To Honor and Cherish (23 page)

Jax nodded and walked over to Meghan’s bed. Elizabeth sat with her. She looked every bit the part of a nurse in her long white apron and cap.

“Jax, we’ve been watching Meg closely, but there doesn’t appear to be much change. Maybe she simply needs to hear more of your voice?” Elizabeth suggested.

Jax nodded. Life could get filled with regrets, and his were eating him alive now.

Elizabeth put her hand on his shoulder, talking softly so no one else could hear.

“None of us know exactly what happened once she walked out that door. Consider this though, with her cracked ribs and the cold she might be in a lot of pain if she were awake. Let her sleep and heal. She will wake, I have every confidence she will. We put Lars as far away as we could, but with his injury he has to stay warm too. We’ll try to make sure he doesn’t make noise.”

“I’m glad one of us has confidence,” he said as his shoulders sagged. Sitting next to Meg, he put her hand to his lips and kissed it then held it there.

The evening came on and Lars started groaning. Robert had left earlier and the Mountie on duty spoke to the doctor. Lars opened his eyes and they held on Jax.

“You,” he growled, his face feverish. “I’ll get out of this and I’ll make your life even more of a hell, you dirty dog.”

“If you think the Mounties will ever let you go, you’re dreaming. You’ll hang for what you’ve done.” It was so difficult to keep the satisfaction from his voice. “What did my sister ever do to deserve what you did to her?” Jax tried to be quiet, but it was difficult.

“Your worthless sister decided she wouldn’t even speak to me if I didn’t let her see her mama. I couldn’t let her go or she wouldn’t come back. I never give up what’s mine. If you ever want to have anything in this world, you hold onto what you have.” His hand came up and clenched into a fist.

“You’re a fool. Did you even hear what you just said? You lost her anyway. You killed her. Even if it wasn’t by your own hand. If you cared about her at all, wouldn’t it have been better for her to leave you and live than to be killed?”

“Who ever said I cared about her? She was mine just like my hat is mine. I can do what I want with my hat and it’s still mine, but if I give it away, well, then I have no say anymore. She didn’t mean a thing.”

Jax started to breathe hard in his chest. Everything in him wanted to rush over to Lars’s bed and choke the life out of that vile man. The Mounty came back and Lars lost his ambition to speak. He gave Jax one hard look, closed his eyes and pretended to ignore everyone.

Chapter
Twenty-Seven

Meg rested all throughout the day. She heard someone bring in Lars and as much as she wanted to see Jax, she couldn’t bear to see Lars. Meg had no way of knowing how much time had passed or if the voices she heard were real or a dream. She heard him speaking to her in low tones. The noise of the day slowly faded to the silence of the night. Meg could hear the helplessness in Jax’s voice. He sat by her bed through the long silent stretch which could only be night. Jax went back on his knees. Meg’s heart silently cried out along with him.

“I already asked you, Lord, to heal her. What more do I need to do?”

“Believe…” moaned Meg.

The noise from her throat scared and thrilled her. After struggling through such a long silence, the sound of her own voice seemed much louder than she remembered. She heard noises from the surrounding beds. It was certainly morning now.

Jax reached up to her face and moved a bit of hair that had fallen in her eyes and she forced herself to slowly close, then open them. She smiled at him with as much enthusiasm as she could muster, which wasn’t much. He looked beside himself with joy. “Believe.” she looked at him again with intensity.

Jax caressed her cheek and smiled back down at her. “I think I do.”

Slowly, Meg moved each of her fingers and toes. It was still painful, but she was so pleased to be able to move them.

Meg laid in bed while Jax spooned her some oatmeal. The warm thick food felt good to her throat. She hadn’t eaten in what her stomach thought was a long time. She had never enjoyed the taste of plain oats and milk so much. Jax offered her a glass of water and she drank liberally. After getting her fill of water, she tried to speak again.

“Jax,” she whispered.

“What, what is it?” he replied, so happy she hated to break that, but she must.

“I care about you so much, but we can’t get married.” A tear coursed its way down her cheek.

His face fell. “What do you mean? I love you, boss-lady. I want you to be my wife.”

“The last few days have not changed what’s wrong. The fact remains that you won’t want me if you take the time to get to know me. I have nothing to offer you except the ranch and it looks like I may not even be able to offer you that.”

“I don’t care about the ranch. Elizabeth isn’t even married yet, how can you give up?”

“We won’t work and that is final.”

“There you go again, acting the boss. That’s how you want it? Fine. You always say that it’s best to let God be in control. You want me to believe but
you
won’t even trust Him. Why should I? You can’t let go of control long enough to see if this will work. I love you Meghan Connor, but I won’t be played with.”

She watched Jax leave the infirmary and she allowed her tears to run down her cheek. Spinning the thin silver band on her finger, she’d never let herself remove it. She felt very alone, but it was better this way. If she couldn’t have children, Jax shouldn’t get his hopes up about the ranch. It was all she really had to offer and if she couldn’t have children, she would never own it. Like Chase, he would work hard for nothing and eventually leave. The thought of being left alone was all the reminder she needed. This was better. This was safe.

~~~

Elizabeth looked down at her sister while she made her rounds. Something had changed during the day. Meg had worry lines in her sleep and the ever-present Jax was gone.

“Elizabeth, are you all right?” came Robert’s voice from a few beds away.

Elizabeth looked over to see him on duty watching Lars, that monster she could hardly tolerate.

“Yes, thank you, Robert,” she whispered. “Did you happen to see if anything happened with Meg and Jax today?”

“Luc was here all day. I just started my shift. I think I’m going to move this guy back to the jail if the doctor agrees. If Meg is awake now, I don’t want him near her.”

“Do you think it’s safe to move him?”

“It doesn’t really matter. He assaulted me. I have a witness who says he killed a man over on the other side of the border. He kidnapped Meg and Jax. He’ll hang. It doesn’t make sense to push a man to good health only to watch him swing.”

“I suppose you’re right. When will all this happen?”

“Nothing will happen until we are sure of the murder charge. We know he attempted to kill both Meg and Jax but the murder charge is what will clinch it. He won’t be going anywhere soon.”

Lars’s eyes flung open and he sprang from the bed. “That’s what you think.” Elizabeth gasped at how fast a man could move who’d been shot only a day ago.

“Elizabeth, get out of his way!” Robert took a defensive stance.

Elizabeth tripped over her dress and the other beds, trying to do as he bade her. Lars had his arms spread about a foot from each side of his body and he was hunched over. He was ready to fight.

Elizabeth hid behind a bed. Robert focused his attention on Lars completely. Lars lunged for Robert and Elizabeth screamed, breaking Robert’s concentration. Lars aimed a punch for Robert’s chest, knocking him on his back on the floor. Robert kicked for Lars’s weak spot, the bandaged arm, already sticky and wet with fresh blood. Lars howled and straddled Robert’s body, punching him with his left arm.

Elizabeth grabbed a solid metal bed warmer and ran up behind Lars. She hit him in the back of the head, screaming when he barely moved. She hadn’t hit him hard enough to do any damage, but made him madder. Robert grabbed at Lars as he swiped his injured arm at Elizabeth but missed.

Robert used the diversion to his advantage. Using both arms for leverage, he flexed at the waist, grabbing Lars’s vest and pulling him forward and to the right down to the floor. With a sickening crunch, Robert slammed his head into the floor by his right ear using the momentum to roll Lars up and over his body.

Elizabeth screamed, “Look out! He grabbed your gun!”

She held her breath as she saw Robert pull his cavalry sabre from his belt. She shut her eyes tight, not wanting to see what happened next. She heard the sound of the blade make contact. Her hands flew to her ears and she collapsed to the floor.

Chapter
Twenty-Eight

Meg recovered from her chill quickly. The doctor was sure it was the fact that she fought back when she was first attacked and raised her body heat and heart rate which kept her from getting hypothermia. He couldn’t medically figure out how she didn’t suffer from frostbite. By all rights, she should have.

The blizzard only lasted two days and the temperature soon rose back to normal, chilly but not yet cold. Meg and Jax stayed a week to make sure they had strength for the trip. Elizabeth was sad to see her family go, but they had to get back. The doctor warned Meg to avoid lifting anything or riding horse very long for another month. It would be a long, hard journey home, but it had to be done. Rose would’ve had her child by now and Meg needed to see the wee baby. Not to mention Pete would want to be with his wife, and that would leave her father short-handed. They had to get back as quickly as possible.

Jax and Meg slowly made their way along the river, turning and heading south by the big rock where they had discovered their feelings for each other. She looked at it and her heart clenched. She didn’t ask to stop by the rock this time. Jax hadn’t spoken to her except to be cordial since their argument. He was observant but cold. When Meg looked too tired or sore, he would insist they stop and rest. The chilly air seemed to help the pain, but her breathing was still shallow because of that same pain. The only time she felt as happy as before was at night when she listened to Jax’s breathing.

The old man who’d kept their horses was happy to see them. He accepted a little money but thought that the horse they gave him was more than sufficient payment. They were both ready to have the trip done and stayed with him for just a few minutes to rest.

The stage coach was torture, jostling and jumping each movement like knives in her side. She had to lean against Jax for support. She couldn’t bear it without him though it hurt her pride to even ask.

They made it to the final leg of their journey and she boarded the train anxious for the quiet privacy of their tiny state room. It wasn’t meant to be, the train had overbooked and Meg and Jax needed to share their room with an older gentleman. The train she’d looked forward to for over a week was a new form of torture. The old gentleman turned out to be more of a curmudgeon. Every time they even looked at one another, the old man would give them evil looks. Once, after about three such evil looks, he actually growled at them.

He insisted on sleeping in the bottom bunk and Meg couldn’t climb into the top. She had to sleep sitting up in the booth. Jax lay in the top bunk. She knew he didn’t sleep much, his breathing was never calm and steady. Nights were painful and seemingly endless. The train left her more sore and tired than the parts of the trip prior to it had. You couldn’t stop the train to rest.

At their second stop out of the three, Jax went into the station and sent word to Little Springs. They would be home the next day. Meg needed her father to meet them there so she could rest as soon as possible.

When they finally pulled in to town, Meg was overjoyed. One more hour in a wagon and she could get some proper rest. They got a message Gus had left horses at the livery for them instead of a wagon. Meg was so happy to see her familiar horse, she rubbed its nose and spoke gently to it, giving it a carrot she’d brought from her evening meal on the train. The horse nipped at it, making muffled noises and pushing her nose into Meg’s hand looking for more treats.

Meg and Jax rode home at a walking pace; he seemed to know she was too drained to take it faster. Soreness from the train ride radiated through her entire body. The horse wanted some exercise, she wished she could let her poor friend have it. She promised to leave her out in the corral that night to run. It was also just as likely Meg’s horse could feel her own agitation at Jax and reacted to it. Either way, the horse would get to run tonight.

“Are you ever going to tell me what is so wrong with you that it would make me run away scared? Maybe you haven’t noticed, but it would take an awful lot to do that.”

“Jax, I just think it would be best if we let it go.”

“I can’t let it go. Stop living a lie and give up your need to control everything. I’m old enough to know that I won’t find anyone else like you ever again.” He pulled up on his reins and waited for her to do the same. “I’m done waiting. We need to get this over with, or I need to move on because I can’t work with you every day knowing I can never have you.”

She couldn’t let that happen. It was hard enough seeing him every day and wanting to feel his closeness again. She couldn’t let him leave altogether.

“Jax, you just don’t understand. This isn’t easy for me, either.”

“Fine. I guess you still need to have it your way or no way at all. I’ll get you home, then I’m heading for Lake Forest. I’ve got no one to run from anymore.” He put a gentle heel to his horse and started down the trail again.

Meg’s breath came in short gasps that had nothing to do with her broken rib. This couldn’t be happening. Jax couldn’t leave her, too. She couldn’t live without him. The weight of the loss closed around her like a noose. She fought the tears that wanted to erupt.

“Jax, stop.”

He turned to look at her.

She rode up next to him. “I don’t even know how to do this. I had to do everything after I lost Chase, make ever decision. I was so scared because I didn’t know how to do what I needed to. I don’t know how to just let that go.” She wanted to fall off the horse and hide her head in shame.

“Why don’t you ask Him to help you? I hear you asking Him for everything else.”

He was right, of course. She took a deep, shuddering breath and sent up a prayer for help. She looked out at the prairie. “I can’t have children.” There, she’d finally said it out loud. “You’ll never own Whitte Ranch, because I don’t think I can produce an heir.” She shook with every word.

He reached out and touched her chin, it was so tender and gentle that a sob thrust itself beyond her control. He dismounted, pulled her gently down from her horse and cradled her against his strong chest.

“You know you can’t…or you think you can’t?” he asked in the softest whisper, finger-combing her hair by her forehead.

“We tried for five years and I was never able to conceive.”

“That doesn’t mean you can’t and it doesn’t make me want you as my wife any less. I have only ever been interested in Whitte Ranch because you wanted it. I only want to be where you are.”

The gentle caress of his hand, even gloved, on her head calmed her. She held onto him for support and closed her eyes, relishing his touch. “Jax. I love you. I’m sure of it now. I could have lived just seeing you every day, even if I couldn’t be with you. I couldn’t bear for you to go away. Please say you’ll stay.”

He pulled away enough to see her face and kissed her. It was like being kissed for the first time. Her heart raced and her knees shook under her. He held her close and stabilized her world.

“I want to marry you, boss-lady.”

She buried her face in his neck. “Yes,” she whispered near his ear. She knew he heard because he squeezed her closer.

“Do you see all the stars out there?” he whispered to her temple, his breath on her skin so thrilling it made her heart race.

She found she could hardly speak and nodded.

“If you could count them all, and could count how much I love you…it would show I love you more.”

Meg came undone, she wrapped her arms around his neck, pressing herself as close to him as she could and breathed his kisses as if she needed them to survive
.