The Sexy Vegan Cookbook (28 page)

One 14-ounce block extra-firm tofu, drained (see Tip,
page 35
)

1 teaspoon dried oregano

1 teaspoon dried basil

½ teaspoon dried thyme

½ teaspoon fennel seeds

¼ teaspoon chili flakes

½ teaspoon garlic powder

½ teaspoon onion powder

1 tablespoon nutritional yeast (see WTF,
page 27
)

¼ teaspoon salt, plus more as needed

1 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil, plus more to lube the baking dish

1 teaspoon vegan Worcestershire sauce (see WTF,
page 12
)

2 cups Tomato Killer (see recipe,
page 200
) or other tomato sauce

Pepper

Preheat the oven to 400°F. In a large bowl, combine the tofu, oregano, basil, thyme, fennel, chili flakes, garlic powder, onion powder, nutritional yeast, salt, the 1 tablespoon of oil, and the Worcestershire. With a fork, potato masher, or your very clean hands, mash everything together until the tofu is completely “ground” and coated with spices. Lube up a casserole or baking dish with olive oil, and spread out the tofu mixture in it evenly. To ensure that it browns properly, make sure the layer is no more than ½ inch thick, using a second dish if necessary.

Bake the mixture for 30 minutes, then remove it from the oven. The top of the mixture should be lightly browned at this point. Toss it around with a spatula to allow the other side to brown. Return the mixture to the oven and cook for 30 more minutes, or until the mixture is mostly browned with some moist, white tofu-looking parts remaining.

In a large saucepan, stir together the tomato sauce and the tofu mixture, and cook over medium heat. When it gets to a simmer, it’s done. Season with salt and pepper to taste.

½ cup coconut milk

½ cup smooth peanut butter

2 teaspoons low-sodium tamari or soy sauce (see WTF,
page 25
)

½ teaspoon Sriracha or Thai chili sauce

2 teaspoons fresh lime juice

¼ cup water

Salt and pepper

Whisk together the coconut milk, peanut butter, tamari, Sriracha or chili sauce, lime juice, and water until smooth. Season with salt and pepper to taste.

One 12-ounce package firm silken tofu (the one in the cardboard box)

2 tablespoons fresh lemon juice

1 tablespoon Crazy Shit Vinegar (see recipe,
page 194
)

1 teaspoon agave nectar

¾ teaspoon salt

In a food processor or blender, blend all ingredients for several minutes, until creamy and smooth.

One 8-ounce package tempeh

1 teaspoon extra-virgin olive oil

cup diced yellow onion

Pinch of salt, plus more as needed

3 cloves garlic, chopped

4 tablespoons chili powder

Pinch of cayenne pepper

2 teaspoons ground cumin

1 teaspoon dried oregano

2 tablespoons tomato paste

2 cups water

½ teaspoon molasses

Pepper

Using a steamer basket, steam the tempeh for 25 to 30 minutes, and let cool. Then break it up with your very clean hands until it’s completely crumbled…like my faith in George Lucas and all he does.

In a medium skillet, heat the oil over medium-high heat, and add the onion and a pinch of salt. Saute for 4 to 5 minutes, until the onion becomes soft and lightly browned. Reduce the heat to medium, add the garlic, tempeh, chili powder, cayenne, cumin, and oregano, and cook for 2 to 3 more minutes.

Stir in the tomato paste, add the water, and bring to a simmer.
When the mixture thickens (after 3 to 5 minutes of simmering), add the molasses, and let simmer for 5 more minutes. Season with salt and pepper to taste.

Once my friends and I got our driver’s licenses, we began to take our first unsupervised outings to Waltz’s, the local ice cream shop/golf ball driving range/hot dog stand. We had grown up going there, but until then we had always needed the presence of an adult for both transportation and ice cream procurement purposes. We would each scarf down two or three of their town-famous chili dogs and a vanilla soft-serve cone with that strawberry dip stuff that would get hard…classic. But now, armed with licenses to drive and some money of our own, we were let loose on the town.

It’s interesting what one chooses to do when newly unsupervised. It’s like when your puppy accidentally gets off the leash: she unwittingly runs twenty feet away from you and realizes she can now do anything she wants, but she’s so overwhelmed with excitement that she doesn’t know what to do first. Our first order of business was to get a basket of golf balls at Waltz’s driving range and try to hit them onto the highway. Perfectly reasonable, right? The way Waltz’s driving range was situated, this was not an easy task, but it was possible, which made it nice and competitive.

This activity was actually a bit of a step up from our usual throwing of apples at the big rigs from the overpass, and it didn’t leave as much evidence. (When my mom and I drove over that bridge the next day, she would say something like, “What’s with these apples on the road all the time?” And I’d be like, “Hmm. I dunno. That’s weird.”)

We, of course, didn’t realize how incredibly dangerous these activities were, and fortunately nothing really bad ever happened. We eventually stopped throwing stuff at cars and became interested in seeing girls’ boobs, which was a clear sign of growth. But I still get a little misty-eyed when I see someone hitting an apple with a golf club (*sob*).

In memory of old man Waltz (I’m pretty sure he’s dead, but I’m not positive), I created this chili topping to go on nachos, burgers, and, of course, veggie dogs with minced yellow onion.

2 tablespoons nutritional yeast (see WTF,
page 27
)

1 teaspoon garlic powder

1 teaspoon onion powder

1 teaspoon vegetable bouillon powder

½ teaspoon pepper

½ teaspoon celery seed

¼ teaspoon dried thyme

¼ teaspoon ground sage

Whisk all ingredients together, and store in an airtight container.