Where did your heart go? (The Heart Trilogy Book 1) (7 page)

We walked in and spotted him talking to a guy at the back of the shop so we headed to the counter with the video. He turned and spotted us and waved but remained in conversation
so we left.

“I knew it, he doesn’t like me” Sarah moaned. She slumped against the wall

“Don’t give up yet” I said “James did tell me he was shy” I finished. It was my turn to cheer my best friend up now.

Wednesday 3
rd
February, 1988.

Sarah made us walk past the video shop this evening on our way home so she could gaze at Chris. He saw us both and smiled and waved, Sarah was over the moon as we continued on our way home

“Do you really think I stand a chance with Chris” Sarah asked me.

“Well, I never thought I stood a chance with James but we are friends and who knows what might happen when I send him the Valentine letter” I replied.

“I shall send Chris a Valentine’s card then” Sarah proclaimed. Linking her arm through mine we were both smiling as we finished our journey home.

Thursday 4
th
February, 1988.

Thursday at school seemed to drag by and I waited for the chance to hurry home and see if there was a letter waiting for me from James. When I glanced through the envelopes on the side table in the hallway there was still no letter from James, where was it? He must have received mine by now as I sent it first class just to ensure its speedy arrival. Up in my room I did my homework later and listened again to the mix tape that James had given me. Closing my eyes I could still remember our one and only date, those memories were all that kept me going at the moment until his letter arrived. If his letter would ever arrive I considered as I lay beneath my duvet later. What if he had already met a gorgeous girl who lived in the same street? What if she was the same age as him? How could I compete when I lived so far away?

Friday 5
th
February, 1988.

Why was the post taking so long?

After school I met Sarah and we headed for the swimming pool. It would be my first visit there since the last time I had seen James.
Walking onto the poolside I tried to stop from looking directly at the lifeguard chair at the deep end. It was filled with someone new and different. We walked up the side and I looked across at the diving board, so many memories tumbled off it, disappearing into thin air.

The noise of everyone else’s happiness echoes around the place but I can’t share in it. There was no one to grab our feet and drag us beneath the surface, no one to chase and no one to laugh with. However in some ways it did make me feel closer to James again. I swam underneath the water and paused in the spot where he first kissed me and where I had kissed him back. Was I imagining it or did the water feel slightly warmer there, or was it just the blush of my memories?

Saturday 6
th
February, 1988.

The postman has finally bought me an envelope and my first letter from James. Its lunchtime and I have already read it a thousand times and I have just written my reply ready to post this afternoon.

“Dear Steph,

How nice to get such a long letter from you so soon. Sorry about my handwriting I hope you can manage to read it ok?

The move went well and I have managed to get a job straight away at the local swimming pool as a lifeguard. I have made a couple of friends at the pool but I am missing all of you so much. The pool is much larger than the one in Ross-on-Wye and has a separate diving pool which is fantastic, although you might be a bit scared at the top of the high board!

I am glad you are enjoying  the mix tape; I have been listening to my
copy even though the Wham song makes me cringe slightly it also reminds me of you. I am hoping to sort out enough money to buy a car soon and then I will be able to head back and see you all again and catch up with Chris too. He phoned me the other day and said you had been in the video shop to hire Top Gun, did you enjoy it? I would love to fly a plane like that but America is a long way to go!!!

Anyway, I hope you are studying hard for your exams as they are so important for the fut
ure. I have just sent my CV to the Fire and Rescue Service as I am sure you remember me telling you that I always wanted to be a fire man so I am going to try and get in up here, so I will keep you up to date with any progress in that direction.

Well, got to
go now but just wanted you to know that your elephant has pride of place on my book shelf above the bed. I will send you a picture soon.

Fondest regards

James”

In the afternoon I headed down to Sarah’s house as I was staying over there. On the way I posted my next letter to James.

“What shall we do this evening?” I asked

“Let’s get a video or two in as my parents are going out so we can slob out on the sofa in the lounge” she said.

“So have you got a letter then?” Sarah asked

“Yes” I said, showing it to her as it didn’t really say anything too personal or private that I couldn’t share with my best friend.

“I’ve already replied and posted it on my way here” I said.

We walked into town and headed to the Library first as Sarah wanted to hand in her application for the Saturday job. Then we were on our way to the video shop. I noticed that Sarah had made an extra effort with her hair and makeup as we headed inside. Sarah started to scan the shelves but
I headed straight to the counter and spoke to Chris

“Can you recommend a good film for us to watch” I asked.

“How about Stand by me” he said, pulling it out from behind the counter.

“It’s based on a short story by Stephen King “ he finished.

“Great” I said “Have you found anything else?” I called to Sarah. She headed over with a romantic comedy and handed it over. I watched them both smile shyly at each other before we left.

After watching the two films and eating pizza for tea we stayed up late into the night talking and discussing life and love.

Sunday 7
th
February, 1988.

We had a lazy morning and then we both knuckled down to some revision together as two minds are better than one generally. When I got home I popped the mix tape into my stereo system and lay back on my bed, mulling over the risk of opening up to James and deciding that Valentines Day would be the perfect opportunity, even if it only led to disappointment at least I will have tried.

“Charlotte” I called as I headed up the stairs

“I’ve bought you up a Hot Chocolate” I said, meeting Charlie on the landing at the top of the stairs.

“Thanks Mum” she replied, taking the mug

“It’s almost eleven so I’m heading to bed shortly” I said

“Don’t worry Mum, I won’t be long” she replied.

“Night sweetheart” I murmured

“Night Mum” she replied “Thanks again for giving me your diary its great reading” she finished.

Chapter 9

It was finally Friday at last, this week seemed to have been longer than usual I thought as I got ready for work. Charlie had left for school and I could see that the heartbreak hadn’t lasted too long in comparison to mine all those years ago. My daughter was obviously made of stronger stuff or perhaps she hadn’t really been in love with Craig as deeply as I had been with James. Heading into Hereford for work I heard my phone beep. Once I had parked I glanced at the screen, it was Sarah

“Hi Steph, are you doing anything tonight as Chris is away and I need a good gossip and a glass of wine or two”

I quickly replied

“Sure head over whenever you like later, probably going to get a take away in for Charlie and I so you’re more than welcome to join us”

Sauntering into the studio I waved through the glass at Paul and he waved back and then held his mug up. I nodded knowing this was the international sign for coffee needed. Heading into the kitchen I
filled the percolator up and switched it on. Turning on the computer in the small office I sat down and logged in. The scent of coffee soon filled the room and I quickly filled two cups up and took one in for Paul’s last half hour before he handed over to me.

I read my emails and noticed how many replies we had already received from local bands and performers interested in our ‘Rock on the River’ event in the summer. I quickly tapped out a couple of standard replies and sent them off. I hoped it was going to be a great experience helping to organise something so huge for such a small place like Ross. They definitely needed the funds for the hospital but then so did so many of our so called public services. As I passed Paul on the way into the studio we exchanged a quick couple of words whilst the news played in the background.

“Have you seen all the replies we are getting for the event” he said

“Yes, it’s great. By the way my daughter’s college dance group would like to perform”

“Great the more the merrier. Then he stopped,
“is Charlie that old already?” he asked

“Yes, she’ll be seventeen this year, I can’t believe it myself” I replied.

“You’ll have to bring her into the studio sometime, I bet she’s just as hot as you” he giggled.

“Don’t think she’d be interested in seeing where her boring old Mum works” I replied. Then
it was a quick step to my seat and I was on the air.

Getting home later I headed straight upstairs and pulled open the loft door and the extending ladder. I had been thinking about James and my diary all day at work and I wanted to see if I could find anymore of his letters in the attic. I knew that I had kept them; it was just a case of locating the right box amongst all the other junk that I thought it necessary to keep. After a few boxes that yielded nothing I pulled another towards me and sat down on the floor. Inside were a number of photo albums and I quickly skimmed through the ones from my early childhood. I loved reminiscing but now was not the time as I only had a short window of opportunity before Charlotte would be home.

I was about to close the box back up when I spotted my pink photo album right near the bottom. I was about to pull the other albums aside when I heard the front door bang closed, goodness I had wasted a couple of hours surrounded by even more memories of times past. I quickly started to ascend the loft ladder when she appeared on the landing.

“Hi Mu
m, what are you doing?” Charlotte asked.

“How was college
?”

“Ok, managed to avoid Craig all day so was cool” she replied, heading for her room.

“I’ve just been up in the attic looking for something” I responded, hoping she wouldn’t spot the lie “but I’d better get on with some food, if you are hungry?”

“Can you leave the ladder down, I’ve got some stuff
I want to put up there” Charlotte replied “Yes, Starving…can we have Chinese like usual?”

“Yes, sounds good to me” I replied, as I headed for the stairs.

“Oh Aunt Sarah is probably going to come over as Uncle Chris is still away” I said.

When she had changed into her jeans and jumper Charlotte headed for the loft ladder, she didn’t really have any stuff she needed to put up in the loft, she really wanted to have a hunt around and see if she could find any old photo albums. After going through a couple of different boxes she spied a tatty looking pink photo album, underneath some old birthday and Christmas cards. Why did her Mum keep all this stuff? Then she spied a pile of letters tied together with a red ribbon underneath the photo album. A quick look inside the album confirmed it belonged to her Mum and so Charlotte gathered up her finds and headed back to the safety of her room, before her Mum wondered what was taking her so long.

She was just about to open up the photo album when she heard the doorbell sound

“I’ll get it” Charlie shouted, as she raced down the stairs and skidded across the wooden floor in her socks.

“Hi Aunt Sarah” she said. I had just appeared at the kitchen door

“Hi Sarah” I said

“Hi Guys, glad to have an invite for this evening, my house was feeling a bit empty without Chris” she said. Charlie wrapped her arms around Sarah’s waist and they headed towards the kitchen.

“I’ve already ordered our usual set meal from the Chinese” I said “Should be here soon” I finished. I crossed to the fridge and pulled out the chilled bottle of Rose wine.

“Charlie can you grab some glasses” I asked “So long as I can have one” she replied cheekily.

“Yes you can” I replied.

Sarah settled down opposite me at the island unit and smiled

“You’re looking well” she said “What’s been going on in your exciting world of radio. I’ve been working most lunchtimes this week so I haven’t had chance to hear your voice on the airwaves” Sarah said. She picked up the glass of wine and clinked it against mine. Charlie was busy getting plates and cutlery out and ready on the dining table.

“Good
thanks; we’re planning an event for Ross in the summer called Rock on the River. It’s to raise money for the Hospital” I said.

“Perhaps you’d better include Libraries in that fundraising, things are not looking good with us at the moment” Sarah replied, looking downcast.

“Why” I asked

“Well there’s hardly any money left in the Council reserves and since the government are cutting back they’re going to be giving us less money to run the service. I should know a little more in a couple of weeks but I believe we may have a fight on our hands” Sarah said “But enough about work how is my favourite god-daughter” she said to Charlie

“Ok thanks” Charlie replied “Craig finished with me on Tuesday b
ut I think I’m getting over him already” I saw her smile across at me, as if to acknowledge my diary as part of the quick healing process.

“Mum gave me her diary from 1988 so I’m reading about when you were both my age” she finished. Sarah looked across at me with a worried look on her face. She didn’t say anything and the moment was interrupted by the doorbell again. This time it was the take away.

Silence reigned as we laid all the food out and tucked into it. I hadn’t realised quite how hungry I was. The wine was also going down a treat as we all enjoyed each other’s company.

As Charlie headed upstairs to her room, Sarah and I adjourned to the lounge and I put some music on low.

“Don’t you ever get tired of George” Sarah sighed.

“Nope” I replied, curling up in the armchair opposite and taking a sip of my wine.

“Is it wise giving
Charlotte your diary from 1988” Sarah asked

“I don’t know but as I have never thrown it away I knew I must have kept it for some reason and this seemed like it” I replied.

“Well ok then, but if you need me for anything you know you only have to ask” Sarah said. She took a sip of wine and sank back against the pillows.

We both sat in comfortable silence as the voice of George filled the room and our own memories filled our thoughts.

“So how long will Chris be away this time” I asked

“Until July” Sarah said “I never get used to him being away. I always feel lonely even though we keep in touch every day”

“Well you are always welcome here” I said “I know that all too soon Charlie will find another guy and be out of the house most evenings” I finished.

“She looks so much like you” Sarah exclaimed

“Yes, except for her eyes and they are definitely her Dad’s”

“Do you miss Mark?”

“Of course I do, he was a great father”

“Yes and husband to you”

I nodded and managed a weak smile.

“Its ok its me, I know you never really loved Mark, I could see it all the times the four of us were together. You always looked distant, cut off from us all somehow”

Standing up I headed back into the kitchen to get a breather from my best friend’s slight interrogation. It was all true and even admitting it made me upset and angry at my past. Perhaps it was finally time that I tried harder to move on with my life. Grabbing the wine I headed back into the lounge and refilled our glasses

“It’s a good job I’m within walking distance” Sarah giggled “This wine is going straight to my head”

“Just let it, the spare room is always available”

“Have you seen Jack recently” she asked

“No, but he’s forever emailing me with news of his latest romance” I replied

“He needs to find a guy to settle down with
, he’s too old to still be flirting around” We both giggled some more and then once the wine was finished Sarah stood up.

“I’m going to get home now” Sarah said, swaying slightly.

“Ok hun, thanks for coming over” I said. I stood up and pulled her into my arms for a hug.

As we headed into the hallway I could hear the faint sound of music from above.

“
Charlotte, Charlotte, Sarah is going now” I shouted. We waited and saw her appear at the top of the stairs. She was already in her pyjamas; she hurried down the stairs and flung her arms around Sarah

“Night Aunt Sarah, it was great to see you tonight”

“And you Charlie” Sarah responded, dropping a kiss on her forehead

“Keep up the dancing I’m looking forward to your next performance” Sarah finished.

“I will” Charlie replied “I’m off to bed now” she finished. She headed over to me and gave me a hug too “Night Mum”

On the doorstep I watched Sarah head off the short distance home

“Give me three rings
when you get in just so I know you’re home safely” I shouted. Sarah turned and smirked at me.

“Who do you think you are…my mother” she shouted back and then started to giggle again. It was infectious and I giggled too as I stood on the doorstep. It was a cold clear night and I looked up into the dark sky. The moon was almost full and the stars twinkled brightly, making dot to dot patterns in the sky. Once again I remembered a time in my life when the sky meant so much as the words to the song sprang into my mind

“Somewhere out there

Beneath the pale moonlight

Someone’s thinking of me

And loving me tonight”

I sighed and shut the door and tried to shut out the memories that had returned unbidden to haunt me.