Authors: Niki Settimo
I grip her hands and she looks up at me. I’m about to speak when she stops me. “Wait let me finish. The dream changed. And this time you were in it. You came out of no where and we ran together. We didn’t make it to where everyone else was, but you ran with me until I woke up. When I showered this morning, which felt amazing by the way cause not being able to have a shower with those drains on was horrible. But anyway I thought a lot about what it meant. I may still have things about myself I need to work on, but at
least I’m not facing them alone anymore. I have you to thank for that.”
“You’ll never have to face them alone. And one day we’ll be in our own safe house, looking down on all those dinosaurs. Which I have to ask, why dinosaurs?”
“I blame it on my parents letting me watch Jurassic Park when I was, like, five.”
“Makes sense.”
Just then, Dom comes out of her room, his hair in his eyes, looking like he should be an extra on The Walking Dead. We watch him walk to the fridge, open it, look for a few seconds and close it. He walks back into the room and a minute later we hear Elli’s mom.
“Dom, I’m not going to tell you again! We’re going to Ihop! We didn’t bring it home for you! Now get up!”
We laugh while we wait on the couch for her family and we turn on the TV. I’m not concentrating on what’s on though. My mind is in other places, and they all involve the girl I’m holding.
Elli
"You want to eat before the game, or go out after?"
“Lets go out after. The guys will want to go either way and besides, I’m too nervous.”
Dylan has scouts watching him again today and I want them so badly to give him a chance. Tegan and
I
head off towards the rink, both of us sporting our favorite players sweatshirts. Mine is a little bigger than before now, and it makes me feel like I’m on top of the world. We head to our seats and wait for the guys to come out for warmups, but in our seats are two men, both with clip boards. We sit in the empty seats behind them since the bleachers are pretty much full and try to make it look like were not eavesdropping.
“I got my eye on Rath. This is the fourth time this season I've come to see him play and he's surpassed everything I’m looking for, every single time. I talked with his coach and he speaks very highly of him on and off the ice.”
“I've been eyeing him too. He seems like a good choice.”
My heart speeds up a little and my mind follows suit. I want nothing more than for Dylan to be recognized for all his talent and to succeed, but what does that mean for us? If he gets drafted or picked up by a team, he'll most likely have to move. But that's something I don’t want to stress about right now. Right now, I'm just going to watch my amazing boyfriend play his heart out. When the buzzer goes off and pulls me from my thoughts, I watch as the teams come out from the locker room. I look down and realize I’m playing with my charm bracelet, but more importantly, my thumbs aren’t sporting a shade of red.
I focus my eyes on number 8 skating around the ice and when he looks up, we make eye contact and I give him two thumbs up and nonchalantly point my fingers to the two men in our seats. He laughs and skates around, running drills and stick handling like it’s an extension of his arm.
After three periods of sitting on the edge of my seat, our rival school is sent home in overtime with a score of 3-2. Tegan and I wait by the snack bar for the guys to come out and that’s when I see Anderson coming towards us. He puts his pointer finger to his lips and I comply. Within half a second he grabs Tegan from behind and lifts her up while he kisses her on the cheek. I wonder if that’s how Dylan and I look. So completely absorbed in each other, that others, like the old me, couldn’t stand to watch.
Dylan still hasn’t come out of the locker room yet, so we make small talk of the game while we wait for him. But after about ten minutes, Anderson goes back in the locker room to see what’s up. He comes back out a minute later without Dylan, so I know something’s up.
“He’s in coach's office with the scouts who were watching him today.”
“You think it’s good news?” I ask.
“He wouldn’t be in there if they weren’t interested.”
About fifteen minutes later, Dylan makes his way out of the locker room, shaking the hands of the men that we’re sitting in front of Tegan and I. The scouts leave the rink and as soon as they do, I’m running to Dylan. He catches me as I grab onto his chest and there’s a million questions in my head but I can only get out one word.
“Well?!”
“You guys must be starving, I’ll tell you all what happened when we get to the Ale House.”
“I don’t care about food! What’d they say?!”
Laughing, he looks to Anderson and tells him we’ll meet him and Tegan at the restaurant as he puts his arm around my shoulders and we walk out to his car.
“Dylan you’re killing me here! What’d they say?!”
“I wanted to tell you alone before I told anyone else. They want me Elli.”
“DYLAN! THAT’
S
AMAZING! I’m so proud of you! I knew they’d love you. You’re amazing, how could they not?”
“Wait Elli, I’m not done. They’re from the Milwaukee Admirals. It’s the affiliate team for the Nashville Predators. Apparently coach pulled some strings with some guys he went to school with and got them down here to watch me. They want me to play for them while I finish out school at the local college that will accommodate my schedule if I decide to play.”
Milwaukee? Like, in Wisconsin
?
On the complete opposite side of the country. How in the world am I going to survive without him here. I knew I’d have to deal with this sooner or later, but I didn’t think it would be
this
soon. I guess I’m silent for a long time because we’re pulling up to the restaurant. We sit in the car for a minute, the only light coming from the street lamp we’re parked under and the Millers Ale House Sign. I hope that’s not enough light to see my face, but I guess I’m mistaken. He turns fully to me, holding one of my hands and using the other to hold my cheek and tilt up my face to look at him.
“Elli, I didn’t give them an answer yet. They want another meeting in two days before they leave, and that’s when I’ll have to tell them my decision.”
“Dylan, you have to go! This is huge!”
“I don’t want to leave you El. This is my home. Milwaukee is a whole other world away.”
I grab his hand that’s resting on my face and hold it there. “I graduate this year, and then we can figure something out. Don’t give this up for me Dylan. I’m not worth you losing your dream.”
He rubs his thumb on my cheek, and I realize he’s swiping away tears. When did I start crying? “You are my dream Elli. I love hockey, but I love you so much more. And don’t you ever say you’re not worth it, because you are, and so much more.”
He kisses me on my forehead, and then on my lips before he adds “We’ll figure this out Elli. Just like you said. We’ll be fine, I promise. After you graduate, you can come live with me. Find a job in Wisconsin, maybe even in Nashville if I make it out there.”
I let his words sink in. I don’t have any plans for after graduation yet, except for the huge student loan I’m going to have to face. I got some scholarships, but not enough. Moving in with Dylan is going to be a huge step, but one that I’m really excited about. I nod my head in his hands, smile
,
and say “I’ve always wanted to go to Nashville.”
His smile lights up the car we’re still sitting in, and he grabs my face with both hands and kisses me, completing me
,
and opening up a whole new chapter for me.
No, a whole new chapter for us.
Elli
It’s been two months since I watched Dylan board the plane with his dad. I was going to go to help him move in, but I couldn’t take off from school. As I rode in the car with his mom back from the airport, I tried my best to hold in my tears, but she didn’t hold back. I held her hand the whole way home and spent the night at their house so she wouldn’t be alone. We cooked dinner, ate, and then baked cookies as we talked about everything under the sun. That night I slept in Dylan’s bed, but it felt empty without him there.
Since that night, I find myself going to spend time with Mia and Will as much as my schedule allows it, which isn’t very much, but still. They’re the closest thing I physically have to Dylan right now. We text every single day, and Skype has been a life saver. On the night of his first game, Tegan, Anderson and I went over to Dylan’s house where we live streamed it on their flat screen. We all wore the Admirals gear Dylan sent us, with their logo on it which I absolutely love. It’s a skeleton in hockey gear that’s made to look like he’s a commanding officer in the olden days.
He played amazing. Didn’t let anyone pass him and played with the team like he’s known them all his life. I called my brother, who was also sporting some Milwaukee gear that Dylan sent him, and he agreed that the Predators would be crazy not to bring him up.
I’m currently getting out of class when my phone goes off signaling a text.
Mr. Hockey<3: Hey beautiful! Out of class yet?
Me: Hey! Yea I’m heading over to the studio to finish a project. What are you up to?
Instead of texting me back, my phone starts playing ‘Carry On My Wayward Son’; Dylan’s new ring tone.
I answer on the second ring. “Hey!”
“Hey, I’m glad I caught you! I wanted to talk to you before practice.”
“I miss you.”
“I miss you too. But in a few months you’ll be graduating and then we’ll be together.”
“I can’t wait.”
“Me either. Hey I gotta go, some of the guys are picking me up for practice and then we’re going out to dinner. Text me when you get out of work, okay?”
“Okay. I love you.”
“I love you too Elli. And tell Tegan I said there’s a discount shoe store here that has her name written all over it.”
“Oh geez, might as well book her a plane ticket now.”
We laugh and say goodbye as I head over to the studio to lose myself in my work. It seems to be the only way to keep my mind off of Dylan and his new life. What is he going to want with me when I graduate? I’m just going to put a dent in his new lifestyle. He’s going to figure out he deserves better and try to let me down easily. I’m so proud of him but I know what he would say if I told him how I was feeling, so I keep my thoughts to myself.
A few hours into my work and I’m mentally exhausted. I close up the studio and as I take the walk back to my car, my phone lights up with my dad’s picture. I rush him off the phone with excuses every time I talk to him, so I try to think of one for this time as I answer hesitantly.
“Hello?”
“What’s going on kid?”
“Hi dad. Just getting out of work.”
“Everything good?”
“Yes.”
“Good. Remember, network.”
“I know dad.”
“How’s the gym going?”
“Fine.”
“Doing the weights like I told you?”
“He
y
dad I have to go. Gotta take care of some things before I leave campus. I’ll talk to you later.”
“Just remember what I told you.”
“Yes I got it, I know. Goodbye.”
And with that, I hit the end button and throw my stuff in the backseat of my car. My heart is starting to beat extremely fast and my breath is not coming easily. I’ve been getting these attacks a little more frequently since Dylan left, and the medicine is only helping so much. I tr
y
not to overthink this one, and I take a few deep breaths and wait a few minutes for my body to return back to normal.
When I don’t calm down after a few minutes, I start to panic a little bit more. A feeling of nausea washes through me and any minute I’m going to lose everything I’ve had to eat today, which isn’t really much to begin with. I had breakfast and then I wasn’t hungry the rest of the day. I bend over using my car for support and start dry heaving. Fortunately, my car has been the one constant in my life. It’s always been my escape, and in high school it served as my safe-haven.
When nothing leaves my stomach, I try breathing but to no avail. I hear my phone going off, but that’s the last thing I need to worry about right now. I sit down with my back against the tire and try to focus on my breathing. My phone continues to go off and it becomes a background noise. I sit on the ground, breathing in the fresh air for a few minutes before I decide to drive to the one place that breathing comes a little easier.
I pull up to the rink and see that Chris’s car is the only one in the lot. I grab my skates from my trunk and make my way into the cool air of the rink. Chris sees me walk in from his office and gives me a thumbs up along with a smile while he talks to someone on the phone. I sit on the bench and tie my skates. I left my phone in the car because right now, being alone is what I need. I start skating and then I push myself a little harder, until there’s sweat pouring down my face and my shirt is damp. But I don’t stop, I push myself harder. I ignore the dizziness threatening my senses and push my blades harder into the ice. My mind has one focus and that’s to put myself in as much pain as I can. My lungs are burning, my ankles are numb and my chest, that is still sore from where I got the stitches out, is now starting to ache. I’m still not fully healed from the erosions on my skin, so I’ll probably make them worse by the end of my little episode.