended up on the yes pile. Every single one.

I sighed as I re-examined the selection. “Which one shall I take?”

Tonya waggled a finger at me. “Uh uh, no fucking way, girlfriend.” She laughed. “These babies were made for you.”

I totted up the total. “There’s nearly four hundred quid’s worth of clothes in this haul,” I groaned. “I’ll take the bodycon dress, and that’s pushing it. A hundred quid for a bloody dress, I must have lost my mind.”

I pulled the dress from the pile and made to hang the others on the
no
rack before my heart could break, but she stopped me, tugged the clothes from my fingers.

“I’ll get these,” she said.

I grabbed her by the elbow before she was even a foot away. “Sorry?”

She sighed, looked pretty shifty. “I was going to tell you, but I wanted it to be a surprise.” She put her hand on her hip, like she meant business. “I won six hundred quid on a scratch card. I want to share it with you.” She looked at herself in the mirror, checked out her highlights. “Spent my bit already, got some good shit coming in the post. Quite an eBay haul…” She pulled a face, looked a little embarrassed.