They walked for half a block before he stepped to the curb to get a cab. “I’m sorry about that.”
The original plan was for her to act unaffected. Cool and composed like the two women at the restaurant who tried to hijack him, but Caroline couldn’t pull it off. She needed to be sophisticated and urbane, but it wasn’t going to happen. She was jealous. “It’s amazing how certain things make it feel like middle school all over again.”
Once they were settled in the ca,r he reached around her shoulder and pulled her close. “Why are women so bitchy to one another?”
“I don’t know. I try to be nice to people...”
“I didn’t mean you.”
“Were you referring to Bling One and Bling Two?”
Hearing his deep laugh burst out made her feel better. “I love that. Yes, I was referring to them, but in general you women are pretty tough on each other.”
“It’s hard for someone like me who... who...” What was it about him that made her want to spill her guts?
“What?”
“I’ve never been assertive enough that I didn’t care what people thought of me. I always wanted to be liked. I don’t understand the bitchiness.”
“No shit?” he asked with a smirk.
Caroline backhanded his knee lightly and grinned. “Don’t be an ass.”
The cab pulled up at the curb and Josh, surprisingly, took her hand as she got out of the car. He pulled her alongside him and they walked down the street to no known destination, hand in hand. The city was busy on this early spring night. A light rain had fallen earlier, making the streets shiny and everything smell clean.
“I don’t think confidence has anything to do with it. They’re always trying to one-up everyone. That’s not confidence or assertiveness, that’s desperation.” He nudged her into a coffee shop not far from her apartment that was known for delicious comfort food and great desserts. They were seated at one of the retro booths and he handed her a menu. “How’s your headache?”
“Fine, better. I needed some air, I guess.”
“I get that. Maybe we should try that place again when the hype dies down.”
Caroline automatically agreed with him, but she honestly didn’t care if they ever went back. As soon as Josh’s knee brushed hers under the table, she didn’t really care because now she was alone with him.
“I love the mac and cheese they serve here.” It was one of Caroline’s favorites and she was so happy he’d picked this place to eat.
He took a deep breath and let it out. “I really am sorry I took you to that restaurant. I thought it would be nice, but anytime a place is new and there’s a celebrity connection, it becomes the latest place to be seen.”
“And you avoid that?”
“As a rule, yes. I don’t like the high-pressure social scene. I do it because it’s there, but I don’t like it. The women are definitely only in it for one thing.”
“Sex?” Caroline asked, knowing she had wanted him for the same thing.
“If it was just sex it would be easier. Bling One and Two, as you called them, are looking for husbands. I’m not interested.”
“Not marriage material?” She thought he was. He’d be a great husband.
“I’d be really cautious before jumping in. My parents haven’t been stellar examples, but I’d like to think someday I could have what my grandparents had.” The busboy came by with water and a basket of warm bread. Josh took a piece of bread, buttered it and handed it to her.
“Thank you,” she said. “My parents had a wonderful marriage. It was hell on my mom when my dad died. Especially since we were all in a state of flux after leaving the estate.”
“I was so upset when I heard. I wanted to come home for the funeral, but I couldn’t manage it.”
He wanted to be there? At her father’s funeral? It seemed every time Josh said something, she was surprised. He was carrying around this reputation that he was a clone of his father, but it was easier and easier to see that he wasn’t the slightest bit like his father. “I don’t mean to be indelicate, but why would you want to come home?”
Josh grinned. It was sweet and boyish and was a crazy contrast to the sexy entrepreneur in the designer suit sitting across from her.
“I used to hang out with your dad in his office when I needed a quiet place to do my homework. He was a nice man. Did you know your mom proofread all my college essays?”
Caroline shouldn’t have been surprised, but she was. The Campbells weren’t exactly warm people; her brother-in-law equated his parents with vipers, and many of the staff members stepped in with the children, to fill family roles that needed filling. Jason and Grace were at their house all the time, but Josh wasn’t around as much. Or so it seemed.
“I had no idea.”
“You were young. What were you, twelve, when I went to school?”
“Yes. Twelve.” The day he left for Yale it felt like her world had dropped out from under her. “My dad drove you to school. I wanted to go.”
That was too much information.
“You did? Why?”
Sipping her water, she thought about how she begged and pleaded, just so she could spend hour upon hour staring at Josh. Twelve was when she noticed him, and the year and half that followed was filled with gushy teenage poetry and finding ways to spy on him when he was home on breaks. Looking back, it was lovely and adolescent and full of angst and drama. Caroline loved her personal romance-soaked dreamworld, and then it all collapsed.
Her family moved off the estate, and then her father died, and nothing mattered after that.
The funeral was a blur, and in the days after they walked around in a daze. Kevin, her brother, had gone back to college, and that left Meg and Caroline with their mom, whose heart was shattered. Everything dropped off the grid... especially anything associated with the Campbells. Including Josh.
Now it seemed he may have grieved himself, and no one ever knew.
“Caroline? Why did you want to go on the trip to deliver me to school?” There was that grin again. It was almost like he knew the truth, knew about her unrequited love, and was baiting her. And she wouldn’t say a word.
Especially since she should be questioning him about her father.
“Forget about that. I was twelve. I never knew you spent time with him, that he was important to you.”
Josh’s face always got to Caroline. Always. Classically handsome, with perfect bone structure, he was nothing short of breath-stealing and he’d gotten better looking over the years. His eyes were the most crystal blue, and for someone blond, he had unusually spiky, dark lashes. Her words must have affected him, because the pain that washed across that strong face was palpable.
Caroline felt her heart heave in her chest and without hesitation she went to the other side of the booth and scooted in next to him. His hand took hers and squeezed.
“None of us knew, Josh. Least of all me. You have to know we would have wanted you to be able to say good-bye.”
“I know.” He dropped his head and held tight to her hand while his thumb made lazy circles on her palm. “He was a great man, your dad. He helped me keep my head on straight.”
“You want to tell me about it?”
The waitress interrupted and they ordered. Caroline got the mac and cheese and Josh ordered two burgers and fries. Nothing fancy... just two people and some food. It was kind of perfect, actually.
“One night I got drunk. I had just turned seventeen. I knew I shouldn’t drive, thank God, so I left the car at a party I was at and tried to walk home. It was freezing cold, and the local police picked me up on Laurel Road. When they called the estate, it rang at your parents’ house.” He took a breath and laced his fingers with hers. “Your dad came and picked me up. Got me sober and warm and made sure my car got back to the house before anyone realized what had happened.”
“So he covered for you?”
Josh still had her hand, but now he was leaning in and resting his head against hers. “It was more than that. He listened. He listened to a drunk, babbling kid and he didn’t get me in trouble.”
“Was something wrong?” The Campbell kids didn’t exactly have a warm, nurturing upbringing.
“It was typical shit. My family was a mess. My father was a tyrant. My grades were tanking. Basically, I got senioritis as a junior. Your dad made a deal with me that if I got my grades back on track he wouldn’t give me up to my dad.”
“That’s when you started hanging out with him?”
“Uh-huh. It was good. He helped me a lot. He knew what a bad scene it was at the house. The whole staff did. Thank God for it because it saved me, Jason, and Grace.” He paused and Caroline felt so sad for everything he’d had to go through. No child should ever have to worry about talking to his own parents. “I miss talking to him,” Josh said, his voice thick.
“I was so angry when he died,” Caroline said. “I felt cheated.”
Josh leaned in and kissed the top of her head just like he always did, but this one felt different, like there was more invested in it. “You were cheated. You were.”
Chapter 10
Caroline wondered whose life she’d hijacked.
She’d just had the most amazing three hours with Josh. They’d swapped stories and ate and now they were walking back to her apartment with two icing-heavy cupcakes from a local bakery.
It was the most date-like non-date she’d ever been on. Inwardly, Caroline gave herself a high five. It was nice to know her instincts about Josh were right all along. The man was a definite keeper. Of course, he’d have to want an actual relationship, which he didn’t. A total suckfest to be sure, but Caroline had decided she was going to take his advice to heart.
When he took her hand as they crossed the street, Caroline tingled from head to toe. It was almost instinctive the way his large, warm hand circled hers. Surprisingly, he didn’t let go when they safely made their way across Ninth Avenue. He kept hold, their fingers twining together, and she fell a little more in love with him.
Which she knew could end really badly, but for once she wasn’t going to overthink this. She was going to go with her gut and see what happened.
“I feel bad you got all dressed up and we ended up having diner food.”
“Don’t. I was very content with the mac and cheese and I liked that we were able to talk.”
He turned his eyes in her direction and the corner of his mouth ticked up. “Me too.”
They continued in silence and thought about his idea to get cupcakes to take to her place. He wanted to spend time with her, but something was still holding him back. Something was keeping him from going all-in.
Her building came into sight and Josh loosened his grip, knowing she’d have to get her keys out of her bag. She reached in, feeling around, and emerged with the set that pretty much reflected her life. Two keys for work. Two keys for home. One key each for her mom and sister’s places.
Work, home, family
. That was Caroline in a nutshell.
Once she had the ring in her hand, he took the keys and opened the door. God, he had great manners. That alone could make a woman swoon.
“You seem unhappy,” he said. “Is anything wrong?”
“I guess I feel guilty. You’re always doing things for me...” Her apartment was on the second floor, and she stopped on the first landing and faced him. He was one step behind her and the height of the step and her high heels brought them eye to eye. “I wish...”
“You need to stop beating yourself up. You’re a good friend, Caroline. You do a lot for me. Like tonight. I can’t tell anyone else the things I tell you. It’s nice to have someone to talk to.”
“I’m glad. Things started out so weird between us. I’m happy we’re okay.”
“We’re very okay. And weird isn’t always bad.” He grinned and Caroline felt her knees wobble. They actually wobbled. What this man did to her was indecent. When they got to her door he did the same thing he did before, unlocking and then opening her door, but then he handed her the cupcakes when she stepped over the threshold.
He didn’t come in.
“Why are you standing there?”
“I think I should take off. You and Tessa can share the cupcakes.”
He wasn’t going to make this easy, was he? She looked down because it was the only way to avoid his eyes. But Caroline couldn’t be a coward. Tilting her head back, she locked eyes with him and the tremor struck. It was tiny, just a little wave of emotion that made everything in her react. That’s when she saw she was in real trouble. This was beyond anything she’d felt for him in the past. This feeling was a connection that went so deep, it terrified her.
The past month of sharing so much of themselves, from their work to their families, had done her in. He owned her, this man. There was nothing possessive or domineering in anything he did with her, but she was his. For now, for always. She’d do anything he wanted. All he had to do was ask.
She was so screwed.
So screwed.
He turned toward the stairs and her rational brain, the one that controlled what she did, the one that sucked all the fun out of her life, was telling her to let him go. She had too much to lose and any plans she had to seduce him should be put on hold because a completely different line had been crossed. This was life-changing. The best thing for her to do was close the door and eat the cupcakes.
The fucking cupcakes
. She dropped them, and ignoring every impulse from her rational mind, Caroline decided to take the chance she’d been wanting to take since they’d left the restaurant. She was going to take a big chance, just like he told her she should.
“Josh?” He stopped and his body shifted just enough for Caroline to launch her offensive, and that’s exactly what she did. Walking toward him and clutching his face in her hands, she gave him a down-and-dirty, I-want-you-to-do-me-against-the-wall kiss. A kiss with so much invested in it, Josh was stunned for a second.
But it was just a second, and then his arms wrapped around her waist and he lifted her, leaving her feet dangling, while he walked her back into the apartment. He used his hip to close the door and before Caroline knew it she was pressed into the living room wall by over two hundred pounds of muscle.
Yes.
His mouth was insatiable, his tongue tangling with hers. His need was explosive, primal, and this was what Caroline had been waiting for. Not just sex. Not simple desire, but need. Pure, crazy, drive-you-to-the-edge-of-reason need.
“This is why I wanted to leave,” he ground out. “I can’t control what might happen with you.”
“I don’t want you to control yourself. You said I should go after what I want... I just want you.”
“This is insane. We shouldn’t be doing this. I want you too much. It’s too much.”
Caroline suppressed the smile that was itching to escape. She loved how aroused he was. She could feel his erection pressed against her belly and was so thrilled that she could do this to him, be able to drive him to the edge. Reacting to her kiss on his collarbone, he groaned and slid his hand up her thigh and under her dress.
“These need to go.” Josh gripped the sides of her panties and yanked them down. She kicked them free without even breaking the kiss. His hand moved over her, teasing her soft folds, spreading the wetness there, and then she felt his finger sink into her and Caroline gasped at the sensation.
“You like that?” he whispered in her ear. His voice was low, playful, and she only wished she could respond to him, but it seemed she’d lost her power to speak.
“Mmm hmm.”
He stepped back, his fingers still inside her, and his gaze skimmed over her body. Thank God she had bought new underwear today—no granny panties this time. She couldn’t wait for him to get her dress off. Why wasn’t he taking her dress off?
“You’re going to fucking kill me. God, Caroline, you’re so beautiful. I was going to leave. Why didn’t you let me?”
“I didn’t want you to. I want you to be with me.”
“We shouldn’t...”
“Be with me. Teach me,” she whispered.
One of his hands was holding her hip and the other slid around her neck into her hair, holding her head right where he wanted it. The gentle pressure was delicious, but Caroline knew this was a dangerous game. He was too big for her, too experienced, and she’d pushed him to the edge of his control. This was not going to be the same as what happened a month ago.
Nothing like playing with fire.
He kissed her neck and trailed down to the swell of her breast, which just peeked out of her off-the-shoulder dress. The kisses were whisper soft and she felt a wonderful heat knotting up in her core. With each touch of his lips, each stroke of his finger, there was magic sparking between them. Heat and light.
Caroline felt her dress inch up and then she felt his hands, his mouth—he touched her everywhere, and Caroline loved how she wasn’t the least bit hesitant with him. She wanted Josh to discover everything about her, touch her, taste her, and she wanted to do the same with him. She’d unleashed this frenzied response and nothing in the world ever felt better.
“I have to get you to bed.”
“Here,” she said. “Make love to me here.”
“You want to make love here?” His eyes smiled at her and she saw she’d surprised him. There may not have been anything better than seeing that shock on his face. “Honey, I could certainly do it, but a responsible teacher would never press a student beyond her skill set.”
“I’m very bright,” she said, nipping his ear. “I always get A’s.”
“I’m counting on it.” With that Josh lifted her up, and instead of romantically cradling her in his arms, he threw her over his shoulder. Her dress was around her waist, which meant her bare ass was right in Josh’s face. Caroline didn’t know how she felt about this caveman routine, but when she tried to wiggle free, he nipped at her hip.
“Stop wiggling. I don’t want to drop you.”
“You’re acting like a Neanderthal. Put me down!”
By the time she’d said it they were in her room and Josh did put her down. He flipped her right onto her bed, and in one quick move he settled himself neatly on top of her. “Now. What were you saying?”
Looping her arms around his neck, she pulled him down for a kiss. “That you’re a Neanderthal.”
“Am I?” He grabbed her hem and pulled the dress over her head.
“A brute to be sure.” She was trying to sound angry and offended, just for effect, but it wasn’t working. Caroline was loving this.
“Uh-huh.” Her bra went next. “Well, this brute has you right where he wants you.”
Caroline giggled because it was more the other way around. But the truth of it all was more sobering... she was in her bed, completely naked with a man who could own her if she let her guard down for even a second. “What is the brute going to do to me?”
“The possibilities are endless, baby.”
Caroline laughed out loud and wiggled her hips against him. Josh stripped down and donned the condom he had in his pocket. But instead of coming back to her, he sat and pulled her up. “Come here. Straddle me.”
“What?” This was different. “Um... okay.”
“Do you trust me?”
There was a moment of complete silence as they stared at each other thinking about his question. It was at the heart of everything. It meant
everything
and could truly define what was happening between them. This whole affair, or whatever it was turning into, was about trust.
Caroline kissed his lips. “Of course I do.”
She moved tentatively, doing as he asked and kneeling on either side of him. She felt oddly exposed as Josh’s hands gripped her hips, and she watched as he moved her over his penis. She felt the head rub against her and a little tremor rolled through her body before he slowly coaxed her down onto his erection. She felt the slow stretch as he entered her, the silky pressure as he pressed deep inside her. She moaned a little as he got as far as he could go, and she adjusted to him.
This was heaven. Holding Josh close, Caroline began to move in a gentle rhythm, listening to her body and his, and knowing that she was completely safe. “Like this?”
“Yeah,” he responded with barely a sound. “A-plus.”
***
There was no other way to describe it. Watching her expression as he entered her was like a drug. Her face held such emotion, and Josh never thought he’d ever want to see emotion playing a role in sex. Especially with this woman. A month ago they weren’t even on each other’s radar. They’d been running on parallel courses for years, but he’d never paid attention. Now he couldn’t avoid it. Four weeks, just four weeks, and he didn’t want to think about being with anyone else.
He didn’t know exactly what all this meant, but it shook him to the core, and while he held Caroline, kissed her beautiful face, touched her and let her set the pace to their lovemaking, he saw what he’d been missing all this time.
She trusted him. Caroline had given him everything when she opened herself to him a few short weeks ago and let him in. He was right to worry about the whole virginity thing. He didn’t realize that the depth of it went so beyond the physical act. This was about trust, about faith.
No one in his life really trusted him, but she did. She’d trusted him with everything.
Josh matched Caroline’s movements, holding her tight, loving how her body molded to his. She was small and soft and she was his. Only his.
And while that thought filled his head, it also slapped at his heart. And that’s when he knew this was serious and that they both had a lot to lose.
***
For a little kitchen, there were a lot of cabinets, and Josh opened a few before he found a glass and filled it with water from the pitcher in the refrigerator. Caroline was asleep, exhausted from the last few hours, and Josh didn’t understand why he hadn’t been able to fall asleep himself. He was so revved up he felt like he could build a house.
His reaction to her was nothing like he’d ever experienced. He’d never felt such blind possessiveness, such responsibility for a woman. He wanted to blame the virgin thing, but he didn’t think that was it. Something else was going on. Something new.
He cared for her. A lot.
More than the sex or her looks, he liked who she was. Which meant he definitely shouldn’t sleep with her again. “You are so full of shit,” he said to himself. “Who am I kidding?”
“That depends,” a throaty female voice said. “What are we talking about?”
Josh turned, and in the doorway was Caroline’s roommate. He’d gotten to know Tessa a little since he and Caroline started hanging around together, but it was the stories Caroline told about her that helped him see that the two were as close as sisters. He smiled at the willowy redhead whose raised eyebrows told him he was about to be interrogated. She was Caroline’s best friend and he figured that gave her the right.
“You, Mr. Campbell, were the last thing I expected to see. I guess dinner went well.”
“It was kind of a disaster, actually.”
Tessa bent over and laughed. “Perfect. Why was it a disaster?”
“Porto Salvo was a disaster. We ran into two women I know. It was uncomfortable.”
“How was Caroline?”
He wanted to say she was perfect. He didn’t think the woman ever made a misstep. “Caroline was classy. We went to a diner after. That was nice.”