All of You (36 page)

“Wait. Wait. Wait,” Lincoln said as he
wrenched his mouth away. He gazed down at me as he hovered over me,
and I looked up at him expectantly. “We should talk… before…” he
stuttered as he shook his head.

I nodded. We needed to talk. “I’m listening,”
I told him.

He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply through
his nose. “Okay. I’ve rehearsed in my head a million times what I
wanted to say to you if you ever let me speak to you again.” He
opened his eyes and grabbed my hand and held it between his.

“I’m sorry, Princess. I’m so sorry I hurt
you. You have to believe me; I don’t want anything to do with
Mackenzie. I’m not with her. I don’t want her. I want you. Only
you, Jillian.” He was staring deep into my eyes, willing me to
believe him. “I should never have talked to her. I should have
known anything to do with her never turns out well.”

I halfheartedly tried to pull my hand free
from his, but part of me remembered how nice it felt to simply hold
his hand.

Frustration and anger boiled up out of me.
“Why did you lie to me, Lincoln?! Why did you have to keep that
fucking picture?!”

Lincoln cringed at my anger. “I’m so sorry I
lied to you. I know how much you hate Mackenzie and I didn’t want
you to know I had talked to her,” he admitted.

“That’s a terrible way to behave. I’d rather
you tell me the truth!”

“I will. I will.” He sounded so repentant.
“That’s the only time I ever lied to you, and I will never do it
again. I promise, Princess. I’m sorry I lied about having the
picture. I’ll never forgive myself for that. Mackenzie gave it to
me thinking I would leave you after I saw it. That is the last time
I spoke to her. I’m not involved with her. I don’t want her; I want
you. You are my everything.” His eyes burned into mine. “You’re so
smart and positive. All the shit you’ve dealt with in your life,
and you can still make me laugh over the stupidest things. I love
that about you. I love you, Jillian. Please forgive me. Please
forgive me, and I will spend the rest of my life making it up to
you.”

He dropped his head to rest on my shoulder,
and I squeezed my eyes shut as I tried not to let him get to me.
“What about the picture? If any of what you said was true, it
doesn’t explain why you kept the picture.”

He rolled off me, onto his back and sighed
loudly. “Baby, I know you hate that picture. I know you think it’s
ugly and embarrassing, but I’m going to be honest…” He rolled to
his side and leaned his head on his hand. “I love that picture,
Jillian. I can’t tell you how sorry I am that I hurt you, but I’m
not sorry I had that picture. You’re so beautiful, and until my
birthday that picture… that picture was the only way I could see
all your beauty.” He paused and his eyes searched my face for signs
of hope that I understood. “I know it’s no excuse, but I lie in bed
at night and look at your picture. I don’t see your scars. I see
your strength and beauty. I see you.”

My breath caught as the tears rolled down my
cheeks. He had said everything right, and I wanted to believe him,
but I didn’t know if I could.

“I’m still mad at you, Lincoln.” I told him,
and he nodded. “I’m so worried you’ll break my heart.”

“Oh God, baby. I will NEVER break your heart.
I only want you to be happy. I know I lied to you, but I really
hope someday you can trust me again.”

“I do trust you Lincoln—” I started to
say.

“Do you? I know I hurt you, but do you trust
that I didn’t do it on purpose and I will never hurt you on
purpose?”

I couldn’t answer him. I didn’t know what the
answer was. I knew he was a trustworthy man, but I still didn’t
trust that he wouldn’t break my heart.

He grabbed my hand again and held it tight.
“Do you trust yourself enough to know you are everything I say you
are? Strong, beautiful, smart? Do you believe me when I tell you
that?”

I remained silent. The problem wasn’t me
trusting Lincoln. The problem was that I didn’t trust myself to be
enough for him. One discrepancy by him, and I had immediately
jumped to the conclusion that he was plotting evil with Mackenzie.
It seemed like a ridiculous conclusion now. I didn't believe he was
messing around with Mackenzie. Why couldn’t I believe the other
things he said?

“Why didn’t you go to your therapy
appointment?” he asked me, changing the subject.

I sighed. “Because I knew you would be
there.”

Lincoln nodded. “I waited for you there. I’m
sorry you missed it because of me. Did you reschedule it?”

I shook my head. I hadn’t rescheduled it. If
I wasn’t going to be with Lincoln, there was no need.

“Will you?” he asked. “Please? I still want
to go with you, but only if you want me to.”

I looked up at him. He was looking at me with
love and concern. “How do you do that?” I asked him.

He scrunched his eyebrows. “How do I do
what?”

“How do you know exactly what to say to make
me feel better?”

Lincoln gave a small smile. “I’m just telling
the truth. I will always tell you the truth. You are such an
amazing woman, Jillian, and I love you so much.”

“I love you too, Lincoln,” I squeaked out, as
my throat got tight from emotion.

“Oh, Jillian,” he whispered as he shifted
closer to me.

His mouth descended on mine, and he claimed
me with a passionate kiss. Our mouths and tongues moved in rhythm
until he broke away from our kiss and moved his mouth down to my
chest. He kissed around my nipple before pulling it into his mouth
and sucking on it gently.

White-hot desire shot through me and I could
feel a throbbing between my legs. I rolled my hips and my pelvis
rubbed against his hardness. He groaned against my breast. I slid
my hands down his back and under the waistband of his boxer briefs.
Lincoln shifted so he was directly over me, looking down. I grabbed
his butt and pulled him close to me. His eyelids fluttered as his
eyes rolled back.

“Jillian…” he groaned. “This past week has
been unbearable. I know I deserved it, but please don’t ever put me
through that again. Even if you can’t forgive me. Please don’t
disappear on me.”

I brought a hand up to cup his face. I had
been miserable over the past week without him. I didn’t want to be
dependent on him for my happiness, but the simple fact was I was
happiest when I was with him.

“Lincoln, I was miserable without you. I
won’t disappear again.” My voice broke and I sniffled again. “If
you can forgive me for doubting you, then I can forgive you for
lying to me.”

“Oh Princess, I forgive you. But only on the
condition that we see this therapist together.”

I nodded and clutched at his hips. I looked
him deep in the eyes. “I missed you so much, baby,” I admitted.

He closed his eyes, and a look of relief
filled his face. When he opened them again he had a fire in his
eyes. He brought his mouth down to mine, and I melted into him as
we kissed.

I had missed his lips, his tongue, and his
hands. Everything. My fingers threaded through his hair, and I
pushed my chest against his. His hands roamed my body, squeezing
and massaging in all the right places.

“Oh Princess, I’ve missed you so much too,”
he said as he pulled back from my mouth. He moved his mouth to my
neck again and licked at the spot that made my toes curl with
pleasure. I groaned when he suckled me there, and I felt his
hardness against my inner thigh. But instead of relishing in our
pleasure, he pulled back and hovered over me.

“What is it?” I asked, wondering why he
stopped.

“I don’t have any condoms with me,” he
admitted as his eyes roamed my face.

“Oh.” I didn’t have any either. I never had a
need for them but it wasn’t optional.

We both exhaled deeply and tried to calm
down. Lincoln lay back on top of me but didn’t move. He simply
nuzzled his face against my hair, and I could feel him breathing
deep, holding me tight.

I buried my face in his neck and breathed
deep, inhaling his masculine sent. My heart swelled at how much
love I had for this man. I knew I had overreacted, and he wouldn’t
lie to me again, but I knew he was right; I still didn’t trust
myself to be worthy of him. I squeezed my arms around him and held
on to him tightly. He would help me through this, like he had been
doing all along.

Chapter
Twenty-four

Lincoln and I lay in bed for a long time,
just holding each other. I drifted in and out of sleep and enjoyed
being in the circle of his arms. Eventually, my stomach growled and
Lincoln chuckled.

“Time for breakfast?” he asked against my
neck, and I nodded. “I’m going to take a cold shower real
quick.”

He crawled out of his side of the bed, and I
sat up letting the blankets pool around my waist. He stood next to
the bed waiting for a response from me, but my focus was fixed on
the bulge between his legs.

“You’re still… hard.” I said before I could
stop myself.

He smirked. “Hence the cold shower,
babe.”

My mouth went dry, and I bit my lip. I rose
up on my knees on the bed, letting the blankets fall. Lincoln’s
eyes filled with lust as they roamed quickly over my body. My
nipples jutted out against the cool room. I was proud of myself for
not letting my scars make me ashamed at being mostly naked with
him. Maybe this would get easier with time.

I walked on my knees across the bed, stopping
directly in front of him. I looked up at him with hooded eyes. “I
could help you with that,” I said, trying to be seductive.

His nostrils flared, and his eyes roamed over
me again.

“God, you are sexy,” he finally said. He
stepped closer and kissed me, but it wasn’t the passionate kiss I
wanted. “Go make breakfast. I’ll be down in a few minutes.”

I squealed as he slapped me on the behind and
I scampered off the bed. Lincoln pulled his jeans on, and I picked
up my pajama top, slipped it on and started buttoning it up.

“Hey,” Lincoln said as he came up behind me.
“You know it’s not because I don’t want you, right?”

“What?” I spun around to look at him.

“If I had it my way, we wouldn’t get out of
bed for days. Believe me, the last thing I want to do right now is
take a cold shower. But if I let you touch me, I won’t be able to
stop.”

I swallowed hard at his admission. He was
looking at me with such love in his eyes. I rocked up on my tiptoes
and leaned up to kiss him. I meant for it to be a quick passionless
kiss, but the moment our lips touched, the fire was renewed.
Lincoln grasped my hips and pulled me close. I ran my hands up his
muscular chest and whimpered as his tongue entered my mouth. He
slipped his hands under my pajama top and caressed the skin on my
back, even my scarred skin.

“Bacon!” Lincoln cried out as he broke our
kiss and stepped away from me. He was panting hard. I looked at him
confused. “Bacon. Eggs. Toast. Orange Juice. Breakfast. We’re going
to have breakfast,” he insisted.

I giggled, knowing he was trying to distract
himself.

“For the love of God, get downstairs before I
throw you in my SUV, take you to my house, and chain you to my
bed.”

I giggled again and scampered out of my
bedroom.

“And put some pants on!” he called after me
and threw my pajama bottoms out into the hall.

How did I ever think I could stay away from
this man? He made me so happy.

~~~~~~~~

Breakfast was ready when Lincoln came
downstairs. He was dressed in the clothes he was wearing last
night. His hair was still wet, although he must have found a razor
and had taken care of his messy beard. It was the smoothest I had
ever seen his face.

“Did you use my razor?” I asked him while we
were eating at the island in the kitchen.

He turned slightly red and looked at me with
a smirk. “Yeah. Is that okay?”

“Fine by me.” I ran my fingers over his
now-smooth jawline. He leaned his face into my hand and smiled at
me in a way that made my heart beat fast.

We finished our breakfast and discussed what
we had done in the week we were apart. Lincoln told me about his
games, and I filled him in about how my research was progressing.
Lincoln’s phone chirped as we were doing dishes together, and his
face fell when he looked at the message.

“Baby, what’s wrong?” I asked. Lincoln’s
whole demeanor had changed. He now looked tense and anxious.

He swallowed a few times. “That was Carter…
the injunction expired.”

For a second the whole world froze. The
tabloid was free to publish my naked, embarrassing, traumatizing
picture. I was so stupid. Why didn’t I press charges like everyone
had told me to?

I grabbed the edge of the counter for
support, and immediately Lincoln was at my side, rubbing my back.
“It’ll be okay, baby. I talked to my father yesterday. Please don’t
be mad, but I—I had to tell him everything.”

“You told your father about my scars?!” I
exclaimed, appalled.

“Yes. I’m sorry but he wanted to know why
Carter and I were fighting so hard against this picture being
published. He was worried the picture showed us doing something
illegal,” he explained. “I had to tell him what the picture was and
what it meant, and he agreed it shouldn’t be published. Carter just
texted me that he and my dad struck a deal with this tabloid for an
exclusive interview and pictures of their home in exchange for hard
copies and any publishing rights to your picture.”

I was dumbfounded. “The tabloid agreed to
that?”

“I’m sure there was some money exchanged as
well,” he admitted.

I pulled away from him and covered my mouth
with my hand as my eyes filled with tears. “Why didn’t you tell
me?”

He closed the distance between us again. “I
didn’t want to upset you if this ended up not working.”