Read The No Cry Discipline Solution Online
Authors: Elizabeth Pantley
The No Cry Discipline Solution (64 page)
See also: Playtime Behavior
My son has one volume level:
loud!
Think About It
Many young children have an abundance of energy, and loud
voices are the verbal aspect of that energy. Fortunately, most learn
better volume control over time.
What to Do
• Ask politely.
When your child gets too loud, go directly to
him, get down to his eye level, and ask him to use his quiet, inside
voice. Then demonstrate what you mean by saying in a quiet voice,
“Talk to me in a voice like this.”
• Watch your own volume.
Children are great at modeling
the communication styles they see and hear around them. Many
parents don’t realize how often they raise their voices at their chil-
dren. Pay attention to your own voice. Do you call to him from
another room? Do you raise your voice to be heard above his noise?
Use your voice level to demonstrate to your child the appropriate
tone he should be using.
283
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284
Specifi
c Solutions for Everyday Problems
• Have more eye-to-eye communication.
Some children raise
their voices to get your attention. To prevent this, get down to your
child’s level when he’s talking to you and maintain eye contact as
you listen.
• Provide a time and place to yell.
Make sure your children
have an outlet for their boisterous voices. Get them involved in
a choir or a sports team. Take them to an indoor play arena or a
large park often enough to exercise their lungs.
• Try whispering.
Make a game of using a whispery voice to
talk to each other. Practice with a quieter volume might help your
child lower his.
• Redirect your child’s energy.
When your child’s noise level
increases and it begins to bother you, interrupt his current activity
and redirect him to a quieter pursuit. Get him started on a puzzle,
working with clay, making a drawing, or building with blocks.
• Have your child’s hearing checked.
A child who constantly
uses a loud voice may have a problem hearing. Children who have
had frequent ear infections might have a buildup of fl uid that
makes hearing diffi cult. It’s always a good idea to check with a
medical professional to be sure there isn’t a physical problem.
• Control your anger.
If your child’s behavior upsets you, it is important to control your own anger. For tips on how to keep your
cool, review Part 3, A Peaceful Home: Staying Calm and Avoiding
Anger, on page 127.
What Not to Do
• Don’t raise your volume.
Your automatic response may
be to yell louder than your child so that you’ll be heard. Instead,
use a gentle, calm voice to bring your child’s level down to yours.
Often, if you get your child’s visual attention and begin to talk
Yelling, Screaming, and Shouting
285
quietly, he’ll stop to hear what you say. If you engage him in a quiet
moment, usually the effect will last, at least for a while.
• Don’t take it personally.
Your child is
not
yelling at you, and you haven’t done something wrong to encourage the yelling. Loud
voices are an aspect of normal childish behavior that will likely
improve over time.
• Don’t expect things to change in a day.
If yelling and
screaming have become a habit, it will take some time to modify
this behavior. Be patient.
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Anger,
10–11, 32–34
not wanting one,
201–2
causes of,
154–56
won’t get ou
t, 203–4
damage and,
160–61
Bathroom jokes,
271–73
expressing creatively
, 228
Behavior
identifying and responding to,
emotional control,
40
misbehavior as human,
9, 11
levels of
, 151–53
problem-solving behavior
misdirected,
139–40
problems
, 53–68
other emotions and,
140–41
responsibility for,
9–10, 12–14
parents toward children,
spite and
, 158
Biting
, 39, 43–44
problem solving and,
143
child to adul
t, 205–6
reasons for,
133–50
other children
, 207–10
results and
, 158–60
playful,
208
shame and,
130–32
Blame,
235
Anger management
, 144–45,
Boredom,
60–61, 110, 122–24
restaurant behavior
, 250
anger control plan
, 169–84
Bossiness,
211–14
identifying body signals,
Buddha
, 15
Busy box,
232–33
identifying triggers,
165–69
motivation not to get angry,
Calm-down room
, 113–14
Calming down naturally,
113
Announcements,
117–18
Car problems
, 215–17
Anxiety,
109
Change
, 220
Child developmen
t, 4, 155
Baby talk,
194–95
childishness
, 148–49
Backtalk
, 39, 71, 196–99
daily routine
s, 49–52
Bad language
, 271–73
Children
Bath problems
, 199–204
egocentricity of
, 35–36
not behaving in,
happiness and,
35
love of parents and,
35–36
287
Copyright © 2007 by Better Beginnings, Inc. Click here for terms of use.
288
Index
other people’s undisciplined
driving home
, 221
children
, 244–45
naps,
269–70
perspective of
, 31–32
Dawdling
, 218–19
Choices,
71–72, 112, 185, 203–4
doesn’t come when called,
sharing,
255
Chores,
21
Day care centers,
71, 220–21
Clinging,
39
adjustment period
, 221
Communication
, 23, 109, 185
dropping off at
, 220–21
brevity
, 89–90
picking up from
, 220–21
clarity,
89–90
Deep breathing,
114–15, 176
compliments,
102–3
Dinner bell
, 223
encouragement,
102–3
Directions
eye-to-eye discussions,
82–83,
specifi
c, 253
step-by-step
, 218
kind words,
102–3
Disappointmen
t, 136–37
Make It Talk
, 74–77
Discipline.
See also
Parenting
meaning it
, 90–91
skills
specifi c statements,
219
building parent/child
Confusion,
66–68, 111, 136–37
relationship
s, 42–44
Consistency,
70–71, 91–94, 197,
correct immediate behavior,
bedtime,
265, 266
defi nitions of
, 3–4
shopping
, 260
effective,
33
Control issue
s, 36
emotional control,
38–41
Cooperation,
69–103
other people’s children,
games,
72–74
positive words,
84
reinforcement,
44–46
Crying
, 39
teach a lesson
, 42–46
Cursing.
See
Swearing
time-out
, 96–99
tools to build emotional
Daily routine
s, 49–52, 91–94, 220,
control,
42–44
Discomfort
, 110
bath,
200, 202
Distraction and redirection,
bedtime,
265–66
cleaning up
, 242–43
Dressing,
59
Index
289
Education
Grudges,
122
defi nitions,
4
Embarrassmen
t, 109
Hair pulling,
227–30
Emotional control,
38–41
Happy face card
s, 94–96
changing environment,
Hearing test
s, 223
Hitting,
39
fussing,
107–11
other children
, 227–30
tantrums,
107–11
parents,
224–26
whining,
107–11
playtime slaps,
225
Everything You Need to Know to
Homes
Feel Go(o)d
(Pert)
, 8
disorganized,
147–48
Expectations,
137–39, 235, 241,
Honesty as family value,
Expression
, 115
Hunger
, 55–58, 108, 122–24,
Eye-to-eye discussions,
82–83, 99
shopping and,
260–61
Fathers, quotes from
, 9, 13, 40, 50,
Incentive
s, 218
Fear
, 63–64, 109
Independence
, 59, 60
First aid
, 209
Injured partie
s, 209,
5-3-1 Go!,
81–82
Flexibility,
100–102
Interrupting
, 39, 231–33
Follow-through
, 90–91, 182
Intervention
, 227
Foul language,
22
biting
, 207
Friendships,
244–45, 246, 248
Frustration,
58–60, 109, 122–24,
Key points
, 4, 14, 15, 35, 41, 50,
biting
, 206
expressing creatively
, 228
Kicking,
227–30
sibling fi ghting,
264
Funny approach,
118
Leadership
, 212
Fussing,
107–25
Listening,
3, 248
allowing,
118–19
Lists,
218, 260
causes and solutions,
108–11
Loomans, Diana,
31
tips for handling
, 112–25
Lying,
23, 234–36
290
Index
Make It Talk
, 74–77
No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers
Manners,
231–32, 237–39
and Preschoolers: Gentle Ways
mealtime behavior,
240–42
to Stop Bedtime Battles and
restaurant behavior
, 250
Improve Your Child’s Sleep,
Mealtime behavior,
240–42
The
, 267
Messiness,
242–43
Now/later technique,
84–85
Modeling behavior
, 115–16,
Overstimulation,
61–63, 110
bossiness,
213
Overtiredness,
108
coming when called,
222
manners,
237–38
Pain,
111
sharing,
254
Parental attitudes
Mood,
73
beliefs,
7–16
Mother Teresa
, 102
living in the present,
37
Mothers, quotes from
, 10, 12, 26,
myths and,
7–16
27, 29, 45, 54, 59, 60, 67, 73,
overall philosophy
, 24–26, 40
paying attention,
3, 34
Parental request
s, 21
Parental suppor
t, 135–36, 185