Go
ahead
and
use
the
correct
word, Sara.
He hadn’t merely tried to kiss her, he’d
raped
her. Every time a man got close, the panic, the total loss of control, overwhelmed her again.
That trauma had occurred such a long time ago.
Why
am
I
still
affected
by
it? Why can’t I let it go?
She had no answers to those questions. But for the first time since that assault, she could almost see a ray of hope. Faint, perhaps, but hope, nonetheless.
***
After lunch, Sara and Jerden set out for Nimbaza. She half expected him to insist on driving, but he simply climbed in the passenger side just as Cria jumped into the back. Sara chuckled to herself, thinking that Nate would
never
have relinquished the driver’s seat.
Jerden gave her a curious look. “Should we leave Cria at home?”
“I didn’t think that was an option.” There were some things you simply didn’t argue about with a leopard. “Actually, the reason I’m laughing is because I’m surprised you’re letting me drive.”
“Why not? Don’t you know how?” His teasing grin took her by surprise, as much for its seductive glint as its genial nature. Most guys took piloting a speeder very seriously.
“Oh, you know how men are. They never seem to think a woman is capable of anything.”
Jerden snorted a laugh. “On Zetith, that kind of attitude could get a man blackballed from touching a woman for the rest of his life.”
“Wow. Really?”
“Really. Our society isn’t like that of humans. You’d probably call us all beta males as opposed to alpha, but what we really are is a woman’s equal. Each sex is equally deserving of respect, and no one has the right to impose their will on anyone else.”
Sara reflected on thousands of years of human history. If any social group had ever been based on total equality of the sexes, she’d never heard of it. Matriarchal or patriarchal, perhaps, but never entirely equal. “Sounds nice.”
As his smile faded, Sara could almost see the memories flowing through his mind. “It was. At least, what I remember of it. My father practically worshipped my mother, and she adored him. There was never any question of one being stronger than the other. My father was more powerful physically, perhaps, but he never used that strength against her—only in support of her.”
Tears welled up in Sara’s eyes. “That’s the way it should be.” If only it
had
been, her life would have been so different. Starting the engine, she raised the windshield and slid her finger up the control panel for maximum acceleration. She left the canopy open, allowing the rushing wind to dry her tears—or perhaps explain them.
Jerden left it at that, and Sara made no further comments, preferring to keep her thoughts to herself. She wondered if letting her pilot the speeder was his way of allowing her to remain in control of the situation. True, the vehicle belonged to her, but his actions made her feel as though he truly did consider her to be his equal and saw no need to establish dominance—something she found both refreshing and reassuring.
As they approached the dairy, she gave a nod toward the house. “Look who it is.” Salan stood in front of the rustic farmhouse on the hillside above them, smiling and waving, her long blonde tresses wafting in the breeze. “Guess we ought to stop and say hello, huh?”
Jerden grimaced. “If you say so.”
“I know she’s been a bit of a pest, but she
is
a neighbor of ours. If you’re gonna break her heart, you should at least be nice about it.”
He blew out a breath. “I’ll try. But I could sure use some help discouraging her. Do you think maybe you and I could
pretend
to be interested in each other? Just for show?”
Since Sara had already given this idea some thought she didn’t automatically refuse. “I scratch your back and you’ll scratch mine?”
“Something like that.”
He’d already come to her rescue once. She owed him one. “I’ll see what I can do.”
There was no mistaking Salan’s delight as they drew nearer. “Hi, Jerden!” she called out as Sara brought the speeder to a halt. “I heard you’ve been sick. It’s good to see you up and about. You look fabulous.”
“Thanks.” Jerden gave Salan a perfunctory smile, then shot a beseeching look at Sara.
“Um, we were just going into town to do a little shopping,” Sara said. Unfortunately, she had no idea what she ought to say or do next, and wound up stating the obvious. “Jerden needs some clothes.”
That
sounded
pretty
stupid.
It also gave Salan the perfect opening. With a coy smile, she leaned forward, crossing her arms to rest them on the side of the speeder—a posture that put her ample bosom right in front of Jerden’s face. Her luminous eyes roamed over his bare torso, registering a hint of disappointment when they drifted down to the loincloth. “I’m not so sure about that.” Her gaze flicked back to Jerden’s face. “Like I said, you look fabulous.”
It’s now or never…
“Of course he does,” Sara conceded. “But you know how it is. I’d rather be the only one who gets to see him undressed.”
Salan recoiled as though she’d been slapped. “What? You mean you two are
dating
now?”
To Sara’s relief, Jerden spoke up. “Absolutely. Sara is the most fascinating woman I’ve ever met.” With a sidelong glance that was as wicked as his tone, he reached over and ran his hand up the full length of her thigh. “And by far the sexiest.”
Sara sat gaping at him for a long moment. He obviously expected her to say something similar about him, but his hand on her leg had scattered her wits completely. Even after he brought her back to her senses with a gentle squeeze, the best she could do was to echo Drania’s opinions. “He’s such a… a hunk, and he’s got a terrific ass.”
There. That oughta do it…
Salan’s lower lip quivered as though she were about to cry. “Oh. Oh, I
see
… But when did all this happen? I thought you and Nate Wolmack were an item.”
Sara snorted a laugh. “You must’ve heard that from Nate.”
Frowning, Salan brushed an errant tendril back from her face. “Well, yeah…”
“There isn’t a particle of truth in it,” Sara said firmly. “Unless it’s in his own mind. I’ve
never
been interested in Nate.”
Salan’s eyes darted toward Jerden and then back to Sara. She shook her head slowly. “He’s really gonna be pissed.”
“Not much he can do about it now,” Sara said. At least she hoped he couldn’t. After their last encounter, she wouldn’t put anything past him.
“Besides, I’m pretty sure he already knows,” Jerden added. “Or at least suspects it. You’re the first person we’ve actually told.”
A grimace marred Salan’s lovely face. “My, how ironic.”
Even though Sara knew exactly what she meant, she also knew that playing dumb was sometimes the best tactic—and certainly the kindest. “How so?”
“Nothing. Never mind.” She sighed. “I won’t keep you any longer. Have fun shopping.” With a halfhearted wave, Salan turned and headed back to the house, her shoulders slumped and her head hanging low.
Jerden’s fervent
Thank
the gods
as they resumed their journey had Sara giggling like a schoolgirl. “She didn’t look a bit happy, did she? Maybe she and Nate will get together and commiserate. With any luck, they might actually
stay
together.”
“I wouldn’t bet on it.” Jerden gave her thigh another squeeze. “That wasn’t so hard, was it?”
Sara might’ve agreed if her heartbeat had been a little steadier. “Speak for yourself. I’m surprised she believed any of it.”
“Most people will believe anything they see. All we have to do is act the part.”
“I suppose so.” Keeping her eyes on the road ahead, she added, “You might have to give me some pointers, though. I’m not very good at that sort of thing.”
“I’ll keep that in mind.”
They left the rolling hills of the dairy farm to fly by Bonnie’s carefully tended fields, then on past Nate’s land. Beyond noting that his pastures needed mowing and the fence looked a little worse for wear, Sara dismissed him entirely and certainly had no intention of stopping by to ask if he had any new foals.
The road stretched on over the northern spur of the mountains where the rocky terrain defied any attempts at cultivation. Nothing but iron grass, gorse, and juluva grew there. A wild, harsh-looking country, it was inhabited mostly by carrion birds and the hardy goatlike tempets. At least, that was all Sara had ever seen whenever she’d passed through that region.
She glanced at the rear viewscreen and caught sight of Cria’s yellow eyes staring back at her. “Do you suppose Cria came from these mountains?”
“She may have,” Jerden replied with a shrug. “I don’t really know. She just showed up one day.”
“Leopards are pretty rare around here. In fact, she’s the only one I’ve ever seen—and she doesn’t look like the indigenous variety, either. Maybe she wandered off the way Danuban did.”
“Could be. I seem to be quite adept at collecting strays.”
Cria stretched forward to nuzzle Jerden’s shoulder as though she knew he was talking about her. Reaching up, he scratched behind her ear. If Sara had ever felt weak or unprotected, she certainly shouldn’t feel that way now. Not with
two
big cats to escort her.
Jerden still made her nervous, though. She didn’t see him as a threat—at least not as much as she had before—but she was a long way from feeling completely comfortable with him. She reminded herself that he was there to help and protect her. He wouldn’t hurt her.
At least, not intentionally.
Market day was in full swing when Sara and Jerden arrived in Nimbaza’s main square. With stalls selling everything from enock eggs to fine fabrics and speeder parts, Sara was sure they could find something for Jerden to wear. Unfortunately, she had trouble picturing him in anything but his loincloth. Still, it was the rare hunk who didn’t look like a million credits in a pair of low-slung jeans, whether he wore a shirt or not.
Considering Jerden’s reputation, Sara probably should’ve expected the odd stares directed at him. Furtive glances, scuttling footsteps, muttering, and quickly averted eyes when they were caught looking seemed to be the norm. She couldn’t understand the reason until she overheard two Davordian women say something about a crazy wildcat. Clearly, these two women weren’t deterred by the rumors of Jerden’s madness, for they gazed at him with unabashed admiration while others gave him a wide berth—though the fact that Cria followed him like a shadow might have had something to do with it.
Leopard or not, Sara was starting to get annoyed. She was about to yell
“Boo!”
at a couple of gawkers when Lynx called out to them from their booth. “Hey, Jerden! It’s good to see you looking so well.”
Lynx didn’t seem to notice anything strange about Sara and Jerden being there together. Bonnie, however, eyed them with entirely too much interest.
“I’m feeling better than I have in a long time,” Jerden replied. “And I have this lovely lady to thank for it.”
Sara gasped in surprise as he took her hand and pressed it to his lips. She hadn’t expected him to continue the ruse unless Nate or Salan were present. Making Bonnie think they were lovers was dangerous. Knowing her, she’d probably start planning a wedding.
Bonnie’s eyes might have been as round as saucers, but Jerden’s actions certainly had the desired effect on the Davordians. As if on cue, the two women wilted, letting out dejected sighs.
Unfortunately, the Twilanan woman in a nearby booth also overheard him and perked up considerably. “Ah, ha! I thought so!” Hilbransk said with a knowing smile. “If you should find yourself in need of a wedding dress, I have just the thing for you, Sara!” She held up one of the flowing robes favored by her kind, scaled down to human size.
Sara had never worn anything quite so colorful before, but then, she’d never worn white satin, either—nor had anyone ever suggested there might be wedding bells in her future. She stood gaping at Hilbransk for a long moment, then darted a desperate glance at Jerden before stammering her reply. “I—we—that is, neither of us have said anything about getting married. Besides, I can’t see myself ever wearing anything that… fancy.”
Hilbransk frowned, tapping her tusk contemplatively. “Hold on. I have something else you might like.” Delving into the rack at the rear of her shop, she pulled out a plain white sheath with a plunging neckline. The high-collared sleeveless overdress that went with it was made from a filmy fabric dyed in hazy swirls of blue and green, accented with sparkling stars. The back was long enough to form a train.
Sara didn’t care for Twilanan fashions as a rule, but this was beautiful. “How come you’ve never shown me anything like that before?”
Hilbransk laughed, her ornate earrings jingling in merry accompaniment. “You were never in love before, Sara.”
Sara’s breath caught in her throat. As far as she was concerned, she wasn’t in love now. She was about to tell Hilbransk she needed her head examined when Jerden gave her a nudge.
“Uh, maybe so,” she admitted. “But I’m still not sure I need a dress like that—at least not right now.” She stole a glance at Jerden, who shot her a conspiratorial wink.
“Why don’t you try it on?” he suggested.
Her mouth fell open. “I… I guess I could.” Sara couldn’t remember the last time she’d worn a dress. In fact, she wasn’t sure she ever had. Then she made the mistake of looking over at Bonnie, who was grinning like the cat that got the cream.
I
will
never
live
this
down…
The next thing Sara knew, she was standing in the tiny dressing room at the back of Hilbransk’s booth, staring at her astonished reflection. If Jerden hadn’t spoken, she might have stood there in a dumbfounded trance for days.
“Let’s have a look, Sara.”
She didn’t want him to see her like this. Although the dress fit her perfectly, she felt overexposed, vulnerable. What was it he’d told Salan? That she was fascinating and sexy? She scowled at her reflection.
If
he
only
knew.
Drawing in a fortifying breath, she pushed back the curtain. Jerden’s eyes swept her from head to toe, setting off a fluttering sensation in the pit of her stomach.
“You look like a queen.”
Heat flooded her cheeks. “I certainly don’t feel like one.” Unwilling to meet his gaze, she glanced down at the dress, plucking at the flowing fabric with nervous fingers. “This isn’t exactly my style.”
“I disagree.” Moving closer, he raised her face to his with a finger beneath her chin. “You’re a very beautiful woman, Sara—whether you’ll admit it or not.” Lowering his head, he leaned closer to whisper in her ear. “I think you should buy it.”
His breath on her cheek made her chest tighten, and she backed away, clearing her throat with an effort. “I—I don’t have any use for a dress like this.”
“You never know,” he said with an enigmatic smile. “You might need it someday.”
Without another word, he turned and walked out of the shop.
***
Jerden had been warned that he’d acquired a rather dark reputation since his arrival on Terra Minor, and the wary behavior of the townspeople proved it. Unlike his near-celebrity status on Rhylos, he now appeared to have become something of a social pariah.
Time
to
alter
that
perception
.
Favoring the Twilanan with his most winning smile, he drew a deep-throated chuckle from her as he paid for the dress. Then he headed over to Bonnie and Lynx’s booth to wait for Sara, thankful that there were at least two friendly, familiar faces in the crowd.
“You and Sara appear to have reached an understanding,” Lynx said as he approached. “When I asked her about selling you that horse, I wasn’t sure she’d ever speak to you again.”
“Me, either,” said Bonnie. “Looks like you’ve won her over.”
“Maybe,” Jerden conceded. “Then again, I may have ticked her off just now.”
Sara had already changed back into her own clothes and was leaving the shop when the Twilanan woman handed her a bag containing the dress. Scowling, Sara draped the bag over her arm and stalked over to where Jerden stood. “You already
paid
for this?”
“Yes, I did,” Jerden replied. Lifting his brow ever so slightly, he met her stormy gaze with one of bland innocence, hoping she’d take the hint.
She glared at him for a moment before comprehension finally struck. “Oh. Well, then… thank you.” Her expression lightened briefly before settling back into a frown.
“It’s so nice to see you here in town, Jerden,” Bonnie said. “I was beginning to think you’d never leave your place again.”
Jerden shrugged. “I just needed a little time alone to get back to normal.”
“We’re here to buy him some clothes,” Sara said abruptly. “I really didn’t need any,” she added in an undertone.
“Well, then, we won’t keep you,” Lynx said with a wink. “Unless, of course, you need some eggs.”
Jerden waited while Sara bought a few items from Bonnie, then they set off in search of a men’s clothing shop.
They hadn’t gone far when Sara blew out an exasperated breath. “I swear to God, the next person who stares at you like you’ve got horns and a tail is getting a piece of my mind.”
A sidelong glance revealed two Drells shuffling sideways to avoid crossing his path. Generally speaking, Drells didn’t step aside for anyone, unless they happened to be shouting obscenities. Drells couldn’t stand being sworn at.
“I used to get plenty of looks whenever I walked the streets of Damenk, but the people of Nimbaza apparently see me in a different light.”
“Well, if you ask me, it’s downright rude,” Sara declared. “Maybe you should growl at them.”
Jerden chuckled. “Please, Sara. I’m doing my best
not
to act like a beast. Trust me, I’ve heard the stories—and the names. Savage, barbarian, heathen, wildcat… Bonnie and Lynx have been at great pains to bring it to my attention—probably hoping it would shake me up enough to reform.”
“Okay, then,
I’ll
do it,” she said crossly. “Or maybe we should sic Cria on them.”
Jerden glanced down at the leopard, walking silently by his side. “She’s much too peace-loving for that. Then again, she might be part of the problem.”
“I doubt it,” said Sara. “Everyone is looking at
you
, not her.”
“Still, I’d rather not provoke an incident.” One horrific episode on a crowded street per lifetime was quite enough.
“Suit yourself.” Pausing as they reached the corner, she studied the next row of shops. “Maybe we should’ve asked Lynx where he gets his clothes. I have no idea where to look.”
“Don’t worry, we’ll find something. Who knows? We might even stumble across some classy jewelry for you to wear with that dress.”
Sara snorted a laugh. “You are
such
a spendthrift.”
“Tightwad,” he shot back.
They were both laughing when Jerden glanced up, his gaze meeting that of a woman standing in a doorway across the square—a Davordian woman with wild blue eyes and long dark hair. The impact from that brief eye contact nearly knocked him off his feet. Suddenly, the air in his lungs was too cold and thick to breathe. Then he blinked and she was gone.
Sara tugged at his hand, her brow furrowed with concern. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah,” he whispered. “I thought I saw… never mind. It was nothing.”
Her lips thinned and her eyes narrowed. “Don’t lie to me. What did you see?”
Jerden sucked in a painful breath. “Sorry. I’m not used to talking about this. I get… flashbacks of Audrey’s murder sometimes. For a long time afterward, every woman I saw reminded me of either Audrey or her killer.” A shudder he couldn’t suppress shook his entire body. “The woman I saw just now didn’t look like Audrey.”
Sara didn’t pretend to misunderstand him. “But they caught her, didn’t they? She’d be in jail or a mental institution on Rhylos, right?”
Nodding slowly, Jerden continued to stare at the doorway, half expecting the woman to rematerialize out of thin air. “I suppose so. Surely they’d notify me if she escaped or was released.”
“And even if she did escape, the odds of her setting foot on this world are astronomical. You know how tough the restrictions are.”
Sara’s brisk tone cleared his mind better than anything else could. “You’re right. I must’ve imagined her.” He grimaced as it hit him that this explanation probably sounded even worse. “Not much better, is it? Either I’m insane or I’m being stalked.”
“You’re not insane and you’re not being stalked. You just saw a woman who reminded you of someone. What did she look like?”
“A Davordian with long dark hair and crazy eyes.”
Sara nodded. “There are lots of Davordians living around here. It’s not surprising that you should see one who resembles Audrey’s killer. You may even see that same woman again sometime.”
“I certainly hope not,” he declared. “That’s the main reason I’ve been living out in the middle of nowhere and never set foot in town.” He raked a hand through his hair, wishing he could rip the memory from his mind. “Damn. I thought I was over that.” He studied Sara’s clear green eyes—eyes that were steady, sober, and sane. “You were the first woman I’d met since then who didn’t remind me of either of them. I looked at your face and only saw you.”
For an instant, she seemed stunned but recovered quickly. “You were already improving by then.” Her voice was firm, though her eyes wavered, glancing downward. “Don’t attach any more meaning to it than that.”
“And don’t
you
discount your role in my return to sanity.” He cupped her face in his hands, focusing his gaze on hers. “You saved me, Sara. Whether you choose to believe it or not, you
saved
me.”
Jerden closed his eyes, leaving only the warmth of her skin against his palms and her scent to identify her. His vision could betray him, but those other senses never had. “Being with you makes me feel almost normal again. You have no idea how much that means to me.”
“I might.” Her voice sounded choked with emotion. Opening his eyes, he saw tears glistening on her lashes.
The bustling crowd recalled him to their surroundings, dispelling the brief interlude of intimacy. Even so, he vowed never to forget the way she looked at that moment—her understanding smile, the way she tilted her head to lean into his hand, the tears swimming in her eyes.
Brushing away her tears, she attempted a smile. “We’d better get going before somebody fusses at us for loitering.”
“Right.” Turning, he curled his arm around her waist, noting her lack of protest. “You’re getting better at this acting-like-a-couple thing, aren’t you?”
“I’m trying—although I wasn’t expecting to have to pretend in front of
everybody
. You nearly provoked a quarrel when you bought me that dress.”
“Sorry. I probably should’ve warned you, but I wanted it to be a surprise.”
“Oh, you surprised me, all right.” She shifted the bags to her other hand. “Guess I should put my arm around you, shouldn’t I?”
“Yeah—and you should let me carry those bags.”
She handed the bags over without protest, then looped an arm around him to rest her hand on his hip. Jerden drew her closely to his side, steering her away from where he’d seen that strange woman. He wasn’t afraid for himself—the threat to his species from the Nedwut bounty hunters had long since been eliminated—but he couldn’t shake the niggling fear that being with him might put Sara in danger. After all, Audrey had been killed while walking beside him on a crowded street…