Authors: Michelle Kemper Brownlow

Above the Noise (45 page)

I opened my eyes, and she was reaching into the freezer. She walked back to me slowly and used an ice cube like she would lip gloss. Slowly letting her hot lips melt it. Drips fell down and dotted her gray nightshirt. She took the whole thing in her mouth and rolled it around with her tongue then spit it in the sink and went down on me once more, and that was my undoing.

I throbbed so hard it hurt. I pushed my fingers into her shoulders as she increased the speed in which she sucked me. She moaned each time my cock grew thicker in her mouth and soon her nails dug into my hips as her head bobbed up and down between my legs. I was on the edge and was sure I would unravel beneath her at any second. Just then she slowed. Slower. Slower. The pressure of her lips on me lighter. Lighter.

She stood up and took my face in her hands then kissed me deeply, her tongue circling mine in the same pattern it had just been circling my tip. I could taste myself on her. I squeezed her between my thighs and groaned. The edge of ecstasy was a pained pleasure. My cock throbbed, and there was a dull ache that rocked my core. I needed to come like I needed my next breath.

“Fuck. You’re killing me. Becks, I need to come. Make me come. God, please, make me come.”

A satisfied smile crossed her lips, and she lifted her nightshirt over her head. Her heavy breasts bounced a little when the shirt pulled them up with it. She slid her finger down between her legs and moved her hand in a circular motion. Her eyes rolled back, and she slapped her other hand down on my thigh. She sucked in air through her clenched teeth then bit her lip.

“I want to come with you, Calon.” Her words came out breathy and staccato.

“Oh. My. God.” My voice was hoarse. She took me in the hand that wasn’t between her legs, and then pressed me through her tightened lips. I could see every muscle in her tense and she moved her head up and down along my shaft with the same rhythm she rocked her hips into her own hand.

“Becks. Oh, God, Becki, I’m gonna come. Fuck! Becki! Becki! I’m coming!” And with that I let go, and, apparently, she did too, because she called out at the same time I filled her mouth. The warm liquid dripped out from her parted lips and back down onto me as she thrust her fisted fingers down the length of me, milking me for all I had. She grunted and whimpered and came again, this time harder than the first. Her body slowed, and she leaned into me and grabbed the dishtowel from the counter to wipe her mouth.

Our breathing slowed, and her head fell against me.

“I love you,” she whispered it against my chest.

“I love you, too.” I rubbed every part of her I could reach with my open hands. Her skin was so soft and goose bumps raised across it as I slid my hands to every corner of her body.

WE EVENTUALLY MADE
our phone calls and took our showers separately, simply because I wasn’t sure I could handle that intensity twice in the same hour, and headed out to meet Samantha for lunch at Brother’s. I walked a little cockier down College Avenue and secretly spoke to every guy we passed,
Yeah, my fiancée’s hotter than your girlfriend. Dudes, you have no idea!

We had lunch with Samantha, and then asked her if she wanted to come to our doctor’s appointment with us. Once we convinced her there would be no blood and she wouldn’t have to get a shot, she agreed. After she found out she’d get to
see
the baby, she was giddy with excitement.

“Okay, Samantha, are you ready?” Dr. Daily was thrilled for us. We’d given her the Cliff’s Notes version of the reunion between me and Samantha. She was also thrilled that the three dimensional ultrasound had an extra spectator.

“Ready.” Samantha smiled from ear to ear and gave Dr. Daily a thumbs up.

The wand moved around Becki’s belly and the black and white fuzzy images came up on the screen. I saw Samantha’s face contort as she tried to make sense of the shapes she saw.

“Don’t worry. That’s all Becki’s inside parts, she doesn’t have it pointed at the baby, yet. When she gets there, you’ll see her.” Samantha grabbed my hand and squeezed. A jolt of electricity shot up my arm, and my mind went back, once again, to that chubby little hand waving at me from the car window. I moved behind her and put my arms around her shoulders. She took both my hands in hers and bounced with excitement.

“Now, do you know what a profile is, Samantha? This is the baby’s profile. See her forehead, her nose—‘’ Dr. Daily didn’t even get to finish her description.

“I seeeeeee herrrrrr.” Samantha elongated each word she spoke, as though she was speaking in slow motion. She sucked in a deep breath.

“Okay, everyone, hold onto your hats, this is where it will blow your mind.” A switch flipped, and the screen went black. When it came back on, it was like we were all peering through a window into Becki’s belly. Dr. Daily had turned the screen to a three-dimensional view.

Abigail’s face was round and chubby. She had a sweet little button nose. Her hand came up to her face, and she snuggled into it.

“Calon! Look at her. She’s perfect.” Becki sobbed “Shit! Why do I have to cry at everything?”

Dr. Daily laughed, and Samantha scolded Becki for swearing in front of the baby.

“I think she sees me.” Samantha was convinced, so none of us told her any different. When Abigail’s hand looked as though it was pressing against the window we peered through, Samantha squealed and hopped up and down. “She waved at me. Did you see her? She waved!”

“Everything looks good. She’s growing nicely, and I don’t see anything that would make me think she’ll have any birth defects or health issues. Your baby girl is beautiful.

“I also wanted to tell you about a support group here at the hospital for expectant and new parents of babies with Down syndrome. I’ll give you some literature on it when you leave. It will be something you’ll enjoy and get a lot out of, I think.” Dr. Daily continued moving the wand over Becki’s belly, so we were seeing all of Abigail’s expressions and even a big yawn. I was in love.

“Oh, don’t you worry, I’ll tell her everything there is to know about being a kid with Down syndrome. We’re the coolest kids around, you know.” Samantha puffed up with pride.

“Well, Aunt Samantha, it sounds like you’ll be ready for her when she gets here.” Dr. Daily wiped the gel from Becki’s belly and printed out some pictures for us to take with us.

“Aunt? I’m going to be an aunt? I’m Aunt Samantha? I love this day! This is the best day, I tell you!” She turned and hugged me for all she was worth. I was almost as excited for Samantha to meet Abigail as I was for Becki and me to meet her.

“Samantha, I couldn’t have picked a better aunt for Abigail. I’m so happy she’ll have you.” Becki reached out for Samantha’s hand and looked up at me and smiled.

The change in Becki from the day we found out about Abigail’s diagnosis to that moment was remarkable. She was no longer fearful, and like any expectant mother she was already one hundred percent in love with our baby and unbelievably excited to meet her.

Samantha came with us to the airport, still holding the ultrasound pictures. She and Becki walked me to the gate, and we started our good-byes.

“Samantha, when I come home the next time, what do you say you and I go on a brother-sister date? We could go shopping or to a movie. Whatever you want.” I hugged her hard.

“I would love to do that, brother.” She looked up at me and smiled, and then she hugged me just as tightly.

“Now, you take good care of Becki while I’m gone, okay?” I poked her in the nose and kissed her cheek.

“You got it.” Samantha gave me a thumbs up and then spotted a baby in a stroller just a couple feet from us. She went over and started telling the family everything that had happened at the ultrasound earlier. I was glad she had the pictures with her to share with them. They kept looking over at Becki and me and smiling.

“Becki.” I pulled her into me and held her as close as I could get her. “There are no words for how much I’m going to miss you. Especially, after this morning.” I rolled my eyes and tilted my head back. “Just kidding. What happened this morning has nothing to do with why I will miss you so much. I’ve just really gotten used to being with you non-stop, and I like it a lot.”

“Well, rock star, I’m not looking forward to all the good-byes we have ahead of us. After you sign with one of the labels, there’ll most likely be many more. But, I’m willing to raise Abigail as a true rock star’s kid and tote her along to as many shows as we can make.” She smiled, but I could see she was holding back her sadness.

“I would love that. Becks, no matter what, you and Abigail come first—above everything.” I took her face in my hands and dipped down so we were eye-to-eye. “Do you understand?”

“I do. Thank you, Calon. You don’t know how much that means. I want you to know, I will never make you choose between me and your career. When I marry you, I marry everything you are, and I know what that means.” She kissed me softly.

“That’s right, we have a wedding to plan.” I could feel my eyes get as big as saucers.

“One thing at a time, babe. Let’s hatch this baby and see what’s up with those labels, first. Then if you still love me and want to be with us…” She laughed. “Then we can plan a wedding. Besides, I’m pretty sure I could just borrow all Gracie’s
What to do When You’re Engaged
notes, and it’ll be a cinch.” Her eyes twinkled. She was going to be my wife. I was still in shock that I could be so lucky to have found her.

“Can Gracie be both my Best Man and your Maid of Honor?” I chuckled, but if it weren’t for Gracie, it was possible Becki and my paths may never have crossed.

“Well, considering she’ll be getting married first, she would then be my Matron of Honor.” Becki winced when she said
Matron
.

“Yeah, she’s going to make you change her title. I don’t see her diggin’ that word as a reference to her status.”

“You’re right.” She folded into me and nuzzled against me, like she wanted to crawl inside me.

“Flight 327, now boarding for Los Angeles.”

I felt Becki’s body tense. “Don’t go.” Her voice was barely a whisper.

“Becks…”

“I’m sorry. I don’t want you to go, but I do. I want to allow you everything, but I’m going to fucking miss you.” She rubbed her face against my flannel.

“I’m going to fucking miss you, too.” I squeezed her tight and smiled

“Call me when you land, okay?” She looked up at me with puppy dog eyes.

“I promise.”

“Bye, brother. I’ll miss ya.” Samantha leaned into me, and I hugged both my girls.

“I’ll miss you, too, sister. You two take care of each other, okay?” I took a couple steps toward the gate.

They both nodded, and Becki put her hands on her belly then blew me a kiss. I literally had to force myself to turn and walk up the ramp. I couldn’t look back. I knew I should, but I was afraid if I did, I’d never get on that plane. I needed to work through the uncertainty in my gut before I made any rash decisions. Being a rock star seemed so inconsequential compared to everything else that was going on in my life at that very moment, but it had always been my biggest aspiration.

As far as I was concerned, fatherhood would soon trump that life-long dream. I pulled out a pen and paper and scribbled down lyrics that came out of nowhere.

Absolute

My soul’s no longer my own

It has two more occupants

And I willingly surrender

To a love that’s left me entranced.

All my dreams on hold

Isn’t that what life’s about?

To give until it hurts

To love your heart inside out.

A prayer sent up

And it waits its turn

Hold ‘em tight, keep ‘em safe