Ava XOX (7 page)

DEAR DIARY,

At dinner, Mom asked Pip how the presentation went.

Pip stared right at me and said, “Okay.”

I got the message and stayed M-U-M.

“Did people like your poster?” Dad asked.

Pip said the posters would be on display outside the language classes.

“How was
your
day, Mom?” I asked, because I knew that if I asked them a question, it would take the spotlight off us. Well, Mom started talking about a Dachshund that had “tangled” with a porcupine and ended up with quills in its snout. She also told us about a Manx cat (Manx cats have no tails) that had bitten a toad and was foaming at the mouth because the toad was a little poisonous, but not in a lasting way.

Later when Pip and I were brushing our teeth (and foaming at the mouth, but not in a lasting way), I asked, “Why didn't you tell Mom and Dad?”

Pip said, “I just didn't.”

“I'm sorry I told you everything would be fine.”

She spat into the sink and shrugged. “I should have talked to Señor Sánchez.”

“Tanya was so upset,” I said.

“Can you blame her? She didn't deserve that! I'm about to text her to make sure she's okay.”

I nodded. “You know the saying, ‘Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words will never hurt me'?” I asked. “That's the dumbest thing ever.”

“True,” Pip said. “Some words are sharper than knives.”

I did not ask if this was a simile or a metaphor.

I also did not ask: “Why did Kelli say that Tanya could model for Botero? And how can Chuck like her??”

Instead, I decided to be positive (B+) and try to B helpful. I'd felt humiliated because of tagalong toilet paper. Tanya must be feeling so much worse!

Pip might have been thinking the same thing, because she asked if Bea and I had finished the Tanya Tips.

“Not quite,” I said. “You sure she still wants them?”

Pip nodded. “Yes. She told me she wants to lose weight but doesn't know how.”

“Okay,” I said and used Pip's cell to call Bea. We set up a time to meet. And I told Pip that our tips would be worth the wait.

AVA, ADAMANT (THAT'S LIKE “DETERMINED”)

DEAR DIARY,

This morning, I asked Pip if Tanya had texted her back. She said no. I said, “Maybe her battery died, like Ben's?”

Pip shrugged. “Maybe. But Tanya is also not one of those people who checks her phone every five seconds.”

Just now, Bea and I looked at what we have so far. Bea liked my poems and said she had called her aunt, the psychotherapist, for last-minute ideas.

We worked and worked and finally finished a list for me to copy over. I told Bea I might write them out on a piece of paper for Tanya and on a poster for my FLASH class.

In English, Mrs. Lemons always says we should revise our work before handing it in. “You check yourself in the mirror before you leave home, right? It's just as important to check your work.” Well, tonight I will check, double-check, and triple-check our list.

I'll also try to come up with a catchy title.

AVA, POSTER GIRL

DEAR DIARY,

I copied the tips for Tanya, and Pip decorated the page with larkspur, morning glories, and petunias. (She's already up to Q in
Z Is for Zinnia
.)

I also copied them onto a poster, which I'll give to Ms. Sickle tomorrow morning. I'm pretty happy with it all. I feel like while Kelli made Tanya feel worse, I'm trying to help her feel better.

Oh, on the poster, on top of the tips, I wrote FIT OR FAT in big bubble letters.

FIT and FAT are another pair of words that are spelled exactly the same except for one powerful little letter that changes everything! (Like JOY and JOB. And MONET and MANET. And BABBLE and BUBBLE. And TOP and TIP.)

After I finished, Pip took a photo of my poster with her cell phone and printed it out. I'm now going to tape it in my diary.

I hope Tanya likes our tips. I put them in an envelope, and on it, I wrote:
Your friend, Ava.

YOUR FRIEND, AVA THE WISE

DEAR DIARY,

I ran into Tanya in the girls' room and told her I liked her presentation—but she looked like I'd hit her with a pillow. “I was about to put this in your locker,” I said and handed her the envelope. I hoped Pip was right and that Tanya knew I was trying to be helpful.

“Thanks,” she said and skimmed the list. It was awkward. I guess it's one thing to tell your quiet new friend that you wish you could lose weight and another to have her little sister show up with actual suggestions after you've been laughed at in front of the whole middle school. But Tanya
had
asked for tips. And to be honest, ever since Bea and I made the Pip Pointers, I'd kind of wanted to do another good D-E-E-D.

I'd also been thinking that if I ever do get to write kids' books someday (my new answer to “What do you want to do when you grow up?”), maybe I could write one called
Ava Wren Does It Again
. Or I could make a series called
Ava and Bea
about two girls who go around solving problems the way detectives solve mysteries…

Tanya studied the handwriting on the envelope and looked up. “Whoa, Ava.
You're
the one who gave me that valentine?”

“Sorry,” I mumbled guiltily. I hadn't even thought about disguising my handwriting. I'd forgotten that you can recognize people by their handwriting just as you can by their voice or haircut or…posture. I hoped Tanya didn't feel tricked.

She frowned. “It's okay. At first, I guess I was hoping it was from a guy. But then I thought someone was making fun of me.”

“No one would make fun of you!” I almost blurted, but, well, we both knew that wasn't true.

Some people really are
mean
. You know the saying, “He doesn't have a mean bone in his body”? Some people have mean
skeletons
. Some could give lessons in mean. Kelli has a few mean ribs in her rib cage. And Rorie, that scary eighth grader, probably has a whole mean spine!

I looked at Tanya in the mirror and what I
did
say was, “Tanya, don't let those dumdums get you down.”

She gave me a soft smile and said, “My grandmother says, ‘Don't let the
turkeys
get you down.'”

I mumbled, “Gobble, gobble,” which I knew was immature the second it came out.

But Tanya laughed and said, “Gobble, gobble” back. Then three other girls came in, so we left.

After that, I went to find Ms. Sickle. I showed her my poster and asked if I could put it up in the hallway. She said, “Sure,” and complimented my handwriting. I would have preferred if she'd complimented the words themselves, but I could tell she was busy.

I hope people like it as much as they liked “The Cat Who Wouldn't Purr.”

AVA, ATTEMPTING TO AID AND ASSIST

DEAR DIARY,

At lunch, Kelli was sitting next to Chuck, showing him photos of her goldendoodle, Snuggles. I wished I were sitting next to Chuck talking to him about my yellow tabby rescue cat, Taco. (I also kept sneaking peeks at the back of his head and then telling myself not to.)

After lunch, Tanya came by my locker. “I didn't know you were making a poster,” she said. “I thought you made the tips just for me.”

I didn't know what to say. It was true that Tanya had inspired us, but after Bea and I spent so much time on the tips, we (I?) thought it would be okay to share them with other people too. Especially since I want to be a writer and Bea wants to be an advice columnist.

“Does it matter?” I asked. I didn't want Tanya to be upset.

She looked down. “I guess not.”

“No one knows you had anything to do with it,” I said, in case that was her worry. “Ms. Sickle has been doing a unit on ‘health and body image.'”

Tanya shrugged. “I just kind of liked the idea that you two made the list for me, special.”

“We did,” I said. “We mostly did.”

She nodded. “It's okay. Never mind.” She went to her next class, and I did too, but I have to say, the whole conversation made me feel a little upside down.

(THAT'S AVA UPSIDE DOWN)

DEAR DIARY,

I read an Aesop fable and told it to Pip:

A conceited ass was braying insulting things about a lion. At first, the lion was upset, and he started to growl and roar and bare his teeth. But then he looked more closely and realized the insults were coming from a silly ass, so he decided to just go his merry way and not pay any attention.

“What's the moral?” Pip asked.

“If the person insulting you is a dumdum, try not to care too much,” I said, and told her that I gave the tips to Tanya.

“Yeah, but it's easier to ignore one dumb donkey—or dumdum,” Pip said, “than to pretend you don't care about a whole assembly full of them, you know?”

“I know,” I said and felt sad for Tanya. It seems like school is just easier for some kids (like Kelli and even me) than others (like Tanya and even Pip).

A.

DEAR DIARY,

Today was the worst
worst WORST
.

I don't even want to tell
you
what happened! It was so awful that in English, I barely said a single syllable (even to Chuck), and I was shaky during the spelling test, which, by the way, included the word
nightmare
. Chuck kept looking at me like he could tell something was wrong, but I couldn't talk about it. Not in front of everyone!

After class, Mrs. Lemons asked if I was okay, so I waited until the very last person left and then I started to
cry
! Which I hardly ever do in school! It was embarrassing, even though Mrs. Lemons was nice and gave me a hug.

Here's what happened.

(Actually, I still don't want to write it down, because then it will feel real.)

Okay, I got to lunch late because I'd gone by our FLASH room to check on my poster. It wasn't there! Ms. Sickle wasn't either, so I decided I'd ask her about it later. By the time I got to the cafeteria, Maybelle's table was full. Chuck was with You-Know-Who. And even Pip was with friends. I figured I'd put my tray down at a corner table by myself, and someone nice would come join me.

That is
not
what happened.

That big scary eighth grader, Rorie, sat down. Then Valeria sat down. Then Loudmouth Lacey sat down. So did Rorie's seventh-grade friend Jayda, who has red hair. And so did Mackie, an eighth-grade girl whose dog recently ate a rubber ducky. (Dr. Gross had to operate.) For one stupid second, I thought,
W-O-W. All these older kids are sitting with me
. I even wondered if they liked my new poster.

Then I noticed that not one of them was smiling.

Maybe I'm better at reading faces than books, because suddenly it was crystal clear that these girls had it in for me. I was getting…ambushed.

Rorie spoke first. “One question, Ava,” she said. “Who made you queen of the world?”

“Yeah,” Lacey said. “You get your picture in the paper, and now you're like an
authority
on everything?” She crinkled her eyes like a snake.

“‘Fit or Fat'?
Really
?
” Jayda asked. “Who says it's either/or! There are plenty of overweight people who are fit. And plenty of skinny people who are wimps.”

“How strong are
you
, anyway?” Lacey asked. She shoved my shoulder, and the others laughed. I knew I should stand up and run, but I felt stuck. Powerless. It was as if I'd wandered into a movie—a
horror
movie.

Rorie said, “You're lucky you're in fifth grade. Otherwise we'd be having this conversation
outside
.”

Lacey cackled. “Little toothpick thinks she's the body police.” She gave me a push to see if I'd fight back.

Rorie looked at Valeria, and Valeria said, “Yeah. We don't appreciate you telling people what they should or shouldn't eat. Or how they should or shouldn't look.” Rorie nodded. “No one gets to tell us how to live our lives.”

“It's a free country,” Jayda added. “If I want to eat a pack of Oreos, it's none of your business! No one asked you!”

I wanted to shout, “That's not true!” because Tanya
had
asked me. But I also wanted to leave Tanya out of this. She had enough to worry about. I wished I could defend myself the way I'd defended Pip last year when Lacey made fun of her. But I couldn't. I was crumpling before their very eyes. If we were outside, would they be beating me up?

“You know how some girls eat two peas and a lettuce leaf and call it lunch?” Jayda said. “
That's
what's really bad! That and the girls who throw up on purpose.” She studied my face. “And just so you know, I'm
fine
with how I look.” She put one hand behind her head in a sassy way. “In fact, I'm so
fine
, I could be a plus-size model!” Mackie high-fived her.

Rorie said, “Oh, and if you're looking for that nasty poster you made with your buddy Bea, it's in the trash, okay? We don't need twigs like you going around telling everyone they should be a size zero. You got that?”

I might have nodded. Or my face might have gone up and down. But really, I don't think “I” had anything to do with it. It was like I was
watching
this scene, not living it.

Rorie gave Lacey a look, and Lacey added, “And for your information, some people gain weight more easily than others. So watch how you throw around the word ‘fat,' okay?”

The girls were all staring at me, and I wished I'd never titled my poster “FIT OR FAT.” To be honest, I mostly just liked how the words “fat” and “fit”
looked
together.

Stupid, stupid me!

“And some boys
like
girls with curves,” Jayda said.

That cracked everyone up, but to me, it seemed really random, because what did boys have to do with
any
of this?

Mackie spoke up for the first time. She's the one who knows my mom because her dog ate the duck. “Ava,” she said, “you've probably heard about sexism and racism. Well, there's such a thing as sizism too. So you need to think about that.”

Sizism?
Is that even a word? How could I be a sizist? I am not a sizist! I made that list because Tanya asked me to and because Ms. Sickles had said obesity is
dangerous
.

Rorie jumped in again. “Here's the thing: you may think it's bad to be fat, but we think it's worse to be a shallow little
zero
!”

Mackie looked at me and added more softly. “Ava, the point is that it's not good to judge people's insides by their
out
sides.”

I wanted to say, “I wasn't! I don't!” but my nose was tingling, and I knew that if I said
anything
, I'd burst into tears.

“People come in all sizes,” Mackie continued. “Some are big and some are small, and so what? It's not what you look like—it's who you are that counts.”

She glanced at Rorie as if to say, “Enough already.”

Rorie shrugged, then turned to me and said, “Okay, we're done. But we don't need you judging us. So why don't you get out of here and let us have our lunch in peace?”

“And while you're at it, grow up!” Lacey threw in.

I wanted to say that I was
trying
to grow up, but instead I ran out of the lunchroom even though I hadn't eaten a single bite. I didn't see Maybelle or Pip or Chuck, but I did see Kelli. She was staring at me. And I bet she knew exactly what had just happened.

AVA, ZERO