The Natural: How to Effortlessly Attract the Women You Want (4 page)

While some of my old wingmen were mad that I’d gotten so good, others began to approach me for help. They realized that although I had started “gaming” long after they did, my progress was much faster. And while everyone talked a good game, I was the only guy in my original circle of friends who was consistently sleeping with women who were hot enough to be on TV and in magazines. For the first few months I trained guys one on one, giving them lessons “in the field.” In other words, I would take them out with me and basically show them what I was doing. They’d ask questions; and I’d answer and then demonstrate. Wash, rinse, and repeat. Soon my students were getting results just as good as I was getting, and I realized that what I had was a skill set that could be shared and taught. Eager to get the word out to more people about what I had developed, and to help guys who were in the position I’d been in when I began, I started a website, puatraining.com, and offered my first ever seduction “bootcamp.”

PUA Training was born.

Since then it’s been a wild, wacky ride. I’ve trained thousands of “students” personally, released multiple best selling DVD training sets, been on just about every television station you can imagine, and been spotted and spoken to by students all over the world.

Whether I’m in New York, Buenos Aires, or Hong Kong, students recognize me on the streets and come up to me, thanking me for the information I’ve shared, often telling me about the results they’ve gotten using my teachings. I have to tell you, nothing is more humbling. The opportunity to change lives is what drives me, and these last few years have been an absolute blessing.

My goal in writing this book, the one you are about to read, is to impact yet another life: yours. My hope is that you draw inspiration from my own personal journey and then use what you’re about to learn to write your own.

W
e’ve all seen it: the overweight guy in his mid-fifties with a beautiful twenty-something on his arm, the less-than-good-looking guy who never shows up at a party without a few models, the unemployed car mechanic who practically has a waiting line at his bedroom door.

The generally accepted beliefs about what makes a man attractive would dictate that these situations couldn’t occur. But they do. And they’re more common than most people realize.

How is this possible?

Simple: the generally accepted view of how attraction works … is
wrong
.

Yes, it’s true that we guys are attracted to beautiful, young women.

But women? They want something entirely different. They want a
man
—but not just any man. They want one who is confident, powerful, socially savvy, and high in status.

The reason for this is rooted in evolutionary biology.

Over thousands of years men and women developed preferences for sexual partners based on criteria that allowed for the successful rearing of future generations. While men evolved the desire for women with big breasts, clear skin, and beautiful smiles—signs of fertility and health that would increase the likelihood of successful childrearing—women evolved differently: they developed a preference for men who would be able to protect their offspring and provide for them in an often dangerous and uncertain world.

Because of the tribal context in which this development occurred, women evolved to feel attraction for men at the top of the social totem pole—in other words, men of high status.

So what exactly
is
status? Well, in any group of guys, there is a hierarchal formation, and a man’s status is where he falls in that ranking. On top is the leader—the alpha male, to borrow a term from scientists who study the animal world. He is the person in the group who is the most important. He is the one who exhibits the most influence upon others. He is the one who calls the shots.

Being the leader is not an easy job. He has to make tough decisions not only for himself but for the group as a whole, and he must shoulder the responsibility of whatever happens as a result of his decisions and actions. The rewards are plentiful, though: he gets first pick of available resources—and this includes women.

To trigger a social response in women, we’ve got to let them know that we are this special type of high-status male. Our job would be incredibly easy if we could just say, “Hey, I’m the leader!” or “Hey, I’m an alpha male!” But as I’m sure you know, this simply doesn’t work.

In the absence of that sort of explicit statement, women wanting to determine what kind of man you are instead watch your behavior, looking for subtle cues that indicate where you stand in this world. Thus, to become attractive, you must examine the behavior of highly attractive males and then demonstrate it yourself. Men who do this become very attractive to women.

It’s important here for me to address something head-on: what I’m talking about right now is not pretending to be someone you aren’t in order to “trick” women. Instead, this is about using an understanding of human behavior, psychology, and biology to consciously change the ways in which you act to become a more powerful, confident, and attractive version of who you already are.

How does the alpha male behave? How does he think? What makes him so different from the beta males? These were the questions I began asking myself as I embarked on my own transformation from lowly geek to master lothario.

For months I pored over scientific literature, watched movies with powerful male leads, and observed social interactions across a variety of settings, all with a pen and paper in hand, furiously taking notes.

Ultimately, I arrived at a set of five characteristics present in nearly all high-status males and conspicuously absent in most low-status males.

These traits are:

 

1. A strong sense of self-belief
   
 

2. A strong physical presence
   
 

3. The ability and willingness to lead and make decisions
   
 

4. A cool, calm, and collected demeanor in high-pressure situations
   
 

5. Social intelligence (the ability to connect and communicate with others)
   

After determining that these were the “alpha traits” I’d been looking for, I spent the following days, weeks, and months developing methods and techniques for changing the way I thought, felt, and behaved so that I could embody these traits myself and finally become the cool, attractive guy I’d always wanted to be.

I’m happy to report that I was
very
successful in doing this. In fact, as you’ve just read in previous pages, my transformation was nothing short of incredible.

What I’d like to do now is explain to you in a bit more depth what each of the five alpha traits is, how they all work, and most important, the path you can take to acquire them for yourself.

Let’s begin with…

An attractive man is one who has a very strong sense of self: a man who likes himself, trusts himself, and is confident in his own ability to act effectively in the world. At the root of his psychology is a strong set of beliefs—about himself, about how other people should treat him, and about what he is entitled to. These beliefs empower him to behave in an attractive manner and get what he wants in life. This includes women.

Why are a man’s beliefs so essential to his success with women?

The answer is that our beliefs shape our behaviors. And our behaviors dictate how others perceive us and treat us.

If you hold a deep conviction that you are a force of nature—an attractive man whom women can’t keep their hands off—you will begin to behave in attractive new ways.

Women will pick up on your behavior, determine that you are a man with a strong sense of self, and thus begin to feel attraction for you.

If this sounds a little “hocus-pocus” to you, I promise you, it’s not.

For the first twenty-three years of my life I had a very low sense of self. I thought I was ugly. I thought I was an outsider. I thought women wanted nothing to do with me. And because I thought these things, I behaved in a way that communicated to others, “Hey, I’m not very important, so please don’t treat me well!”

When I began working on my beliefs, actively changing them to new and more empowering ones, everything began to change. Women even began telling me I was good-looking—something that had never happened before.

So how can you change your beliefs? I recommend an integrated approach. By this I mean working on your belief system directly, in the two exercises that I’m about to show you—using affirmations and putting yourself in “the zone”—and also indirectly, by going out into the real world and applying the seduction skills that I will teach you in the latter portion of this book. Neither approaching women nor doing “inner game” exercises will transform your beliefs on their own. But when you combine the two, the rate at which your whole reality begins to transform will astonish you.

I recommend a special twist on the well-known tool known as Affirmations. Affirmations, as you may know, are positive statements you make about yourself that act on your subconscious mind. Over time they affect your self-image, confidence, and beliefs. Want to test their effectiveness before committing? Write a list of all the things you like about yourself on one side of a piece of paper. Then, on the other side, write out all of the things that you don’t like. Notice how your mood is affected differently when you read each side. By writing and then using positive affirmations, you counteract the generally negative influences that other people, the media, and society have on your self-esteem and belief system.

Keep your list of positive affirmations about yourself in a notebook by your bed. Read them as frequently as you can. Something else that I did—and really benefited from—was to record my self-affirmations onto an MP3 player and play them on a low-volume loop for hours. This strategy allows the positive beliefs to sink deep into your subconscious mind while your conscious mind is distracted by day-to-day things.

Here are the rules for making affirmations work:

 

1. They should be positive statements written in the present tense: “I am friendly,” not “I will be friendly.”
   
 

2. They should avoid negative words: “I’m not an idiot” should be “I’m clever.” “I don’t get rejected” should be “All women love me.” The subconscious doesn’t understand negatives. Imagine if someone told you
   not
   to think about a pink elephant. What would happen? You’d think of a pink elephant. So saying, “I’m not a loser who gets rejected and everyone hates,” is just as bad as saying, “I
   am
   a loser who gets rejected and everyone hates.”
   
 

3. They should be based on how you picture your ideal self—the person you’d like to be, you at your best.
   
 

4. They should make you feel something when you say them. If you write an affirmation and it doesn’t have that effect, change the language around or scrap it altogether.
   

You can write affirmations as individual statements or in paragraph form. However you choose to present them, they
will
change your life. I wrote my first affirmations in mid-2003, and they all came true within a couple of years. It’s spooky how it happened. At the time they were outside the realm of possibility, but my subconscious helped me make them a reality. I urge you, please don’t write these off as silly. They work.

Below are some examples of affirmations you can use. However, please be sure to make yours meaningful to
you
.

  I am a leader.