Read When The Right Door Opens Online
Authors: Catherine Micqu
Tags: #family reunion, #love romance, #drama men relationships, #lgbt gay
When The Right Door Opens
Published by Catherine Micqu at Smashwords
Copyright 2014 Catherine Micqu
Cover by SelfPubBookCover.com/Lori
Smashwords Edition, License Notes
This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment
only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people.
If you would like to share this ebook with another person, please
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this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your
enjoyment only, then please return to Smashwords.com or your
favorite retailer and purchase your own copy. Thank you for
respecting the hard work of this author.
This book is dedicated to everyone who supported me and my writing
during these last years. In particular Malou, François, Britt,
Jamie, Carole, Sylviane, Ash and David. To my family, my husband
and to my three amazing kids who gave me the time I needed to write
and make this dream come true. And last but not least, to every
reader, because without you, I am nothing.
Table of Contents
~~Prologue~~
“Jamie, I am pregnant.”
Every color the pale boy had in his face left
upon hearing those words and he gasped for air. His first instinct
was to run, run away from those words, but his legs would not move
and they felt like a mixture of lead and jelly anyway
.
Pregnant!
Jamie was in shock. He was barely sixteen years old
and he had never been intimate with a girl before. And now, the one
he had been intimate with, was pregnant. The meaning and the
consequences of that word reverberated inside of him, and he
started to tremble involuntarily while cold sweat ran down his
spine. He was going to be a dad, a father, a parent.
If Lauren
wants to keep the baby, that is
. A small ray of hope appeared
on his horizon, maybe Lauren would not want the baby either. After
all, they were so young. Too young. Almost children themselves.
He hadn't meant to get Lauren pregnant, he
had only wanted to make sure he wasn't gay, and his quick romp with
Lauren in the bathroom at that boring party made it pretty clear to
him: that he was indeed more attracted to boys than to girls.
Everyone at school knew how easy Lauren was,
and when Jamie began to fantasize about several boys of his
swimming team, he needed and wanted the confirmation that he was
normal and not gay. Lauren had taken the reins from the moment he
had approached her and she had never pulled away from him and his
groping. Instead she had cheered him on and encouraged him to
undress her further and to sleep with her. But now she was pregnant
and he couldn't even remember if they had used protection and it
had failed, or if they had not at all. And in the end, it didn't
change his desire to be with men, it even strengthened his
feelings. And it didn't change the fact either that Lauren was
pregnant. With his child.
Jamie sighed audibly. He didn't know what was
worse – telling his parents he was gay or telling his parents that,
in order to be really sure that he was gay, he had gotten a girl
pregnant.
That word – he saw it in front of his inner
eye, like a blinking neon sign that was mocking him.
Pregnant
.
“You got me into this situation. You are
going to pay for my abortion. I don't want a child and certainly
not yours.” Her words stung. Jamie understood that she was
desperate too, but what was so wrong with having his baby? And why
wouldn't she want it? She had a human being growing inside her
body. The greatest miracle possible was happening inside of her and
she was ready to simply throw that growing life away. Hearing her
talking about abortion sounded wrong to his ears and although, mere
moments ago, he had hoped she would say something like that, he now
couldn't stand those words. Bile rose in his throat.
Abortion
. It was wrong. He couldn't and wouldn't let Lauren
kill his child and Jamie felt tears running down his cheeks. He
might have made a mistake, be he would own up to it.
“Oh, come on. Why are you crying now? This is
my body and your reaction makes it pretty clear that you are still
a child. I don't want children. Not now, not ever.” Jamie knew that
Lauren was right and that he was too young to be a father, but he
didn't want to let his child die. “Let me think about it. Maybe we
can come up with something. Maybe our parents can help...”
“Are you kidding me? I am nineteen, my
parents will say that we need to marry and settle down. I don't
want that. And certainly not with you. You're a kid. And gay.” she
spat out furiously and turned on her heels. The clinking of her
high heels slowly faded in the distance and Jamie sank back against
the wall that had been keeping him upright the entire time. His
knees gave in and he found himself sitting on the floor, hugging
his knees and weeping, like the baby he had conceived. Jamie's
shaggy hair fell into his face and hid his tears.
Gay!
Pregnant
! The words repeated themselves inside his mind over
and over again. The neon sign inside his mind continued to blink
and it got brighter and brighter.
Jamie wiped his nose with the sleeve of his
sweater and got up. He straightened his back, and with a deep
breath he was suddenly very sure about his future. He would be a
good father – the best father this child would have, without
denying who he really was. In this moment, Jamie had made a
decision about his life, and it was the moment he stopped being a
child and became an adult. He was aware that every future decision
he made was linked to this child and he was determined to not fail
at parenting, too. Too many failures where his already. Jamie knew
that his destiny had been changed and took courage in both hands to
come out to his parents and tell them about Lauren and the
precarious situation he found himself in.
Somehow, after many long conversations with
Lauren and promising to her that he would be solely responsible and
that he would take care of the baby alone, Jamie managed to
convince Lauren to keep the child. He started to work two jobs to
pay for everything, from medical bills to baby furniture, while
trying to keep his good grades up in school, so he could go to
college later.
Lauren's parents were proud
grand-parents-to-be, though they didn't stop harassing them about a
wedding, just like Lauren had predicted. They moved Lauren's
father's home office to the living room to make it a nursery, and
helped in every way possible. Jamie's parents, on the other hand,
weren't as supportive and made it clear from the first time they
ever heard that Lauren was pregnant, that they didn't want to see
the child and didn't want to have anything to do with it. Funnily,
the fact that Jamie had also told them that he was gay was not as
important as the fact that he would be a father.
“You are ruining your life, son. You are an
excellent student and now you neglect your education for a child
you don't even know is yours. This is not right, James. Think about
your future.” After that, the relationship between Jamie and his
parents became more and more disastrous and strained, to the point
where they simply stopped speaking to each other, to not hurt each
other more than they already had.
Jamie was miserable, he missed his parents,
he had never wanted to be estranged from them, but the closer the
birth-date came, the worse the situation and the fights at his home
became, and Jamie found shelter at Lauren's house. They became
friends during the pregnancy and Lauren and Jamie knew that they
would never have more than friendship and mutual respect for each
other. Lauren also had learned more about Jamie's homosexuality and
was okay with Jamie being gay. She even encouraged him to act on
his desires and find lovers of his own.
The day Lauren went into labor, Jamie didn't
leave her side. Just like he had done for the last months.
The birth was relatively easy and short for
Lauren. Jamie supported her in any way he was able to and when the
baby was finally born, he couldn't hold back his tears of emotions
anymore and cut the umbilical cord proudly. Lauren, however,
refused to name the girl and she also refused to hold her. During
the last weeks of the pregnancy, she had warned Jamie that this was
going to happen and that the child would be Jamie's and his alone.
She didn't want to be a mother and although, she loved Jamie, she
never was able to have feelings for the growing human inside of
her. Jamie had a hard time understanding her, but he tried to
accept Lauren's feelings and her situation. As soon as the child
had left her body, she didn't want to have anything to do with it,
and Jamie stepped in taking his responsibilities. He was
immediately in love with the little girl and he knew that she would
be his one and only female love. He swore to himself and to his
daughter that he would never leave her and that he would always
love her.
Once alone, Jamie felt like someone had just
pulled the rug from underneath his feet. Here he was, feeding a
small baby that was peacefully sucking at its bottle, while his
sixteen year old friends where playing soccer and taking the usual
slow route to being an adult. He had skipped many of the milestones
of typical teenagers and when he changed his daughter's diapers, he
realized that this was his life, his reality and he was all alone
to deal with it. His daughter – Agnes – yawned and held on tightly
to Jamie's finger. It was hard for Jamie to sort through his
thoughts. He was so proud, but also so very scared.
Jamie's pride was clouded when he wanted to
take Agnes home to his parent's the following day. His parents
stuck to their word and didn't allow Jamie to step into their house
with the child. Jamie couldn't understand that reaction. He felt
left alone.
When he walked with Agnes to Lauren's
parent's house, he felt welcome, but also out of his comfort zone.
Lauren's mom hovered over the child, while Lauren still refused to
even look at it. By the time Agnes was four weeks old, Jamie had
had enough and needed his own space and his own walls to be with
his child. Sleep deprivation added to his growing irritation
towards Lauren's parents and he made the hard decision to move out
before this relationship would suffer as well. It was difficult to
find an understanding landlord and a decent apartment that he was
able to afford, and at some time, he considered accepting Lauren's
parent's offer to move back in with them. His pride kept him going
and he didn't give up and finally his persistence was rewarded and
he was able to rent a small apartment near his school. His first
home with Agnes.
Jamie managed, with the help of Lauren's
parents, to raise Agnes alone for most part. Lauren's parents took
care of Agnes when Jamie was at work or at school and they saw
their grand-child every day. They never interfered with Jamie's
parenting style and they let him make every decision there was to
take. They saw how Jamie grew up and how dedicated he was to his
little child.
Lauren still refused to bond with the child.
Jamie still worked his two jobs and went to school. He finished
high school with his peers and started college a few months later,
never losing focus of his goals. It was a lot of organization to
have it all – school, work and the child, but he wanted to be a
good role model for his little girl and was full of ambitions. The
only thing Jamie didn't have was a social life, with friends and
lovers.
Agnes was three years old at that time.
Lauren finally became a sporadic babysitter, but she never
developed any motherly feelings towards Agnes. She was more like an
aunt. Still, it enabled Jamie to breathe for a few hours every week
and to be free. To act like a normal man his age. He made casual
friends with some men, went to parties and had one-night stands,
but nothing was ever serious and none of the men in his life ever
met his most precious gift—Agnes.
Life was okay for Jamie and his little girl
and with some support from other people, he was able to study and
work only one job. He and Agnes never lived in luxury, but they
weren't missing anything important either.