All Joy and No Fun: The Paradox of Modern Parenthood (38 page)

207
bring more family stress into their workplaces
Ibid., 200.

207
“Women’s personal crises at midlife”
Ibid., 256.

209
adolescents
overestimate
risk
For a technical perspective on this, see Wändi Bruine de Bruin, Andrew M. Parker, and Baruch Fischoff, “Can Adolescents Predict Significant Life Events?”
Journal of Adolescent Health
41 (2007): 208–10. For a layperson’s perspective, see David Dobbs, “Teenage Brains,”
National Geographic
220, no. 4 (October 2011): 36–59.

210
the
prefrontal
cortex
For a thorough, uncomplicated review of how the adolescent brain works and evolves, see Daniel R. Weinberger, Brita Elvevag, and Jay N. Giedd, “The Adolescent Brain: A Work in Progress,” report of the National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy (June 2005).

210
a
huge
flurry
of
activity
Sarah-Jayne Blakemore and Suparna Choudury, “Brain Development During Puberty: State of the Science” (commentary),
Developmental Science
9, no. 1 (2006): 11–14.

210
why
adolescents
seem
so
fond
of
arguing
Nancy Darling, “What Middle School Parents Should Know Part 2: Adolescents Are Like Lawyers,” Thinking About Kids (blog),
Psychology Today
(September 9, 2010), available at: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/thinking-about-kids/201009/what-middle-school-parents-should-know-part-2-adolescents-are-lawyer.

210
their
prefrontal
cortexes
are
still
adding
myelin
Weinberger et al., “The Adolescent Brain,” 9–10.

210
“They’re
kind
of
flying
by
the
seat
of
their
pants”
B. J. Casey, interview with the author, August 28, 2012.

211
“Teenagers are more Kirk than Spock”
Ibid.

211
“And
then
parents
are
going
to
get
into
tussles”
Laurence Steinberg, interview with the author, April 11, 2011.

211
adolescent
brains
are
also
more
prone
to
substance
abuse
and
dependence
Linda Patia Spear, “Alcohol’s Effects on Adolescents” (sidebar),
Alcohol Research and Health
26, no. 4 (2002): 288.

211
“I used to think that if I locked up my son”
Casey interview.

211
victor
in
the
quest
for
control
Siobhan S. Pattwell et al., “Altered Fear Learning Across Development in Both Mouse and Human,”
Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences
109, no. 40 (2012): 13–21.

212
“Reckless sounds like you’re not paying attention”
Dobbs, “Teenage Brains,” 36.

212
modern
adolescence
generates
an
awful
lot
of “weirdness
”
Alison Gopnik, “What’s Wrong with the Teenage Mind?” The Saturday Essay (blog),
Wall Street Journal,
January 28, 2012, available at: http://online.wsj.com/article/SB 10001424052970203806504577181351486558984.html.

213
the
sheltered
lives
of
modern
adolescents
Margaret Mead, “The Young Adult,” in
Values and Ideals of American Youth
, ed. Eli Ginzberg (New York: Columbia University Press, 1961), 37-51.

213
“as-if”
period
Rolf E. Muuss,
Theories of Adolescence
, 5th ed. (New York: McGraw-Hill, 1988), 72.

213
“These
Stone
Age
tendencies”
Jay Giedd, interview with Neal Conan,
Talk of the Nation
, NPR, September 20, 2011.

213
“behavior
that
we
would
consider
precocious”
Mintz,
Huck’s Raft,
68, 75, 87.

213
But by the twentieth century
Ibid., 197.

214
December
1924
issue
of
Woman Citizen
Zelizer,
Pricing the Priceless Child,
67.

214
It
published
an
essay
version
Margaret Sanger, “The Case for Birth Control,”
Woman Citizen
8 (February 23, 1924): 17–18.

214
The
divergent
paths
to
American
adulthood
Jeylan T. Mortimer,
Working and Growing Up in America
(Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press, 2003), 9.

215
the
word “teenager” emerged
in
the
American
lexicon
Mintz,
Huck’s Raft,
239.

215
“They live in a jolly world”
Quoted in ibid., 252.

215
“Teens, for the first time, shared a common experience”
Ibid., 286.

215
a
portrait
of
high
school
culture
in
the
Midwest
James S. Coleman,
The Adolescent Society: The Social Life of the Teenager and Its Impact on Education
(Westport, CT: Greenwood Press, 1981).

216
“We
know
so
much
better
what
makes
them
tick”
Hulbert,
Raising America,
280.

216
“children’s ‘aspirational
age’ has
risen”
Chudacoff,
Children at Play,
217.

217
“Myface”
Carrie Dann, Lauren Appelbaum, and Eman Varoqua, “Clinton’s Speech at Rutgers,” First Read (blog), NBCNEWS.com, April 20, 2007.

217
“And
it’s
freaking people out
”
Clay Shirky, interview with the author, April 20, 2011.

218
“fueled cravings for an easy life”
Mintz,
Huck’s Raft,
230.

218
“If
it
were
my
task,
Mr.
Chairman”
Quoted in Kutner and Olson,
Grand Theft Childhood,
50–51.

219
“you
explicitly
have
to
open
a
communication
channel”
Mimi Ito, interview with the author, May 24, 2012.

220
“really accessible”
Ibid.

220
“Not
only
that,
but
parents
live
in
a
society”
Clay Shirky, interview with the author, April 20, 2011.

220
“Friending your child”
Ibid.

221
“What
’s
interesting
about
cell
phones
and
Facebook”
Nancy Darling, interview with the author, March 29, 2011.

222
“While
we
were
growing
up”
Clay Shirky, interview with the author, April 20, 2011.

223
10.4
times
per
week
Barbara K. Hofer,
The iConnected Parent: Staying Close to Your Kids in College (and Beyond) While Letting Them Grow Up
(New York: Free Press, 2010), 16.

224
rock-bottom
lowest
marks
Galinsky,
Ask the Children,
ch. 2.

225
“Adults are not less excessive in their behavior”
Phillips,
On Balance,
38.

225
“an
overcoming . . . a
disciplining”
Phillips,
Going Sane,
129.

225
“The
helplessness
born
of
experience”
Phillips,
On Balance,
38.

225
they in fact rise and fall in tandem with adult problems
Mintz,
Huck’s Raft,
345.

226
“mid-life
rumination
scale”
Steinberg,
Crossing Paths,
151.

227
they didn’t want a second adolescence at all
Ibid., 152.

229
all
of
us
go
through
eight
stages
of
development
For Erikson’s seminal work on the stages of development, see Erik H. Erikson,
Identity and the Life Cycle
(New York: W. W. Norton, 1994).

229
“generativity versus stagnation”
Ibid., 103.

229
“integrity versus despair and disgust”
Ibid., 104.

230
“It is the acceptance of one’s”
Ibid.

230
parents
of
twelve-
to
seventeen-year-olds
US Census Bureau, “America’s Families and Living Arrangements: 2012,” American Community Survey, Current Population Survey, table F1, available at: http://www.census.gov/hhes/families/data/cps2012.html (November 2012).

230
risk
of
depression
during
perimenopause
Salynn Boyles, “Nearing Menopause? Depression a Risk,” WebMD.com, available at: http://www.webmd.com/menopause/news/20060403/nearing-menopause-depression-risk (accessed April 22, 2013).

234
“as antidepressants . . . more dependent on their children”
Phillips,
On Balance,
98.

234
“For
a
child
growing
up”
Phillips,
Going Sane,
220.

chapter six

237
“But
I
am
telling
only
half
the
truth”
Mary Cantwell,
Manhattan, When I Was Young
(Boston: Houghton Mifflin, 1995), 155.

238
“There’s really
fun
stuff about raising kids”
Robin Simon, interview with the author, April 4, 2011.

239
“When
I
think
of
the
word ‘parenting’ ”
Nancy Darling, “Why Parenting Isn’t Fun,” Thinking About Kids (blog),
Psychology Today
(July 18, 2010), available at: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/thinking-about-kids/201007/why-parenting-isn-t-fun.

239
“Hanging out watching videos”
Ibid.

239
“They involve just sitting back”
Ibid.

240
positive
psychology
was
the
most
popular
course
Tara Parker-Pope, “Teaching Happiness, on the Web,” Well (blog),
New York Times,
January 24, 2008, available at: http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2008/01/24/teaching-happiness-on-the-web.

241
“Few
of
the
experiences
of
happiness”
Sissela Bok,
Exploring Happiness: From Aristotle to Brain Science
(New Haven, CT: Yale University Press, 2010), 103.

242
the
Grant
study
George Vaillant, interview with the author, March 8, 2013.

242
“Their
lives
were
too
human
for
science”
Quoted in Joshua Wolf Shenk, “What Makes Us Happy?”
The Atlantic
(June 2009): 36–53.

242
When
I
first
meet
Vaillant
in
Boston
George Vaillant, interview with the author, March 23, 2011.

242
“Joy
is
connection”
George Vaillant,
Spiritual Evolution: A Scientific Defense of Faith
(New York: Broadway Books, 2008), 124.

242
“It’s
how
Freud
saw
sex”
George Vaillant, interview with the author, March 23, 2011.

243
“It’s the difference between watching
Emmanuelle
”
Ibid.

243
“Excitement,
sexual
ecstasy,
and
happiness”
Vaillant,
Spiritual Evolution,
125.

244
He’s very fond of quoting William Blake’s
Ibid., 119.