Authors: Niki Settimo

Thin Ice

By Niki Settimo

Book design by Nicole Settimo

No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means including information storage and retrieval systems, without permission in writing from the author. The only exception is by a reviewer, who may quote short excerpts in a review.

This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

For Anyone That Refuses To Ask For Help.

Things Get Better, I Promise.

Table of Contents

CHAPTER 1

Elli

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

Breath in.

Breathe out.

Just give it a few minutes.

As I repeat my daily ritual while sitting in my car, I have my music on, and I watch as the gym classes begin. Well, here goes another day. It’s a good thing none of my art classes are in the morning, and I have high averages in all the classes I find myself missing just about every day. At least I didn’t throw up this time, so there’s a positive. Positive number two? That I’m a senior and I can sign myself out of school with a quick call to my mother, just to sit in my car until this attack passes.

I don’t know why I even bother going to school in the morning. My guidance counselor advised against filling my schedule and not leaving myself a lunch period, but she doesn’t need to know why I didn’t heed her advice. Since she knows how involved in the art department I am, she allowed me to take extra art classes on top of my AP classes and being in charge of the Yearbook. The only reason I came to school today is because I need to take pictures of the boys lacrosse team after the final bell rings. Hopefully I can get someone else to take them, but I know that I’d rather just get it done myself. Suck it up and just do it.

“Hey Ellii!”

Looking up and realizing I’m still not completely back to normal, I see Madison coming towards my car. Rolling down my window and acting like I was just getting off the phone, I shout over.

“Hey
Madison
!”

Oh no, stomach, please just give me a normal second until she goes back inside. But just my luck, she closes the distance between us and starts a conversation.

"What are you doing?”

“Came late. Wanted to wait for next period to start.”

“Oh okay! Well we’re going out to grab some bagels and coffee. Our first period was canceled. Want to come?”

I look over to see Nicole,
Dina
and Jackie getting into her car, waving me over.

“Oh no I’m okay. I just ate!”

“Okay! See you in Italian.”

“Ciao!”

Crisis averted. Thanks stomach.

As I reach over the seat to grab my things, quickly looking around, I relieve myself from some of the pressure, coming from the three bras I’m wearing, by sticking a finger in-between my skin and my straps. I blame my mom’s side for my obnoxious chest. I’m a G, but with these bras, I could easily pass for a double D. I just wish it didn’t hurt so much.

As I see the gym classes start to head in, I grab my stuff and head in behind them. I go straight to my locker and put away my things so I can head to the art studio.

“Hey Elli!”

I turn around and see Jen heading my way with
Sam
. It’s safe to say I can get along with pretty much anyone, and with all the things I involve myself with, I pretty much do. However, it’s not always a good thing when I’m trying to stay under the radar.

“Hey guys! Sam your brother is on the lacrosse team right? Can you take their pictures after school for yearbook?”

“Oh I have theater today! I would have though!”

“It’s totally cool! Just figured I’d ask!”

Well, I tried.

As the pair run off to catch their next class, I finish putting away my books and make my way to lose myself in my sketchbook for the next few hours.

Three periods later I’m walking towards Italian, but something isn’t right. My stomach starts getting that sinking feeling and my heart starts pounding a little harder. I practically sprint to the bathroom and lock myself in a stall. Breathe. Breathe. In, out. Come on Elli. You’ve got two classes left. Breathe. After two minutes of no change, I know Signora is going to have my head if I’m late. Well, I know how to make the stomach pain go away. Lifting the toilet seat and grabbing my toothbrush stuffed in the bottom of my bag, I take care of my nerves, as my heart speeds up a little bit faster. But that’s temporary. Since there isn’t really anything in my stomach to empty, I make quick work of it, clean myself up in a rush, and try to beat the bell to Italian. I walk in just in time, getting a disgusted look from Signora.

“Sorry Signora. Dropped my books.”

I take my seat next to Madison and open my book. Since I need to keep my mind off of what I just did, I start doodling. When my doodles start catching the attention of everyone sitting near me, I look up and see an angry Signora. But when is she not angry?

“Mi dispiace Signora”

I mean, if I was failing this class, it would be a different story. But I have an A for crying out loud! Just leave me be. But I suck it up, close my book and try not to close my eyes. Just a few more minutes. I look at the clock and start counting down, until finally, the bell rings and I’m out of there, on my way to Yearbook.

Walking into the room, I grab my camera and get ready to take pictures of the lacrosse team after school. When I’m all set up, I head over to my computer and make the templates for the pages that are due by Monday. About 10 minutes into my third template, Madison comes into the room and sits next to me.

“Hey! Mind if I hang? I have a sub and the class is a tad out of control. I told him I was going to the library.”

“Totally fine!”

“Awesome! Half the baseball team is in there and you know how that is.”

“Oh my gosh yea don’t go back there. Maybe we should rescue the sub.”

“I warned him before I left.”

“Karma will be good to you then.”

“So what pages are you working on? Need any help?”

“Nahh I’m good. I’m sending these all out Monday.”

“Yea that’s the deadline for my article. I should get started on that so I don’t have to do it this weekend. Hey, you going to Danielle’s party?”

“Can’t. I have work. Plus you know I don’t drink, so I really won’t be any fun.”

I’m very open with the fact I don’t drink. I fight for control of my mind every day. It’s not like I need something that’s going to make it completely impossible to accomplish.

Madison heads over to the other computer to do her article and we keep up light conversation until the bell rings and I have to go take these pictures, unfortunately.

I grab my camera and walk outside. Mr. Hanan, the lacrosse coach and my gym teacher is standing there waiting for all the guys to come out of the locker room.

“Hey Mr. Hanan! Looks like I’ll be taking the pictures today.”

“Alright Elli, let’s make it fast, cause I need these guys doing laps.”

“The faster the better,” I mumble.

“Alright boys! Picture time. Whoever doesn’t cooperate does extra laps!”

As the guys start getting together, they start bantering as high school boys do.

“Everyone got their make-up on?”

“Rick! Get your fat ass out of the picture!”

“Shut Up Ty! No one wants to see your ugly face!”

“Shove it Joe!”

“This is so gay! I’m not even getting a yearbook.”

Deciding I’ve heard enough, I yell “Alright just one picture and you can all get back to practice.”

Still bantering, they somehow all get together for this picture and I take a few different shots before I put the camera down and say thanks.

“Wait I want a picture with you!”

“Yea me too!”

“Get in here!”

“Joe take the camera and take our picture.”

Well, this wasn’t planned.

“No I only take them. Bye guys.”

“No get in here!”

I then feel a gloved hand on my shoulder pushing me towards the group of self righteous, immature jocks, and the camera quickly being taken out of my hand. It all happens in the blink of an eye, and before I know it, My heart is pounding and I feel sick. I jump out of the group, grab my camera and head towards my car, ignoring whatever they’re saying behind me. Well, I was going to go back inside and work to prolong going home, but that’s off the table. Grin and bear it.

I get in my car and before my heart regains control, I take off, just to get away from this place. I start off to my house but before I’m completely out of the parking lot, I look back in my rear view mirror and see the lacrosse team watching the girls track team. Of course they’re in short shorts and sports bras. Before I make myself sicker than I am, I look straight ahead and head for home, where I still won’t be able to escape the fact that I’m not a size double zero.

Opening the door, I see my mom and sister in the kitchen. I’m starving but I know if I have something now, I’ll either binge or be told we’re having dinner soon. Then out of nowhere, right on time, my dog is running down the stairs to greet me, taking me from my thoughts. My Siberian husky. Pretty much the only one that can calm my anxiety with just being near me.

"Hey, how was school?”

“Fine.”

“I'm making dinner, but I know you don’t like pasta. There’s leftover chicken from last night you can heat up."

"It's okay. I grabbed something before I came home. I’m not hungry."

Making my way up to my room, my pup on my tail, I grab my laptop off my desk and jump onto my bed. Feeling safe within these four walls.

After a good 20 minutes web surfing and listening to A Day to Remember's new album, I hear my dad pull up. I quickly close my laptop, make my bed and try to find something productive to do.

Just then, my door opens.

"Hey kid. How was school?"

“Fine.”

“What are you doing?”

"Homework."

"I don’t want you just sitting around all day. You have to do something productive. Get your heart pumping. Did you work out today?"

The same question. Everyday. "I'm going to the gym as soon as I'm done." I say.

"Make sure you hit the squat machine. And make sure you run. Not just bike for an hour."