The India Fan (35 page)

Lavinia took quite an interest in my appearance; she was enthusiastic about my clothes. I felt she had some motive. Lavinia, I believed, would always have a motive.

She moved in an Army and Company set, for these two appeared to work closely together. The Company was more than just a trading company. It was part of the government of the country, it seemed, and the Army was there to support it. It stood for British interests in India.

Lavinia was contented, and that meant something. I was certain she had a lover. I had come to realize that Lavinia was the sort of woman who must always have a lover. Admiration and what she would call love were essential to her. She attracted men without even trying and when she did try the effect was great. I had intercepted glances between her and a certain Major Pennington Brown. He was a man in his early forties with a mouse of a wife who, I imagined, at one time had thought him wonderful. Perhaps she no longer did. I thought him rather foppish and affected, but he certainly was handsome.

I tackled Lavinia about him. She said, h, spying already, are you?

o great effort was needed. I just assumed there was an intrigue in progress. I know the signs. They haven changed much since your French Comte put in his untimely appearance.

arry is rather sweet and he absolutely dotes on me.

So Major Pennington Brown was Garry!

am sure his wife agrees with you.

he a poor little thing.

vidently he didn think so once. He must have found her attractive to have married her.

er fortune was very attractive.

see. And you find such conduct ather sweet

ow please don take up that tone. Remember

am the servant. Very well

ush! Hush! I shall certainly not allow you to go home in high dudgeon whatever that is. I like Garry if you don, and why shouldn he find me attractive?

s he is looking for just a light love affair, I suppose he would.

ust a light love affair! Don speak so slightingly of such a delightful occupation. What do you know of light love affairs?

othing, and never want to.

h, we are so virtuous, are we?

e are not stupid, if that what you mean.

ell, I think you are if you refuse to indulge in what is really a great pleasure.Her eyes narrowed. l make you change your mind one day you see.

Now I knew what she was planning for me. She wanted me to find someone among that social circle of hers, someone with whom I should have a light love affair. She wanted someone to giggle with, to share chat of our experiences. I could not really think why Lavinia would be so eager to have me here when she could find so many Army or Company wives who would much more suitably fill her need for companionship.

I did not like her circle of friends; they seemed to me superficial and not very interesting. But I enjoyed my sessions with Louise, who was a delightful child, interested in the picture books I had brought with me. She liked me to tell her simple stories, and when I came into the nursery she would hurry to me and bury her head in my skirts in enthusiastic welcome. Already I loved the child.

The ayah would sometimes sit watching us, nodding her head and smiling. Our love for Louise had made a bond between us.

It was in the gardens that I came upon her on one occasion. I had a feeling that she had followed me from the house and had chosen a suitable moment to speak to me.

There was a gazebo in the gardens favourite spot of mine. It looked over a beautiful lawn, in the centre of which was a spreading banyan tree.

She approached me and said, lease may I talk?

f course,I replied. o sit down. Isn it beautiful here? How lovely that tree is and the grass is so green.

uch rain make it so.

o you want to talk about Louise?

She nodded.

he loves to learn,I said. t is a joy to teach her. I think she is an enchanting little girl.

he is to me my own baby.

es,I said. know.

nd now

re you afraid that now the nanny is here you will be sent away?

She looked at me with wide, piteous eyes. ouise she said, s like my baby I do not want to lose.

I took her hand and pressed it. understand,I told her.

issie Alice she new nanny. Poor ayah no more.

he children love you,I said.

A smile spread across her face, but the sorrow returned.

will be told,she said. will be told go.

nd that would make you very sad.

ery sad,she repeated.

hy do you tell me? Do you think I could change this?

She nodded.

emsahib Countess like you very much. She listen. She is very happy you come. All the time say, here is Missie Drusilla?She pointed at me. ou listen but she not listen. I think she will say Go.

tell you what Il do. I will speak to her. I will tell her how the children love you. I will say it is best that you stay.

Her smile was dazzling. She stood up, put her hands together and bowed her head as though in prayer. Then she moved gracefully away, leaving me staring at the banyan tree but seeing nothing but the ayah coming to the house, taking over the care of Louise, growing to love the child, being excited at the prospect of another child, and in due course giving the same devotion to Alan. And then all this love and care was to be terminated because of Lady Harriet whim. Lady Harriet knew nothing of the true circumstances here and would not understand the love that could exist between an Indian nurse and her English charges.

I took the first opportunity to speak to Lavinia. She was taking a rest before preparing for the evening, which would be a gathering of friends before dinner. I had been present on several of these occasions, where she graciously introduced me as her friend from England. I had been quizzed by the men, who might have thought I would be an easy conquest, but the effort of attempting my seduction must have seemed hardly worthwhile to them; and when it was discovered that I was the governess, brought into contact with them through the generosity of Lavinia, I was more or less politely ignored. These sessions had become ones which I wanted to avoid whenever possible.

She was lying on her bed, pads of cotton wool over her eyes.

avinia,I said, want to have a word with you.

idn they tell you I was resting?

es, but I came all the same.

omething important?She lifted the cotton wool from her right eye and looked at me.

ery important.

o tell me. Youe changed your mind and want to come to the party? All right. Wear the mauve Bokhara. It the best thing you have.

t is not that. How many servants do you employ here?

hat a question to ask me! Ask Khansamah. He the one who would know.

o many that one makes little or no difference.

suppose you are right.

wanted to speak to you about the ayah.

hat about her? Shel be going soon.

don think she should go.

ell, Nanny Philwright will want to be rid of her, I sure.

he doesn want to.

he has told you so?

es. You see, Louise loves her.

h, children love everybody.

hat not true. Listen, Lavinia. That ayah has been with those children since Louise was born. She represents something to the child. Security, stability. Can you see that?

Lavinia was beginning to look bored. She wanted to talk to me about a certain Captain Ferryman who was making Major Pennington Brown decidedly jealous.

But I was determined. avinia, it won make any difference to you whether the ayah is here or not.

hen why bother me with it?

ecause you can change everything for her. She is a most unhappy woman.

s she?

isten, Lavinia, I want you to do something for me.

nto half of my kingdom, as they say in the fairy stories.

h, not as much as that.

hen it is yours.

e serious. I want you to let the ayah stay.

s that all?

t a great deal to her.

nd what is it to you?

care, Lavinia. I want her to be happy. I want Louise to be happy. If she goes away they will both be miserable.

ook here, Drusilla. Why are you so intense about it? Why should I care whether the woman goes or stays?

know you don care about these things, but I do.

She laughed at me. oue such an odd creature, Drusilla. You have the most queer obsessions. I don care what you do. Keep the ayah if you want to, as long as Nanny Philwright doesn mind. I don want trouble there. She mustn be upset. Mama would be cross, because she is her choice.

can assure you that Alice Philwright will agree with me. She has the welfare of Louise at heart. Alan already loves her, too.

ass me the mirror. Do you think I am getting too plump?

s far as your looks go you are beautiful.

o it is only my soul that is black?

ot exactly black.

ot shining white either.

o. But I think you are not entirely beyond redemption.

nd if I grant your wish will you plead for me when you reap the rewards of your virtue and I am consigned to the flames?

promise.

ll right then. Request granted.

may tell ayah that you wish her to stay on?

ell her what you want to.

I went to the bed and kissed the top of her head. hank you, Lavinia. You don know how happy youe made me.

hen stop and talk to me till it is time for them to come and dress me. I want to tell you about Captain Ferryman, who is really very good looking. He quite clever, too. They say he has wit.

So I listened and made the comments she expected until the maid came in to help prepare her.

It was a small price to pay for victory.

When I told the ayah that there was no question of her being sent away, she took my hand and kissed it reverently.

I drew it away, murmuring, t was nothing it is right that you should stay.

But she continued to regard me with her soulful eyes.

Alice said to me afterwards, he ayah looks upon you as a kind of all-powerful goddess.

I told her what had happened.

think you have earned her eternal gratitude,she said.

Louise was changing. She was now a very happy child. She was ready to love anyone who showed her affection. She had her ayah and along we had come: Nanny and myself. Alice was strict but loving; she was completely fitted for the job and she filled it with efficiency. Alan loved her, too. Young as he was, I was teaching him. He liked the pictures in the books I had brought and could already pick out certain animals which I had pointed out to him.

Louise liked to sing. She loved the nursery rhymes I taught her and the strains of a, Ba, Black Sheepand ing a Ring of Rosescould often be heard.

It was a happy nursery. I was delighted with my task and so was Alice. But I had, though, a strong feeling of transience. This was ephemeral.

There was talk of our going to Delhi, which we must do sooner or later.

e shall leave the Army personnel here, I expect,said Lavinia ruefully. She was enjoying the rivalry between her captain and her major. She had repeatedly tried to bring me into her circle of friends, but my reception of them was as lukewarm as theirs of me.

Lavinia was irritated. ou make me angry,she said. ou take no pains. You make no effort.

o you want me to roll my eyes and flutter my fan as you do?

oul never get anyone with that eep off air of yours. You might just as well write it on a board and carry it round your neck.

t in contrast to your ome hitherapproach.

That made her laugh. rusilla, youl be the death of me. I shall die of laughing at you.

hat I say is true.

ome hitheranyway is more friendly than eep off.

t helps to maintain that devastating attraction of yours. Your way of going on is tantamount to an invitation to all and sundry. over wanted. No lengthy courtship necessary.

wonder why I put up with you.

here is an alternative.

h, are we back at the dreary subject? I give in. You amuse me too much for me to let you go. I shall just ignore you and put on my ome hitherlook whenever I wish.

didn expect anything else.

And so we continued to banter and there was no doubt that Lavinia was happy to have me here. One of the things she enjoyed most was shocking me.

One day when I went to the schoolroom the ayah was there with a young girl who must have been about eleven or twelve years old. She was a strikingly lovely child. Her long black hair was tied back with a silver ribbon and she wore a pale-pink sari which set off the smoothness of dark skin. Her eyes were large and luminous.

his, Missie, my niece.

I said I was very pleased to make her acquaintance.

he Roshanara.

oshanara,I repeated. hat a lovely name.

The ayah smiled and nodded.

s she visiting you?

The ayah nodded. issie let her stay listen to Missie Louise.

ut, of course,I said.

And as I sat with Louise over the books, Roshanara watched and listened intently.

Roshanara was exceptionally beautiful, even for an Indian girl. Her natural grace was delightful to watch. She already spoke English tolerably well. She loved learning and it was delightful to see her rather solemn little face break into a smile when she mastered some unfamiliar word. Louise loved having her with us, and those two hours teaching were some of the most enjoyable of my days.

I learned a little about Roshanara. She was the ayah niece, her father being a prosperous tradesman, and she was heiress to a little money, which meant that her marriage prospects were good. She was already betrothed to a young man a year older than herself. He was the son of the Great Khansamah, who presided over the house in Delhi.

he house,Ayah told me, here live the great sahibs Memsahib Countess sahib and her sahib brother.

I found out more about this house from Lavinia. It was a Company house, as most of the houses were, and they were kept up for the convenience of important directors of the Company. The house in Delhi was grander than this one in Bombay, but Lavinia found this more cosy. I think she meant that here she was free of her husband and the censorious eye of her brother.