The Hero's Guide to Saving Your Kingdom (21 page)

“You looked like you needed help,” her rescuer said.

“Good call,” Lila said, still a bit wary of this enthusiastic stranger. “Thanks.”

“I’m Ella.”

“Lila. Nice to meet you.”

“I have been having the craziest couple of days,” Ella said. “Are you hungry?”

“Starving,” Lila said, and then quickly wondered whether it had been wise to answer honestly.

“Sit down, catch your breath,” Ella said. From a small sack, she produced hunks of bread and cheese that she handed over to Lila.

“Thank you.” Lila sniffed the food: No telltale almondlike odor to hint at poison. Of course, there were odorless poisons, too. But she was just so darn hungry. Lila nibbled a bit of the cheese. It tasted better than the fudgiest chocolate cake she’d ever had. She took another, much larger bite. Ella offered her a flask of water to wash it down.

“Wow, thanks again,” Lila said.

“No problem,” Ella said. “This food and the water, I got it as a reward of sorts, I guess. I came across this little, tiny guy—the size of my hand.”

“A gnome?” Lila asked.

“Uh, sure, maybe.”

“Pointy hat?”

Ella nodded.

“Gnome,” Lila confirmed with satisfaction. She ripped off a chunk of delicious crusty bread with her teeth.

Fig. 30 GNOME

“Okay, so yeah, a gnome,” Ella continued. “And he was being beaten up by these two purply looking things with big noses and sort of bat wings—”

“Imps,” Lila said.

Fig. 31 IMP

“I’ll take your word for it,” Ella said.

Lila smiled. “You don’t get out much, do you?”

“Not until recently, no,” Ella said. “But anyway, I could tell the little guy—the gnome—needed assistance, so I kicked those purple things into the river. The gnome gave me the meal as a thank-you.”

“Wow, so you took on a couple of imps without even knowing what they were,” Lila said, impressed. “Because imps are poisonous, you know.”

“I did not know that,” Ella said as a chill rushed through her. “But it will be good to keep in mind for the future. Do you want more bread?”

“Oh, no, thanks. I don’t want to take the last of your food. I’m good. Really.”

Lila and Ella eyed each other with a mix of curiosity and admiration.

“So what’s the deal with Scary Hood Man?” Ella asked. “Why is he chasing down a kid?”

“That’s Ruffian the Blue. The notorious bounty hunter,” Lila said. “He’s actually after my brother. I’m trying to get ahead of Ruffian to warn him.”

“That certainly sounds important,” Ella said. “But I’m on a pretty important mission myself. And believe it or not, I was going to ask if you would help me. I need someone to get word to … well, I don’t know—a king, an army? Just … help. There’s this witch who lives at a place called Mount Batwing. She kidnapped me, and I got away, but she also has the royal bards from five different kingdoms. She’s going to kill them all in front of an audience.”

“Wow, you were not exaggerating. That
is
big. And that must be where Tyrese the Tuneful is.” Lila brushed the dangly loose ringlet from her eyes as she pondered Ella’s request. Could she really say no to a plea for help like this? There was no question which choice Liam would make. “Well, I haven’t mentioned this yet, but my dad happens to be the king of Erinthia. Getting him to send an army after our bard shouldn’t be too difficult. Although I’ll definitely be grounded. I wonder if they’ve even noticed I’m gone yet.”

“Does that mean you’ll do it?” Ella asked hopefully. “I know you wouldn’t be able to catch up to that Blue guy, but you’d be saving five lives. Not to mention the only source of entertainment for thousands of otherwise very bored people. I’d go myself, but I’m trying to find the towers that the witch put the bards in. And also, I don’t really know where I am.”

“Did you say towers?” Lila asked excitedly. “When I was following Ruffian, we went by this strange tower a few miles back. It was all by itself in this little meadow. Nothing else around it.”

“Lila,” Ella said, putting her hands on the younger girl’s shoulders. “Can you take me to this tower?”

“Grab your cheese, and let’s go.”

14

P
RINCE
C
HARMING
F
ALLS
F
LAT

W
oo-wee! That’s a biggie!” Duncan shouted.

Liam quickly clamped his hand over Duncan’s mouth and shushed him. They were barely a spear’s throw from Zaubera’s stronghold and its colossal, cloud-skimming tower.

“Sorry,” Duncan whispered. “But it’s
really
tall.”

The four princes found hiding spots among the rock outcroppings at the base of Mount Batwing, from which they could safely monitor the big stone fortress and the meadow in which it sat.

“Is that the tallest building in Sturmhagen? It has to be, right?” Duncan asked, still mesmerized.

“Technically, we’re not in Sturmhagen anymore,” Gustav said. “As soon as we crossed to this side of Mount Batwing, we were in the Orphaned Wastes. It’s a no-man’s-land, a dead zone. No kingdom will claim it.”

“Funny,” said Duncan. “I wouldn’t expect a place called the Orphaned Wastes to have such a lush lawn.”

“Are those bleachers?” Frederic asked as he spotted a semicircle of raised wooden benches that sat on the lawn facing the fortress.

“I wouldn’t have expected a witch’s hideout to have grandstand seating,” Duncan said.

“That certainly is odd,” Liam said. “I wonder what she’s up to.”

“Well, at least we know how to get inside,” Frederic added, pointing to the enormous double doors.

“You could drive a herd of elephants through those doors,” said Duncan. “Why do you think they’re so huge? For the giant?”

“No,” said Liam. “I’m pretty sure the witch makes
him
sleep outside.” He pointed off to the left of the fortress, where Reese was snoozing on the ground. Frederic gasped.

“That’s him!” Frederic squeaked.

“Yes, I figured,” said Liam.

“Wow, he’s big, too,” Duncan said in amazement. “I mean, I know they call them
giants
, but I always thought, ‘How big could they
really
be?’”

“Keep it together, Duncan,” Liam cautioned. “Now, everybody listen. It’s time to put my plan into action. It’s all the better that the giant is asleep. That will make things much easier. I’m heading over to the fortress. You three distract the giant if he—”

But before he could finish, Gustav sprinted into the meadow with his sword drawn. “Wake up, giant!” he yelled. “We’ve come for the girl!”

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Liam grumbled.

Reese opened his eyes and spotted the charging Gustav just in time to swat at him. His enormous palm smacked into Gustav and sent him flying over the bleachers. He landed in the trees with a crash.

“Oh, dear,” said Frederic. “He’s dead already.”

“No, look!” shouted Duncan, pointing. Gustav burst back out of the forest, roaring and running straight at the giant again. Reese scrambled to his feet and stared in astonishment at his attacker.

“Wait a minute, is this the same stupid little human who poked me in the foot a few weeks ago?” he bellowed.

“Yes, it is!” shouted Gustav. “And now I’ve come back to poke the rest of you!”

“He has to work on his battle talk,” Duncan whispered to Frederic.

The giant kicked his foot into Gustav’s chest and sent him careening backward yet again—but not before Gustav had jabbed his sword into an oversize big toe. Gustav sat on the grass, waiting for the giant to howl in pain. But it never happened.

Reese looked down at his pricked toe and wiggled it around. “Why did you stick me with a toothpick?” he asked.

Gustav turned toward the boulders that hid his companions and raged, “I told you these swords were too small!”

Reese was perplexed, wondering why his little attacker was yelling at a bunch of rocks. He became even more confused when he saw Gustav stare at his tiny sword, scream, “I hate you!” at it, and then start charging at him once again.

Liam knew he had to act fast. “Okay, I guess we need a plan B.”

“You never finished telling us plan A,” Frederic said nervously.

“You two go help Gustav,” Liam ordered. “I’m going inside to find Cinderella. Keep the giant busy until I get back out with her.”

Frederic and Duncan both opened their mouths to object, but Liam was gone before they could get a word out. When they heard a loud thump, they turned just in time to see Gustav land flat on his back for the third (or was it the fourth?) time.

“What should we do?” Frederic asked.

“Keep the giant busy, I suppose,” Duncan said.

“Absolutely,” Frederic agreed. “Gustav’s in trouble, and I can’t abandon one of my allies again.”

“That’s the spirit! Lead the way,” Duncan encouraged. After a few seconds, he added, “You’re not moving.”

“No, I’m not, am I?” Frederic whimpered. “I’m scared. I can’t do this. The giant will flatten me. And I don’t want to be flat. Don’t you understand? This is not what I was made for.”

“That’s okay. I do understand. Really,” Duncan said earnestly. “I’ll go do it. I am totally going to show these guys that they should keep me as their friend. Forget that last part, though—I didn’t mean to say that out loud.”

And with that, he marched out into the meadow.

Reese had Gustav by the legs and was pounding him down onto the grass as if he were beating a rug, when he heard Duncan call out, “Yoo-hoo! Giant! Over here!”

Reese looked over at Duncan, who stood there, hands on hips, trying to look imposing and threatening (which is to say, he looked kind of silly).

“Yes, that’s right, giant, down here,” Duncan said. “I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask you to put my friend down. You see,
I’ve
got a little sword, too. No, not
little
. I didn’t mean to say
little
—just
sword
. I’ve got a sword, too. Dwarven steel. I hear it’s good. So anyway, um, prepare for your doom!” Duncan drew his sword, and in doing so, managed to slice his belt in half. It fell to the ground and his tunic puffed out, flowing loose like a nightgown. “Oh, drat.”