Where did your heart go? (The Heart Trilogy Book 1) (4 page)

Even though
I could still remember what the note said I opened it again and read his writing and his words from all those years ago.

             
“Stephanie, I really like you and would love to go out with you, but unfortunately I’m moving away with my parents at the end of January, so it may be best for us to just stay friends.

James x”

Closing it up I noticed how my hand was shaking and I tried to still it. How could I still feel this
affected by a note from my past? From the memories streaming into my head that I hadn’t thought about for many years? I replaced the bookmark in the diary and put it back down on the side. I had been sat for over an hour and I knew that I needed to get back to reality.

Once I had loaded the washing machine I grabbed my handbag and laptop bag and headed out to my car. On the drive into Hereford I put the radio on and listened to Paul’s show. He never failed to cheer me up with his tongue in cheek comments between songs. I was looking forward to catching up with the guys at the station. We had been chatting about the possibility of a fundraising event and I had a few ideas I wanted to throw at them. Singing along to the music I was soon parked and heading into work. My mind kept returning to the words from my diary and the power they still seemed to exert over me.

Chapter 6

After a great lunchtime show on Love Shack radio I was back in the car and heading for home. I always enjoyed playing other people’s requests and the strange
eclectic mix of music that always bought to my show. I had been working there for the last twelve years and I loved every minute of it. It also meant that I was always home in time for Charlotte finishing school. In the early years my Mum and Dad had helped out and so had Sarah and Chris, who were like Charlie’s second set of parents. I knew that I would never have coped alone without their help.

Heading in through the door I scooped up the small amount of post and dropped it on the hallway table before heading into the kitchen. I put the kettle on and made a coffee and took it into the conservatory. I sat in the chair and picked up the book I was reading. It was the latest Stephen King and as always he drew me in to the lives of his characters. I was so engrossed that I almost didn’t register the door open and close. Charlie appeared in the kitchen

“Hi Mum” she called

“Hi sweetheart, how was college? I replied, putting my book down and heading through.

“It was ok Mum, it was hard seeing Craig with another girl
but I managed it somehow” she replied “Julia was with me” she finished.

I handed her a mug of coffee and sat down at the centre unit.

“It will get easier” I said

“I guess Mum” she replied. She took her mug and headed for the door

“I’m going to do some practice now and then I’ll be down for tea” she replied, swinging her bag over her shoulder.

“Ok, just head down when you are ready, I’ll reheat the chilli in the freezer and do some rice with it” I replied. I watched her leave and heard her footsteps on the stairs. Then above the kitchen the music started to play and I listened to her start to dance.

After tea Charlie headed for her room and after a quick scan of Facebook, she deleted Craig from her friend’s list. Then she couldn’t resist the lure of the diary and pulled out her bookmark. She read the note that was stapled onto the page and thought how nice it was that her Mum had kept it all these years. Everything that Craig had every sent to her was via text or email and she had already deleted those. Settling down on her bed she continued to read, eager to know what would happen now that James was moving away.

Friday 22
nd
January, 1988.

I hardly slept all night as the words from the note kept echoing around my bedroom. Why was life so unfair? I had just found a great guy who I knew liked me but it was all for nothing. At the end of January there would be no more swimming with him, no more walking me home and carrying my bag, no more underwater kisses. Despondently I got up and dressed for school as I needed to talk all this through with Sarah. She would help me decide what I should do.

Luckily I found Sarah waiting alone as the other’s had gone on ahead. She spotted my downcast face and put her arm around me.

“What’s happened?” she asked. I passed her the note and she read it through and then hugged me even tighter.

“I don’t know what to say” she finally said, as we trudged along slowly.

“Do you think I should just tell him how I feel?” I said “Or just stay as friends instead?” I finished.

“Well, if you talk to him what have you got to lose, nothing really as he’s going away soon” Sarah replied. I nodded and as school drifted by I went through all the possible scenarios in my head. None of which seemed to bring me any hope of anything meaningful happening in such a short space of time.

At home in my bedroom I went to bed early and put my stereo on. I chose the “Faith” album by my trusty George. I listened as his soulful voice spoke to me.

             
“Well I guess it would be nice

             
If I could touch your body

             
I know not everybody

             
Has a body like you”

The words echoed through my heart as I thought of James’ body and the way it made me feel whenever I was close to him. I longed to throw myself into his arms and beg him not to leave before I had a chance to fall in love with him.

Saturday 23
rd
January, 1988.

I spent all morning reading the note over and over again. I am trying to decide what I will say when I see James later. Sarah was away for the weekend visiting her grandparents, so I headed straight for the pool. I wished my best friend was with me as I was so nervous approaching James after Thursday night, the note, and the light brush of his soft lips on my cheek in the dim light of the street lamp. Despite this when I headed onto poolside and slid into the water it was as if nothing had changed between us.

“Hi Steph” he said, as I pulled up beside him and hung onto the tiles.

“Hi James” I replied “It’s just the two of us today” I said. He smiled as we headed off down the pool together.

After a great hour together I still hadn’t decided what to say to James. It seemed as if we had both spent the time avoiding any mention of the note or the kiss from the previous Saturday.

“Would you like to grab a coffee upstairs?” he asked, before we got out of the pool.

“Yes that would be lovely” I replied, smiling back at him. I took a bit longer getting dressed before I couldn’t delay anymore. I headed upstairs and found him sat at the corner table, two mugs already there. I headed over and sat down on the chair opposite.

“You read my note then” he said

“Yes” I replied. I lowered my eyes so he wouldn’t see the sadness that stained them. I took a deep breath but no words appeared that could portray how I felt.

My courage failed, I just couldn’t tell him that I wanted to be in a relationship with him and not just as friends. I wanted more kisses, I wanted to call him my boyfriend and share everything with him. It was all I could manage to not burst into tears in front of him and beg him not to leave, but I didn’t. He reached over and took my hand in his, as if knowing that a touch was better than words at this moment.

“I’d like to
see you next week at the pool, I’m working Tuesday and Thursday evening” James said. His index finger ran over the skin on my knuckles and I found it hard to breath.

“I’ll be here” I said.

“Would you like to go out on Saturday as it’s my last full day in the area” he said. I paused, had I heard him right, was this going to be like a date?

“Yes, I’d like that” I managed.

All I could think about in bed that night was the word
Goodbye. What an awful word, it sounded so final. As I drifted off to sleep that night tears fell and soaked my pillow.

Sunday 24
th
January, 1988.

I spent the day moping around the house and counting down the hours until I could talk to Sarah at school on Monday. I didn’t even have the energy to pick up my next book and read or even turn my record player on and listen to some music. Life was so unfair!

Monday 25
th
January, 1988.

As I trudged along the path towards the end of Sarah’s road I could see all the girls waiting already. The grey overcast sky matched my mood to perfection.

“Are you ok?” June asked me.

“I’ve got a bit of a headache that’s all” I replied. We walked along together and I listened as she talked about John, her favourite topic of conversation.

“So
how far have you gone with John” Amanda asked

“Well, not all the way yet girls” she replied, grinning “He’s a fantastic kisser” she finished.

“You know we’re relying on you to tell us everything” Sarah said.

“I won’t let you down” June replied
.

Turning the corner we approached the school and John was waiting, as now seemed the norm.

The lessons kept me occupied and in English I whispered across to Sarah

“Do you want to come into town on the way home” I asked

“Sure” she replied. By the time we left school and headed along the road into town I knew what I needed to do.

“So what’s the plan?” Sarah asked.

“I’
m going to buy James a leaving card and present and suggest that we write to each other once he leaves” I said “We’re sort of going on a date on Saturday” I said.

“Wow, that’s great” Sarah said

“Well not really, it’s just going to mean I fall even more in love with him and then he’s just going to leave and I’ll never see him again” I said. I was so close to crying but I held it in.

We walked into the card shop and I looked at all the leaving cards but none of them said what I really wanted to say so in the end I bought a blank card. Then I spotted a fluffy elephant holding a heart that said “Never forget”. It was perfect. As I headed home with my purchases I wondered what would happen on Saturday. However before that I had Tuesday and Thursday evenings to see him at the pool and that cheered me up slightly.

Tuesday 26
th
January, 1988.

After School I hurried home to get ready for swimming later. I was determined that James would always remember me with a smile on my face, even though inside my heart was brimming full of love that I couldn’t share with him. As I walked onto the poolside he spotted me and waved from the chair. I slipped into the shallow end and then did a couple of lengths before stopping to the side of the chair at the deep end. He jumped down and knelt down to talk to me.

“Hi Steph, good to see you” he said

“Hi James, how are things” I asked

“Busy packing at home at the moment, I never realised how much stuff I had until now” he said, a slight sadness crept into his voice.

“Will you miss Ross” I asked

“I guess so, it’s all I’ve known since I was born but our new house looks great too. It’s opposite a large park and not far away from Warwick Castle” he finished. I watched him glance up and across the pool, checking everything was fine before returning his attention to me.

“I thought I’d take you to
Gloucester on Saturday as we can go to the cinema there. Dad said I can borrow the car for the evening” he finished

“That sounds fine” I replied. He stood up and motioned that he ought to do a few laps round the pool so I swam a few further length and thought about how great it would be t
o sit next to him in the dark of the cinema.

Climbing out of the pool I did a couple of dives and from his chair James gave me a few tips about keeping my feet pointed on entry. I was never going to be as good as he was. As I finished my equivalent of a mile in lengths I popped out of the water and sat on the side to catch my breath. James was on another lap around the perimeter so I waited until he reached me. As he did he nudged me with his foot and pushed me into the water. I came up laughing and spluttering.

“Hey that’s not allowed” I said, poi
nting at the sign on the wall that said no pushing. Glancing down the lists I blushed at the no petting statement and thought again of our kiss.

“It is when I’m in charge” he said, laughing at my comment. Climbing out of the pool for the final time I walked towards the chair where he sat.

“I’m off now, see you Thursday” I said. I pulled my hair back from my face and looked up into his beautiful blue eyes.

“See you then Steph” he replied.

Wednesday 27
th
January, 1988.

I am listening to “A Different Corner” by George Michael this evening; the lyrics are making me cry

“Turn a different corner and we never would have met, would you care”

How different my life would be if I hadn’t decided to go swimming with Sarah at the start of the year. I would never have been friends with James; he would have still been a stranger to me. Was there such a thing as fate and destiny? I had read so much about them in books over the years but until this point they were purely fiction. I still couldn’t decide what to write in the card for James, words seemed meaningless in trying to describe how I felt when I was near him. At least I still had some time to think about it further before Saturday.

Thursday 28
th
January, 1988.

As we walked home from school together Sarah turned to me

“Is it ok if I come swimming with you tonight” she asked