“Making
my husband a cake. Want some?” She seductively asked, raising the spoon to my
mouth. I licked it off and then leaned in to kiss the frosting off her, she
tasted like vanilla, chocolate, and Julia.
“Hey! I
want some too,” Christian exclaimed trying to jump on the counter. We laughed
as I placed him on the counter. We spent the rest of the evening as a family,
laughing, talking, and then we put Christian to bed. I stared at the ceiling
fan waiting for Julia to come out of the shower.
We were
both trying to get past my infidelity, trying to make it work, and to put the
pieces back together that were scattered.
As much
as both of us wanted to make it work something was missing, I didn’t know if it
had always been missing or we just seem to lose it along the way.
Julia
came out wearing a sexy white negligée and the image of Ysabelle quickly went
through my mind, I pushed it away as fast as it appeared. This occurrence
happened often and I was an expert on making it go away.
Julia
seductively walked over to me and straddled my hips, I grabbed the back of her
neck and brought her lips towards me. I kissed her with all the desire I could invoke;
I wanted Julia to feel loved, to feel wanted. That’s what she repeatedly
expressed to the counselor, and it was never my intention for her to feel that
way. This is where I could show her that I loved her to make her feel secure. I
knew Julia’s body better than she did.
I
whispered that I loved her in her ear and made my way down to her neck, right
near her collarbone where she enjoyed it the most. I pulled the lingerie over
her head and flipped her over so that I was on top, I brought my mouth to her
nipple and she moaned in delight. Her hands found my hair and she lightly
tugged on it to provoke me even further.
My
fingers found her moist entrance just waiting for me to please her. I pushed in
lightly at first to gain a reaction, and she weakened beneath me.
“Does
that feel good, Babygirl? Huh? Do you want me to stop?” I allured.
She
whimpered in response, Julia was never much of a talker and that also made me
miss the familiarity of…STOP.
I
pushed two fingers in and curved until I felt the rigid nerve endings of her g-spot.
I pressed harder and harder until I felt her gripping around my fingers. Once I
felt the wet warmth of her release, I kicked off my shorts and thrusted into
her.
“I
want to be on top.” She stated. I flipped us over and placed my hands on her
thighs. She started riding me hard and fast. I played with her clit and pushed
up on my hips.
“Yes…Babygirl…ride
my cock, just like that.” I encouraged.
I
felt myself starting to lose it and Julia was right there with me. When I felt
her pulsate around me I let myself go, groaning while I came deep inside of
her. She collapsed on top of me and I kissed all over her face. She
half-heartedly smiled and gave me a quick kiss before curling up next me to lay
her head on my shoulder; I wrapped my arm around her.
I
could feel her thinking, “What is it, Babygirl?” I gathered.
“I never
stopped taking birth control.” I attempted to move, “Don’t move. I’ll lose the
courage if you move.”
I
hesitated, “What are you talking about?”
“When we
decided to try to have another baby Sebastian, I never stopped taking birth
control. I’m still taking it.”
“Julia?”
“I know
what you’re going to say, it’s been years and I never stopped taking it. I
just…I don’t even know, Sebby. I’ve wanted you for so long that I never stopped
to think about what it was actually going to be like once you were mine, or
what it was you wanted.”
“I want
you, Julia. You know that. I love you,” I protested. I didn’t want her to feel
this way. I did love her. It may not have been the way she wanted me to love
her, but I did. I would die for her in a heartbeat.
“You
never stopped taking the pill? I don’t get it, Jules.”
“Please,
just let me talk, Sebastian. I love you more than anything in this world. I
told myself everyday that this was the last day that I wouldn’t pop one in my
mouth. The next morning it would happen again. It just never felt right.”
“You
should have told me. All this time and nothing has happened, don’t you think
that’s something we should have talked about?”
“Sebastian…it’s
not working. We’re not working. And as much as I want to blame you for
everything I can’t…I don’t know if we we’re ever meant to be more. Like the
fantasy of us is so much more real than the reality.”
“Julia,
what are you saying?”
She moved to look at me,
“Sebastian I have known you my entire life, and I know
you
like the back of my hand. You would never hurt me. I think we’ve been playing
house for so long that we decided to carry that on as adults.” She anxiously
laughed,
“There
has always been something missing between you and I. I didn’t stop taking birth
control because I knew it, I thought it would go away, and then your affair
happened. I couldn’t help but think, ‘Thank God’. Jesus, I was relieved that it
wasn’t just all in my head.”
I laid
still, listening to Julia’s revelations about our marriage. I guess I was
somewhat dumbfounded.
“You’ve
never been with me one hundred percent, Sebby. You never looked at me the way
you looked at Olivia. I guess I tried to put that to rest when we laid her to
rest. Do you know when I realized it, Sebastian?”
I didn’t
answer. She wasn’t asking for an answer. I continued to listen as my heart
began to break into tiny little pieces. I hated that she felt this way, she was
right. I knew it, she knew it, and no matter how much I tried to deny it. It
was fact.
“I
realized it that night at The Gala, the way you looked at her. You looked at
her with the same want and desire that you used to look at Olivia with. We’ve
never had that, Sebby.”
She cupped
the side of my face, “I think it’s time we both realize that it’s just not
going to work. It doesn’t matter how much counseling we go to or how many
babies we bring into the house, we’re not meant to be together. I never want
you to not be in my life Sebastian, but it’s time we both figure out what the
fuck we’re doing.” She explained.
My mind
was spinning “I have no idea what to even say Julia, I--”
She put
her finger to my lips “you don’t have to say anything. It’s time, Sebastian.”
“I love
you, Julia.” I whispered, saying the only thing that I could think of.
“I know
you do Sebastian, but sometimes that’s not enough.” She whispered.
I
nodded. I never in a million years thought this would be how we would end. Even
when I was with Ysabelle, I never imagined that Julia and I would end. As much
as I wanted to make it work, it was never going to. I needed to acknowledge
that Julia also had reservations and that as much as we wanted to do the right
thing. Sometimes, the right thing was just admitting defeat.
We
cried, kissed, and made love one last time as husband and wife.
<>*<>
S
<>*<>
It
took six months to finalize our divorce. We both agreed to joint custody, and
sold all of our assets and split the earnings which took another four months. It
had been a year since we decided to divorce, we agreed that someday maybe we
could work on our friendship, as of right now we only spoke when it concerned
Christian. All of it went pretty smoothly considering everything we had gone
through.
I
bought a 45 Cantius when I stopped living at The W. I rented Ysabelle and I’s
room for a couple months before deciding that I wanted to live on a yacht. I
think I was punishing myself for everything I put everyone through. I hurt both
women who I loved more than life itself. Being around the memories of Ysabelle
both hurt and healed me. I can’t explain how it did, but it helped me move on
from the past. I craved her more than ever now. I missed absolutely everything
about her.
Once
I moved into the yacht, Christian loved coming aboard and being my first mate. I
spent a lot of time alone, reflecting. I hadn’t seen her in well over a year, but
not a day went by that I didn’t think about her. Being on the water daily made
me think about her even more. I didn’t even notice that all the steps I took to
move forward were all steps in her direction; everything I did to remind myself
of what we had, of what I wanted, more than anything.
I
was done living for everyone else; I was never going to live in regret again. Before
I even knew what I was doing, I found myself at the bar where we first talked.
The
bartender who she addressed as Devon noticed me immediately as I sat at the barstool,
“What can I get you?”
“Jack
Daniels on the rocks and maybe some information.” I probed.
He
nodded serving me my drink, “And what exactly do you think I can do for you?”
“I
thought maybe you knew something about a friend of mine, someone I haven’t
heard from or seen in quite some time.” I causally replied.
“Oh…Ysabelle?”
He cautioned. “She’s not around anymore.” He nonchalantly stated, while handing
me my drink and sipped his own.
“What
do you mean she’s not around?”
What the fuck was he talking about?
“She
left town over a year ago.” I sighed in disappointment. I finished my drink in
one gulp, smiled, and left a $20 on the bar.
“You
looking for her?” He asked as I was opening the door.
“Yeah,
do you know where I could talk to her?” I questioned.
He
nodded and I walked back to stand by the bar.
“What
are your intentions? I love Ysabelle and from what I’ve heard, which is very
little, you’re nothing but bad news. I don’t want her getting hurt more than
she already has.”
“I
never meant for anyone to get hurt. If you could tell me where I could reach
her, I promise you, I’ll never hurt her again.” I affirmed.
He
paused for a moment taking in everything I was saying, “make sure of it.”
He
handed me a business card. My heart sped up in fear, it was the second time a
man had handed me a business card in reference to Ysabelle.
I
looked at the card, “What is this?” I questioned confused. It had her name
above the title bar owner.
“It’s
where you can find her, she lives in Turks and Caicos and owns that bar Chances.”
I
laughed, “She really did it.”
“One
thing you need to know about Ysabelle, is that woman will do anything she sets
her mind to.”
“Thank
you, you have no idea how much I appreciate it.” I said, extending out my right
hand.
He
shook it “prove it.”
I
didn’t know what the fuck I was doing all I knew was that I had to try. I was
turning the page to my new life, with the hope that she hadn’t already turned
hers.
Owning
a bar was easier than I ever thought it could possibly be. I had flown Devon up
for a few weeks to help me get it started and show me what I had to do to make
it succeed. I quickly learned that vacationers like their sports, their
alcohol, and their women. It was easy to find staff that I enjoyed working
with. I catered to men, women, and families. I loved being on the island, and
looked forward to waking up every morning and meeting new people. It was as if
I was reborn in different way. My past seemed like a lifetime ago, and for the
first in my life, I truly felt like I was home.
I
learned a lot about myself in the last year and a half. I was funny, smart, and
quite charismatic. Throughout my time of finding myself the one thing that I
realized, my huge wake up call and revelation was that; I was lost. I wanted
something in my life that I assumed was the power I held over men. I learned
that it wasn’t that all along, it was the feeling of belonging somewhere. I
thought I could never love a man, because I wasn’t made like that, but in
reality I couldn’t love anyone because I never loved myself. After every client,
I felt empty and alone.
I
would push those thoughts away just making myself think that I was that person.
I wasn’t, it was complete and utter bullshit that I would tell myself to
continue with the choices that I was making. I was sabotaging myself. I didn’t
think I deserved anything good to happen to me. In reality, I was still that
lost little girl that wanted someone to love her, and I pretended that I was
getting that when I was a VIP. All I was doing was burying myself in a deeper
hole that I created in the first place.
I
wake up every morning with a huge smile on my face. I know now that I am worthy
of amazing things to happen and to come. I no longer have to live in fear of
not belonging somewhere because, I do. I have that here on the island, I have
that with VIP, and I have that with Devon. I am loved and I can love in return,
with no remorse, regret, or trepidation that it will be taken away from me. I
am who I am and she is fucking fabulous.
The
family that I established here, we looked out for each other. I kept in touch
with everyone. Brooke had come with some of the girls for a two week getaway
and they caused more trouble than I knew what to do with, but damn did they
bring in a crowd. Madam called every so often to check up on me, and little by little,
the resent in her voice turned neutral. I knew she thought that I would
eventually return, but it was never going to happen. In her own fucked way
Madam does love me, she was a mother to me in many ways, like any parent she
punished me the only way she knew how. I’m sure there’s a huge story with her
that I will never know, because everyone has a past. I was fortunate it enough
to be able to leave it there.
I
had settled in nicely. Building a bar right on the water, turned out to be
quite profitable. The nightclub that it turned into after dark pulled in all
the tourists and people from all over the continent. I had a 1,000 square foot space
built above where I lived. I lived and breathed the bar, it was mine. I had
earned enough money with VIP to last me several lifetimes, and with the revenue
from the bar, I’d never have to worry about being that little girl that I left
in section eight housing ever again.
Devon
was coming next month with his family, his wife and I made friends, sort of…My
life had slowly turned into what I needed it to become. I was happy. I never
thought I would know what that feeling was, I was hopeful for what the future
would bring.
However,
when I allowed myself to think about Sebastian, it hurt a little less every
time. One afternoon I was lying in my hammock reading when I heard Chance bark
and take off after something. I quickly took off after him, and I couldn’t
block the sun from my eyes. When I finally got close enough to see who it was
petting him, I thought I was imagining it.
I
stopped dead in my tracks and just waited. He smiled at me, brushed the sand
off his lap, and slowly walked over to me.
“What
are you doing here?” I blurted out.
He
laughed and smiled, God did I miss that laugh and smile.
“You
look more beautiful than I ever remember. I thought we could start over.” He
smirked.
I
cocked my head to the side and couldn’t help noticing that his ring finger was
bare and there was no tan line, it had been off, and it had been off for a
while.
He
extended out his right hand, “My name’s Sebastian Vanwell.” He nodded smiling.
I
grinned, “Ysabelle Telle,” I replied shaking his hand, “my friends call me,
Ysa”.
We
stood there for a long time taking each other in, remembering what it was that
we did to each other. The chemistry, passion, the connection; all still were very
alive around us. Even though there were tons of people everywhere, it was only
him and I.
And
thus begins my love story…
The
End…
or is it the beginning?