The India Fan (38 page)

Almost immediately Roshanara was married. We did not attend the ceremony, which was carried out in accordance with the ancient Indian custom. Asraf, the young bridegroom, I heard from the ayah, was about a year older than Roshanara.

oor children,said Alice. pray that life will not be too difficult for little Roshanara and her husband.

We saw the decorated carriages, for it was a grand occasion presided over by the Great Khansamah, who looked very magnificent. I saw the glitter of jewels in his puggaree.

I did not see Roshanara after her wedding. She was leaving with her husband for the tea plantation where he worked for his uncle, and it was some distance away. I wondered whether the uncle was as grand as Asraf father; but it was difficult to imagine that anyone could be that.

We had settled into a routine. We had made a schoolroom in the nursery and there I taught the children. We all missed Roshanara. Alan was becoming quite a little person now.

They were happy. The change of scene had affected them very little, because they had those they loved and relied on about them. It was sad, Alice said, that their mother was not very interested in them, but I replied that she never had been, so they would not notice. True, she was their mother, but titles were not important and they were content with Alice, Ayah and me. We represented their close little world and they asked for nothing more.

Lavinia was somewhat pleased with the move now that she was settling in. Delhi was more fashionable than Bombay; there was more going on and naturally there was a greater military presence here, which pleased her.

ore handsome officers to choose from,I told her sardonically.

She put her tongue out at me.

ealous?she asked.

ot in the least.

iar.

I shrugged my shoulders. ave it your way.

oor Drusilla, if you only pretend to think theye marvellous they would like you.

leave all that to you.

She laughed secretly.

As usual she was very preoccupied with her appearance and what clothes she should wear to enhance it. She had found some exotic perfume, which pleased her. I was amazed how little her experiences had changed her. The sordid affair with the mock Comte had passed her, leaving her unrepentant and able to forget Fleur as though she did not exist. Others had taken care of that misdemeanour. I think she must have imagined that there would always be those around her to do that. But in her way she was fond of me. She enjoyed shocking me; she liked my veiled criticism. If ever I suggested going she was alarmed. That gave me the weapon I needed against her now and then. She realized this and accepted it. And in spite of everything I had a fondness for her, too, though often I thought her behaviour outrageous.

She had followed the custom of the ladies of the household by interviewing the Khansamah each morning to discuss the day menu. This surprised me, for in Bombay, where it had also been her duty, she had shirked it. But now she did it regularly. I was to discover why.

The Great Khansamah would come with his usual pomp to the upper part of the house and Lavinia would receive him in the little boudoir-type room close to her bedroom. She would be wearing a beribboned peignoir or some equally feminine garment, which I thought unwise.

She did not seem to be aware that this was a ceremony ritual almost. The lady of the house should sit at a table, dignified and precise, listen attentively to the suggestions made by the Khansamah, sometimes query them and make a suggestion herself, and then give way or insist, whichever etiquette demanded.

The procedure was quite different with Lavinia. I knew why she bothered. It was because the dignified Khansamah emerged sufficiently from his regal aura to imply that he considered her beautiful.

Dougal and Fabian were away for most of the day. Sometimes they dined at the house; at others they did so elsewhere. Dougal came more often than Fabian, who seemed to be more closely involved with the Company.

I took my meals with them. I had wondered how Alice felt about this, because she had hers in the nursery or in her own room. I tried to explain to her. think it because I supposed to be here as a sort of companion to the Countess. I knew her from my childhood you see living close. She seems to want me there at the moment. Of course, she could change. She is very unpredictable.

happier this way,said Alice. t suits me.

hope you don mind really.

y dear Drusilla, why should I? I sorry for you sometimes having to spend so much time with the Countess.

know her well. I don let her bully me.

he seems to be a very reckless woman.

he has always been that.

guessed that, but I thought it would be different here than in England.

I agreed; and I often had uneasy twinges about Lavinia. Well, if there were scrapes here she had a husband and a brother to look after her.

We had dined. Fabian was not with us; there were just Dougal, Lavinia and myself. We had talked generally about things and as soon as the meal was over, Lavinia said that she was going to bed.

Thus Dougal and I were left alone together.

We were in the drawing room. The heat of the day was gone and the cool of the evening was delightful.

he gardens are so beautiful in the moonlight,said Dougal. f we put out the lamps we could draw the curtains and enjoy the scene.

This he did, drawing back the curtains. He was right. The scene was breathtakingly beautiful. I could see the pond with the blooms floating on its surface, and the banyan tree looked mysterious in the pale light.

Dougal said, t isn often that we get an opportunity to talk alone. It a rare luxury, Drusilla.

know you are a little homesick, Dougal.

ach day brings Home a little nearer.

re you determined to break away when your two years are up?

He nodded. think so. People must live their own lives as they want to, don you agree?

es, I think you are right providing they don hurt anyone in doing so.

was never meant for this.

o. You were meant to live quietly surrounded by your books in the shades of academe.

think you know me well, Drusilla.

ne wouldn have to, to realize what you want from life.

would like to be reading learning all the time. There is nothing so exciting as discovering facts about the world we live in. I wonder more people don realize it. It seems to me that most of them are chasing shadows.

erhaps they think you are doing the same. All people view life differently. What is excitement to one is boredom to another.

ow right you are.

t is something we have to remember.

want very much to go home. I don feel happy here. There is a brooding sense of evil in the air, I fancy.

o you really feel that?

t seems to me that these people watch us purposefully. It seems they are saying, ou don belong here. Get out.

ave you told Fabian?

y brother-in-law is a practical man. As they say, his feet are firmly on the ground. To be in authority here suits him as it would never suit me. So you see why I plan definitely to go home when the two years are up and stay there.

f you feel that, why do you not go before?

have to give a good warning. So far I have hinted. I have certain commitments at home, I tell them. The trouble is, the family has been connected with the Company for years. If one comes from such a family one is expected to uphold tradition.

oor Dougal!

h, I deserve my fate. I have made one mistake after another.

think that is not uncommon with most of us.

ou have made none.

I raised my eyebrows and laughed. am sure I have.

o major ones. Drusilla, there is no sense in trying to cover up what is obvious. I have made just about the most ghastly mistake a man can make.

re you sure you want to talk to me about this, Dougal?

o whom else should I talk?

abian, perhaps.

abian? These Framlings are too self-centred to concern themselves very much with other people problems.

sure Fabian would be sympathetic.He did not answer and I went on, s it your marriage?

avinia and I have absolutely nothing in common.

A sudden wave of anger swept over me. I thought: Why do you realize this only now? It must have been obvious from the first, and why tell me?

used to enjoy our times at the rectory,he went on wistfully.

y father did, too.

got the impression that we all did.

h yes. We talked of interesting things.

ou always took up any subject with enthusiasm. If only

hat must be one of the most used phrases in the language.

o you never use it?

suppose so. But it is always ineffectual. Nothing that has ever gone before can be changed.

hat doesn prevent my saying if only

ou will not be here always, and if you have made up your mind to go back and study when you get home well, that is something to look forward to.

avinia would never agree to live the kind of life I would want.

hat seems very likely, but why did you not think of that before?

was bemused.

h yes, I know.

Silence fell on us. It was broken only by the sound of an enormous flying insect passing the open door.

e would have been in the room if we had had the lamp burning,said Dougal.

e looked very beautiful.

here is so much beauty here,said Dougal. ook at the garden. Is it not exquisite the trees, the pond, the flowers. There is a feeling of deep peace but it is quite false, in fact. Everything in this country is mysterious. It seems to me that nothing is what it appears to be.

oes that apply here particularly?

think so. These servants who come to do our bidding I often wonder what is going on in their minds. They seem almost accusing sometimes, as though they harbour resentment and blame us for it. Look at that garden. Where could you see a more peaceful-looking spot, and yet out there among the grass lurk Russelian snakes. You could even come face to face with a cobra lurking in the undergrowth.

ou make it sound like the garden of Eden with the serpent lurking,I said with a laugh.

t is not dissimilar. You must be careful in the garden, Drusilla. These snakes are everywhere.

have seen one or two. Are they the pale yellowish kind?

es the variegated ones. They have big oval spots, brown with a white edge to them. Avoid them. Their bite could be fatal.

have seen them in the bazaar emerging from the snake charmersbaskets.

h yes, but those have had their poisonous fangs removed. The ones you find in the garden have not.

t makes me shiver to think of the peaceful aspect of this place and all that danger lurking beneath it.

t is like a mirror to life. Often great beauty will disguise emptiness and sometimes evil.

In the half light I saw his sad smile. I knew he was thinking of Lavinia and I wanted to comfort him.

We sat in silence for a few moments and it was thus that Fabian found us.

He came into the room suddenly.

h,he said. orgive me. I did not know that anyone was here. So you are sitting in the dark.

e wanted the air but not the insects,I said.

ell, I daresay a few of them have found their way in.

He sat down near me.

ou have had a tiring day?I asked.

He shrugged his shoulders. o more than usual.He stretched his long legs. ou are right,he went on. t seems very peaceful here sitting in the dark. Tell me, have I interrupted some interesting conversation?

e were talking of the contrasts here. The beauty and the ugliness beneath the surface. The beautiful flowers, the green grass and the Russelian snakes out of sight and ready to strike the fatal blow.

anger lurking everywhere,said Fabian lightly. ut isn that what makes it exciting?

suppose most people would say yes,said Dougal.

nd what of you?asked Fabian of me.

am not sure. I suppose it would depend on the lurking danger.

nd whether, having met it, you could escape it?suggested Fabian.

suppose so.I stood up. daresay you have business to talk of. I will say good night.

h, you mustn let my coming break up this pleasant tete-a-tete.

e were just talking idly,I said. nd I will go now.

Fabian accompanied me to the door.

ood night,he said, and there was a quizzical expression in his eyes.

I was reminded of that conversation a few days later. I was in the garden with Alice and the children. The ayah was with us. I was talking to her about Roshanara and asking if she had heard anything of her.

She shook her head. o no. She go far away. Perhaps I never see her again.

h, but she will come and see you!I protested. he can be so very far.

The ayah lifted her hands and gently rocked from side to side. There was something fatalistic in her attitude.

Louise came running up to us. She was holding something in her hand.

hat is it?I asked.

picked it for you,she said and handed a plant to me. I stared at it. I had never seen anything like it before.

The ayah had taken it. Her face had turned pale. She said in a frightened voice, horn apple.

Memory stirred in me. What had I heard about the thorn apple? Snatches of conversation came back. It was the thorn apple from which drugs were distilled. The thugs had used it in the past to poison their victims when they did not despatch them by strangulation.

And here was Louise picking it in the garden.

I could see that the ayah knew about it.

I said: I have heard something of this plant.

She nodded.

here did Louise find it?

She shook her head. ot here. It could not be. It would not be permitted

Louise was watching us with some dismay. She was a bright child and would understand immediately that something was wrong.

hank you, Louise,I said. t was kind of you to bring me the flower.I kissed her. ell me. Where did you find it?

She spread her arms and waved them as though to embrace the whole of the garden.

ere?I said. n the garden?