All of You (34 page)

My eyes fluttered from Lincoln to Rebecca and
Deacon. They both looked confused and concerned. I pried my hand
out from Lincoln’s and walked out the door without a coat and fled
to the car without looking back.

I would no longer let myself care about
Lincoln Monaghan. I had been right from the beginning. Everyone
ends up the same, and the only people I could rely on were my
family.

Rebecca joined me at the car, and we both got
in and fastened our seatbelts. My sister started the car in
silence, but before she could drive away, Lincoln surged against my
car window. I was astounded to see he was still only wearing the
towel wrapped around his waist but now had boots on to protect his
feet from the snow. He frantically pulled on the door handle but
Rebecca had locked the doors after we got in out of habit.

Lincoln hollered at me and patted the window
with his open palm. “Jillian! Please come back inside, baby. We can
talk about this. Don’t do this to me.” He pleaded with me, but I
turned my face away from him as the tears flowed down my
cheeks.

Rebecca slowly pulled the car away from
Lincoln. He jogged next to it for a short while, still shouting at
me through the window. The car rounded the yard and sped off down
the driveway, leaving Lincoln standing in the snow.

Never again would I allow myself to be fooled
by a gorgeous smile and pretty words. I felt like such an idiot.
Lincoln was probably inside his house laughing with Deacon about
how he seduced the ugly, burned virgin into trusting him. Or worse,
he could be on the phone with Mackenzie right now telling her how
he fooled me into believing he loved me.

I hated myself as a sob racked through me,
betraying my feelings. This man did not deserve my tears. I inhaled
deeply as I tried to collect myself and steel my emotions. Never
again.

Chapter Twenty-one

“I wish you’d turn your phone back on,” Emily
said as she held out her own phone to me.

“Who is it?” I asked quietly from Emily’s
couch where I had taken up residence for the past week. I was
snuggling with my sister's fat orange cat named Morris. He was the
only creature I allowed to comfort me.

Emily thrust the phone at me. “It's Rebecca!”
she said, clearly annoyed.

I sat up from the couch, shifted Morris off
my lap and held the phone up to my ear. “Hello?” My voice was cold
and lifeless.

“Are you coming home anytime soon?” Rebecca
snipped.

“Has he stopped stalking the house?”

Rebecca had informed me that Lincoln was
practically living in his vehicle outside our house for the past
week. Anytime he didn’t have a game or practice, he was there. I
didn’t understand why.

“No. He’s still outside. But maybe… maybe you
should just come home and get this over with,” she suggested.

“There’s nothing to say. I don’t know why
he’s out there.” I was irritated at Lincoln. Why couldn’t he just
leave me alone? He'd had his laugh, but apparently that wasn’t
enough. Now I couldn’t even go home because of him.

“I don’t get it either,” Rebecca agreed.
“Maybe… maybe he’s telling the truth. He really does seem to hate
Mackenzie and he’s obviously not with her now.”

“What do you mean?” I asked, not really
caring. Nothing mattered anymore except the fact that I couldn’t go
home.

“Well, he’s been outside our house for the
past week, freezing to death, waiting for you. He obviously didn’t
go running back to Mackenzie.”

“That doesn’t mean anything.”

“I talked to Deacon, Jillian. He said
Lincoln’s really tore up over this.”

I sat up straight. “What? Are you on his side
now?”

“No, Jillian. I’m on your side, no matter
what. I just think you’re not seeing things clearly. I wish you
wouldn’t have skipped your therapy session.”

“I have to go,” I said with tears building in
my eyes. I didn’t want to talk about this anymore. It felt as if my
own sister didn’t support me.

“Tabitha really misses you,” Rebecca blurted
out.

I let out an exasperated sigh. “That was
low.”

“It’s the truth! I’m not just saying it to
get you to come home.”

I relented. “Fine. I’ll be home for family
dinner tomorrow.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” I said, rubbing my forehead. “Lincoln
has an away game, so it should be clear.”

It was Rebecca’s turn to let out an
exasperated sigh and I could practically hear her rolling her eyes
through the phone. “You can’t avoid him forever, Jillian.”

I scoffed. “Yeah, well, I can try,” I said
with stubborn determination.

~~~~~~~~

I played cards with Tabitha after dinner. It
was good to be home. Sleeping on Emily’s couch had taken its toll,
and for the first time in a week I felt normal-ish. Well, as normal
as I could be with this pain in my heart.

I had survived family dinner without my
mother or brother asking too many questions. They hadn’t realized
the depth of emotion I had for Lincoln and didn’t think much of it
when I didn’t mention him to a great degree. My sisters knew
differently, however. Rebecca, of course, had seen my feelings for
Lincoln grow firsthand over the weeks and Emily had just witnessed
my week of nesting on her couch. But they both knew better than to
say anything in front of our mother or Elliot. I didn’t want anyone
to know I had been fooled again. So family dinner proceeded like
normal without any mention of the heartache I had just been
through.

“I’m taking off now, Jilly,” Emily informed
me shortly after our mother and brother left. “I have to stop and
collect some things from another teacher’s house, but I shouldn’t
be out too late.”

I looked down at Tabitha setting up another
hand of the game we had just played. “I… I think I’m going to stay
here tonight, Em.”

“Ooh good. Morris will be happy to have his
couch back,” she said with a smirk, and I smiled for the first time
in a week. “See ya later, then.”

“You’re staying?” Rebecca asked.

“Yeah. You don’t mind, do you?” I had the
next day off from work and was watching Tabitha who had the day off
from school due to a holiday. It would just be easier if I stayed
here tonight.

Rebecca scoffed. “Of course not, Jillian.
This is your home.”

I nodded and smiled. “Emily’s couch is so
uncomfortable. I miss my bed.”

Rebecca gave me a small smile. She knew I
meant I missed my home.

“You should know, Lincoln will probably be
around.”

I sighed. “We’ll just have to stay inside,
then.”

We played another three hands of our game
before Rebecca put her foot down and demanded Tabitha go to bed. I
hugged her extra tight and bid her sweet dreams before settling
down on the couch and turning my phone on for the first time in a
week. I groaned internally as I saw both my voice mail and text
message inboxes were full. The majority was from Lincoln. I skipped
over those without opening them to see what he said. There were a
few from Kennedy, though, and I felt bad for the position this
situation put her in.

“
Hey, I just talked to Lincoln. Call
me?”
Kennedy had texted me last Saturday evening.

“
Just wondering how you are doing. Call me
if you need to talk.”
She sent on Monday.

“
Please call me, Jillian.”
That one
was three days ago.

I assumed the voice mails from Kennedy would
be just as bad and guilt surged inside me. She would have been a
good friend to have, but that wasn’t possible now, but that wasn’t
her fault. I hit the call button and Kennedy answered on the first
ring.

“Hey! Oh my God, are you okay?” Kennedy
bubbled into my ear.

“I’ll be fine,” I said sadly. “I just wanted
to apologize for not calling you earlier.”

“No, that’s fine. I understand.”

An awkward silence hung between us. “Um,
Kennedy, listen, you’ve been really great, but…” I started to
say.

“But you’re going to keep ignoring me just
because you’re mad at Lincoln?”

“I’m not just mad at Lincoln. He really hurt
me. I don’t ever want to see him again, and that means us being
friends probably isn’t going to work.”

Kennedy was quiet for a minute. “I’m going to
fucking kill my brother. What did he do?”

“He didn’t tell you?” Of course he didn’t
tell his sister what an ass he had been. He wouldn’t want to tell
her he was back with Mackenzie.

“No,” Kennedy replied. “He just said you two
had a fight. He’s been a wreck. I assumed you two would work it
out.”

I sighed. “I don’t want to talk badly about
your brother to you, but it’s more than just a fight.”

“Jillian, are you sure? He’s really upset
about this. He hasn’t really been home. He hasn’t been playing
well. Deacon said he’s not even trying during practice; he just
stares at his phone in the locker room. He’s probably waiting for
you to call.”

I was getting annoyed now. “Well, that’s not
going to happen, and the sooner he realizes it the better!” I
snapped at her.

“Please tell me what happened. Maybe this is
all just one big misunderstanding,” Kennedy said with a tone of
optimism.

“It’s not a misunderstanding. I found…” I
stopped. I didn’t want to relive that horrible moment.

“What did you find?”

“I found… something that proves he’s still
involved with Mackenzie. He lied, and I was stupid enough to
believe he wanted me when he was with her the whole time,” I
finally admitted, my voice breaking.

I had worked this all out in my head over the
past week. He lied about having Mackenzie’s picture. He had to be
lying about how he got it otherwise he would have just destroyed it
instead of keeping it, and there was only one reason to lie about
how he got the picture. He must still be seeing her while playing
me for a fool.

Kennedy was silent over the phone for a
moment. “Jillian, there’s no way Lincoln is still involved with
Mackenzie. It’s not possible.”

“It is possible. I know what I saw,” I said
defensively.

“Okay, I don’t know what you saw, but believe
me when I say Lincoln’s hatred of that woman runs deep. She used
him and sold him out. There’s no way he’s willingly having any
contact with her. It’s just not possible.”

Kennedy was adamant, but I remained
steadfast. It was better this way.

She sighed when I didn’t respond. “Carter
wanted me to tell you the injunction runs out tomorrow. If you
don’t press charges against Mackenzie by the end of tomorrow, the
tabloid is free to publish your picture.”

Tears squeaked out as I closed my eyes in
frustration. I had forgotten about the damn injunction. “Why would
they bother printing it now? We’re not together anymore,” I
asked.

“They don’t know that. They just see juicy
headlines.”

Fuck. This was going to be a problem. But it
was
my
problem. Not anyone else’s. “Tell Carter not to worry
about it,” I said in defeat.

“What does that mean? You’ll press
charges?”

“No. It means I’m tired of fighting her. I
don’t care anymore.” My body had always been broken, but now my
heart was as well. I had no fight left in me. It didn't matter who
saw my hideous picture anymore.

“Jillian… don’t say that.”

“It’s the truth. I don’t know why she has
such a vendetta against me, but I can’t fight her anymore. She took
away my chance to be normal in college. She degraded and humiliated
me. Because of her I never got a chance to make friends, and now
she’s taken away the only chance I ever thought I’d have to love
someone.”

I broke down at that moment and sobbed into
the phone. Despite what Lincoln had done, I had really loved him.
Or at least I loved the side of himself he showed me. I had been
happier with him than I had been in a long time. For a brief moment
I had hope for a normal life with someone who knew my flaws and
secrets and loved me despite them.

“I have to go,” I said into the phone when I
was able to compose myself.

“Jillian… I can’t let you go like this.
You’re upset. Where are you? I can bring over some cheesecake, and
we can talk.”

I sniffled. “I can’t tell you. You’ll just
tell Lincoln.”

Little did she know I was at home right
now.

“Are you at your mother’s house?”

“I’ll be fine, Kennedy. I just need to go.” I
wanted to get away from this conversation.

“Jillian, I know my brother hurt you, but I’m
here for you. You don’t have to push everyone away.”

“It’s just better this way,” I insisted.

“Better for who, Jillian? I care about you
too.” She sounded hurt.

“No one cares about me, other than my
family.”

“Jillian! How can you say that?” she said,
appalled. “I care! Lincoln cares! You just have to let us in!”

I shook my head. “I did let him in, and look
what happened.”

“You’re wrong about him, Jillian. He loves
you. He’s worried about you, and I am too.”

“I’m sorry you’re being hurt over this,
Kennedy. I really am. But when you spend your whole life never
hearing that, it’s hard to believe it when you do.”

“But that doesn’t make it any less true,” she
insisted.

“How could he lie to me so easily if he cared
about me at all?” This was the crux of my feelings of betrayal. I
had irrefutable proof that he lied. There was no way Kennedy could
talk her way around that.

“Jillian, please just talk to him. I’m sure
he can explain…”

“I have to go,” I said again in a small voice
and Kennedy sighed into the phone.

“Okay, Jillian. I’ll call you in a few
days?”

“Yeah, okay,” I agreed but I knew there was
no reason to speak to her again. I could add Kennedy’s name to the
list of people Mackenzie had stolen from me.