The Natural: How to Effortlessly Attract the Women You Want (22 page)

  She laughs and hits you on the shoulder when you tease her.

  She looks at you in a dreamy kind of way.

  She asks if you’re single.

  She’s comfortable with pauses in the conversation.

  She uses your name in conversation.

  She leans into you.

In talking about the skills of the natural earlier in this chapter, I wrote about how to make connections with a woman. This continues now in the rapport phase. The difference is that the goal has become finding a reason to see her again and discovering mutual interests.

Here are some tips to help you build rapport with a woman you’ve connected with:

Notice things about her appearance (clothes, accessories, hair, nails, jewelry). Women usually put a lot of time and effort into the way they look; her bag, for example, might have been chosen to match her shoes, belt, earrings, and dress. Most people don’t notice such things, so she’ll be happy if you do.

Furthermore, jewelry and accessories also often have a story behind them, which means they may mean something special to the girl. If you ask about that beautiful old cameo she’s wearing, she may associate you with the warm feelings she has for the grandmother who gave it to her.

What is she very passionate about? It might be anything from friends and family to travel or ballet. Connect on these points by showing that you understand why she feels that way.

I’ve told you to avoid asking the usual boring questions. So what kind of things would it be okay to ask? The best questions build comfort and create a connection that elicits emotion. Here are some good examples:

This is something that she probably won’t have talked about for a long time, but it has strong emotions attached to it. To ask a question like this, you can’t just say, “Where are you from? What do you do? Do you remember your first day at school?” You need to root the question first, leading into it smoothly. You could do this by saying, “You know, I was walking down the street this morning and I passed a bakery and smelled freshly baked apple pie. It immediately took me back to when I was six years old, and I spent the next thirty minutes walking around like a kid with a silly expression on my face because I was remembering my childhood so vividly. What about you, do you remember your first day at school?”

After she has given her response, you should connect on it. You could say, “I can just imagine you with your My Little Pony lunch box, skipping to school.” Next, you should relate your own story.

If you can connect like this on a few emotional topics, then you’ve built a deep connection in a short amount of time. You’ll already have talked about stuff that’s not normally talked about until you’ve dated a girl for three months or so.

This is another good question, and it replaces boring questions such as, “Do you like travel?” and “Did you go on vacation this year?” This one doesn’t need so much rooting; it could simply be, “I need a vacation—let me ask you, if you could wake up anywhere in the world tomorrow, where would it be?” Connect on her answer—“Yeah, lying on the beach, with the sun beating down, the sound of the ocean …”—then relate your own dream vacation in vivid detail.

This gets her talking about people she cares about, and her response will tell you something about her character. The question is an unthreatening one with no right answer, so she’ll feel comfortable responding openly.

This is a good way to find out something she really enjoys. It could be chocolate—perhaps fresh orange juice. Whatever it is, it should make her eyes light up. You can then connect by describing how good it is to eat that chocolate, how it feels when you put it in your mouth and taste it as it melts. Do this and watch how you can lead her into a desiring state.

This is a great question and a challenge. Early on in an interaction, she won’t feel any need to answer challenging questions. By the rapport phase, though, she’ll feel some pressure to respond to a question like this to prove herself to you. Remember that she’s likely to ask the same back to you, so have something ready.

Ask this, and then dig a bit deeper about the times she has been in love. Don’t ask what happened—this would focus on the breakup! Make her want those feelings again; since she’s with a cool guy, she’ll probably be imagining them with you. This is a great one for a couple of reasons: first, it brings out the emotions and memories connected with love; second, it starts her imagining a relationship with you.

When you’ve done this, you’ll already have a deep connection with the girl. On numerous occasions, girls have told me that after just a few hours they feel like they’ve known me for months. The reasons are:

  I’m completely comfortable, open, and relaxed with the woman.

  I’m making her as comfortable as she normally feels after three months.