I like it when he calls me his.
Cole orders his banana split and we sit down outside at one of the tables with the umbrellas and devour our treats in silence. I don’t mind it when we don’t talk. It isn’t awkward or anything. We understand each other perfectly fine even when we don’t say anything. We are both comfortable that way.
It’s not long before some of the kids in Cole’s class see us. I don’t like them. They are mean to me when Cole isn’t with me. When I see them coming towards us, I look down at the table and my body stiffens a little bit. “You okay?” Cole asks me and I nod without looking at him. He knows me too well, though. I can never lie to him without him knowing.
“Lizzy, what’s wrong?” I’m about to tell him how those kids had called me names on my way home from school the other day when they reach our table. I can tell by the look on their faces that they are up to something, and the feeling of dread makes me lose my appetite.
“Hey, Cole! Why you keep hanging out with that little girl?” One of the boys asks snidely.
“Back off, dude. She’s my friend.” Cole isn’t happy to see them either. I can tell.
“Your friend, huh? How can you be friends with that piece of white trash? Your mother would go apeshit if she knew.” He is laughing now and it sounds ugly and mean.
“I told you to back off, Marc. And don’t call her trash or I’ll kick your ass!” Cole has gotten up from his seat and is nose-to-nose with that Marc guy. I don’t think I have ever seen him this angry with anyone. They are having a staring contest and Marc loses. He gives me one last disgusted look before he turns away and goes inside the shop to get his ice cream. His friends follow.
Cole sits back down and looks at the table, but doesn’t finish his ice cream.
I feel bad, so I try to apologize. “I’m sorry, Cole.”
He whips his head around and looks at me. “Don’t you dare be sorry, Lizzy. You have nothing to apologize for. Those guys are assholes. Don’t listen to what they’re saying.”
I nod at him, but again he knows I don’t mean it. “I’m serious, Lizzy. Don’t listen to them. You are not trash and don’t you ever let anyone tell you otherwise. You’re my Lizzy and you’re perfect the way you are.”
Okay, that makes me feel better. I give him a genuine smile and he smiles back at me, then we finish off our ice cream before he has to take me home. His family is going to a dinner party tonight and he has to be home on time to get ready. He doesn’t want to go. He hates those dinner parties. I know. He told me. I don’t know exactly what a dinner party is
—
at my house we hardly even have dinner
—
but I hate them for him.
Lizzy
I woke up the next morning feeling miserable. Must be all that crying and tossing and turning. Oh yeah, and the fact that the most important person in my life had ripped my heart out last night.
Opening my eyes was hard. They felt swollen and crusty. It was too bright in my room and the light streaming in through my window made me flinch in pain. My head was throbbing. I needed some painkillers.
I rolled out of bed and made my way to the bathroom. When I got a glimpse of myself in the mirror, I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. My eyes were red and puffy and the black rings underneath them combined with my pale face made me look like one of those emo people. The left-over makeup from last night looked horrendous and my hair was a complete disaster. I needed a shower. Stat.
Get your shit together
,
Lizzy
. I couldn’t go into work looking like this. In my job I needed to be strong for the kids, not walk around looking like a zombie all day. So shower first, then coffee.
After my shower, I still felt like shit, but at least I looked marginally better. I decided to blow out my hair today and put makeup on. Maybe looking good would boost my self-esteem and put me in a better mood. A girl could hope. I purposely avoided thinking about last night, thinking about Cole. I couldn’t deal with that right now. Not yet. I wasn’t sure when I could face my feelings of disappointment and hurt, but I knew that time wasn’t now.
I was out of coffee, so a trip to the coffee shop was in order. On my way out the door, I grabbed my cell phone to throw it in my purse and saw that the alerts from last night were still active on my screen. I didn’t want to listen to his messages or read his texts. There weren’t any new ones, so I swiped my finger on the screen to at least clean up my home screen. While I was taking care of that, the phone chirped in my hand with a new text message. It was from Cole. I hit ‘ignore’ as soon as I saw his name, and threw my phone in my purse.
Don’t go there. Just go and get some coffee, then go to work
.
That’s what I did.
Standing in line at the coffee shop, I decided to get everyone else at the shelter a coffee as well. It would be another busy day today and I appreciated all their help and hard work, so I wanted to bring in a little thank you.
“Morning, Lizzy. Looking good today,” Grant, the barista, smiled at me.
“Why, thank you, Grant,” I said playfully and smiled back at him. Good confidence booster. After taking my order and writing my name on the cups, he made me giggle by giving me a wink before I moved to the end of the counter to wait for my coffees with a small smile on my face.
When I made it to the shelter, I saw Jesse and Chloe hanging out at the front of the building, waiting for someone to unlock the door. Looked like I was early today and was the first one here apart from the night supervisor. I called over to them and waved them towards me. When they got closer, I could tell that living on the streets was taking a toll on them. Their clothes were dirty, almost filthy, and the rings under their eyes looked worse than mine had that morning. They had also lost weight, judging by the way their clothes were hanging off of them. I needed to get through to them and soon before something worse happened to either of them.
“Have you guys eaten?” I asked when they reached me at my car. I knew they hadn’t. The last food they had was probably the snack I gave them yesterday afternoon. Both of them shook their heads.
“Neither have I and I’m starving. Wanna join me for some pancakes and eggs at the diner down the street?” I was lying. I wasn’t hungry, but I needed to get some decent food into these guys, and taking them out for breakfast might give me a chance to talk to them on neutral ground, away from the other kids. Yes, this could be considered bribery, but I didn’t care. Bribing kids with food that they loved but couldn’t afford usually went a long way.
Chloe’s eyes got big at the mention of pancakes and she looked pleadingly at Jesse, who gave her a small nod in return. “Yeah, that would be great, Lizzy. Thanks.” I could tell it was hard for him to accept help from someone, but Chloe needed food and that was his priority. I stored that very useful information away to think about and use later.
“All right! Just let me drop these coffees off at the office and we’ll walk down there together.” I unlocked the front door and told the night supervisor, Jimmy, I would be back in an hour after I handed him his Americano. He grunted his thanks at me and went back to reading his magazine. Gotta love Jimmy. Always such a ray of sunshine, but I had a soft spot for him, and I knew he liked me to.
At the diner, we found a corner booth and I told them to order whatever they wanted. For myself, I ordered some eggs and toast. The thought of actually eating made my stomach roll, but I knew I needed food to get me through the day without getting a major headache later. They both ordered, but not enough in my eyes, so I changed my order and added some waffles that I then wouldn’t eat and offer to them.
While we waited, I contemplated how I could get to the point without scaring them away. Chloe seemed like a sweet girl, so talking to her was easier than trying my luck with Jesse. But I also knew that I needed to gain Jesse’s trust if I wanted to get anywhere, and that was not going to be easy. He was hard and serious and didn’t trust anyone other than Chloe. He was also her protector, which meant if I took advantage of her sweetness, he might read it as me playing her and never trust me. So I had to tread carefully.
“You okay, Lizzy?” Jesse, to my surprise, interrupted my thoughts. I was surprised because he sounded worried about me. Maybe I was already further in with him than I thought and he did trust me a little bit.
I smiled at him and said, “Yeah, Jesse, I’m fine. Why do you ask?”
“Your eyes look sadder today than usual.” Damn, he was perceptive. And not afraid to call me out on it. Which told me that, yes, he was worried about me, which meant he cared about me. It also told me that he thought my eyes always looked sad, but today they were sadder. Not a lot of people could read me like that and it shocked me a little that Jesse could. I looked deeper into his eyes and there it was. He was a broken soul. Just like me. And he had read me way before I had realized it. Yeah, he was perceptive. Which meant he would know if I lied to him or stretched the truth a little. That wouldn’t do me any good, so I decided to be honest with him. Only honesty would get me through to him. It would show him that I respected him.
“You’re right. I am sad today. A very important person in my life hurt my feelings last night and I’m not over it.”
“He apologize?” Smart guy.
“Yes, he did. But it still hurts.”
“You gonna forgive him?”
I hesitated. Was I going to forgive him? I wasn’t sure. “I don’t know.” Jesse nodded at me, eyes searching my face as I took a sip of my coffee.
“How are you guys getting on?” Now that I had shared, I wanted to see if he would reciprocate.
He was silent for a little while, still searching my face, then he sighed and relaxed into his seat. I saw that as a good sign and was rewarded when he answered me.
“It’s hard, living on the streets. I’m worried about Chloe getting hurt, but we don’t have another choice.” A lot of children ran away from home because of some stupid fight with their parents, thinking anywhere would be better than home, but I could tell by the hardness in Jesse’s eyes and face that for them, there really wasn’t another choice. This was bad. I ran my eyes over Chloe, reading her posture, her face, the guilt and apprehensiveness in her eyes. She wouldn’t make eye contact with me and kept her gaze on the table.
“Chloe,” I called her name softly. Jesse squeezed her shoulder, telling her it was okay, so she lifted her eyes to mine. I don’t know why I hadn’t seen it before; she must have been hiding it too well. Maybe something happened that she couldn’t hide it now or maybe it was getting too hard and she was breaking, but the stark pain she let me see now broke my heart.
“Honey,” I whispered as I lifted my hand to her cheek and started stroking it with my thumb. That was new for me. I had never called any of my kids that, but there was something about her that made me want to snatch her up and take her home and just give her the love she so desperately needed. She was broken. Just like Jesse. Just like me. Tears pooled in her eyes and her lower lip started quivering. I closed my eyes and swallowed hard, trying to control my own emotions. When I opened them again, I could feel Jesse watching me intently. He made no move to interrupt Chloe’s and my moment, though, which gave me hope.
“Please let me help you,” I kept whispering. I saw Jesse’s body stiffen, but powered through. “I’m not gonna make you go back home. I can tell there is a reason why you prefer to live on the streets. Believe me. I know how hard life can be. But I can help you. Please let me. I swear you can trust me.” Chloe was crying silently now and Jesse pulled her into his side, comforting her. I looked at Jesse. His eyes were still searching, reading me, and I could see the exact moment when he made up his mind. Determination and resolve evident in his manner, he leaned toward me over the table and demanded, “Promise you won’t send us back. I will kill him if he ever lays a hand on either one of us again.”
“I promise,” I answered in a firm voice without hesitation.
He believed me. Thank God.
He leaned back into his seat and relaxed again, which made Chloe relax as well. She was staring at me with hope in her eyes when our food arrived.
“Okay, guys. Get some food in your bellies and then we’ll talk.”
By the time we were leaving the diner, I knew their entire story. Jesse didn’t sugarcoat anything. They were siblings. Jesse was sixteen, Chloe fifteen. He told me straight up what their father had done to them and it made me want to commit murder. In the most agonizing and torturous way. My heart ached for them and I would do anything in my power to help them through this. Jesse had promised me that they would spend the night at the shelter. It was getting too dangerous on the streets for Chloe, and he didn’t want her to get hurt any more than she already had been. He hadn’t been sleeping at all the last few nights since someone had tried to rape her while he was asleep. I promised them that the shelter was safe at night, that nobody would harm his sister.
I was sitting in my office, contemplating my options of how to help them when I heard a knock on my door before Marie, one of our student volunteers, peeked her head in. She was a tall, trim woman in her early twenties who exuded passion and commitment. She had a big smile on her face, a smile that told me she knew something that I didn’t. I raised my eyebrows at her in question and she opened the door further to reveal a big bouquet of red roses in a crystal vase. I narrowed my eyes at the roses, confused, then watched as she placed the vase on my desk.
“Look what a nice young man delivered a second ago,” she said teasingly. She knew I hated surprises. “Looks like someone has his eye on you. Red roses!”
Hesitantly, I grabbed the card that was on one of those sticks in the middle of the bouquet and opened it. When I saw who was responsible for sending the flowers, the hurt from last night came crushing back into me.
Liz.
I didn’t mean what I said last night.
I am so sorry.
Please forgive me.
I love you,