Ava XOX (10 page)

DEAR DIARY,

Did that conversation really happen? Or was it a dream? I
think
it really happened, but I also feel like I dreamed it…

Oh. Wait. Now I remember. I dreamed that Chuck and I were at a bank! We were laughing and putting coins in a sorting machine, but it was more like a vending machine, and packs of
gum
and
gum
my bears (!) kept flying out.

Dreams are funny, right?

G-T-G. Got to go to school!

AVA, DREAMY

DEAR DIARY,

After FLASH, Ms. Sickle said, “That assembly stirred up an important conversation,” and asked if I had another copy of my tips.

“Right here,” I replied and pointed to the page in my diary.

“Great!” she said, reaching for my diary. “I can type it for you if you like.”

“I'll copy it over!” I said, because I was
not
about to hand her my diary.

“Even better,” she said and gave me poster board and a Sharpie.

I said I'd do it in the library during study hall.

“And maybe just leave off the title this time?” she suggested.

Duh!
I thought, but said, “Okay.” I did not add that I'd probably never use the word
fat
again for the rest of my life. I'd probably never even say “bacon fat.”

I'm now in the library making some changes to my list. I even decided to add a new tip: “Try to be positive and not let other people make you feel bad.” Mr. Ramirez peeked over my shoulder, so I asked him if he thought I should add that.

“Sure.” He smiled. “Ava, I wish I'd had this list when I was a kid.”

“Really?” I asked.

He nodded. “My aunt called me ‘Chunky.' A few kids at school called me ‘Fatty' and ‘Fatso.' It was bad. I was glad when I finally figured out that for me, doughnuts and McDonald's weren't worth it. And also when I figured out I should steer clear of idiots and start hanging out with the people who were interested in what I was interested in.”

I noticed that Mr. Ramirez wasn't skinny, just regular. Or, as that bow tie guy put it, “in the middle.”

“When's your wedding?” I asked, because we're all excited that he and his boyfriend are “tying the knot.”

“End of the school year. June 19.”

“Cool,” I said. “I bet it will be fun.”

He smiled. “We're going over lots of details right now. The menu, the band, the flowers, the rings.”

I nodded, even though I'd never thought about the work behind a wedding.

“Mr. Ramirez, do you think I might be a little bit sizist?”

“Sizist?”

“Mackie said that's when you judge people by how much they weigh.”

He considered this. “I suppose a lot of people are judgmental about one thing or another. But with obesity, it's almost not fair.”

“What's not fair?”

“Well, many people have secret problems, like addiction or gambling, and you'd never know it just by looking at them. Obesity is there for the whole world to see. But it doesn't help when someone wags a finger.”

“Wags a finger?”

“Scolds, reprimands, criticizes.” He put on a fake frown and wagged his finger up and down, which made us both laugh. “Anyway, Ava, I know you realize it isn't ‘fat' versus ‘skinny'—it's
healthy
versus
unhealthy
.”

I like that Mr. Ramirez talks to me like we are two thinking people, not one smart grown-up and one dumb kid. But I might be dumber than he thinks.

I reread my list and was about to write “Weight Loss Tips” at the top. But what if a girl had an eating disorder and was starving herself? Telling her to drink zero-calorie water and to eat less would be horrible advice. I was beginning to see why there were so many books on this subject. And so many contradictory messages!

I made a few more changes and finally finished the new version and copied it over. On the top, I wrote “Take Care of Yourself.” I rolled up the poster and shoved it in my backpack. It stuck out a little, but that didn't matter, because I was about to hand it to Ms. Sickle.

AVA, NOT A REAL
AUTHOR
OR
AUTHOR
ITY (BUT NOT A BAD PERSON EITHER)

PS I'm going to ask Pip to take a photo of it so I can print it out and tape it in here.

DEAR DIARY,

At dinner, Dad said he had a new palindrome for us: “As I pee, sir, I see Pisa.” (A-S-I-P-E-E-S-I-R-I-S-E-E-P-I-S-A). Pip laughed, and I pictured a tourist boy looking up at the Leaning Tower of Pisa.

Mom scowled as if she didn't think this was proper dinner conversation, but talking about sick or hurt pets might not be either, and she does that.

Just last week, she told us about a cat that had diarrhea, and how the owner had to bring in a “fecal sample.” Pip said, “Frozen P-O-O-P?” and Dad said, “Let's change the subject, shall we?”

I think one of the nice things about when it's just our family is that it
is
okay to talk about absolutely everything. Like revised posters or frozen P-O-O-P or even forbidden crushes. (Not that I've talked to M-O-M or D-A-D about my
new
feelings for my
old
friend!)

ABSOLUTELY AVA

PS I wonder if Chuck is going to break up with Kelli. I wonder if it's bad that I spend a lot of time wondering this.

PPS Pip just came in and said, “Nothing is impossible,” and showed me that if you add a space and an apostrophe, you can change “IMPOSSIBLE” to “I'M POSSIBLE.” I said, “H-U-H” and then I said that some things
feel
impossible.

DEAR DIARY,

Last night, Taco jumped onto my bed for a long purring session. He usually acts tough and independent, but sometimes even he likes to cuddle and be comforted.

Question: Do tough
people
have soft sides too?

Pip has lots of sides, and I see all of them. Before bed, I asked her if she had any art books with Rubens paintings. She said no but googled
The Three Graces
and up popped an oil painting of three large naked ladies.

Pip read about the painting and said that Rubens painted it in 1639, and the women were supposed to be Zeus's daughters, and the three graces are charm, beauty, and creativity.

“H-U-H,” I said and told Pip that I'm not going to use the word
fat
ever again.

“A nicer word is ‘zaftig.'”

“Zaftig?”

“Zaftig,” she repeated. “You can also say ‘Rubenesque.' Think you can spell that?”

I thought about it, then got it right. Pip said “W-O-W.”

AVA ELLE, WHO CAN SPELL QUITE WELL

DEAR DIARY,

In English, Chuck said he saw my poster. “It was as
earnest
and
sincere
as last time.”

“And it's
not
judgmental,” I said, because I liked my new title and because
judgmental
was about to be on our spelling test. Then I showed Chuck that the “preferred” spelling of
judgmental
has only one
e
, not two. “Same as
acknowledgments
. No
e
after the
dg
.” I wrote both words out.

Guess what? We took our test, and he got both words right! So he got an 80!

We traded papers, and I put a big star around his grade and handed his back. He looked right into my eyes and said, “Thanks.”

I didn't know whether the “Thanks” was for the grade or the star or the spelling lesson or just because. But I smiled and was glad that Kelli wasn't there, because I didn't even try to look away.

AVA, HONEST

PS Maybelle was absent today because she has a bug (weird expression) and was home sick. (Not “homesick”!)

DEAR DIARY,

I put on my coat and snow boots and went to Maybelle's to give her the schoolwork she had missed, including a “brain teaser” from our math teacher Miss Hamshire (a.k.a. Miss Hamster). This is it:

“A bat and a ball together cost $1.10. The bat costs a dollar more than the ball. What is the price of the ball?”

“Easy!” I said. “Ten cents!”

“No,” Maybelle said. “Five.”

“No,” I insisted, though I should have known better than to argue with Maybelle about math. But maybe she was dizzy from being sick? “It's ten!” I said.

“No,” she replied patiently. “Let's say the ball is a nickel. If the bat costs a dollar more, then the bat costs $1.05. Right?”

“I guess…”

“Well, there you go. If you buy a five-cent ball, and also a bat that costs $1.05, you've spent your $1.10. So the ball costs five cents.”

“Oh.” I changed the subject because my head was spinning. “What'd you do yesterday?”

“Mostly slept and watched TV,” Maybelle said. “But can I tell you something really personal?”

I hoped she wasn't going to say that she got her period. Or that she realized that she has a major crush on Chuck. Or that she and Zara and Kelli are going to start a club.

“Sure,” I said.

“I found three little hairs under my arms.”

I tried to hide my shock. “What are you going to do?”

“Shave, I guess? I mean, maybe someday? I think I'm going to ask my mom.”

I nodded as if any minute now, I too expected to find private hairs in surprising places and would consult my mom.

Maybelle also said that last night, after she was feeling better, she convinced her parents to let her look at the stars because it was really clear out. (Maybelle is the only person I know who thinks about nighttime weather as much as daytime weather.)

“And?”

“It was beautiful! All the constellations! And the Milky Way! Do you know that the Earth travels through space at 67,000 miles per hour?”

“No.”

“But it travels
silently
! There's no sound in space!”

“Why not?”

“There's no air, so the molecules can't vibrate.”

I didn't know what she was talking about, and she could tell.

“Ava, isn't it weird? We're just dots in the universe! Our whole solar system is miniscule when you think about all the other stars and galaxies out there.”

“Maybe,” I said. “But I still get all worked up about stuff.”

Maybelle smiled.

Anyway, I am now home, and I can't believe I'm writing in you, my diary, about the universe and my BFF's armpit hair. But I am.

Funny, it feels like I'm sitting completely still at my desk, but when you consider how fast the Earth travels and how fast everyone is growing up, maybe I'm not sitting
still
at all.

AVA, DOT

DEAR DIARY,

I raised both my arms in front of the mirror, and I definitely do not have any armpit hair.

But you know what? I think Pip
has
started to shave. I noticed a pink razor in the back of the bathroom drawer! How long has it been there? Days? Weeks? Months?

AVA, ANALYZING

DEAR DIARY,

Pip finished
Z Is for Zinnia
and showed it to me. My favorite new pages are Q is for Queen Anne's lace, S is for snapdragon, and U is for umbrella plant.

“You know what I'm looking forward to now?” Pip asked.

“Getting it published?”

“No.
Real
flowers. Spring.”

“Spring?” I repeated.

“
Spring!
Crocuses and daffodils! Purples and yellows!”

I looked out at our lawn, and it was brown with dirty clumps of unmelted snow that were gray and shiny on top.

“Hey, how are things with Chuck?” Pip asked.

“Better.” I didn't say anything else because I don't know what's going on between him and Kelli. Then I asked her about Ben.

“His mom might let me work at the bookstore,” she said.

“For real? For money?”

“No, not for money. But she said she can give me advance reading copies of YA books and I can write reviews for their website.”

“W-O-W,” I said, because that sounded perfect for Pip. (Not for me. I would
not
want to have to read young adult books or write bonus book reports.) I lowered my voice. “Have you and Ben…” I began, “…kissed on the lips?” It just popped out.

“Ava!” she said but did not kick me out of her room. “Not yet,” she finally answered. “But he did kiss me on the cheek.”

My eyes went wide.

“And that's our secret, okay?” she added.

“Okay,” I said, glad we had sister secrets.

A B C = AVA IN BED WITH CAT

PS When a boy and a girl kiss for the first time, how can they be sure they won't bump noses or do it wrong?