“What
are you talking about?” I didn’t like where this was going.
“Us. I’m
talking about this. I can’t do this anymore.”
“Ysa…” I
said pulling her to me. She straddled my legs and I kissed her head, her
forehead, her cheeks, her neck, I wanted to kiss her everywhere and all at once.
I wanted to keep her there with me. I kissed her lips and she let me, her mouth
opened for me, and I felt the silkiness from her tongue. I didn’t feel her; she
was just giving me her body. And for the first time since this whole situation
started, I realized how she was able to give herself to other men.
I hated
myself for becoming one of those men to her, that hurt me more than anything. I
was supposed to be different, we were supposed to have been different.
I put my
forehead on hers and looked deep into her eyes. I didn’t see it anymore, the
light, the love, the happiness, all of it was for me, and it was gone. Her eyes
were just as beautiful as the day I first saw them, they were just no longer
alive. They were no longer for me. I had ruined it. I ruined everything.
“Please,
don’t do this.” I whimpered in a voice I didn’t even recognize, I was on the
verge of tears.
“My
girl…” I pleaded grabbing her cheek.
“We
can’t do this anymore, I can’t see you again. I’m going to let Madam know.
We’re over, Sebastian.” She stated in a voice I didn’t recognize.
I raised
my eyebrows and I could feel the tears falling down my face, “I want you, I
need you, I love-“
She
abruptly stood taking my whole world with her, “get the fuck out!” She yelled
pointing to the door.
“Don’t
do this!” I shouted, standing up to her, going toe to toe, she didn’t back
down, she stood her ground, just like I knew she would.
She
chuckled deviously, “in this lifetime Sebastian, you’re happily married, a
father, and I’m a prostitute. I will not continue to play this mind fuck with
you. I don’t need to be saved, this isn’t a love story, and I don’t need you to
be my happily ever after. This is a means to an end; you pay me to fuck you.”
She violently spewed, “I’m trying to do the right thing here, for once in my
fucked up existence, I’m trying to do the right fucking thing.”
“You
could really walk away that easily? And we both know if I were a happily
married man, I wouldn’t be here.”
She
cocked her head to the side and grinned, “where do you tell your wife you’re
going when you’re with me? Huh? Do you tell her you’re with me? Does she know
you’re fucking a prostitute on the side and then you go home to her?”
I didn’t say one word; I couldn’t
even believe this was happening.
I saw
anger run through Ysabelle’s face, as she suddenly pushed me with so much force
that I fell back.
“ANSWER
ME!” She screamed, getting right up to my face. I turned because I couldn’t
look at her anymore.
“Does
she like the way I smell or taste, Sebastian? Does she?” She grabbed the sides
of my face with both hands and made me look at her.
“Or
wait…do you ALWAYS take a shower and clean yourself up, before you go home to
her…as you walk out these doors do you take your ring out of your pocket and
put it back on?
Then you
walk through the doors of your home, hug your kid, and kiss your wife right?
Isn’t that what goes down. You guys talk about your day and then you tuck in
your kid goodnight. Then what do you do, huh? Do you tell her how you were
inside me mere hours earlier, screaming my fucking name Sebastian!”
She held
my face tighter, wanting to hurt me, as much as I had done her.
“Or do
you just walk back to your bedroom, make love to your wife, tell her how much
you love her, and hold her while she sleeps. Is that what you do? Make love to
your wife and then fuck me, your whore?” I gasped and she roughly let go.
“That’s
what I fucking thought. Your time with me is over, Sebastian. I need you to go,
if you won’t go on your own free will, then I will have you escorted out.”
I
grabbed her arm more forcefully then I intended and made her face me.
“It
would be that easy for you to walk away from me wouldn’t it? Like I mean
nothing to you, like this meant nothing to you.”
“Ab-sa-fucking-lutley
Sebastian, You’re only fucking me, because I remind you of your dead
girlfriend.” I instantly grabbed her harder and she yelped in pain.
“No, Baby,
that’s where you’re wrong. Olivia would have never sold herself, because it
doesn’t matter what way you paint it Ysabelle, it doesn’t change the fact that
you sell your pussy for money.” Her face looked as if I’ve slapped her and I
immediately regretted it.
She
quickly replaced it with a smile; “you should know, you’ve been paying for it
for a year.”
<><>
Y
<><>
Sebastian
released me, but not before he looked at me with disgust and remorse all at
once.
“Those
boxes by the door all belong to you, you can see yourself out.” He looked over
by the door almost surprised that he had just noticed them.
“I
don’t want any of your shit in my condo, take it, throw it away, or fucking
burn it.” I said vindictively, “there’s a check on the counter for Chance.”
He bowed
his head in defeat and I wanted to scream and hit him to fight for me, to
convince me not to leave him, but I didn’t. I pushed in my nail into my palm to
the point that I thought I was going to make it bleed to stop myself from
running to him.
Sebastian
reached for me one last time and I swiftly moved back, he shook his head and
walked to the door. It took everything I had in me to not go to him, he looked
broken, I had broken him, and now we were even.
He
rubbed Chance’s head before taking one last look at me, “I’m sorry for
everything, Ysa.” He said as he opened the door and walked out of my life.
I stood
there for what seemed like a lifetime, tears streaming down my face, until I
couldn’t take it anymore and screamed bloody murder at the top of my lungs. I
ran for the boxes and started taking everything out of them, throwing them
everywhere, all the gifts, letters, his belongings, I ripped, shredded, tossed,
and threw all of it out of my sight, scattered it everywhere, screaming and
crying along the way.
I couldn’t
take it anymore and leaned my whole body against the door, until my body
couldn’t hold me up anymore and I started sliding down the door, crying and
wallowing in the misery I allowed.
After
cleaning up the massive mess I had created in more ways than one, I made myself
decent and drove to Madam’s. I found her in her office almost as if she had
been expecting me.
“Bella
Rosa.” She greeted with a hug and a kiss, “it doesn’t matter how much makeup
you put on, I can still see that you look like shit.”
“Thanks
Madam, I didn’t come for the pleasant conversation. I need you to do something
for me, and I will do something for you in exchange, which I’m sure will make
you ecstatic.” I stated in a sarcastic tone.
“Oh
yeah.”
“I
need you to change my number and move me condos.”
“Hmmm…trouble
in paradise, I presume?”
“After
you do this for me you can put me back on the schedule. I just need some time
to clear my head and get my shit together.”
“Well…I’m
not much for gloating, I think this needs to be said-“
“I’m
fully aware that I fucked up, alright? There is no need for the I told you sos,
Call it being young and careless, and trust me when I say it will never happen
again.” She nodded.
“Are
you alright, Darling?” She empathized.
“I
will be.”
She
left the room and returned with a new phone, and two sets of keys.
“I’ll
have all your contacts transferred to that phone and the movers will be there
first thing in the morning. That’s the new set of keys to your new condo, it’s
located in Marquis Residences unit 1613, it’s already fully furnished, and all
you need to pack are your clothes and whatever personal belongings you would
like to bring. I imagine you want to start fresh, yes?” I nodded.
“Alright…well
consider this a lesson learned consolation prize.” She stated handing me another
set of keys.
“It’s
an Audi A8, its parked in the garage you can leave the set to your current
ones.”
“Thank
you, Madam.”
“Of
course Bella Rosa, I’m always here for you, you know that. Now enough of the
melodramatics its not our style, were far to pretty for it. The White’s Annual
Gala is exactly four weeks away, do you think you will be better by then?”
“Mmm
hmm.” Was all I could reply, I hadn’t been with another man in a year, I had a
month to mentally prepare myself.
“Lovely,
I know the perfect gentleman, Darling.” She snickered.
“Great,
well then I don’t want to take up too much of your time, I’ll be going.” I got
up to leave.
“Bella
Rosa.”
I
turned, “hmmm.”
“Don’t
ever fuck with your heart again. Do you understand?”
“Of
course.” She nodded and I was excused.
<><>
S
<><>
What
the hell just happened? Why the fuck did I feel like I had just been hit in the
chest with a sledgehammer? I wasn't sure how to be me without her anymore.
Could I really just go home to my family and pretend like Ysabelle never
happened. FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! I screamed over and over, beating the hell out of
my steering wheel as I waited for the light to turn green.
My
whole world had just changed, just like that in the matter of minutes. I would
never get to hold her, to kiss her, to love her. I hadn’t even told her that I
loved her. I never once told her how much I loved her.
I
understood everything she was saying to me. It wasn’t fair to her and I was the
one that was causing that verdict. Every time I called her, all those times I
went to her, every last second of truly making her mine. To pretend she was
truly my girl…
I never
once considered her feelings, and how she felt, or what she was going through.
I just expected her to be there at any point that I was ready for her, when I
made room for her in my life, when it was convenient for me.
I
never gave her a choice or an option to be with me, it was all my doing, my
expectations, and my demands. Every last bit of it was on my fucking terms.
Julia wasn’t the only victim in this; Ysabelle was too, I had used her in the
worst way possible.
I
had broken a woman that I put together in the first place. I fucked her up even
more so than she was before. I had never seen the look in her eyes that I witnessed,
my Ysa..my girl…was gone.
And
now I was expected to go home and pretend like none of this ever happened. I
was supposed to go on and resume my life as it was, before she came tumbling in.
She
never was and now she never would be.
I
did the only thing I knew how to do, I went to the bar and got sloppy ass
drunk.
After
spending the entire day at the bar, I took a cab ride home; once I knew
Christian would be asleep.
I
tip toed into the garage to find Julia waiting for me.
“What
the hell Sebastian? I have been calling you all day. Where have you been? Jesus,
you smell like whiskey and cigarettes.
“Hi
Babygirl.” I stammered stumbling over my own two feet.
“Oh
my God! You’re drunk.”
“Just
a little bit.” I said trying to compose myself and lacking severely, “I’m sorry,
I was with clients and I don’t know how this happened.” I slurred.
“Obviously,
come on let me help you.” I barely remember the rest of the night. I woke up to
a blinding bright light and a very pissed off Julia.
“Julia…not
right now. My head is pounding.” I said covering my eyes.
“Sebastian
what the hell is going on? This isn’t like you.”
“I
told you I got carried away with clients. You’ll be happy when the check
clears.”
“What
the fuck, Sebastian?” She angrily replied.
“Shit
I’m sorry, I don’t know what I’m saying. I’m just severely hung over. Can we
finish this later?”
“Whatever
Sebastian.”