Cole
Just like last night, I couldn’t hold back the tears. They were now running freely down my face as I kept staring at the card. I knew he didn’t think I was trash, he had proven that over and over again all my life, but it still hurt that he could get so angry and lose control to talk to me like he had last night. I wanted to forgive him, but it was hard to let go of that disappointment and insecurity that was rooted deep down inside of me. When you hear people call you white trash, when your own mother, the one person who is supposed to love you unconditionally, treats you like shit and calls you worthless your whole life, then at some point, you start believing that there is some truth to their words. It was hard not to. And those words coming out of Cole’s mouth last night for no apparent reason had made those insecurities come to the forefront. It made me angry that I couldn’t get over that feeling of not being worth anything and it absolutely broke my heart that Cole was the one who made me feel that way.
“Lizzy,” came a voice from the door.
It wasn’t Marie’s voice.
It was Cole’s.
I couldn’t look at him.
I had to close my eyes to try to control my tears, but it was no use. My hands flew up and covered my face when the sobbing started. Cole was behind my desk in a flash and wrapped his arms tightly around me, whispering in my ear how sorry he was, how much he loved me, how much it hurt him to see me like this, that he was the reason for my misery. I stood in his arms and cried for a long time. I didn’t know how to stop.
“Liz, baby, please stop crying. It breaks my heart to see you like this.” He framed my face with his hands and made me look up at him, but I kept my eyes closed. “Look at me.” The tremble in his voice was what made me open my eyes. From behind my tears, I could see the remorse and guilt that was written all over his face. As was the pain at seeing me hurting.
“It’s not an excuse, but I need to tell you why I lost it last night.” He took a deep breath as if he needed a second to gather his courage. Then he shocked the hell out of me.
“I have been in love with you since I found you in your cave fifteen years ago. I’m not good enough for you, Liz, but I don’t give a shit anymore. I want you. All of you. You belong to me.” All I could do was stare at him wide-eyed as he continued rocking my world. “I stayed away from you because you deserve better than me. I’m a bastard and treat women like shit. I’ve never had a girlfriend, never wanted one, don’t know how to have one. But I always wanted you and not being able to act on what I want has been driving me crazy. It’s gotten worse over the last few years and, baby, I’m done with that shit. Watching you with that guy last night, knowing that he made you laugh like that, pissed me off and I took it out on you. That was wrong and I am so sorry. Please, honey, you have to forgive me, because I don’t know what I’ll do if you don’t.” He was searching my face, looking for a reaction, but I was too shocked to give him one. My brain was trying to make sense of his actions last night and his words now, but wasn’t very successful. If he loved me, was
in
love with me, then why did he screw that woman in the bathroom with me being right outside the door?
“Say something, Liz,” Cole whispered pleadingly.
It took me another second to unscramble my thoughts.
“You’re in love with me?” I asked him.
“Yeah,” he was still whispering as he touched my nose with his.
“But I don’t understand. If you love me, why did you take that bitch to the bathroom to fuck last night?”
Cole flinched then narrowed his eyes at me in confusion. “I didn’t fuck anyone last night. Wait, you thought I fucked that skank in the bathroom while you were sitting at the bar?” I nodded. He cursed.
“Fuck, Liz, no wonder you were so mad at me.” His hands at my face pulled me into him more until the fronts of our bodies were touching and I had to lean my head back to see his face. “I didn’t fuck her. I wouldn’t do that to you. It makes me look like an asshole, but honestly, I didn't even remember her. She said something about you and me yesterday that hit too close to home. I told her off and made her leave. I was mad because she was right and I needed time to cool off, so I went to the bathroom. When I came out, I saw you flirting with another guy and saw red and hurt you. I can’t tell you how sorry I am about what I said. I swear I didn’t mean it. I was just mad and frustrated that I could never have you the way I wanted. But that’s done. I don’t give a shit if you’re too good for me. It’s you and me, Liz. It’s always been you and me.”
“You thought you weren’t good enough for me?” He nodded, his face serious, waiting.
“I always thought…I thought that…”
“What? You thought what, Liz?” he asked when I stopped.
I swallowed then whispered, “I thought…I don’t really know what I thought. I just knew you didn’t want me that way.”
He looked deep into my eyes before he leaned in another inch and kissed me. Slowly at first, carefully, his eyes open to gauge my reaction, but when I didn’t push him away, he closed his eyes and
kissed
me like I’ve never been kissed before. It felt like a promise, a promise that he would always want me. And it was needy. He gave and asked me to give back in return. And I did. My arms went around him, my hands fisted in the back of his shirt, and I kissed him back with everything I had. He said he had always wanted me, had always been in love with me, and the pain I had felt turned into pure bliss. When his tongue touched mine, we both groaned and the kiss turned wild. We were devouring each other. I couldn’t get enough and neither could he. His hands were in my hair, holding me in place while he went deeper and deeper, his body pressing into mine.
A knock on my door made us come back to reality, and we both moved back in surprise but didn’t let go of each other. We were breathing hard. My door opened and I had to tear my eyes away from Cole’s to see who it was. Jesse was standing there, his unhappy eyes on Cole.
“You okay?” he asked me in a dark voice. Judging by the look he was still giving Cole, he was about a second away from coming to my rescue. “I heard you crying.” God, he was a good kid! I gave him a reassuring smile when his eyes came to me and told him, “Yeah, Jesse, I’m good. Can you give us a minute?” His eyes roamed my face then he nodded and closed the door behind him. I looked back at Cole.
“Competition I need to worry about?” he asked teasingly, his lips tipping up. I smiled.
“No. Just protective. He saw that I was sad and was worried about me. He’s a good kid.” Remorse entered Cole’s eyes again and he touched his forehead to mine, then kissed me there and hugged me tight.
“I’m so sorry, Liz. Can you forgive me?”
“I’m not gonna lie and tell you what you said didn’t break my heart, Cole,” he hugged me tighter, “but I want to forgive you. I missed you. You’re everything to me, too,” my voice was shaking at the end. Cole kissed me again and this time it felt like relief.
“Does that mean you’re gonna give us a chance? I’ll do anything to make it up to you, baby. I love you.” I believed him.
“I love you, too. I always have,” I whispered. Then it was my turn to kiss him, and I was rewarded when he groaned into my mouth again. This kiss was shorter, sweeter, full of love. I had no idea a kiss could be like that and I hoped that he didn’t either. I wanted this to be ours.
When he broke the kiss, he stared into my eyes with hope and relief. “I wanna take you out tonight to celebrate. There are things we need to talk about. I want it all out in the open so there are no misunderstandings. I’m gonna do this right and make sure you’ll never want to leave me standing in a parking lot again. I’m never letting you go, Lizzy.” Tears pooled in my eyes again, but this time they were happy tears, tears of hope.
“Those better not be sad tears, baby,” he mumbled against my mouth. I shook my head and giggled.
“I’ll pick you up at six. Wear something sexy. I want to show you off.” I scrunched my nose at him. He knew damn well I didn’t have any sexy clothes. He chuckled, then gave me one last quick peck before he let me go and walked out of my office.
I sunk back into my chair, completely blown away. Funny, how things could change so quickly. The last ten minutes would change the rest of my life forever. They already had. No matter if in the end Cole and I didn’t work out, I would always remember his words and his kisses as something to treasure.
Jesse’s look was assessing when I entered the common room. When I gave him a bright smile, even I could feel my face light up. He grinned at me and gave me a smirk. A smirk! For weeks I had seen him do nothing but frown and glare and now he was smirking at me.
“So what they say in the movies is true. Roses and kisses really do work as legit apologies. I need to remember that.” Oh, my God. And now he was teasing me! In my head, I jumped up and down in glee for having had a hand in this fun side of Jesse making an appearance. On the outside, I remained cool and collected when I returned his teasing, “Yeah, buddy. You should take note. Roses and kisses go a long way,” then I lowered my voice and gave him a serious look, “Some honest and heartfelt words also don’t hurt.” I was being serious because I wanted him to know that yes, people screwed up, that was life. But an honest apology would go a long way. It was never too early or too late to learn life lessons.
I had set up a meeting with my supervisor first thing tomorrow morning to discuss Jesse’s and Chloe’s case, but for now, I had them settled in one of our rooms. Now that I knew they were brother and sister instead of a couple, they were allowed to sleep in the same room. Jesse had been relieved when I told him that. Even if the shelter was safe for them at night and he didn’t have to worry about Chloe being attacked, he still didn’t want to let her out of his sight.
The rest of the day went by without any more drama. Or maybe that was just me riding my high from this morning. Daily drama is unavoidable at a youth outreach shelter, but today I took it in stride. Because Jesse had opened up to me, and now I had a chance of getting them off the streets and finding a good home for them.
And because Cole had blown me away with his revelations. To be honest, it scared me a little, our relationship changing that dramatically. Yeah, I had always wanted him to be mine in every way, but dreaming about it and actually having it were two completely different things. I had no idea if we could make this work. Neither one of us had any experience with romantic relationships. The thought of Cole not realizing that he would have to commit to me and only me, scared me. After hooking up with and treating girls like shit since he was sixteen, it must be hard for him to break that habit. And he was right. I did deserve better than that and would not accept that kind of behavior from my boyfriend while in an exclusive and committed relationship.
But I wanted him.
I hoped to God that he wanted this badly enough to really give it a try, because the alternative was a nightmare. If after everything he had told me today, he turned out to be a massive jerk of a boyfriend, I don’t think we would be able to recover from that. In any way. We would have to part ways, cut all ties. And that thought scared the ever-living hell out of me.
Cole
It was five minutes to six when I was knocking on her front door. I had a key and she knew I was coming, but this was a date and I wanted to treat it as such. I was new to this, had never cared about how a boyfriend was supposed to behave, but this was my Liz and I had to try my absolute best. She deserved to have the best boyfriend, someone who made her feel special and loved and appreciated in every way. And I was going to do anything and everything to be that man for her. There was absolutely no going back from this. Yes, it did scare the shit out of me, but seeing the hurt I inflicted last night had broken something inside of me. Since I knew I wouldn’t be able to watch her fall in love with someone else, the only alternative to that would be not being a part of her life, which wasn’t an alternative I could live with. So I needed to claim her as mine and work my ass off to make it worth her while. She had surprised me today in her office when she gave in to my kiss without hesitation. I thought I would have to work harder to convince her to take a chance on me. There was a lot we needed to talk about tonight, and I wanted to get every little doubt she might have out of the way. I knew her well enough to know that how I had treated women in the past was something she hated. She had never had a problem telling me so. But it ran deeper. She had been disappointed in me for treating women like pieces of meat, free for the taking, and that had burned. I wanted her to be proud of me, to believe in me, and I
would
prove myself to her.
My game plan was to be honest and straight to the point. Lizzy wasn’t a person who liked to sugarcoat things. She was always straight up and to the point. No bullshit. She never played any of those games most women like to play. I don’t even think she knew how to play them. My sweet Liz. That was the reason why a lot of women didn’t like her. She wasn’t like them and didn’t strive to be. But the fact that other women were either scared of her or thought she was an arrogant bitch didn’t change her one bit. She would rather be honest and alone than dishonest and have fake friends. What you see is what you get. Always. So that was my game plan. Bare my soul to her, be honest in every way, and hope it wouldn’t make her run in the opposite direction.
When Lizzy opened her door my jaw fell to the floor.
Holy hell, she was sexy.
I had never seen her in a dress. Well, that wasn’t true. As a child, she wore dresses all the time. I had seen her in sexy get-ups when we went out clubbing, but she always wore jeans, sexy jeans, but still jeans, paired with a tight top.
This was something else.
Her dress was all black. It had no sleeves, so it showed off her sexy arms and shoulders, but had something like a turtleneck that wasn’t a turtleneck. It looked hot as hell. And it was short. Extremely short. I hoped to God that it covered her ass. It was clingy in all the right places and left nothing to the imagination.