Above the Noise (32 page)

“Your baby can hear what’s going on around you. Your voices, music, loud sounds, such as car horns, and she can even startle enough that you’ll feel her jump when frightened.”

“So, what are we supposed to do?”

“Well, it’s your decision, but my suggestion would be this; I would like to see you come back to Knoxville at twenty-eight weeks, that’s in two months. I would like you to have your assistant take on enough of the responsibilities that will allow you to get six to eight hours of sleep every night.” She jotted what she was saying down on the top sheet of the stack of paper she’d handed Becki.

“What about their shows? They don’t have daytime shows.” I saw Becki’s eyes tear up. She loved the shows. She was a live music girl.

“Let’s make a deal, Becki. You can do one show a week, but that’s it. You’ve got to start putting your baby’s safety and health above everything. It won’t be easy, but you’re a mom now.” She looked up at me. “And, Calon, you’re a dad. You need to keep an eye on this girl and help her keep the baby safe and healthy.”

“I had no idea how all this worked. I truly thought you just carried the thing around inside you for nine-months and the real responsibility came after it came out. Oh, yeah, about the coming out part. Does that hurt and will my vagina ever be the same?” Becki giggled.

“Tell you what. About halfway through that stack is everything you will need to know about what you just asked me. And, Calon, you’ll be pleased to know that you get some hands-on assignments that you may find enjoyable—if you know what I mean.” She elbowed me a little and then turned for the door. “I will look over the measurements we took today and call you if there’s anything I need to share with you. You two have a good day, okay? And, do that homework.”

“Thank you, Dr. Daily.” I was thrilled we ended up with a down to earth doctor who could joke with us but also give it to us like it was. I wouldn’t say it to Becki, but I had been concerned that she would blow off whatever the doctor told us. It didn’t appear as though she had that attitude with Dr. Daily, and for that I was thrilled.

We walked back to my apartment holding hands, both of us pensive. I risked looking like an idiot and carried Becki’s purse now that it had ten pounds worth of paperwork in it. But I couldn’t wait to lie in bed with her and read everything we needed to know about being pregnant. Part of me was sad that we didn’t know about the baby for so long, it was like we’d been docked a couple months of excitement, nervousness, and research. We really should’ve been reading up on all of this.

“So, what are we going to do, Calon?” We walked up the stairs and into my place.

“Well, I think Dr. Daily had a good plan. You come back here and stay put at twenty-eight weeks.”

“Are you doing that math? We are home, in Knoxville, for four of those weeks. I’d only be back in LA with you for four weeks, and then I’d have to move home. The baby is coming at the end of May. That’s all of March, April, and May away from you. Calon! You guys have shows all the way into the fall of next year. I can’t do that to you guys. And, I don’t want to be that far away from you all that time.”

Standing in the middle of my living room, I took her into my arms and let her bag fall from my shoulder. “Listen, I hate the idea of being away from you, but like Dr. Daily said, we have to start putting
her
ahead of what
we
want.” I touched her belly with both my hands.

“I’m really just a little too selfish for this, Calon. Why couldn’t you just have left your dick in your pants? Ugh.” She stomped over to the kitchen and poured herself a glass of water. I followed her.

“Now,
that’s
all your fault. If you weren’t so unbelievably sexy, I would have had no problem keeping it in my pants. I did pretty well with that for the four years before I met you, ya know.”

“I still don’t know how you did that. Four years? That’s some will power.” She took a big gulp of water.

“Or hand power.” I made the universal jacking-off gesture, and with bad timing, I might add, because the giant gulp of water Becki had just taken came back out all over me.

“You’re such a dork.” She wiped off her face and mine while she giggled non-stop. “Hey, I promised Gracie I’d stop by her work and let her know how the ultrasound went. Wanna come?” She laced her hands around my waist and stood on her toes to kiss me, even though she was tall enough she didn’t really need to.

“I really should head to the studio. The guys have been there working on shit for hours without me.”

“Okay, well, maybe we can have dinner with Jake and Gracie tonight?” She winced a little, as though she needed to beg me to spend time with them. I loved Gracie like a sister, and once Jake realized I wasn’t trying to steal her from him, we hit it off. I loved hanging out with them and missed it a lot while we’d been gone.

“Of course, that sounds great. Let’s shoot for six-ish? You text me where you want me to meet you, and I’ll be there.” She nodded against me but didn’t let go.

“What are you thinking, Miss Mowry?” I pulled her face to mine.

“You’re going to have a daughter, Mr. Ridge.” A pang of nervousness hit my stomach so hard I blinked, and it stole my breath.

“We’re having a girl.” I kissed her slow and deep. Our mouths celebrated with a kiss that left me weak and wanting more. “If she’s half as amazing as her mommy, she will be perfect.”

A daughter.

My girl.

AFTER I SIGNED
in at The Knoxville Extension School office, the secretary pointed me in the direction of Gracie’s classroom. The only sound in the hallway was my Converse squeaking on the linoleum tile floor. I walked slowly and looked at all the art hanging on the walls in the wide hallway. There were paintings of trees with bits and pieces of torn green tissue paper glued on for leaves. Then there were larger horizontal drawings of words that had me mesmerized in no time. They were obviously done by older children with a significant interest in art. It looked as though students had traced large letters to spell a word of their choice, and then they used colorful markers to add pattern and designs to each letter. They were beautiful. I whispered each word as I walked.

“TRUST, HOME, FRIENDS, HAPPY, BEACH, LIFE, LOVE, SUNSET…”

I stopped dead in my tracks and walked over to touch the intricate lines on a word that stood out from the rest. The letters were drawn on a black piece of paper, where all the others were on white. The letters were outlined in white, and the designs within the letters were done with expert precision in metallic gold.

“ABSOLUTE.” I spoke just above a whisper and took in every nuance of every line. There was a subtle movement to the design. The design in the ‘A’ was sparse, just a couple small shapes, almost like the yin yang symbol. Each letter became more dense with design, ending on the ‘E’ that was so filled with meticulous lines and shapes that the design you saw when you stood back was actually created by a void of lines. The shapes were made up of the black spaces between the designs. The artist’s initials, ‘SKO’, were hidden in the design.

I grabbed my phone from my pocket and texted a photo of the project to Calon. I knew that was probably a rip-off in the art community, but it’s not like I was going to sell it or claim it to be my own. I just wanted to share the beautification of that word with Calon.

“Okay, now, I’m going to play you a song, and I want you to sing to your new friend.” Gracie’s voice was perfect for the social work profession and working with special needs and troubled kids. It was the epitome of peace and calm but somehow strong at the same time. I stood just outside her room, leaned against the wall and listened.

“Miss Jordan, I don’t know the words.”

I heard Gracie giggle. “Joe Joe, honey, I didn’t play the song yet. Hold your horses.”

I smiled. If this school didn’t hire her after graduation, they were missing out. She was made for this job. I, personally, was always nervous around mentally challenged people. I was too worried they’d think I was staring, or if I laughed they wouldn’t know I was laughing
with
them and not
at
them. I was happy to wait out in the hallway until Gracie was free.

I gently dropped my head back against the wall when I heard the music start. “Lips Like Sugar” by Echo and the Bunnymen was our ritual while we got ready for parties in Gracie’s apartment. Gracie, Stacy, and I would dance around like idiots while we showered, got dressed, and put on our make-up. I knew Gracie and I were both having the same flashbacks at that moment, which made me smile. But, partying was now a part of my past. You don’t see many pregnant girls at fraternities these days. It would’ve been fun to party a little just with Gracie while we were home for the month, like old times. An attempt at one last hoorah before she and Jake graduate, and we all end up going out into the real world. I pressed my hand to my stomach just as Gracie opened the door and stuck her head into the hallway.

“Becki! I hoped you’d be here. You need to come in and see this.” She grabbed me by the hand that wasn’t on my belly and tugged.

“Oh, Gracie, you know how this stuff is for me. It makes me super uncomfortable. I’ll just wait out here.” I struggled against her grip.

“Becki, we’re listening to music and hanging out with puppies. You can’t find
that
much fun in the hallway. Come on!”

“I’m gonna kill you, Gracie Ann.”

“You love me.”

She pulled me around the corner and into a room that threw me right back into an elementary school mindset. It smelled like paint, the kid kind of paint. Sunshine filled the room through a whole wall of windows. There were colorful kid-made mobiles hanging from the ceiling, and a huge red carpet that took up most of the entire floor. There were some desks on the carpet but not many.

There were about ten little people sitting on the carpet in a tight circle. They were trying their damnedest to keep up with the lyrics of Echo and the Bunnymen while they loved on what looked to be an entire litter of golden retriever pups. The giggles far outweighed the actually singing, but a more precious scene I’d never laid eyes on.

“Miss Jordan, can you and your friend come play, too?” A little blonde girl with glasses tried to hold her puppy still as she spoke. She ended up getting a mouthful of puppy tongue but couldn’t have cared less. It just made her giggle louder.

“Come on, Beck. You can do this. You just have to relax. Look at it as just a group of kids and puppies and try to look past their differences. Try to see them for what they are, happy little people.” Gracie whispered, so I was the only one who heard her directive.

“Fine.” I was terrified but knew it would make Gracie so happy to have me experience the activity with her and her class.

“Well, make some room, guys.” Gracie poked her foot between a dark-haired little boy and the blonde who’d asked us to play. Gracie and I fought against the current of puppies trying to lick us to death as we squeezed in between them and sat down. “Guys, this is my best friend, Becki.”

“Hi, Miss Becki.” All ten of them sang their welcome in unison. I smiled and thanked them but tried not to make eye contact. My stomach was filled with butterflies, and I couldn’t wait for them to be dismissed for lunch, so I could have lunch with Gracie and tell her my big news.

“This is Taryn, Timothy, Thomas, Jenna, Marcus, Gabe, Joe Joe, April, Calla, and Sammy.” She knew there was no way I would remember all their names, but she was being polite.

“Hi, everyone. It’s nice to meet you.” I waved and smiled.

“You guys aren’t singing. Come on! Let’s sing the words you hear.” Gracie glowed brighter than I’d ever seen her. She was in her element. Her heart was so huge, and she gave her love away so freely. I couldn’t imagine a better group of people to be the recipients of pieces of her heart. I felt myself relax.

A tired little pup curled up in my lap, sighed a big puppy sigh, and snuggled into me. The name tag on his collar said Sisco and the longer I stroked his fuzzy back, the more relaxed I felt. Soon, I was as close as I’d ever been to looking past the obvious difficulties these children came into the world with. It was their laughter. That beautiful sound dissolved my nervous jitters. There were only a couple kiddos that I couldn’t pinpoint their challenge. Almost half the circle was made up of kids with Down syndrome. There was a set of twins with coke bottle thick glasses, who reached for the puppies but didn’t appear to be able to see them very well. One little girl had an oxygen tank next to her and clear tubes that wrapped around her ears and went into her nose. She smiled at the puppies and giggled the loudest when the rest of the class sang about
lips like sugar
and
sugar kisses
.