“Ugh.”
I grunted reaching for her. This was the only way I was going to get her to
stop. I pulled her into my arms and kissed her head and told her I was sorry, I
loved her, and I would never do it again.
That
seemed to take away her apprehension and won me a smile before she got dressed,
and left with Christian.
I
called into work faking that I still had the flu and went back to sleep. I woke
hours later with less of a hangover. However, with more of a recollection of
why I had gotten so fucked up in the first place.
I
needed to fix this, I had to make it better, I couldn’t live without her. As I
waited for the coffee to be ready I called her, to be slapped in the face, “the
number you are trying to reach has been disconnected, please hang up and try
again.”
“What
the fuck.” I quickly changed, called a taxi to take me to my car, and grabbed
my coffee on the way out.
When
I made it to her front door I tried to use my key, it wouldn’t work. I banged
on it, “Ysa! Answer the door.” I repeated over and over again.
The
door opened and an older man answered, I could feel my blood start to boil.
“Who
the fuck are you?” I demanded.
“Whoa
Man calm down. We’re just the movers. We’re done.”
“Movers?
What the hell are you talking about, where’s Ysabelle?”
“I
don’t know who you’re talking about. We were told to move things from this
building to-“
“Mr.
Vanwell.” Madam said from behind me.
“Would
you care to stop harassing my staff?” She cautioned.
“Thank
you, Jerico.” She handed him an envelope before he left.
“Please
come inside, I don’t want a scene in the hallway.” She said as I followed her
inside.
All
of Ysabelle’s stuff was still there not one thing was taken.
I
looked at Madam, “Where is she?”
“Mr.
Vanwell, I think you know as well as I do that Ysabelle does what she wants. I
don’t understand how you don’t get that yet. I’m not her keeper as much as you
think I am. She is no longer taking residence here and you are no longer a
client of VIP.”
I
grabbed her wrist, “Are you fucking kidding me?”
“I
advice you Mr. Vanwell, to let me go before you further piss me off.”
“Tell
me where she is. You can’t do this, you can’t hide her from me.”
“And
why pray tell do you think this is my doing? Bella Rosa came to me not the
other way around. She wants nothing to do with you her words not mine. Now let
me go.” I let her go stunned by what she was telling me.
“Do
yourself a favor Mr. Vanwell, get your shit together before you further fuck up
your life. You’ve already lost one woman you wouldn’t want to lose the other.”
She advised before leaving.
I
was at a loss for words. I walked around the entire condo in a fog. Everywhere
I looked I was reminded of Ysabelle, every last moment that we shared, the
laughing, talking, smiling, and making love. We had spent an entire couple of
times christening every inch of her condo, her favorite was in the kitchen
island.
I
remembered the first time she fed me her favorite cookies and cream coffee ice
cream, her own recipe. The time she burnt dinner, because I couldn’t keep
my hands off her, the endless amounts of watching football and sharing
comfortable silence. Her laughter was always contagious and it didn’t matter
what I was doing, if she was laughing it would make me smile.
I
had so many regrets in my life. I used to think that never being with Olivia
was my number one, I knew now that it was just the tip of the iceberg. I was
meant to be with Ysabelle, she was supposed to be in my life. I regretted not
telling her that I loved her, I should have said it to her every second of
everyday.
I
made my way into her bedroom and it was just as I had left it. I could still
smell her in the air. I could still feel her on my skin, and in my blood. She
would permanently be a part of me. I knew then that I would never be the same.
She left me and took my heart with her,
she doesn’t ever want to see you
again, her words not mine
.
I
laid in the bed that we shared so many times and wept, for the things I should
have changed, and would never be able to.
The
weeks that followed were much of the same. I tried to move on and not think
about him. I was immensely grateful for having the opportunity to start over;
you would think that because everything I was around was new, nothing held
memories of him and I; that I would be okay. I wish that were true, it wasn’t
that easy. I saw him everywhere, as if he was apart of me.
Having
Chance helped, he kept me busy, and as much as I hated to admit it I was
pleased to still have a piece of him with me.
I
had gone shopping with Brooke for a dress for The Gala that evening. The date
that I had that evening was someone I had never been with before, Madam said he
was new and I was the first one to be with him. He would be at my place with a
limo at seven to go for dinner and drinks, before The Gala.
“Are
you alright, Bella?” Brooke asked with concern.
“Yes.”
“You
know you can talk to me right? I’m here for you.”
“I
know.”
“I’ve
been there, you know?”
“What?”
I questioned with curiosity.
“Where
you are now, I’ve been there. It’s a place I never want to be again. It was
within the first year of me being a VIP. He was charming and loving and I was
young and naive. He was the first man that made me feel like I was cherished.
When we were intimate it felt as if we were one person, like we were untied and
soul mates.” I listened carefully.
“I was reckless,
I knew exactly what I was getting myself into. He was married too and the
epitome of the perfect husband and father to the public, he was high profile.
Except he promised me that he would leave his wife for me. Of course, I
believed him. I don’t know how it happened but I got pregnant. When I told him
he politely and lovingly made me believe that having an abortion would be the
right thing to do.
I was so
in love with him that I did. Bella…he didn’t even show up for the appointment.
I went through it all by myself. Madam was livid when she found out. She raised
hell and high water in fury.” A single tear fell down Brooke’s face.
“After it
was done he never saw me again. I know it hurts like hell Bella, it’s for the
best. To be completely honest you’re not the first one, it’s happened to all of
us at one point in time. We aren’t made of stone, and it insured us that we
would be. You know now what it feels like to love. All good things must come to
an end, Bells.” She hesitated, “we are who we are.”
“Brooke
what if I want more?”
“Then my
love, as the words of the poem; tis better to have loved and lost, than never
to have loved at all.” We laughed.
“I love
you, Bella.” She said, as she embraced me in a tight hug, “now, lets go find
you a smoking hot dress.”
I
showered, primped, and manicured myself like I had done a thousand times
before. The routine of it all quickly came back to me. This time was
different. I seemed to lack the want for it. I didn’t crave the control like I
once had. I didn’t yearn for it. I brushed those thoughts away as quickly as
they came. I tried to anyways. Dodging them one by one as I dressed for my
first date in over a year.
It was
almost 7 p.m. by the time I was standing in front of the mirror, observing my
white form-fitting gown fitting me perfectly. I don’t know why I chose white, but
I did. My soft wavy hair pulled to the side with pieces falling around my face,
my makeup done to perfection, and my heels lifting me high off the ground. With
endless amounts of diamonds on my ears, neck, and wrists.
Looking
at my beautiful reflection in the mirror, I briefly, contemplated what the hell
I was doing. I looked radiant on the outside, and I felt like I was dying on
the inside. I was slowly suffocating, I inhaled repeatedly trying to catch my
breath, gasping, hoping to get ahold of myself. I wanted to feel numb. No, I
needed to feel numb.
I didn’t
want to feel anything. None of this fucked up bullshit, I didn’t need it. I
just wanted to go back to before Sebastian, before all this craziness started going
on in my head.
“Fuck!”
I yelled, frustrated with myself. I grabbed the vile of cocaine that Brooke had
given me earlier. She knew I was going to need it. I hadn’t done any drugs
except for that one time with Sebastian since our whole debauchery had started,
here I was cutting up two perfectly thick white lines, I rolled up a hundred
dollar bill and snorted one up each nostril. Closing my eyes and taking in the
wave of satisfying bliss that I felt within seconds. I looked in the mirror
feeling fucking invincible.
“Welcome
back, Ysabelle.” I said to my reflection. I placed the vile in my clutch; sure that
I would need it again later, and made my way downstairs. The driver smiled and
nodded as he held the door for the white stretch limo.
I was
welcomed to a flute of champagne and an even more devastatingly handsome older
man. He looked European, sporting a five o’clock shadow, with light skin and
thick black hair. His dark, conniving eyes appeared bottomless and devious when
he smiled in appreciation. Taking in my beauty with wondering eyes.
“I’m
Ysabelle.” I stated, smiling up at him.
“I know
who you are.” He said in an arrogant tone.
“Pleasure,
now who the fuck are you?” I replied with the same tone. I wasn’t taking this
guy’s shit.
“A
spitfire, I do enjoy a good challenge. The names Richard Slavic.”
“Seems
fitting Dick.” I countered, sipping my champagne.
He
smirked. “Take off your panties.” He ordered.
“I’m not
wearing any, Mr. Slavic,” I stated in a sultry tone, trying to give him the
same deviant eyes that he was handing me.
“Seems
like we’ll get along just fine, Gorgeous. Call me Slavic.”
“Slavic.”
I tempted.
“Say it
again.”
“Slavic…”
I moaned.
“Remember
to say it just like that. Now crawl to me Gorgeous.”
“Not in
a white dress.” I rebottled.
He
smiled, “I’ll remember that for later.”
“I look
forward to it.”
Dinner
proceeded with the same demeanor. Slavic was controlling and arrogant. He
ordered my dinner and my cocktails and even went as far as spoon-feeding me. I
didn’t eat much, the cocaine running through my system made sure of it. I did
enjoy the $5,000 bottle of wine though.
I
excused myself to powder my nose. I quickly took care of business in the ladies
room while unbeknownst to me, he stood right outside the door waiting for me.
I smiled
as I opened the door and he stepped in front of me.
His
finger swiped the residue of cocaine across my nose that I carelessly forgot to
check. He grinned before wiping it back and forth on his front teeth.
Slavic
took my hand and led me out, heading to our next destination, The Gala. He sat
close to me in the limo, keeping his hand on the inside of my leg while his
finger tapped to the beat of the music. I was trying. I was trying so hard. The
cocaine helped, there was just something about this guy that rubbed me the
wrong way. I blew it off again. It was Sebastian. That’s it. Slavic was a fine
looking man, ready to wine and dine me all night. I would have been playing him
like a fiddle a year ago. That’s what I had to focus on. I could do this.
We made
our way inside the already crowded room with endless amounts of people; it was
the who of Miami. The tickets alone cost a fortune.
Slavic
couldn’t keep his hands off me, and if it wasn’t his hands it was his eyes. I
was beyond fucked up from the cocaine and the alcohol that I didn’t care. I let
him touch me and kiss me, and whisper sleazy and filthy things that he planned
to do to me later. I soaked it all in. Every last fucking bit of it. This was
who I was. This was what I did. I was paid good money for men like Slavic to
play with. He wanted to play. I would fucking play.
The
whole place was crazy. The music, the damn good looking men walking around, all
the women in their fancy little party dresses, and yes, me. I was fucked up,
not quite where I wanted to be just yet. I’m not sure how long we’d been there
before I felt the urge to go powder my nose again.
“Where
you going? Did I say you could leave, Gorgeous?” Slavic demanded, grabbing my
wrist a little harder than he needed to. I placed my hand over his and smiled.
“I’ll be
right back. Don’t you worry, the night is ours,” I laughed.
I walked
away from Slavic, feeling on cloud nine. The handle wouldn’t turn when I tried
to enter the ladies room, and I laughed at myself. I was turning it the wrong
way.
“Jesus
Christ, Slavic!” I yelled when I felt him shove me into the restroom, almost
losing my footing. This was not going down in the fucking restroom; I had more
class than that. I turned to give him hell; instead I came face to face with a
furious Sebastian Vanwell, standing directly in front of me.
I was
sure I’d never seen this look on his face before. He walked towards me, causing
me to step back until I was against the wall. Placing both hands on each side
of my head, he spoke through gritted teeth. “You’re back to this fucking shit
again?” He scorned.
“Who the
hell do you think you are?” I yelled, trying to move around him. He wouldn’t
let me.
“Who the
hell do I think I am? Are you fucking serious? You drop off the face of the
earth without so much as a fucking goodbye, and you’re asking me who the fuck I
think I am?” He aggressively roared.
“Fuck
you Sebastian, I’m working, now get the hell out of my way,” I screamed. He
grabbed my hand when I tried to shove him, restraining them both over my head.
“Oh
yeah, Ysa.” He snidely remarked, sliding my gown up to expose my thighs. “God
you make me a fucking manic, do you have any idea how much I am ready to kill
that motherfucker for having his hands all over you? Do you know how close I
came to going over there and knocking him the fuck out?” He violently spewed.
“Sebastian
stop this.” I shrieked trying to close my legs together to no avail. He was
stronger than me and pushed them open. His fingers found my bare pussy and he
rubbed one finger back and forth through my wet slit.
“No
panties, Ysa…is that how you do it, huh? Have you let him fuck you yet? Now
that your back to being Madam’s little slut. How long did it take you till you
were letting me fucking use you? Has this fucker touched this pretty pink
pussy? My pussy…my girl…” He pushed his fingers inside of me curling them,
aiming for my g-spot, just how he knew I loved. I bit my lip to conceal my
moan. I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of what he was doing to me,
what he always did to me.
I did
the only thing I knew would make him stop before he brought me to orgasm right
there leaned against the restroom wall. I looked him straight in the eyes and
viciously asked, “Where’s your wife, Sebastian?”
He
immediately stopped. I took his distraction as an opportunity to maneuver
myself away from him.
“Where
is she, Sebastian?” I asked with a raised tone when he didn’t answer.
“Here,”
he replied.
Fuck. She was here? With him?
I kept
walking backwards as he moved, coming after me again. I needed to get away from
him.
“Sebastian,
if you come any closer I will scream. I’ll have all of Miami in here in a
matter of seconds. Your precious wife will know it all, so I suggest you turn
the fuck around and go home.”
“Ysa…”
He pleaded calling for me.
“Don’t
call me that…step the fuck back.” I yelled. Between the cocaine and the
adrenaline pumping through my veins, I felt furious. I was angry with him for
watching me with Slavic, for following me to the restroom, for being here with
her, and most of all for bringing me to my fucking knees.
“God
damn it, I don’t fucking care. Scream, scream as loud as you fucking want,
there is no way in hell I am letting you go back out there to that fuck.” He
urgently demanded.
I could
see it in his eyes, he had gone mad, and I didn’t know how the hell I was going
to get out of this restroom. He needed to go back to his wife and I needed to
get back to my date before something even more fucked up happened. Madam would
have lost her shit, if she knew what was going on.
I calmly
collected myself and went to him, placed my arms around his neck as his arms
swiftly went around me. My eyes closed, briefly, taking him in. The feel of him,
the warmth, the smell, the love. God. Why did I have to be in love with him? It
took everything in me to say what I what I had to say.
“Sebastian…you
have to let me go. Please…you’re killing me. I can’t do this anymore. If you
ever truly cared for me, please let me be. I’m begging you…let me go.” I
pleaded.
“I
can’t.” He whispered into my neck.
“Please…”
I begged.