The Light of the Blue Pearl (24 page)

Ian was still facing away from her, which
was something she didn’t care for. She walked over and touched his
arm trying to get him to look at her again.

When he finally did they stared into each
others eyes for a moment before he reached over and took her face
in his hands. He gently wiped a tear away before bending down and
kissing her.

She tried to stop him, although half
heartedly, but instead found herself kissing him back – feelings of
confusion and guilt and utter bliss all mixing into one.

Eventually she pulled away gasping and
turning away from him, trying to find her bearings again but truly
feeling as though they were lost forever.

“Ethne,” he said. “I’m sorry…I shouldn’t
have done that.”

She looked at him seeing in his eyes a true
sadness, something she knew all too well.

“No…you shouldn’t have,” she said. Grabbing
his face in her hands this time she pulled his lips to hers and
kissed him deeply, forgetting everything else she lost herself in
his arms.

W
hen Scott pulled
into his own driveway for the first time in what felt like years he
was still seething. It was strange to feel both hurt and angry at
the same time. Usually his sadness made him feel helpless, but this
sadness was feeding his anger and making him feel like if he didn’t
calm down things were going to get broken.

He tried to take some deep breaths as he
walked up to his door, his heart was pounding out of his chest, he
finally understood the meaning of ‘seeing red’.

After he made it to his door he was about to
unlock it but couldn’t bring himself to go inside. He already knew
how empty it would feel. Instead he sat down on his porch and tried
to think about something else.

Unsuccessful in diverting his thoughts he
tried at least to think about why she had done it.

He knew why though; if he had allowed
himself to see it earlier maybe he could have stopped her. He had
noticed her behavior, she had grown colder since the accident; he
just hadn’t wanted to accept it. It was hard enough dealing with
his own thoughts after the accident than having to deal with her
irrational ones as well.

Since the accident, he grew to understand
her a little bit more. While he had lost people in his past too,
having the doctor tell you that you might experience serious side
effects, possibly life changing ones from the crash was eye
opening. Being hit by the car had been eye opening enough; he
didn’t really need anything additional.

He wanted to live, and he wanted to live
with Ethne; now she had taken that away from him, hadn’t even given
him a chance to change her mind, or say goodbye.

Forgiveness was the farthest thing from his
mind when he finally stood up and went inside; until he actually
stepped inside.

The house was quiet and dark and absolutely
empty. Not in the sense that he’d been robbed, but as it felt, he
may as well have been. The air was stagnant and lifeless; there was
nothing there for him.

It only took him a moment to realize that
and for his anger to dissipate. Instead of hanging onto it he
decided he needed to find her and once again try to talk some sense
into her.

She really was a frustrating woman. But he
had fallen in love with her and had even grown to love her
stubbornness. He had been right that day he looked into her eyes,
there was something behind them. He just hadn’t known at the time
that in addition to the pain, there was someone quite rare
indeed.

He fished into his pocket for his cell
phone, but right before he was able to dial her number his head
exploded with a pain he had never felt before. He fell to his knees
in agony holding his head and trying to open his eyes but
couldn’t.

The phone had fallen from his hands. In his
state he tried to feel for it, everything had gone blindingly black
in that instant. The only thing he was aware of was the pain; it
was like two lightning bolts were fighting for the right to claim
his existence, one on each side. Pain shot through his temples,
through his ears and behind his eye sockets, he thought he might
actually pass out.

Right before he did he found his phone. Only
being able to guess at what he was dialing, he hit speed dial and a
random number hoping someone would get the call.

When he was finally able to open his eyes he
saw blurry faces of people hovering over him. He wasn’t able to
make out anything they said to him and his eyes didn’t really care
to stay open; he drifted off again quickly.

At the hospital he saw the bright lights
above him as they wheeled him to a room. The bright lights were
excruciating, he did his best to shield them but it seemed the
lights were adamant about penetrating to the back of his skull.

Although the lights were painful he was more
alert than he had been; now in addition to the pain he was also
filled with confusion.

One of the EMTs bent over him and asked him
how he was feeling.

“Like I’ve been hit by lightning,” he
said.

Before he made it to a room one of his
employees ran over to him.

“Scott?! Are you okay?”

It was Amber, one of the night nurses.

“I guess so,” he said, not really sure how
to answer since the lightning bolts hadn’t yet decided to give up
their quest for glory.

“How did I get here?” he asked.

“You called me,” she said.

“I did?” he asked, not remembering any such
action.

“Yeah, you did, I heard you say help…frankly
you scared the crap out of me,” she said. “So I called 911 and had
them check on you. What happened?”

“I don’t know,” he said, honestly having no
idea what had hit him so hard and taken him down so quickly.

“Well, we’ll figure it out,” she said, with
a reassuring pat on his shoulder.

After they ran some tests the doctor told
him he had experienced a migraine. “A migraine?” he thought. “That
had to have been the mother of all migraines
.
”

He was told stress could be a factor and
that he needed to try to relax.

“Relax? Yeah right,” he thought.

Migraine or not, it was scary and
debilitating. Having no desire to go back to an empty house he
decided to stay at the hospital, just in case.

After getting some sleep he woke up, the
memory of Ethne leaving him hitting him hard again. This time
though the anger was not there, he simply felt lost.

He stared up at the ceiling for a while
before climbing out of bed and heading to the window. He stared
down at the people below, milling about like unorganized ants. He
checked his messages. There were none. He still couldn’t believe
she had just left him without a word, it was like a nightmare. He
felt anxiety spreading back into his body, taking some deep breaths
he sat back down on the bed trying to figure out what to do.

Swallowing his pride and ultimately finally
realizing that he was really worried about her he decided to
call.

The phone rang; he held his breath not
really knowing what he would say if she picked up. That problem
wasn’t one he was going to have to worry about though, there was no
answer and he didn’t feel like leaving a message.

A
fter a moment of
being breathlessly lost in one another Ethne finally broke free, "I
can't do this, Ian."

"I know…I'm sorry,” he said, stepping back,
obviously needing the space to be able to think clearly. "You
should be with Scott; I'm so sorry…I'm so sorry,” he kept saying
over and over again.

“No…it’s not that…I can’t be with either of
you,” she said, turning and making a break for it again, running
quickly away from him down the beach.

He stood there stunned only for a moment
before running after her. “Ethne…wait!” he said, his voice drowned
out by the waves.

She didn’t know where she was going. She
only knew she had to get away, she couldn’t be around him either;
she was too drawn to Ian, as she was to Scott. She couldn’t think
clearly around either of them.

Scott had broken through her defenses when
he had started sending her the notes, he had seen she needed
something in her life and in doing so he had ignited a spark in her
that had long been burnt out.

But this was a spark she hadn’t wanted
brought back to life; it was too painful – the confusion she felt
now was almost as bad as the pain of losing someone. It was far
easier to be alone, as painful as that was now, the intensity
didn’t compare to this.

As she ran along the beach trying to break
free from the feeling of Ian’s lips, she suddenly realized that
what was happening now was almost a mirror image to the dreams. The
only difference was, in the dreams she felt she was trying to find
something or someone, but here she felt she was trying to get
away.

It was hard to run in the sand, especially
since she was utterly exhausted, and it was dark; she could barely
see anything in front of her. But she couldn’t bring herself to
stop, as tired as she was of running; she didn’t like the
alternative.

Her tired legs were no match for Ian’s
though, he caught up to her and took a hold of her wrist, making
her stop to face him; the defiance he had seen earlier had
returned.

“Ethne, please…,” he said, holding firmly to
her small wrist. “What do you mean you can’t be with either of us?
That’s absurd.”

“To you maybe…but not to me,” was all she
said in reply.

“Explain it to me then,” he said.

“Let me go,” she said, looking at him icily,
standing her ground even though her legs felt like they could give
way at any time.

“I won’t,” he said, giving her the same
determined look.

The heat radiating from his touch coupled
with her anger at being detained nearly made her heart jump from
her chest.

She couldn’t possibly explain her position
to someone outside of her shoes, someone who had never lost anyone.
Even Scott who had couldn’t understand what her life had been like
up until this point. To everyone else, her fears although
warranted, to them, were not excuse enough to choose a life of
solitude.

But the accident and near loss of Scott had
been too much for her. She couldn’t bear it; still no one could
understand her.

“Ian…please,” she pleaded, her resolve
breaking down, the determined look replaced with one that begged
for her release.

He saw the tears welling in her eyes. The
softness in her face made her look like a lost child rather than
the funny, independent and attractive woman he had met a year
before.

The pain he saw in her eyes spoke to him far
more than any words she had said that night. He pulled her into
him, hugging her tightly, fighting against her resistance.

She struggled to get free. “Let me go,
Ian!”

“I won’t, Ethne…,” he said, taking hold of
both of her wrists and staring into her confused and frightened
eyes. “You don’t deserve to feel this way; you don’t deserve to be
alone.”

He kissed her, not only trying to quiet her
damaged heart and deprecating thoughts that were obviously trying
to keep her from living, but simply because he wanted to.

She fought him only for a moment before
joining him, letting him steal her away from her sadness. He
released her arms and instead held her face in his hands, drawing
her closer to him, her arms falling limply at her sides as she
surrendered finally – her defiance falling silent.

Feeling the warmth of his mouth on hers all
she could do was wonder why she fought against this so much. She
felt completely at peace in his arms, the negative thoughts ceased
to exist. The only thing in her mind was Ian.

She barely heard the sounds of the waves
hitting the sand, barely felt the ground beneath her. All she could
really feel was Ian, his love for her taking precedence over
everything else.

When he stopped kissing her she opened her
eyes slowly, coming back to reality. She had quieted; her mind and
will no longer feeling the cold presence that had taken hold of her
moments before.

He looked into her eyes and smiled. “That’s
better” he said, swinging her around so that she was leaning into
him, his arms wrapped around her as they both stared out at the
ocean. She could feel his heart beating.

“What am I going to do?” she sighed, a
statement as much as it was question.

“I can’t answer that,” he said, his voice
smooth and calm, at peace in the moment they were sharing.

“All I know is…,” he said, pausing for a
moment to turn her back around to look at him. “I’m not going to
let you choose to be alone. Either you’re with Scott or with me,
whoever you choose is fine. I’ll be okay, but alone…is not an
option.”

In the conviction of his words she knew he
was right, she was surprised Scott hadn’t fought for her in that
way, especially after everything they had been through. But she
didn’t care. If he wasn’t going to fight for her, she would just
have to fight for him – starting by first begging for his
forgiveness.

She loved Ian, although it was strange since
they had practically just met, but there was a peace with Ian that
she found nowhere else. In him she had escaped her life of
solitude, for the first time finding comfort in another human
being. She had learned to laugh with him again, in truth, the
person who Scott had met when she had returned home had only begun
to exist again because she had met Ian.

How she would tell Ian who her choice was,
she didn’t know; breaking anyone’s heart was not something she ever
wanted to do, that was part of the reason she had chosen the life
she had. It was as much to protect her own as it was another’s, she
knew all too well the pain of loss. She certainly didn’t like to be
the one that brought it. But she had to trust in his words, he
seemed to only be concerned about her, less worried for his own
self. That valiance was something in his character that would be
hard to let go of.