To Honor and Cherish (20 page)

Meg realized then her father had been right, she could have made it this far on her own, probably, but from here on out, she needed Jax. She nodded at him and he went off to ask about lodging for the night and horses to rent in the morning.

There had been small rooms available at each of their stops and this was no different. She had gotten used to sleeping near Jax. She liked how safe she felt with him nearby as they went through areas that were strange to her. On nights when there were two rooms available, she didn’t sleep as well. She worried about people coming into her room, even if the door was locked.

“This is a pretty small place, they only have one main upstairs room with bunks on the walls.”

Meg’s eyes went large. “No privacy at all?”

“No, and they are expecting the room to be full-up too.”

“You are sure this is where we should stop? We could still catch the stage?”

“No, I don’t want to go any further north, this is where we need to stop.”

“I have to trust you.”

Jax gave her a heart-melting smile and touched her chin. “I’ll remember you said that.” His teasing made her blush her look at down at her feet.

Meg warmed herself up by the stove then went over to the station manager to ask if they had a telegraph. Some of the stations had them to request help and get news. She asked if she could send a telegraph ahead of them. The station manager assured her they could. She took her time composing it, each word important because of its expense.

Looking for Lizzy Whitte. There by Christmas. Meg

Meg had looked at the calendar at the station and realized even coming as fast as they could, they would narrowly reach her by Christmas, only five days away. She had been so sure they could make the trip faster. At least finding Lizzy would be a happy occasion, worthy of Christmas.

That night was the most uncomfortable they’d spent so far. She laid there listening to the other people. Some breathed loudly, some shifted, others snored and snuffled. She saw one man get up and check the pockets of another. Meg cleared her throat and shifted, which scared the thief into getting back into his own bunk. She listened the whole night for the gentle snoring she had become so accustomed to over the past few days. She wasn’t sure if it was too loud to hear Jax or if, like her, he wasn’t sleeping.

The next morning, she and Jax rose wearily from the bunks they’d laid in all night. She felt stiff and didn’t want to suffer a long ride after a long night. She put her hand in the small of her back and stretched, trying to be as discrete as possible. The dress she had loved so much now rubbed her in all the wrong places. Her hips hurt from the hard boning of the corset. She couldn’t loosen it or the dress wouldn’t fit and the only other clothes she had were ruined. She would be so glad to find Lizzy and get more than just her face and hands clean. She felt dusty and dirty from head to foot.

Meg took a look around the room at the people around her, some were just rising, others still sleeping. She noticed then the couple from the stage had decided to stop here, too. They were sleeping huddled together a few feet away from the wall where they’d bunked. Feeling a sense of foreboding, she avoided them and went downstairs to get some coffee and find a warm spot by the stove.

Jax had arranged to rent two horses from a local farmer. The saddles had been harder to come by, especially since Meg would need to use a side saddle. Getting into the cursed thing would be bothersome, not to mention dealing with the lack of control that using both legs provided. She much preferred riding on her own ranch, where she could ride as she preferred.

Jax, by some miracle, managed to find exactly what they needed. She waited for him to help her up into the saddle. It took her a moment to get the feel of it, she got her balance and he handed her the reins. He helped fix her skirts as best as possible. This wasn’t a proper riding skirt but it would have to do. Even feeling rumpled and dirty, Jax’s gaze warmed her. He touched her hands. They were bare and white with cold. She wanted to tell him she would be fine but he ducked back into the station one last time. A minute later he came out with a pair of men’s brown leather gloves. They were big, and he helped her put them on her cold, stiff hands. Jax mounted his horse, put a little pressure on its sides with his heels, directed the horse to her right side and they were off.

It occurred to Meg that for the first time on their journey they might not be within miles of another person. No one could judge them or listen in. They rode along for a while letting the horses walk. There would be no stopping for fresh horses, so it was best to keep it slow and steady. About an hour down the trail, Meg finally spoke.

“I looked at the calendar at the station, we are only a few days out from Christmas.”

“I know you hoped we’d be home by then, but I had my doubts even when we set out. Do you do something special for Christmas? Is there a reason it was so important to have her home by then?”

“Yes, we get together as a family and make a special meal. We laugh and tell stories, give each other a few gifts, and father reads from Luke out of his Bible. Sometimes we sing carols. Most of all, it’s special because on that one day my family acts like a family again,” she replied with warmth and fondness radiant on her face.

“Doesn’t sound like anything we can’t do here. S’pose it depends on what you mean by special meal. If special is different, you’ll get a special meal this Christmas, too.” He attempted to lighten the mood. “Don’t know about singing carols though.” He sang, “Deck the halls with—.”

“Thank you, Jax. But it just won’t be the same.”

“Wouldn’t be the same anyway. Your life has changed a whole lot since last Christmas.” He pointed out.

Jax was right, of course. Her life was completely different than it had ever been. Though Jax didn’t know that memories of the holiday included very little of Chase. He’d always made himself rather scarce during the day, not wanting to be with her family. It hadn’t been until evening when they got to spend a few minutes of Christmas together. They would give each other a small gift, usually something hand-made that could be useful. He always told her how his greatest Christmas wish was to have a child.

When she thought of Christmas though, her family came to mind, not Chase, as Jax probably would have expected. This year she had no Chase, no Mother or Father, and no Lizzy. It was as if Christmas wouldn’t happen at all.

“What are you thinking about, Meg? I don’t like you looking so far off when you’re riding that way. If that horse would catch a mind, I don’t know how you’d fare in that contraption.” He scowled at the saddle.

“It isn’t uncomfortable, but when you’re used to having more control, you realize just what you’re missing.” She made sure she sat straight in the saddle, the horn that held her leg in place felt hard and smooth, but necessary to stay put and give her what control she had.

“I just hope that mount stays as gentle and docile as the man claimed.” Jax eyed the horse with a menacing look.

Meg rubbed the horse’s neck. “She seems fine. I only wish I didn’t have to do this to her back, I imagine carrying a load like this is about like carrying one bucket of water from the well instead of two, awkward and heavy.”

“It’s my fault.” He started.

“You didn’t have much choice. I couldn’t ride any other way in this dress without throwing all modesty out the window.” She chuckled.

“No, Meghan, I mean it’s my fault your dress was ruined. I saw you looking at that dress and you never ask for anything. I didn’t think about the journey, or how hard it would be for you without your other skirt. My only thought was you’d only let me get it for you if the other one was ruined. So I ruined it.” Genuinely contrite this time.

She should be angry. What a waste of money. But she just couldn’t do it, she couldn’t force herself to be angry about Jax wanting to do something for her and having to be secretive and sly about it because she could be so stubborn. First Meg chuckled, then giggled, finally letting herself laugh. It was wonderful, she hadn’t laughed like that in a long time, longer than she could remember.

Jax looked at her, flummoxed. “So I take it you aren’t mad?”

“No, I’m not mad. But you did make me think of something. I do still have that other skirt, packed tightly away in my bag. If I changed into it, we could sell this saddle in the next town and this ride might be a lot easier. Certainly faster.”

“You do still have it. I’d forgotten that. That’s a good plan, we can make quicker time if I don’t have to worry about you the whole way, and help you up and down at every stop.”

They rode much of that day, stopping to give the horses rest and forage a few times. The weather warmed a little and riding became more comfortable. At one stop for rest, near the end of the day, they found an abandoned shanty. The tiny house was smaller than the kitchen at the ranch. Meg wasn’t sure there would even be a place to sleep.

When she walked inside, she found an old stone fireplace and table, and an ancient apple crate with one plate and cup sitting in it. The one-room home had a small lean-to for sheltering the horses, which was almost bigger than the shack itself. The bed was some layers of animal skins on top of a straw tick that hadn’t been freshened up in longer than she cared to guess, but it was better than the cold ground. She wasn’t sure if they would be anywhere near a village before nightfall, so they would take advantage of it.

Meg took the opportunity of privacy to change into her old skirt and shirtwaist while Jax made sure the horses were taken care of. Taking off the corset, Meg took a huge lungful of air and slowly let it out. She rubbed the indents in her sides, they itched and were red but she had to hurry. Wrapping the dress so it would wrinkle as little as possible, she laid her bag in the corner. It would need a wash as soon as they reached Koochiching. She had to finish getting dressed, then go find kindling.

Meg knew Jax only had to rub down the horses, they had worked hard all day and it would take a while. Jax gave them each a heavy wool blanket cover for the night as she walked out of the shelter of the cabin to look for sticks. He’d brought some grain stored in two packs, one carried by each horse. It wasn’t much, but it had been their only option. The rest of the horse’s meals would have to be from foraging what they could reach. She nodded at Jax as she rummaged through the forest floor, looking for dry small broken sticks and leaves.

Meg looked over at the one pallet. She wrung her hands and wondered about the sleeping arrangements. This time, they had only the one bed and no room for anyone to sleep anywhere but the bed. They were both exhausted from last night’s stay at the station and the long day’s ride. She placed the dried leaves in the bottom of the stove, then tented the sticks on top of them. She lit the stove and got some bread and jerky out of her pack for dinner. It wasn’t much, but it traveled light. Then she waited for Jax to come in. The fireplace heated the room quickly and it was comfortable when Jax finally came in, rubbing his hands together in the cold. Even after he’d shut the door, the cold came off of him in waves.

They ate in silence, neither of them wanting to broach the subject of the bed quite yet. When it was finally time to turn in, as they both were exhausted, Jax handed Meg one of the two rolled blankets she carried on the back of her saddle.

“Roll up in this and lay against the wall.”

She did as she was told. He then wrapped his own blanket around himself and lay down on the edge of the bed, leaving enough room between them that they didn’t touch. Meg sighed. Jax had always been more of a gentleman than most gentlemen she knew.

~~~

Jax was sure he was flat crazy. A beautiful woman lay next to him and he lay what could just as well be a foot away from her. It would be much warmer to sleep next to each other and put both blankets on both of them, but he had to think about her feminine sensibilities. Hopefully, those sensibilities didn’t get them frozen to the bone.

He had to think of a way to move this along more quickly. She seemed too skittish to even sit next to him. He’d hoped by this point in the trip he’d have discovered whether or not she wanted more of his attention. At this rate, they could ride as far north as man could go and he still wouldn’t know.

Chapter
Twenty-Two

Jax woke at dawn, the coldest hour. Meghan shook, frigid in the little hut, and frost lay on the blankets in a thin layer on top of them. He’d slept so deeply the stove had gone completely out. She looked frozen huddled underneath her blanket, but she hadn’t woke yet. Her lips were tinged purple. He noticed she’d wiggled out of the blanket. It was only laying on top of her. He peeled back his own blanket and covered them both in it, pulling her close to him. He rubbed her arm gently and she woke with a small groan. Then she began to shiver in earnest.

“So…cold.” Her teeth chattered.

He pulled her head to his chest and covered her completely, enveloping her in his arms. She held onto the front of his coat for dear life, he could feel her clinging to him. It took a few minutes, but soon they both were warmer. Neither of them spoke, not ready to put to words the chemistry between them, except perhaps in their own minds. They laid there for full minutes longer than they needed to, enjoying the closeness of one another and the solitude of the cabin.

“Boss-lady, I think we should probably get going. Not much sense lighting the fire just to go unless you’re still cold.”

Meg sighed. “You’re right.” She climbed away from him and it took every ounce of his integrity not to pull her back into his arms.

They ate what was left of their bread and got back on the trail. The day warmed quickly and it felt more like Kansas. Meg rode in silence for quite a while and Jax wondered again what she was thinking about and wishing she would confide in him. Jax heard hoof beats that were not theirs and he stopped on the trail to listen. Meg was so lost in thought she went quite a ways down the trail before she realized Jax wasn’t beside her.

Meg stopped and looked back at him. His horse’s ears shifted back and forth rotating them to hear better and he sat perfectly still, listening. Riding up without a noise, he motioned her off the trail and into the thick cover of some cedar brush. Jax motioned for her to be quiet. The terrain was frozen and what little snow they’d had melted in the heat of the last few days, they hadn’t left evident tracks.

Jax watched, after a few minutes, five riders appeared following the same trail they’d just been on. It was Lars and the thin man who’d come into their train cabin. The couple from the coach was there and another rider, too. He’d known they couldn’t be trusted.

The team of riders stopped barely down the trail from where Jax and Meg were hiding. Close enough to hear them talk, and Jax feared, hear if they made any noise at all. He motioned for Meg to stay still. He didn’t even want her saddle to squeak.

“Lars, they were here a few minutes ago. I heard them riding. Now I don’ hear a thing. They must’a broke off the trail or ran ahead,” said the man from the train.

“You’re sure it was them in that cabin?” asked Lars.

“Yes sir,” whispered the young woman, nodding her head. “I saw them.”

“Fan out. They have to be nearby. If you see Jax, kill him. The lady we’ll keep, at least for a little while.”

Meg gasped and Jax covered her mouth. They were trapped in a little copse of trees and brush. How had Lars found them? How did Lars always find him? Jax pointed two of his fingers at his eyes. He hoped she would understand he wanted her to watch him. She nodded her understanding. He used hand signals to indicate to her that, at the right moment, they were going to make a go of it. It was dangerous, but better to wear out the horses finding safety than to stay here and die.

The riders made all sorts of noise riding through the brush, Jax’s heart raced. He needed to get Meg out of this. Lars sat about 20 feet ahead of them right on the trail, as if he knew they’d have to ride right by him to leave. Jax got off his horse, slow and quiet, leading it and Meg’s horse parallel to the trail.

One of the riders came tromping back up to the area where Lars waited and Jax halted movement to avoid being heard. They tried to keep themselves invisible in the cover of conifer trees and thick cedar bushes.

“Are you trying to let everyone in the state know what you’re doing? If those two were in there, you sure let them know it.” Lars regarded him with cold eyes.

“You ever tried riding through that?” The stranger spoke.

“I think you need to mind your tone, son,” replied Lars.

“Mind my tone? Son? Who’d you think you are? You want quiet? Why don’t
you
ride on out there and find them? I’m done with this. I never signed on for no murder.” The man turned to ride off. Lars pulled out his gun, cocked it, and shot him in the back. The man’s horse reared up but the shot missed the horse. The man’s body went stiff for a moment, then he fell backward. It looked to Jax as if Lars’s shot was as good as ever. The horse was spooked at the noise and the sudden change in seating of his rider. He broke off and cantered wildly up the trail and off into the brush.

Jax used the confusion to move again. They would go a few paces, then stop to make sure they had not been found out. Then a few more. Slowly. Carefully. Meghan was a giant target sitting there atop her horse. She couldn’t lean forward and if he took the time to get her down from her mount, she couldn’t easily get back up. If she dismounted, she’d be caught for sure. His heart beat so loud he thought it would give them away.

Jax led the horses about forty feet off the trail for almost an hour when he smelled wood smoke. It had to be a cabin up ahead. In this area, probably a trapper. Not likely to be a friend of Lars, possibly not much of a friend to anyone, but better than nothing.

Jax picked his way, not wanting to leave a path in the direction of the smell. He spotted the horse of the dead man and had an idea. Leaving Meghan, he went over to retrieve the spooked animal. He motioned Meghan over and they went further into the wood, away from the trail. He mounted his horse again and Meghan followed his lead, careful to remain quiet. He’d never been more thankful that Meghan was a smart woman.

In a small clearing sat a tiny little house, smoke curling from the chimney. Jax dismounted and quietly knocked on the door. An aging man clad in buckskin came to open it. Meghan remained perched on her horse.

“Yeah,” the old man’s voice cracked.

“Afternoon friend, was wondering if the lady and I could hide here for a few minutes? Got some men on our tail.”

“Why should I?” he asked. “What’s in it for me?” he eyed them suspiciously.

“Sir,” Meg hushed her voice. “Name your price, but do it quickly.” She looked behind her.

Jax threw a look behind him, they were more out in the open than they’d been in a long time and he felt exposed. “How about this horse?”

“Get in here, ya fools.” The man’s voice cracked in what Jax could only assume was a laugh.

Jax helped Meg down and they took the three horses to the back of the house. They then followed the older man back into his cabin. Despite the somewhat decrepit look of the shack on the outside, the inside was clean and warm.

Jax paid the man for some grain for the horses and they brought their own meager meal to mingle with the man’s to share.

“Name’s James.” His lips didn’t move much when he spoke, slurring his words. “Don’t usually get many visitors.”

“We’re sorry for intruding.” Meg touched her forehead fatigue and fright making her look older than she was.

“Not really intrudin’, I just don’t see folks that often. People stick to the trail. You do know you’re off the trail, right?”

“Yes sir.” Jax let a little mirth creep into his voice, then let it die quickly. “A man has followed us all the way from Kansas. We can’t seem to shake him. We had to break off the trail to make him lose us.”

“I done a fair amount of huntin’ in my day. Staying here won’t take him off yer scent for too long. If you rode here, you left a trail, whether you saw it or not. Just depends on how good a hunter he is.” James spat in an urn on the floor.

“We’re headed for Koochiching. Can we get there without going back to the trail?” Jax asked.

“Whatcha want in Koochiching? Ain’t nothin’ there.” The irony of sitting in the middle of nowhere while he reviled others for the lack of population wasn’t lost on Jax.

“My sister is there,” Meg jumped to answer.

“What kinda fool heads out on a visit to the northern border of Minnesota in December?” He held up his hand, indicating they shouldn’t bother answering and turned back to cooking his lunch. “You’ve got about twenty miles to go, straight northeast. If you follow that trail you came from, you’ll go out of your way. Head north until you get to the Rainy River, then follow it east to Koochiching.”

“So we could get there in three or four hours through the brush on horseback.” Jax pointed in the direction of the river.

“Closer to four or five,” James replied. “Probably easier to walk though, horses don’t ride easy by the river.”

“Would you be interested in keeping them for us? We’ll come back for them in a few days,” Meg asked.

“You can leave them here. Don’t tell me what day you’ll be back, you don’t know that. This weather’s been warm. That means we’re due for a snow, and a big one.” James looked at each of them in turn.

“You really think so?” Meg’s brow creased even deeper.

“Won’t be here for a day or two.” He squinted out of the one window in front, “But it will be here.” James confirmed. “If you feel it get cold fast, get inside.”

“Jax, could we make it before it gets dark?” Meg asked.

“Well, I don’t see us being able to bunk here.” He laughed.

Jax looked around the little cabin, there wasn’t room for an extra body, much less two. They seemed to fill the little cottage just sitting there. James looked outside again. “You might not make it before dark, it gets dark fast this time of year. You should see the settlement by the time the dark starts comin’. Don’t get lost now.” James looked serious. “I’d take you there myself but I only go to the village once a month. Frankly, I have no wish to get tangled in whatever mess you two are in.”

“We understand, James. Thank you for letting us sit a spell. I’m sure Lars isn’t gone, but it’s as safe now as it ever will be. He’ll stick to the trail, so I’m obliged to you for the directions.” Jax slapped his hat against his leg.

~~~

Meg and Jax ate and gave James a little more money for watching the horses for a few days. They each carried their own bag over their shoulders and set off on foot for the Rainy River. Meg found that the trail wasn’t difficult, but James had been right, trying to pick a path through the fallen branches and tangled mess of the forest floor would have been almost impossible on a horse. She focused on the placement of each step she took and looked up every few steps to make sure she was still following Jax.

The terrain made talking a chore. After what Meg would’ve guessed was an hour they made it to the river. Trying to stay as quiet as possible, they had not spoken in case they had been followed. Stopping by the river, they sat down to rest before the last leg of their journey. Jax found a large rock next to the river, and he led her over to have a seat.

They sat enjoying the sounds of the river for a few minutes, though it was cold and the rock hard.

“I have a secret.” Jax looked at the river and tossed in a pebble. “I miss big rivers. I love your ranch, but it doesn’t have near enough water for my taste.”

Meg felt somewhat bold after traveling with him alone for so long and his playfulness had rubbed off on her. “Is that why you haven’t tried to romance me? My ranch isn’t good enough for you?”

Jax laughed then stopped short. “No. I don’t want any ranch at all. The only reason I haven’t romanced you is because when I talk to you I want you to hear me, not Chase,” he said matter-of-factly. He looked at her, then threw another stone into the river. His eyes took on a warm glow.

Meg looked at the river unable to handle those eyes, contemplating this new information. He couldn’t possibly mean it. She had nothing to offer him outside of the ranch.

“I don’t want to sound like I didn’t love him, but our love was full of work and the day-to-day of life. After a few months, I regained a routine on my own. I miss him. I always will, but my heart has moved on.”

“So you aren’t pining for him anymore?” Jax picked up a small stone and knocked it against the one they sat on.

“No, God took him from me. I wept for a time. I let my heart mend. Though I’m not whole, I’m doing well.”

“And what would you need to be whole again?” he asked the rushing river almost drowning out his words.

Could she do it? Could she say what was on her heart and the tip of her tongue? She could never tell him what she desired more than anything, was him.

She picked her own pebble and tossed it limply into the river. “To have someone want to be with me, just for me. I guess.” She didn’t look at him to see what he thought of her answer.

He moved closer to her on the rock. Putting his arm around her, he pulled her close to his side. She sighed into him, welcoming the embrace.

“So, I told you a secret. You owe me one.” Jax playfully touched the tip of her pert little nose.

“Hmmm.” She pretended to think deeply. “I guess I have a secret, too,” Meg whispered.

“Oh, what’s that?” Jax whispered back at her.