All of You (35 page)

“I’m going to worry about you until I hear
from you again.”

“Don’t worry. I’ll be fine.”

She let out another sigh. “All right, if you
say so. Bye, Jillian.”

“Bye, Ken,” I said and hung up.

I realized Rebecca was sitting next to me on
the couch, looking at me with concern.

“What did she say?” my sister asked
quietly.

“Same thing you’ve been saying.”

“Maybe we’re both right then,” she said with
a hopeful tone.

I stared at my phone. I knew Lincoln had lied
to me, but I missed him so much. And then I hated myself for
missing him. “I feel so stupid.”

Rebecca sighed. “Jillian. Do you HONESTLY
think he was plotting against you with Mackenzie? Honestly, would
he do that?”

I sighed deeply. For as hurt as I was, I
couldn't deny that I truly believed Lincoln was a good man. A man
incapable of hurting anyone, much less me. “No. I don't,” I
admitted.

“Then, maybe... just maybe you
overreacted?”

“What was I supposed to do, Rebecca? He lied
about having my picture! He lied to me!”

“I know, Jilly. And I know that's huge. But
he's not back with Mackenzie. He's not plotting against you. He
told you one little white lie to protect you. He's been living in
his car for a week just hoping to get a chance to beg for your
forgiveness. Maybe he's suffered enough?” Rebecca shifted forward
and rubbed my arm.

“Why is this so hard?” I asked and buried my
head in my hands.

She gave me a small smile. “It wouldn’t be
worth it if it was easy.”

I couldn’t help but think about how much I
missed Lincoln and all the sweet things he did for me. Mostly I
missed his laughter and his smile. It made my heart hurt to think
about him.

“I need to go to bed,” I finally said. I
couldn’t think about this any longer.

“What are you going to do about Lincoln?”

I sighed loudly. “I have no idea.”

Chapter Twenty-two

I awoke during the night, curled in a small
ball on my side with the blankets tucked under my chin. It was
freezing in my bedroom. I pulled the blankets up higher and tried
to ignore my screaming bladder. I didn’t want to crawl out from
under my warm blankets to face the cold room, but eventually my
bladder won the battle. It’s just one of those things a person
cannot ignore.

I pushed the blankets off and set my bare
feet on the hardwood floor, trying to ignore the chill that ran
through my body. Slipping my feet into my fuzzy slippers, I tied my
robe around me and walked down the hall to the bathroom.

After I was done, I checked on Tabitha and
turned up the thermostat so the furnace would kick in and warm the
house.

The weatherman had said there was going to be
a fifty-degree temperature difference between today and yesterday.
So far this year, we had had a mild winter; yesterday’s high was
just below freezing. That was mild for this time of year, but a
cold front was moving in from Canada, and temperatures were
expected to be way below zero not including the wind chill. I
silently thanked the heavens I didn’t have to leave the house
today.

As I walked down the hall back to my bedroom,
my thoughts turned to Lincoln. I wondered if he was back from his
away game yet. Rebecca had said he had been basically living out of
his car this past week, waiting for me to return home. Oh God! It
was so cold out! I hoped he was smart enough to go home tonight.
Even if he kept his vehicle heater running, it was too cold to be
out all night long!

I couldn’t stop myself from peeking out the
hall window as I made my way back to my bedroom. I gasped when I
saw his FJ Cruiser parked against the curb across the street from
my house. Oh my God! He was going to get hypothermia!

I didn’t think of how hurt I was. I didn’t
think of how mad I was supposed to be. I immediately scurried
downstairs as quietly as possible. Once I reached the entryway, I
kicked off my slippers and slid my feet into my snow boots. I put
on Rebecca’s coat over my robe and was thankful I was wearing my
flannel pajamas tonight.

Scrunching up my face against the blast of
cold air that rushed into the house, I opened the front door and
stepped into the cold. After checking the lock to make sure I
wouldn’t get locked out, I pulled the door closed behind me and
stomped down the steps and across the street to Lincoln’s SUV.

I could see no movement as I peered in
through the window. It was hard to see inside, but when I looked in
the backseat, I could see what I assumed was Lincoln lying across
the seat, wrapped in an insulated sleeping bag. He had at least
tried to fight against the cold, and I was momentarily relieved
before anger coursed through me.

I brought my hand up and smacked the glass as
hard as I could without breaking it. The body inside the sleeping
bag jerked, and when I smacked the window again, the person sat up
and reached to open the door.

The floor of the vehicle was littered with
old crumpled sandwich wrappers and empty water bottles. A duffle
bag sat on the floor wedged between the front and the backseat. I
looked at the man who was trying to extract himself from the
sleeping bag.

Lincoln looked like hell. His beard was out
of control, and there were bags under his puffy, bloodshot eyes.
His face looked thinner, and he looked like he hadn’t had a decent
night’s sleep in a long while. Surprise and anxiety were etched on
his face.

“Jillian!” he started to say as he tried to
free his legs from the sleeping bag.

“GO HOME, YOU STUPID ASS!” I slammed the door
shut in his face and turned back toward the house. I was across the
street when I heard the distinct sound of a vehicle door
opening.

“Jillian! Wait!” he called from behind
me.

I turned and saw him frantically trying to
crawl out of his SUV. He was looking at me with panic as if I would
disappear right in front of his eyes.

“GO HOME!” I ordered while trying to keep
quiet. It was the middle of the night, and I didn’t want to wake
the whole neighborhood.

“Wait! Please!” he cried again. He was half
out of the vehicle, his legs still tangled in that stupid sleeping
bag, when his hand slipped from the door and he tumbled out,
landing face down in the street.

He lay there for a moment before trying to
prop himself up on his knees and forearms. Even from across the
street, I could see his body shivering. He looked absolutely
depleted and wrecked. Hollow and lifeless.

My heart twisted. I didn’t want to see him
like this. Even though it was his fault, I didn’t think he deserved
this level of pain. Taking a deep, steadying breath that made my
lungs ache from the cold, I crossed back to his side of the street.
He looked up at me as I approached and whispered my name. His voice
was pleading. Desperate.

I knelt down and unzipped the sleeping bag
the rest of the way. I unwrapped it from his legs and threw it into
the backseat, closing the vehicle door. I wrapped an arm around his
shoulder and pulled at his arm to urge him to stand.

“Come on. Up you go,” I said to him. He
clutched at my arm and heaved himself onto his feet, holding on to
me for support.

Once he was upright, he didn’t let go but
instead, pulled me close to him and wrapped his arms around me. I
just about collapsed under his weight. I could feel him shivering
uncontrollably through his coat and I was getting extremely cold
myself.

“Oh God. Okay, Lincoln. Can you walk to the
house?”

He let go of me enough to move toward the
house, but kept one arm around my shoulders, refusing to let go of
me completely. When we reached the front steps, Rebecca opened the
front door for us.

“Oh my God, what happened?” she asked as she
held the door open for us to walk through. She closed it behind us
as I tried to hold Lincoln up.

“I don’t know. I think he’s just really cold
and exhausted.”

Lincoln had his head hung low, and his eyes
were closed. He was barely holding his own weight and was shivering
violently. His lips had turned blue, and his face was pale.

My sister went into nurse mode. She placed a
hand on his forehead and then checked his pulse in his wrist. “I
think he just needs to warm up and get some rest.”

“Lincoln? Do you think you can make it
upstairs?” I asked him as I took off his frozen coat. It wasn’t
doing him any good.

Lincoln nodded, although it was hard to tell
through the shivering. I stripped off my coat and kicked my boots
off, leaving them in the middle of the entryway.

Rebecca took one side of him and I took the
other, and together we managed to help him up the stairs and into
my bedroom.

We sat him on the edge of my bed, and I
pulled his shirt over his head. A tremor ran through him, and I
quickly dropped to my knees in front of him to take off his shoes
and socks. I tossed them on the other side of the room and sat up
to undo his belt.

As my fingers worked over his freezing belt
buckle, I felt his fingertips on my cheek.

“J-J-J-Jillian… I...I-love you,” he whispered
between shivers, and he caressed my face.

I looked up at him and found him looking down
at me through half-closed eyes. My heart twisted again. I had
missed him so much.

“Shh…” I said in a soft voice. “Lie
back.”

He immediately dropped back so he was lying
bare-chested across the bed with his legs dangling off the end. He
was still shivering, although it didn’t seem as bad.

I sighed. I was pretty sure he had just
passed out from exhaustion.

I finished unbuckling his pants and stood
over him. Rebecca took one pant leg and I took the other and we
pulled together. I sent up a silent prayer that Lincoln was wearing
underwear so Rebecca wouldn’t get an eyeful.

We managed to wrestle him out of his pants,
and I dropped them next to his shoes. Lincoln pulled his legs up on
the bed and twisted so his head was on a pillow. I pulled the
blankets over him, and Rebecca and I watched as his shivering
became less violent and more sporadic. His color was starting to
return.

“He’ll be all right. He just has to warm up,”
Rebecca said quietly. “But, ya know… I feel it's my duty to inform
you that body heat would warm him up the fastest,” she added and
then winked at me with a smirk on her face.

I knew my sister was partially joking, but
she was right. I untied my robe and shucked it off, letting it fall
to the floor next to Lincoln’s clothes.

Rebecca’s eyes went wide as I started
unbuttoning my top.

“Oh wow. You’re really gonna…” she started to
say but trailed off. “Okay then! Well, if his breathing becomes
erratic or he doesn’t stop shivering after a little while, come get
me. I’ll take Tabitha to Emily’s in the morning before I go to work
so you two can… talk.”

“Thank you, Rebecca. I really appreciate
it.”

“No worries, Jilly Bean.” She looked back at
Lincoln. “Ya know, I really do think he’s sorry.”

I nodded. “I know.”

Rebecca smiled and left the room, closing the
door behind her. I locked it behind her just in case Tabitha would
try to come in for some reason.

I took a deep breath and walked back to the
bed. Lincoln’s eyes were closed as if he was sleeping, but I
couldn’t imagine how he could sleep like that. He was curled up in
a ball under the covers. Damn, he must have been frozen out there.
Idiot! I thought to myself.

I quickly stripped off my pajamas, leaving
only my panties. Those could stay. I turned the light out, pulled
the covers back, and slid into bed. I pulled the blankets over the
two of us and scooted closer to him. His arms instinctively reached
out for me, enveloping me. He groaned as he pulled me up flush to
his body. Our naked chests were touching, and I wrapped my arms
around him, running my hands up and down his back. I tangled my
legs with his, and when our feet touched, I jerked at how frozen
his were. He buried his face in my neck, and I could feel his warm
breath on my skin.

Slowly his tremors subsided, and his
breathing became more even. Eventually, he drifted into a deep
sleep, although he never loosened his grip on me. If Lincoln was
anything like me, he probably hadn’t slept well over the past week.
But despite my exhaustion, I lay awake for a long while after he
fell asleep. Partially because I was worried about Lincoln being
warm enough, but also because my brain wouldn’t shut off. It was as
if my heart wanted to forgive Lincoln, but my brain kept reminding
me of all the scenarios that could happen and different ways I
could get hurt again. Then my heart would tell me it didn’t matter
if I got hurt again because this was worth it. Then my brain would
argue that I was an idiot for hoping for a fairy tale ending
because that didn’t exist in real life.

I ultimately fell asleep while the battle
between brain and heart raged on. At least I was happy lying in
Lincoln’s arms.

Chapter
Twenty-three

I woke to soft kisses on my lips the next
morning. Lincoln was wrapped around me as close as possible. I
feathered my fingers through his hair and was perfectly contented
to lay here with him.

Obviously he was feeling better; his kisses
became more intense as he worked his way down my neck, sucking at
my soft skin. He moved a hand to my naked breast and squeezed it
gently.

I let myself roll to my back and Lincoln
rolled with me so he was partially lying on top of me. I remembered
how good his weight felt on me. How good he smelled. How amazing he
tasted. He moved his mouth to mine and kissed me fiercely. Our
tongues rubbed against each other, and I felt Lincoln grind his
hips against me and I instinctively rolled my hips against him.