Ava XOX (12 page)

DEAR DIARY,

First thing this morning, Zara came up to my locker and said, “Did you hear about Chuck?”

“What about him?” I asked

“I think he and Kelli broke up.”

“Why do you think that?”

“Because on the bus just now, Kelli walked right by him and sat next to Max. And she and Max started sharing a sticky bun and laughing.”

“Did Chuck seem upset?”

“Not at all.” Zara gave me a smile.

I couldn't help it. I smiled back.

AVA :)

DEAR DIARY,

I sort of avoided Chuck today because I didn't want to say anything stupid. Of course, now I realize that avoiding him was stupid!

AVA, AWKWARD

DEAR DIARY,

Today is March Fourth, which, if I were playing the homonym game, sounds like March Forth.

Right now, right this second, I think I am
marching forth
into my future and that I am slowly but surely going from being a kid to being a
teen
.

Little
by
little
, I'm getting less
little
.

Question: Are things between Chuck and me going to keep changing? Should I tell him that I know things changed with Kelli?

I don't want to ruin our friendship, because I like our friendship. But I'm also (I admit it!) curious and excited to see what might happen next.

I think this means I'm growing up. But is anyone ever really all “grown-up”? Are all grown-ups
all grown-up
?

AVA IN BE
TWEEN
, AGE ELEVEN YEARS, TWO MONTHS, AND THREE DAYS

DEAR DIARY,

Pip said that she likes to make
to-do
lists, but then likes to check everything off and turn them into
ta-da
lists.

She also said that Ben heard a funny palindrome on YouTube by a comedian named Weird Al: oozy rat in a sanitary zoo. (O-O-Z-Y-R-A-T-I-N-A-S-A-N-I-T-A-R-Y-Z-O-O.)

Here's another surprising palindrome: Dr. Awkward. (D-R-A-W-K-W-A-R-D.)

AVA, AMUSED

PS Today Chuck had a doctor's appointment so he missed English. You know what? I missed him!

DEAR DIARY,

We had our Friday spelling test, and I got another 100 and Chuck got another 80, and we both drew giant stars around each other's grades. He said my spelling brains must be rubbing off on him, which is a gross image, but I liked how his eyes smiled when he said it.

I didn't want to pass him a note and ask him out, but what if someone
else
asks him out? What if someone asks him out this weekend?

None of the Emilys like-like him, do they?

Confession: I can't imagine why
every girl
in our class—and in our grade—doesn't have a crush on him.

AVA, ANXIOUS

DEAR DIARY,

I don't know what got into Mom, but we were all four in the living room (all five if you count Taco), and out of the blue, Mom said that if Pip and I wanted to invite some girls to sleep over, that would be fine.

“Like a slumber party?” I said. The last time we'd planned a slumber party, it had
not
gone well.

“More like a sister sleepover,” Mom said. “You could each invite a couple of girls.”

Pip was so deep into her new detective novel,
J Is for Judgment
, that she did not even hear us talking. Mom and I both called her name, but Pip did not react. Taco did. He was looking down at us from on top of a bookshelf—which was funny. He keeps finding new places to sit and perch. And sometimes they are way up high—as if he wants to be sure to stay out of the way of any random dogs or coyotes.

Well, Dad winked at us and said, “Watch.” Then he called Pip's cell phone. It rang, and she looked startled but picked up.

Dad said “Hello!” and Mom and I laughed. Pip didn't. In fact, she was about to get mad when I told her Mom's idea. Next thing you know, we were inviting Maybelle, Zara, Bea, and Tanya over.

Guess what? They're all coming—with sleeping bags! We're going to have a camp-out in our living room! I've never had a slumber party with older girls before.

AVA IN ANTICIPATION

PS Should I ask the girls about Chuck? Would that be a
terri
fic idea or a
terri
ble idea?

DEAR DIARY,

We did not slumber much at our slumber party.

We played Pictionary (Pip and Tanya were the best) and charades (Bea and Zara were the best) and we tried to hold a séance with a Ouija board (but it didn't work).

After Mom and Dad went to bed, we raided the refrigerator and ate grapes, Twizzlers, and M&Ms. Mom and Dad must have
expected
us to, because they were the ones who bought the snacks, but it was still fun to be sneaky.

At ten p.m., Bea made up a game called Secrets. First everyone had to write out a personal question on a strip of paper and put it in a bag. Then everyone had to pick out a random question, answer it, and choose someone else to answer it. Then that person picked the next question—and next person.

I'm about to tape all six questions in here. We didn't tell which question we wrote, but
I
wrote the first one, and I will write down my guesses about who wrote the others. (Note: I was going to write, “Have you ever kissed a boy?” but I didn't want Pip to kill me if she picked it.)

Questions

We started, and I picked my own question (the one about crying), so I read it aloud then said, “At school right in front of Mrs. Lemons.” Everyone nodded sympathetically. Then I chose Zara. She said she cried when her mom said she had to live with her grandparents. We stayed quiet in case she wanted to say more, but she didn't.

Zara picked the crush question and admitted that she likes Jamal! (Observation: when you like—or dislike—someone, it's pretty hard to hide.) I thought Zara might choose me, but she chose Pip, and Pip said, “Ben used to be my crush, but now he's my boyfriend!”

Pip picked the body question and said, “I wouldn't mind being taller than my
little
sister.” She stuck her tongue out at me in a nice-ish way, so I quoted Dr. Seuss to her: “A person's a person no matter how small.” Pip gave Tanya a questioning look, and Tanya nodded, so Pip picked her. I guess Pip thought it wouldn't be toooo awkward, because it was just us girls and we already knew what Tanya might say.

What she said was, “My goal is to lose twenty-five pounds, and I'm proud of myself because I've already lost four.” We said encouraging things, and Tanya added, “I'm big-boned, like my mom, so I'll never wear a small or a medium. But maybe someday I can shop where you all do, instead of in special sections.”

Next Tanya picked the favorite relative question. If Pip or I had picked it, we might have said that our Nana Ethel is
not
“one of those Hallmark grandmothers” and explained that she gives pat-pats instead of hugs and rarely sends gifts or asks about Taco or anything. But then we might have felt disloyal. So I was glad Tanya got that question. Tanya said her favorite relative is her grandmother, “because she always makes me feel beautiful.” Then she pointed to Bea, who, of course, said her favorite relative was her aunt the psychotherapist.

Bea picked the famous question and said she wants to be an advice columnist. (I now realize that I would
not
want to—too much responsibility and too easy to mess up!) Bea chose Maybelle, who said she wouldn't mind being an astronaut or the president of the Hayden Planetarium but added, “I also wouldn't mind being a regular math teacher.”

Maybelle picked the very last question (“What do you feel guilty about?”), and since the other girls had already answered two questions each, I knew that I would also have to answer it too. Maybelle said she still felt guilty about the terrible haircut she gave me last year. I said I'd gotten two real haircuts since then and not to worry.

When it was my final turn, I looked at Bea and said that I still felt bad about writing “Sting of the Queen Bee,” that contest story that had hurt her feelings. She said, “It's water under the bridge,” which is an expression.

Well, I'd had a moment to think about guilt, so I decided to give some bonus answers. I looked at Pip and said I felt bad about practically giving away Taco last month without asking her and also about telling her the presentation would go fine when what did I know? I looked at Bea and said, “And I shouldn't have written ‘FIT OR FAT' on our tips.” I looked at Zara and said I could have been nicer when we started becoming friends. I looked at Tanya and said I was sorry I hadn't told her that I'd planned to turn her private letter into a public poster. Then I looked at Maybelle, my BFF, and since I
still
hadn't told her about Chuck, I decided this was an excellent time to announce right then and there, out loud, to everybody, that I was ready to make a big confession. So I said that.

Everyone got quiet, and my heart was racing, and my mouth went dry, and I wondered if this was dumb. After all, I hadn't even
gotten
the crush question! But I made myself be brave and take a risk and just plain say it. So I took a breath and declared, “I have a crush on Chuck.”

Instead of gasping in astonishment, they all looked at each other and cracked up. For a second, I felt like an idiot.

Zara smiled and said, “I think we all kind of knew that.”

Bea said that I wasn't the first person to have a crush on a friend and that I shouldn't feel bad about
anything.
“Let yourself off the hook,” she added. “That's what my aunt would say.”

Tanya said, “Ava, I just hope he likes you back. He should.”

AVA, SLUMBER PARTY GIRL

DEAR DIARY,

This morning, after Bea and Tanya left, Maybelle and Zara and I made breakfast snacks of banana slices topped with dabs of peanut butter.

Maybelle said that next Sunday is Pi Day and she might ask her mom if she can have a party too.

“A slumber party?” I asked.

“A
boy-girl party
,” Maybelle said.

Zara liked that idea but asked, “What's Pi Day?”

“March 14,” Maybelle said. “My family always celebrates by making pies.”

“I don't get it,” Zara said.

“Pi is 3.14159…” Maybelle began and then
kept going
until Zara and I, even though we were impressed, said, “Stopppp!” (And then, “Jinx!!”)

Maybelle said, “Pi is a number that never stops. Every year, people celebrate it on 3/14—which happens to be Albert Einstein's birthday.”

She explained that it's a letter in the Greek alphabet and drew the symbol π on a piece of paper for us.

“It looks like the three poles you need for limbo,” I said.

“It does!” Zara agreed.

Maybelle laughed. “The point is we can have a party and make pies.”

“What kind of pies?” I asked.

“Cherry, apple, coconut, banana cream. Whatever kind you like!”

I asked Maybelle if she was going to invite Kelli, and she said yes, but that she'd invite Max too. I said, “Good, because if she flirts with Chuck, I will throw a pie in her face.”

Zara said, “I dare you.”

“Ava,” Maybelle said, “Kelli is not one hundred percent bad. Don't forget that you didn't like Bea right away either.”

Zara added, “Or even me.”

My mouth flopped open, but I realized I couldn't deny this, because I had been mad when she and Maybelle went to the circus and started hanging out. So I just looked at Zara and mumbled, “Sorry.”

“It's okay.” Zara laughed. “It's…water under the bridge!”

I thought about how Kelli had told Chuck that Tanya could model for Botero, “Wiggle Wiggle Wiggle,” and added, “Okay, maybe I won't throw a pie in her face, but Kelli and I will never ever become besties!”

AVA, AT TIMES APOLOGETIC AND AT TIMES NOT

DEAR DIARY,

At lunch today, I did something I've never done before: I sat next to Chuck! Emily LaCasse saw us and said, “Can I join you guys?” We had to say yes, but fortunately, she put down her backpack then went to get in line. So Chuck and I had about three minutes, just us.

“How's it going?” I asked.

“Good,” he answered.

“Is that a new shirt?” I asked.

“Yes,” he said.

I knew I should say, “It looks good” or “I like it” or something, but I couldn't and instead just stared at my chicken rice soup.

He took a peek at Kelli, who was wearing a short fuzzy white dress and sitting with Max three tables over. I peeked too. Max had two straws sticking out of his nose and looked like a moronic walrus, and Kelli was laughing hysterically. I wasn't sure if she was trying to make Chuck jealous or if she thought a boy with straws in his nose was the funniest thing on the planet.

“Is she still calling your house to talk about her goldendoodle?” I asked, then hoped that wasn't too rude or direct.

“No.”

“Do you wish she were?”

“No.”

“Am I asking too many questions?”

“No.”

We both laughed, but not as hard as Kelli and Max. And I don't think it's because Kelli and Max were having much more fun at their table than we were at ours. I think it's because they are both just very loud. Maybe even
exuberant
(bonus spelling word). Come to think of it, maybe
they
make a good couple.

Suddenly Chuck leaned forward. “Ava, you were right,” he said. “I should never have checked that circle. I didn't want to have a girlfriend. I mean, maybe when I'm in high school. Or
college
.”

I nodded, waiting. This was not exactly the way I pictured this conversation going. Did he really
not
want a girlfriend until
college
?

He put down his fork. “Last Monday, she called three times in one day, so I finally told her that I didn't want to go out anymore. I tried to be polite, and maybe I should have done it in person? At least I didn't break up by text.”

I half nodded.

“Anyway,” he continued, “I did what you suggested: I blamed my mom and said she thinks I'm too young to go out.”

I sat there, frozen. Whoa. Had I
suggested
that? Maybe I kind of had.

“Kelli and I don't have much in common,” he added. “And we have totally different senses of humor.”

I was
not
about to argue,
You're both good at sports! And limbo! And you both have a K in your name!

The lunchroom was loud and so was my heartbeat. “But, Ava,” Chuck continued, “if I
did
want to have a girlfriend”—he dropped his voice and I had to lean in—“I'd want it to be you.”

At first I stayed silent. Then, when I knew I had to say something, I said, “Chuck, I don't want a boyfriend now either. But if I did…” Suddenly I stopped. I wasn't brave enough to finish that sentence! Not then and there anyway. So I started a new one. “Chuck,” I said. “Maybe we can both
not
go out, but, like,
not
go out
together
. Like, we could be
not-going-out together
.”

He nodded as though he understood what I meant even though it didn't really make sense. Then he said, “Maybe we can,” and we both started laughing—but not hysterically or anything.

The Emilys came over, and Chuck made room by moving his chair closer to mine. Soon Maybelle, Jamal, Zara, Aiden, and Ryan sat down too. And just like that, we had an official boy-girl table, and it didn't even feel that weird.

“What's so funny?” Jamal asked, because Chuck and I must have been looking at each other as if we had a secret. (Which we sort of do.)

Without missing a beat, Chuck said, “I just told Ava the world's dumbest joke. Want to hear?”

“Sure,” Zara answered for everybody.

Chuck gave me a smile and said, “There were two hats hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, ‘You stay here—I'll go on a head.'”

Everyone half laughed half groaned (if you can half laugh half groan), and Bea walked by with Tanya and gave me a little thumbs-up, which, thank heavens, I don't think anyone else saw.

Now I'm home, and Taco is with me, and Mom and Dad and Pip are in their rooms, and I'm going to write down the words Chuck said to me, because I want to play them over in my mind. Like a song lyric.

Wait, I'm going to get my magic pen for this, the one Dad bought me at the Dublin Writers Museum.

Okay. Got it.

Here is what Chuck said:

“If I did want to have a girlfriend, I'd want it to be you.”

We're both just eleven, and who knows about the future. But I'm glad that today we admitted that we like each other. Not that there's any big hurry to go public or get mushy or use the L word or think about
X
's or
O
's or
anything
. But still, I can't stop smiling.

XOX

AVA

PS After dinner, I checked to make sure my pack of gum was safe and sound. It was. It is. (Even though it will always be missing two pieces.)