The Lighter Side of Large (50 page)

Jae looks into my eyes and all my former anger and fear and regret melt. “It’s the least I can do after not responding to all your calls, and, well, I want to support you because you mean so much to me. Bella, I’m sorry for the childish way I’ve acted these past few weeks. I was angry and feeling sorry for myself and that wasn’t fair to you. And it made me so ashamed that you called and apologised when it should have been me doing the calling first.”

I open my mouth to respond but he lays a long, slender finger on my lips. “Amanda told me about your conversation with her yesterday. I know she came across pretty harshly, but she said that the impression she got from you was that you still care for me, and that I need to…” He stops and smiles to himself.

“Need to what?” I ask.

Jae takes my hand. “She said I need to get off my butt and quit whining and go get you back before someone else snatches you up.”

“She did?” I ask.

He nods. “And so I came here also wondering if you will take me back. Now that you know my faults, do you still want someone like me?”

I laugh. I laugh loudly. I laugh so loudly that every woman in the waiting room and the receptionist at the window stares. “Now that you know my faults, do you still want someone like me?” I ask him.

In reply, Jae bends down and kisses me. I throw my arms around him and it turns into the best make-up kiss ever.

When we part, to the applause of the waiting room, Jae hands me my keys. “Looking for these?” he teases. “Good thing you lost them.”

The weight of them, once so familiar, suddenly feels wrong. “You know, I think it’s time I did lose them.”

“What do you mean?”

I shake my head. “I kept all these keys all these years because they were like friends, reminders of times and places in my past. But I can’t live in the past any more. I don’t need them.” I pull off the key ring and fob for my house, then add to it the key to Jae’s loft and Pa’s house. My car keys are with my car at the repair shop. I look around and see a trash bin near the door. I walk over to it and drop the rest of the keys in it. It feels like more weight has been lifted from my soul. “It’s time to go.”

The look on Sands’ face is priceless when she sees Jae and I walk out the door hand in hand. She gets out of the car. “What are you doing here?” she asks Jae, astounded.

He laughs. “I’m here to meet my girlfriend.”

“Well I’m glad that’s settled. I guess this means you don’t need me to give you a ride home, Bella?”

I laugh again. “Nope. But before I go home, there’s somewhere else I need to stop by.”

•

“But I’m not dressed for a wedding,” Jae protests as he guns his Jeep through the streets of Nelson.

“Neither am I, but I’m not going to attend the wedding. I’m going to talk my sister out of it. She’s making a big mistake.”

We zoom into the full carpark. A limousine waits at the front door, ready to take the bridal party to the reception. Jae drops me off at the door and goes to find a place to park. I run into the church and find a row of bridesmaids milling around the entryway. Organ music drifts from inside the church. A couple of my cousins stand at the door, acting as ushers but looking more like well-dressed bouncers from their size.

“Where’s Tiresa?” I ask and am directed down the hallway to a door with a piece of paper taped to it which declares, “Bride’s HQ – No Groom Allowed!” I knock on the door and walk in without waiting for an answer.

Tiresa stands in front of a full-length mirror, doing last-minute primping. Her one-shoulder white satin gown hugs her curves, sparkling with sprays of sequin flowers, and flares out at the knees to a short train. An asymmetrical section of solid satin gathers at the waist for contrast, while the back laces up. Huge dangling crystal earrings peek out from her large, loose spiral curls in which, instead of a tiara or wreath of flowers and veil, she wears only a single large purple plumeria which matches her bouquet of plumeria, a few strand of greenery, and stalks of white berries.

Mama Rose clucks around her like a mother hen, straightening here, poofing there. Her face lights up when she sees me. “Isabella! You’re here! Now the wedding is perfect.”

Tiresa frowns and finds something to pick at in her bouquet.

“Mama Rose, I need to speak with Tiresa alone. Will you give us a minute?” I ask.

“Why, of course, dear. But don’t take too long. It’s almost time. I’ll go make sure the bridesmaids are ready.”

When she closes the door behind her, Tiresa faces me. “Come to ruin my wedding?”

I look at her sadly. “No. I’ve come to try to convince you not to go through with it.”

She makes a disgusted noise and turns away in a swirl of satin. “Still can’t stand the fact that I’m ending up with Mika?”

“No, that’s not it at all,” I reply. “Tiresa, I am so sorry for any hurt I caused you in the past. And,” I can’t believe I can say this, “and I forgive you for having an affair with my husband. I even forgive you for telling the
Gab Gazette
about me - yes, I know it was you,” I add as she spins around, mouth open, ready to deny it. “That turned out to be a good thing for me because it helped me to see what I had become - and it was a person I didn’t like.” I move toward her. “I really want you to be happy. But I don’t think you will be when married to Mika. Tiresa, you know what kind of man he is. These past few months, he’s been hitting on me, begging me to come back to him. But I didn’t. Why? Because I found something better: I found my own worth. I don’t need a man to make me feel worthy.”

“So why are you with Jae?” she accuses.

I smile at the thought of what a wonderful man he is. “Because I love him. And he loved me before I even loved myself, inside and outside.”

Tiresa tosses her head like she doesn’t believe me. “So if you love Jae, why were you carrying on with Mika over the Internet?”

I shake my head. “I had no idea that was Mika. He fooled me just as much as he fooled you. See what I mean? He is playing us both. And I don’t believe you aren’t smart enough to see it.” I lay a tentative hand on her arm. “Tiresa, in light of all you know about Mika, why are you still marrying him?”

For the first time in my life, my sister looks doubtful. She shakes, causing her bouquet to vibrate. I take it from her and she crosses her arms to stop the shaking. “I have been in love with Mika since we first met him in college,” she confesses, unable to meet my eyes. “He was everything I wanted in a man and I thought I had a chance with him, and then one day, bam! He’s dating my little sister. Once again, you get the man and I’m left all alone.”

“Once again?” I ask.

Now she does look at me. “You had Frank! I never knew my real father, and then one day I’m taken away from the man who became my father. Next thing I know, you take away the only other man I ever loved. Don’t you get it, Bella? I’ve been jealous of you.”

I stare at her, dumbfounded. “Jealous? Of me? But I was fat and frumpy and you - you’ve always been tall and gorgeous. You could have any guy you wanted. What is there to be jealous of?”

“But I wanted Mika, and you took him from me. But then I got him back. Not that I’m proud of what happened, but now I have him. For once, I have the man I want.”

“It doesn’t have to be like this,” I plead. “You know now he’s not the man you want him to be.”

Tears well up in her eyes and she dabs them away. “I know he doesn’t love me as much as he loved you…”

“He left me when Fi was two weeks old. How much love did he have for me in the first place?” I ask.

She sniffles. “That’s not what I mean. He chose you first, and that means I will always be second pickings. But I’m okay with that. I will accept the crumbs if that’s what it takes to get him.”

I study my sister, so beautiful in her wedding gown, looking so fresh and new and ready to embark on a new life, and feel sorry for her. She carries fears, which won’t go away after she’s married. We may look different on the outside, but on the inside, we’re very similar. Our insecurities make us that way. And now she’s about to submit herself to a lifetime of fear of being left for someone else at any time.

“So there’s no way I can talk you out of walking down that aisle?” I ask.

Tiresa snorts and smiles - the first time I’ve seen her smile sincerely at me in a long time. “I’ll be fine. But thanks for trying.”

I hold out my arms. “That’s what sisters are for.” Shyly, she steps into my arms and we embrace. I squeeze her tightly. “I love you, sis.”

“Stop making me cry!” Tiresa squeals, pulling back and dabbing her eyes again. As her tears dry, she looks at me up and down.

I shrug. “Yes, I know I’m not dressed for the wedding. I didn’t mean to…”

“No, it’s not that,” Tiresa shakes her head. “I was just wondering what size you are now.”

I grin. “A size twelve.”

Tiresa nods. “Really? Here’s the thing: one of my bridesmaids got sick and she can’t come, so now there are an uneven number of bridesmaids and groomsmen. Instead of asking one of the guys to sit out, will you be my replacement bridesmaid?”

I laugh. “I’d love to.”

The door opens and Mama Rose bursts in. “Fa’afetai e Atua! We don’t have a moment to spare.” She has been listening at the door. ”Isabella, you haven’t got a bit of make-up on and you hair is a mess. Tiresa, where’s your make-up case? Bella, get out of those clothes. I have the dress right here. Fi!” she shouts. “Bring me that extra bouquet!”

I’ve never gotten ready for anything so fast. Tiresa does my makeup while Mama Rose coils my hair in an off-centre bun and sticks a plumeria in it. The bridesmaid gown fits perfectly, although I laugh when I see it. It is sleeveless, which means my chicken wings, the very things I had planned to get rid of this morning with surgery, will take flight. The shoes are a tight squeeze, but nothing I can’t handle for a few minutes.

Fifteen minutes later, I’m lined up at the back of the church with the other bridesmaids. “We’re only a few minutes late,” whispers Mama Rose. “I told Danny to do a fire dance. Mika will have to tip the minister a bit more because of the fire hazard, but at least the guests were entertained. Is everyone ready?”

The organ music swells and the ushers open the door. Fi and Abe, as flower girl and page boy, walk down the aisle, Fi scattering flower petals. First one and then other bridesmaids take their stroll down the aisle. It’s my turn last. I smile at Tiresa, who holds Pa’s arm, and step into the church.

The first person I see is Jae, who is seated on the back row, trying to be inconspicuous in his jeans and button-up denim shirt, but the joy on his face as he sees me is not so easily hidden. I smile back at him with a wink and continue this crazy walk to the altar where my ex-husband waits to marry my sister. I smile at old friends and family members as I walk by. As I near the front, Fi waves at me. Abe stands tall, trying to look cool.

And then Mika sees me and almost falls off the step he’s standing on. No one told him I am the newest addition to the bridal party. I keep smiling at him before turning to take my place at the end of the line. If I had wanted revenge against him and Tiresa, his look just gave me it.

The organ plays the introductory notes to the bridal march and the congregation stands. The ceremony is short and before we know it, Mika and Tiresa are pronounced man and wife. As they kiss, I look at Jae.
I love you,
he mouths. I blush.

We spend most of the reception staring at each other, catching up on the past few weeks and stealing kisses when Abe isn’t around to break up our “smooching.” I’m in seventh heaven, but Jae is a bit self-conscious.

“Are you sure this isn’t going to fall off?” he asks, examining his lava lava for the tenth time. He’s actually wearing a tablecloth which Mama Rose confiscated off one of the tables and tied into an impromptu lava lava so Jae would be “more appropriately dressed for a Samoan wedding.”

“Yes, I’m sure,” I laugh.

“You seem really happy,” he observes.

“I am,” I sigh. “I wish Tiresa hadn’t married him, but it’s her life. She’s going to have to learn her own lessons the hard way.”

My phone rings. I grab my purse, which is under the table, and see it’s from a unknown number. “Hello?” I answer it, sticking my finger in my other ear to hear better.

“I’m calling for Bella White.”

“That’s me,” I say.

“Ms White, this is Andrea Meade with Hope House Publishers in Wellington. I’m calling because we understand that you no longer have a book contract with Fab You. Is that correct?”

“Yes, it’s true,” I admit. Great, I think. Like I need a reminder about that and my new debt.

“Ms White, we are interested in publishing an anthology of your blogs along with your cartoons and maybe expand that into gift books and calendars. Does this sound like something you’re interested in?”

“Yes,” I almost choke getting the word out fast enough.

“Great. We’d like for you to come in for a chat. Are you available on Monday? We can discuss all the details about the book’s contents as well as the advance on the book. Does ten grand sound like something workable?”

I laugh and can’t stop. “That is definitely workable. I will be there on Monday!”