The Light of the Blue Pearl (26 page)

“She panicked when she saw a group of sharks
swimming next to us; we had to try to keep her calm….”

“What?!” she said, suddenly
very
happy to have him sitting next to her. “There are sharks down
there?!”

He laughed at her reaction. “Yeah, but it’s
really not a big deal, Ethne, it was actually really cool.”

“Are you crazy?” she asked.

“No,” he replied, winking at her. “I’m a
marine biologist.”

She couldn’t help but smile at his reply,
even though the news he had just given her wasn’t exactly something
she had needed to know.

“Surely you knew that?” he asked. “You were
here before, and the other locations have them too, didn’t you see
any?”

She tried to think back to the year before,
recalling asking Peter about sharks. She realized now he hadn’t
actually answered her question with a yes or a no.

“I didn’t,” she confessed. “I guess my mind
was on other things. I must not have been paying attention, and I
didn’t see any, thank goodness.”

“Well, if you do, don’t worry about it, they
aren’t as bad as people make them out to be,” he said.

“Yeah right,” she said; she would be hard
pressed to ever believe that.

Taking his hand she laid her head on his
shoulder and watched the scenery go by as they made their way to
the next location.

“How was your snorkeling?” he asked, making
her suddenly feel silly to tell her story.

“It was wonderful,” she sighed. No words
could describe what she felt, so she didn’t even want to try. “Not
nearly as exciting as your trip, but still wonderful.”

They rode in silence the rest of the way
there, simply enjoying the memories of what they had already done
that day. When they arrived at the next dive location Ethne was
once again saddened that they would be separated.

She wouldn’t dream of keeping him from
diving, but she couldn’t join him, her limitations suddenly
frustrated her beyond words.

“Have a good time, Ian,” she said, giving
him a smile before he left. “I wish I could go with you.”

“I do too, Ethne,” he said, hugging her
before joining the rest of the group in the water.

As she had remembered it Half Moon Caye was
beautiful, with many fish to see. But for some reason it just
wasn’t the same kind of experience and she actually couldn’t wait
to get back to meet up with Ian again.

That thought made her feel a hint of guilt
when Scott suddenly wandered into her thoughts. Her mind was on the
next location where she had found the note from him, although at
the time it had simply been from an anonymous person, someone who
had yet to have a face in her mind and a place in her heart.

That face was prominent in her mind now
though and feelings of horrible remorse began to surface. Panicking
while wearing a snorkel mask was not recommended though, so she did
her best to hold the feelings at bay until they had returned to the
boat. The last time she had been here she had felt exhilaration and
joy, this was a completely different feeling, and not one she was
happy to be experiencing.

It shouldn’t have come as a surprise to her;
she was after all in the place he had sent her, that was her doing,
but she couldn’t deny the things that had happened.

The complete dumb luck of running into Ian
again – was the universe trying to tell her something? Did the
universe even care about her, who was she anyway? Just a tiny speck
she thought, nothing worth worrying about.

The two people in her life seemed to feel
otherwise though, and since they meant so much to her she could see
their side, she supposed. But still, having people care about her
was still a very new feeling, and obviously not one she was well
equipped to handle.

She was lost in thought when one of the
guides tugged on her arm and pointed in front of them. She looked
up and stopped breathing.

In the distance, not as distant as she would
have liked, there was a shark. It wasn’t a ‘jaws’ shark, but it was
a shark. Her heart started to pound, but before she completely
panicked she tried to remember what Ian had said and did her best
to stay calm. The people around her seemed excited rather than
scared, and after a moment she realized she felt the same way.

Watching it swimming not far from them, she
was amazed that her “flight” response had not kicked in. Instead
she was in awe.

Had it not been for Ian, that experience
would have ended in a completely different way. He had somehow
managed to keep her from being afraid…of a shark.

When she was back on the boat waiting for
Ian to appear, she stared out at the water thinking of Scott…and
Ian, wondering if she’d made the right choice. She was starting to
wonder if she even could.

She was still staring out at the water when
Ian touched her shoulder; she hadn’t even seen him surface.

“Are you alright?” he asked.

Startled, she turned to see a concerned Ian
looking at her.

“Yeah I’m fine, why?” she asked.

“You didn’t wave back at me, that’s all, you
seemed to be somewhere else.”

“Oh…,” she said. “I suppose I was,
sorry.”

“It’s alright, as long as you are?” he
asked, looking into her eyes, searching for an answer she wouldn’t
give.

“I’m good,” she said, smiling. “How was your
dive?”

“It was great,” he replied. “How was
yours?”

“Good,” she said. “I saw a shark.”

“Really? And?...Did you freak out?”

“No,” she replied, still surprised by the
fact.

“Cool,” he said, smiling. “See I told
you.”

“Yeah, I suppose you did,” she said, finally
looking up at him and smiling.

“Is there something wrong?” he asked, still
puzzled by the look in her eyes, aware that the look on her face
had to do with something more than seeing a shark.

“Nope,” she said, wiping clean the
expression that had made him ask that. “Just hungry…I’m
starving!”

He smiled and took her hand, joining the
rest of the group for the picnic on the beach. With everyone
sharing stories of their adventures thus far, Ethne was able to
allow the distractions to keep her mind from wandering, if only
partially.

The woman Ian had helped told her tale of
complete and utter panic that had initiated her “flight” mode while
swimming in the great depths.She was however the first one who
raised their hand about whether or not they would ever do the dive
again.

Most people who had done that dive described
it as ‘heavenly’, life changing, even as far to say, a religious
experience. While Ethne hadn’t been with them, she had to agree.
Above or below the surface the rich blue waters of that place
seemed to draw people in and never let them go.

People shared pictures of the colorful fish
and other marine life they had seen, eventually Ian and Ethne stole
away for a private walk along the beach.

After the noises of everyone chattering had
died down, it was the noises in her own head that could be heard
again.

It seemed no matter what was going on, the
nagging question of what to do was always at the back of her mind,
when all she really wanted to do right then was enjoy her limited
time with Ian.

No matter what she decided it seemed her
time with Ian would probably be short. She remembered what he had
said, that it was either Scott or him, that there was no third
option, but the third option of neither, albeit painful, seemed the
safer route…for everyone involved.

Ian stopped and looked at her. “I know what
you’re thinking, Ethne,” he said.

“What do you mean?” she asked, wondering if
her face was really that transparent of her plans.

“I can see it in your face,” he said,
touching her cheek softly. “That you plan on retreating.”

“Oh,” she said, turning her eyes down toward
the sand.

“Where did you go when you went snorkeling?”
he asked, and by that she knew he meant in her mind rather than a
destination.

She didn’t want to talk about it; discussing
Scott with Ian was just about the last thing she wanted to do. To
do so felt like a consultation with a friend when she knew they
were much more.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” she said.
“Let’s just enjoy our day together, okay?”

“I won’t let you, you know?” he said,
lifting her chin up so she was forced to look him in the eye
again.

“Won’t let me what?” she asked.

“Crawl back in that shell of yours,” he
said.

She sighed, unsure of how to reply to him.
Before she had to give it much thought they were interrupted with
the call to return to the boat.

Thankful for the stay that was given her,
they walked silently back to the boat, his hand holding hers
firmly, a symbol of his conviction.

Their last stop for the day was spent at the
Aquarium; Ian had left her side reluctantly to join the dive group.
He had almost stayed behind had she not insisted that he go.

Even though half of her was ready to return
to San Pedro, this place was a marvel as well, a drop off teeming
with some of the most beautiful creatures of the sea – she would
not be party to him missing out on it. While snorkeling allowed you
sights you would typically miss, she couldn’t even imagine how much
more rewarding the experience would be submerged completely below
the brim of the water, at one with the creatures you swam
beside.

And while she would miss him again, she was
a bit relieved the conversation had been postponed. She would
prefer not having to revisit it at all, though she knew the odds of
that were slim.

She sank into the water with the rest of the
group and set out to see the sights, this time not allowing her
mind to wander to unwanted destinations. Instead she focused on the
brilliant colors in front of her, taking it all in, knowing it
would be a long time before she returned to paradise.

B
y the end of the
day they were all wearing tired smiles and were ready to make the
long boat ride home. After Ian changed out of his wetsuit he sat
down next to her and took her hand.

“Well…that was fun,” he said, yawning.

“Yeah, it was,” she agreed, both were almost
too exhausted to say more.

They rode the rest of the way back in
silence, watching the water zip by, nearly falling asleep. It had
been a long day.

When the boat finally docked at the pier
everyone was eager to get off, as amazing as it had been, the
memories at this point were more than enough for Ethne; she was
ready to have her feet firmly planted on the ground again.

It was nice that neither of them had any
trouble with the trip. Some of the passengers had gotten sick;
Ethne could only imagine how much fun a three hour boat ride would
be feeling nauseous.

Ian helped her off the boat and they walked
back to her hotel room. The sunlight was slowly dissipating into
night, although it was still warm she was ready to get out of her
swimsuit.

After they had both changed into
real
clothes Ian ordered some room service, neither of them having
energy for anything else. While they waited they plopped down on
the couch, exhausted and happy and talked about all the things
they’d seen that day.

Ian’s stories of the scuba diving were
almost impossible to believe, she could only imagine what it would
have been like to see all of the things he had seen. Snorkeling was
fun, but she could tell it obviously didn’t compare.

She was fairly certain he was holding back
some of his enthusiasm. Obviously he didn’t want to flaunt an
experience she could never have, but she insisted he tell her,
living vicariously can sometimes be just as good.

When it seemed they had said all there was
to say, there was a knock at the door.

“Oh thank god!” Ian said. “I’m
starving!”

He went to answer the door and brought back
the most delicious food she had ever seen, perhaps it was because
she was famished; she didn’t care. They devoured it quickly and sat
contently on the couch, Ethne lying with her head in his lap
staring up at the ceiling.

Ian stroked her hair and after a few moments
of silence finally spoke.

“Did you want to tell me what was wrong
earlier today?” he asked.

She had really hoped the topic would not be
brought up again, wishful thinking on her part she knew.

“Not really,” she said, enjoying the small
caresses of her hair; she was too relaxed to want to think.

“I think we should talk about it,” he
said.

Ian obviously wasn’t going to back down as
easily as she’d hoped.

“Well, say what you must then I guess,” she
said, having no intention of being swayed in the slightest.

“I’d hoped we could have a discussion about
it, rather than a one-sided appeal,” he said, ending the caressing
and looking down at her with a serious expression.

“I’m tired, Ian, do we have to talk about it
now?” she asked.

“Well…since we don’t have much time left
together, I’d say we probably should. You looked very distant
today, and sad, during something that should have only brought a
smile to your face. Tell me why?”

“I was thinking about Scott, and you, and
how I feel,” she said, too tired to try to mask anything. She
decided the truth would have to do.

“What do you mean, ‘how you feel’?” he
asked, his interest suddenly piqued even though she was quite sure
he had already known the reason for her earlier mood.

“I mean my confusion; how I feel for the
both of you and how I feel about having these feelings in general…I
personally think it’s for the best if I don’t see either one of
you.”

“Well, as I’ve already stated, that’s not an
option, Ethne,” he said, with an unwavering conviction.

“I don’t see how you really have any say in
it,” Ethne said, finally sitting up. The relaxing moment was
obviously over.