The Natural: How to Effortlessly Attract the Women You Want (9 page)

One purported expert would say the key is to be the super-social frat-boy kind of guy, while another would say the key is to be a modern-day Don Juan—a smooth, seductive male who cuts through the clutter and romances a girl with poems, roses, and fine wine.

The problem for me was that each of these archetypes, when I heard them described, made complete sense. I’d actually
seen
examples of them in the real world—and I’d seen guys like these have massive amounts of success. But as soon as I’d become convinced that one particular way was the
right way
, I’d come upon a different style of seduction, also compelling, that seemed to completely contradict the one that came before.

Overloaded with information and conflicting models of how seduction worked, I hit the “field” to test them all out on women so as to discover which approach to the game
actually
worked.

And the result wasn’t pretty.

Have you ever seen a five-year-old display artistic genius by mixing every color of the rainbow together and creating a putrid shade of brown?

Well, that’s what my game looked like!

One moment I’d be deeply engaged in a discussion about my life story, and the next moment I’d be acting like an arrogant movie star.

Women would just look at me, perplexed that I was changing “character” so abruptly. Then inevitably they’d kindly (or not so kindly) remove themselves from conversation with me. It really was amazing how many women
suddenly
had to use the bathroom as soon as I got past the five-minute mark with them in a club.

After repeatedly failing, I came to a realization: there was no
single
correct character to play in a seduction; no one universally applicable seduction persona that works every time.

Instead, I realized, different types of game—different ways of behaving during a seduction—were required at different times during the same interaction. The way you behave at the start of the seduction is different from the way you behave twenty minutes in.

The way you behave twenty minutes in is different from the way you behave when the club is closing down and you’re ready to take the girl home.

When I came to this realization, I began experimenting with different sequences of seduction—acting one way first, and then a different way after I’d settled into an interaction. Smoothly transitioning from one character to the next in a way that was consistent moved my interactions forward, and made sense given the context.

After weeks of trial and error I hit upon the perfect model, one I called “the three characters of seduction.” And when I started using it, wow—my game took off and I never looked back.

Now I’d like to give the model to you.

There are three “characters,” or personas, that the successful man takes on during a seduction. Each of them serves a different purpose. None of them involves “acting”—it’s just a different way of behaving. We all have the capacity to behave in a wide variety of ways, after all. What the three characters model helps you do is structure your behavior so that you’re always acting in a way that maximizes your success with women and moves you forward, from the first moment you see a woman you admire to the time you go home with her.

You begin with “Mr. Sociable” upon the initial approach. After you’ve “gotten in” with the girl, you transition to a character I call “Mr. Comfort”; finally, you transition to “Mr. Seducer” when the time is right for you to start leading things toward the bedroom.

What follows is a description of each of the personas, along with the behavioral characteristics that define them, and famous movie characters you can use as models.

This is the guy who makes a great first impression; very animated, he has a high energy level and makes people feel comfortable. He’s able to win over any group, make them laugh, and generally brighten up their evening. Everyone is glad this person is around because there are no awkward silences; he keeps the conversation going.

Someone who is naturally Mr. Comfort and starts an interaction in that role tends to think too much about what he says; he thinks he’s being considerate, but the result is off-putting. People relax a lot more when the person they’re with is relaxed himself. Mr. Sociable personifies this relaxed attitude because he is very natural and says what comes to mind. Because he is comfortable, people relax around him.

On the other hand, although he’s very good for the first few minutes, he might find it hard to connect with an individual, or to seduce her, simply because he is
too
high-energy. After a while women will become tired of talking to him, because he can’t be serious or deep. We’ve all been in situations with someone who constantly cracks jokes; it’s good for a few minutes but quickly becomes tiresome. Use this character for only the first few minutes—until you’re into a comfortable two-way conversation and you sense that the woman wants you to stick around.

Extroverts will find it easy to step into this role, whereas introverts will find it harder. I knew for a long time that I needed to be more sociable, outgoing, funny, and interesting—but how do you do that?

  Be engaging. As long as people are looking at you and listening, they aren’t going anywhere and you’ll be able to get past the first minutes and into a conversation. To hold people’s attention, you can use a few nonverbal techniques. First, hold eye contact. If it’s one girl, keep a good amount of eye contact; if it’s a group, spread the eye contact around, directing it especially to any person who seems to be losing interest. Second, use gestures. When you gesture, it catches the eye and is a great way to keep attention focused on you. Third, be expressive. If you have a poker face, people won’t feel called to look at you. Fourth, vary the tone of your voice, using pauses and different pacing. Trying to remove ums and ers from your speech will really help your results as well.

  Be positive. Nobody likes a downer. Although we can often connect with people by talking about negative stuff, people would much prefer to be surrounded by those who make them feel good. Always look for the positive, and if someone starts a negative conversational thread, try to switch it as soon as possible. I’m not talking about being in la-la land; you can be realistic, but if you have the choice of talking about something negative or positive, accentuate the positive.

  Enjoy yourself. Smile. Take pleasure in the music, the company, the venue, the drinks, the food. We are always drawn toward people who look like they’re having fun. Enthusiasm, passion, and happiness are contagious. You will make people want to be part of your life if you look like you’re enjoying yourself. One man might be a billionaire with the perfect life but look bored and uninterested; another might be average in every external regard but have a real passion for life. Women will want to be with the second man, because he can make them feel good.

  Do most of the talking. Ask few questions. Keep the conversation light and situational.

To further develop these character traits on your own, here are some additional active steps and exercises:

  Do something that involves public speaking and being the center of attention—take a stand-up comedy or acting class, or teach a course as I did when I spent six weeks in Seville teaching English as a second language.